by Eva Brandt
“But if I’m not mistaken, the moment you stepped on this island, you changed that. You fundamentally changed the academy. And you changed us. You gave us something powerful that we’d never had before, something addicting.”
A feeling of all-encompassing horror replaced the dread that had swamped me upon hearing Lucifer’s news. I tried to tell myself that I was just being paranoid, but in my experience, at the academy, everything that could possibly go wrong usually did. “Are you saying you’re addicted to me because of these mysterious powers I have?” I’d known for a while that there was a dose of obsession in our relationship, but I’d never thought this was the reason.
“It’s not something you can help or prevent, Lyssa,” Lucifer replied in Mikael’s stead. “You naturally emanate hope, like a pheromone. People will be drawn to you and want to spend as much time as possible with you, no matter what. And of course, your feelings toward them will influence the intensity of their emotions, due to the levels of hope you’re emanating.”
I felt like I was going to throw up. That was no better than what my lovers had done to me. If anything, it was much worse. They’d influenced my memories, yes, but my feelings for them had never changed.
I’d certainly never been forced into drastic courses of action because of them.
I remembered the time Mikael and I had been together in The House of Envy dorm. “Sometimes, I hate you, Lyssa,” he had said then. I tasted bile in my mouth. Maybe they’d felt like that all along. Maybe they’d hated me, but I’d somehow enforced my own will upon them, through the mind magic I couldn’t control.
“So basically, all this time, while I was angry at them for making me forget my parents and brainwashing me… I was brainwashing them.”
Lucifer didn’t sugarcoat things and for that, I was grateful. “In a way, yes, although the word brainwashing is a little too strong.”
“Why didn’t you tell us this before?” Callum asked. He sounded upset, and I couldn’t blame him for it. “Why even bring her here? You could’ve claimed her for yourself sooner.”
“She wasn’t ready,” Lucifer shot back. “She needed to learn to control her magic. That’s the only way we have to fix things, to put hope back where it’s supposed to be.”
“And in your opinion, where the fuck is hope supposed to be?” Stefan snarled. “Back in the hands of your divine father?”
“No, of course not. It’s useless when hidden away. It has to be given to the world.”
I couldn’t deal with this anymore. It was just too much. But I had to. I had to figure out what this meant for me. “If this is all true, what do I have to do?”
“You just have to learn, Alyssa,” Lucifer told me. “Don’t worry. The power does live inside you and you are its vessel, but that’s not the only thing you are.”
“That’s not what you said earlier,” I replied. “You told me I’m not a person.”
“That came out wrong. Even I have moments of tactlessness.”
“Maybe, but that doesn’t make it any less true.” I stared at my own hands and tried very hard to not hyperventilate. “Tell me something… If my power is, as you say, related to hope, it’s basically mental magic, right? So then why am I capable of using elemental magic too?”
Lucifer let out a heavy sigh. “I suppose I should’ve known you’d ask that. That’s not your power. It’s Shiro’s.”
After the revelations regarding my true nature, I’d thought nothing could shock me further. I’d been terribly wrong. “Shiro. I… I stole his power.”
“Not exactly. He’s a hell hound, but his magic was always latent. When he died, he passed it on to you, which in turn, made your power accessible.
“You weren’t ready for it, which is why it keeps getting away from you.”
At this point, I was barely listening to him anymore. For years, I’d thought I’d been making progress. I’d thought I was doing the right thing. That couldn’t have been further from the truth. I’d hurt my beloved Shiro and selfishly brainwashed the men I cared about.
All of a sudden, I couldn’t breathe. “I need to leave,” I choked out. “I can’t be here.”
The world spun as I shot to my feet, but I steadied myself through sheer determination, or maybe panic. “Lyssa, don’t,” Shiro pleaded. “Don’t…”
I didn’t give him the chance to finish the sentence. I turned on my heel and made a beeline for the exit of the dorm. The door refused to obey me when I tried to open it.
“I’m not going to let you go out there when you’re like this,” Lucifer said from behind me. “You need to calm down.”
Feeling like I was about to explode, I screamed. “No! Let me go!”
A wave of power erupted through the room. Lucifer let out a small, choked noise. I dared to steal a glance behind me and checked up on him. He was leaning against Meph and his uncharacteristic display of weakness filled me with terror.
The door opened without me having to do anything else. I took advantage of the chance I’d bought myself—at far too high a cost—and fled.
I rushed into the courtyard, past clusters of students talking in low voices. Most of them should’ve been in class, but apparently, rumor of what had happened had spread. They might not realize the truth about me, but Lucifer’s presence hadn’t gone unnoticed.
I wasn’t thinking about where I was going. I just ran. An unwise student I didn’t know got in my way. “Is it true? Is The Brightest Star at the…?”
In my haste to escape, I didn’t see him until it was too late and I stumbled into him. Since he was physically much stronger, it was a little like hitting a brick wall and my momentum sent me falling back on my ass.
The other student’s reaction was far worse. He dropped to the ground, unconscious, as if my touch had knocked him out. It was similar to what had happened to Gemma in the classroom and to other people I’d affected in the past. Fuck.
I struggled to my feet, feeling even more shaken and nauseated than before. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”
The students were staring at me, wide-eyed and pale. When I took a step forward, they backed away, the crowd parting before me like the proverbial Red Sea.
As much as their reaction scared me, I embraced it and kept going. I was still suffocating, my lungs refusing to take in air. I picked a random direction and just ran, until I couldn’t do it any longer.
Sometimes, it really sucked to be unfit. I would’ve wanted to go further, to never stop, to run until no one could find me.
Instead, I dropped to my knees on the ground and buried my face in my palms. Feeling dizzy, I leaned against a nearby rock and tried to catch my breath. And then, I just lay there, with my mind a complete blank, unable to process anything.
I didn’t know how much time passed while I sat on the ground, motionless and raw. Maybe I had some absence seizures, or maybe I didn’t. In any case, I snapped out of it eventually, and that was when the dam broke.
I burst into tears, sobs shaking my entire frame as I finally allowed myself to accept what I’d done and what I’d lost. Despite everything that had happened, I’d believed that, in their own way, Stefan, Callum, Mikael, and Meph loved me. Even when nothing else had made sense, that conclusion had been easy to draw.
Yes, they were demons, and for that reason, their affection was dangerous. But just the same, I’d been convinced that it was real, that they truly wanted me.
All this time, it had been nothing more than an illusion, something I’d accidentally created through my selfishness and stupidity.
Why was I here? Why did I exist? Was it true that I wasn’t a person? If so, where did that leave me?
How hadn’t I realized what I was doing? And what about Shiro? How could I have used him and stolen his power like that?
I had no answers to the questions plaguing me, but they still swirled in my head in a litany that never stopped tormenting me.
A familiar voice sliced through my haze like a knife through butter. “Little one? What
is it? What’s happened?”
I looked up, only to find Redrum leaning above me, eyeing me with visible concern. I didn’t know when he’d arrived here. One would think that I should’ve felt him approach, or at least land by my side. As weird as it was, I found his presence both comforting and terrifying.
As far as I knew, it took a lot to hurt a dragon, but I had no idea what the limits of my powers truly were. Maybe I could ask?
“I just found out something horrible,” I told him. “It seems I’m the vessel of hope.”
In halting sentences, I explained the details of what I’d just been told. Redrum listened without speaking and didn’t look very surprised. “Did you know about this?”
That finally drew a reaction out of Redrum. He shook his head. “I knew there was something special about you, but I couldn’t quite put my claw on it.”
“So it affected you too,” I said, tasting despair in my mouth.
“I wouldn’t say so,” Redrum answered. “I mean, dragons tend to be resilient to mind magic. And as you know, my hatcher was Asmodai’s dragon, Sunrefni. That comes with some advantages.”
His reassurances didn’t convince me. “I don’t think your lineage would’ve made that much of a difference. I mean, Meph… Dean Mephistopheles is an ancient demon and look at what my magic did to him.”
Redrum tilted his head at me like an inquisitive bird. “What did it do?”
Irritation surged through me at his question. “Didn’t I tell you? It manipulated them into loving me. Weren’t you listening?”
“Of course I was listening, but you’re the one who isn’t paying attention,” Redrum reasoned. “You can’t be sure how much your power affected them. You’re just making guesses right now.”
“Guesses?” I repeated. “But—”
“No, let me finish. If you are the vessel of hope, your power must’ve indeed affected them. And it might explain a lot of what they did for you.
“To tell you the truth, I always found it a little strange that Mikael was willing to reveal his secret for your sake, even to save your Shiro.”
I nodded miserably. It was exactly what I’d been thinking. My desperation could’ve affected him in some way, forcing him to do that.
“If that’s the case, I don’t think I regret it,” I told him. “I’m a horrible person, aren’t I?”
“Of course not. You just want to keep your nest mates safe, which is a normal thing to wish. But, little one, you have to keep something else in mind. I’m not sure how the magic of the vessel of hope works. What I do know is that you were in a coma for three months. Whatever effect your aura had on them would’ve faded at the time.”
“And it led to them trying to mutilate themselves further, Redrum,” I told him. “Can’t you see? It’s an addiction. It’s not healthy.”
“Perhaps.” Redrum tapped a claw against the ground, seemingly considering my words. “I’m not sure what advice to offer you on this one. But if you are willing, there might be someone who can help more.”
“Someone? Who?”
Did he mean his mother? That would make sense, since she had been the dragon of a Prince of Hell.
Come to think of it, Leviathan must’ve known about this too and had not told me. If I ever saw him again, I’d… I didn’t know what I’d do, but it would be very unpleasant for him.
Much to my surprise, Redrum’s idea was very different. “I’m not thinking about a single person. Your problem isn’t that simple. But The Watchers are on the island and I can take you to them.”
Difficult Decisions
Ever since I’d come to the academy, The Watchers had been a bit of a mystery to me. I knew they acted as guardian spirits for the school and supervised everything that went on. Last year, I’d found out that, a long time ago, they’d been fallen angels. But I hadn’t interacted with them much. I’d only seen a Watcher once or twice, with our most memorable meeting being the day of my arrival.
Even so, I jumped at the chance Redrum offered. I hoped The Watchers would give me a more unbiased perspective of my powers and what I was supposed to do.
The dragon carefully took me in his paw and held me close to his chest. “One of these days, I’ll let you go riding on my back,” he said, “but right now, I don’t think it would be a good idea. My scales aren’t very comfortable for humans to sit on.”
I’d actually found him a nice pillow in the past, but maybe when he was flying it was different. “Thanks. I’d probably fall off if I tried to hold on anyway.”
“We wouldn’t want that, would we?” Redrum asked. And with that, he extended his massive wings and launched himself into the air.
I’d never been on a roller-coaster, since I’d been concerned it would trigger a seizure. But even so, I thought flying in a dragon’s paw might be very similar to that. Redrum moved so quickly the scenery blurred around us. The way he held me guaranteed that I was always safe, but he still did a lot of flipping and swirling through the air.
Ironically, I found it sort of soothing. If nothing else, it distracted me from my bout of self-pity. The sneaky dragon must have known that would happen.
Before long, we were passing the gate, the same one that carried the motto Mikael had mentioned. That might have depressed me again, but as we flew, I got my first panoramic view of the place that had been my home for years. And for the first time, I realized there was no village beyond the gate.
“Redrum, where’s the village?” I shouted over the rush of the wind.
“Back where it’s supposed to be,” Redrum replied. “The village is a spatial anomaly. It only shows up when The Mortal Realm connects with The Infernal Realm. The demons that inhabit it aren’t regular presences at the school.”
Well, shit. No wonder everyone had been so surprised I’d made my way from the transport point and through the village on my own. I’d literally walked through hell.
If things had been different, I would’ve been pissed at my lovers for not mentioning that little tidbit, but now, it seemed irrelevant. I just wanted to get to where I needed to go and maybe find some real answers from an unbiased source.
I expected Redrum to take me to the transport point where I’d seen the first Watcher, but he had other ideas. He left the island altogether and flew over the ocean.
I didn’t question him. If he’d wanted to hurt me, he would’ve done it a long time ago, and I trusted him.
Our destination turned out to be a strange pillar a few miles away from the island itself. “This is one of the obelisks that anchors the wards of the island,” Redrum explained. “Like the transport point, it connects to the anchors on human territory and it allows us to stay hidden from the outside world.”
“And it’s something The Watchers monitor?”
“Of course. The Watchers monitor everything. They have nothing else to do except watch.”
Redrum landed on the platform at the base of the obelisk. He barely had enough room to fit on it, but he made do. He set me down and pointed at a doorway with his claw. “It’s through there. I’ll wait for you here.”
Nervousness swirled through my gut at his words. I would’ve preferred it if he had come with me. Instead, I was alone. That hadn’t happened a lot since my arrival on the island. I tended to always have someone with me, if not one of my lovers, at least Shiro.
But I’d wronged them all and I was here to find out how I could fix it. Straightening my back, I thanked Redrum and walked into the obelisk.
I didn’t know what I expected to find inside, but it certainly wasn’t a gigantic cinema.
The first thing I saw when I entered the structure was a huge screen. It didn’t use electricity or any kind of technology I recognized. It just existed, manifesting from light and shadow.
The pictures on it were as clear as those on any IMAX screen, and I froze as I saw it now displayed an image of Meph kissing Lucifer.
Had my departure affected them so much? Had they already snapped out of the spell that h
ad drawn them to me?
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Christ, I was so fucked up.
Before I could force my brain to think about something that wasn’t my weird and inappropriate jealousy, a loud voice echoed through the room. “It’s not a live transmission. We get bored easily with that and go back to the greatest episodes.”
There was something surreal and outlandish about the words. I frantically looked around to find their source. I wasn’t surprised when it turned out to be a gigantic eye.
It descended from above me like a massive spider, although I couldn’t tell if it was using anything to sustain itself. It did have limbs, tentacles that sort of looked like massive veins, but even so, it didn’t seem to need them.
“Exciting, isn’t it?” it—or rather, he—asked again. He had no mouth that I could see, but I still heard the word clearly. “I’ve always found their angry sex the hottest. And they’re very angry right now.”
When he didn’t say anything else, I realized he was waiting for an opinion on the level of attractiveness of my lovers. “I suppose it is. I’ve never seen Lucifer and Meph together in person.”
“But you wouldn’t mind it,” the Watcher said knowingly.
“No, I wouldn’t,” I admitted. It was true, but it was also not the topic I wanted to discuss.
I tried to come up with a way to change the subject. Luck was on my side and a second Watcher rescued me from the situation. He emerged from a different section of the obelisk, pointing an accusing vein at the Watcher who’d spoken first. “Yeqon, you’re confusing her. She’s not here to discuss your propensity to spy on The Brightest Star.”
“You’re no fun, Azzie.” The pupil of the first eye rippled, as if he was sighing. “Very well then. If you want to be boring.”
The eye blinked and the screen turned off. At the same time, his companion’s tentacle curled, as if he was crooking his finger. “Alyssa Michaelis. We were wondering when you were going to come see us. I am Azazel. This pervert here is Yeqon and my absent-minded companion is Sariel.”