by Eva Brandt
I expected something similar. What I got was entirely different.
Morrigan guided me to lie down on the bed, shooting me a tremulous smile. She’d seemed shaken ever since I’d come back from the dead and I wondered if she regretted it, if she’d wanted me to not return.
My lovers just as skeptical, because they decided to not leave me in her care. and Lucifer were still outside, dealing with the aftermath of the battle, but Stefan, Callum, and Mikael stayed with me. They watched Morrigan with suspicious eyes, emanating hostility.
“I get the feeling you don’t want me to be Ms. Michaelis’s healer,” Morrigan drawled.
“Well, can you blame us?” Callum asked. “That whole thing outside has pretty much destroyed all the confidence we had in ninety-nine percent of the staff at the school.”
“That’s fine,” Morrigan answered. “I completely understand. Wait here for a moment. Someone else will come to see you.”
Without providing any further explanations, Morrigan turned on her heel and left the room. “You know, I didn’t think I could get more exhausted, but if the teachers keep playing their games, I might be proven wrong,” I muttered under my breath.
“No more games, Lyssa,” Stefan replied, kneeling at my bedside and taking my hand. “We won’t allow it.”
I was still on the fence about how to respond to this. They were so earnest and they hadn’t changed their minds in the slightest since our separation. What did that mean for us? Was their addiction permanent? What was I supposed to do?
Did it even matter, now that I was pregnant?
“Your feelings and theirs matter,” a familiar voice suddenly said. We all turned and realized that, at one point during our conversation, someone else had entered the room.
It was, much to my surprise, Adolf the imp. I hadn’t seen him in a while and had forgotten about him. His cryptic messages had been another source of irritation for me. He’d been occasionally helpful, but I’d never figured out which side he was actually on.
Today, he was accompanied by Archangel Michael. Seeing them together rendered me mute, and for a few seconds, I thought that I was hallucinating. Why would the leader of The Celestial Armies spend any time in an imp’s company?
I intended to ask, but Mikael spoke up before I could do so. “What are you doing here, Father?”
“What kind of question is that? We came to help, of course.”
Callum snorted. “You sure took your time. And before you claim your access was blocked, Stefan’s pack has already arrived. They didn’t have convenient heavenly magic to help them.”
Michael grimaced, but didn’t deny it. “We would’ve come sooner, but The Supreme Being insisted this was something you needed to handle yourselves.”
As he spoke, he threw a glance toward the imp. Adolf let out a put out . “I keep telling you, Michael, you can’t baby your son for much longer. Sometimes, you just have to let children grow up on their own.”
“Forgive me, Sire, but I don’t believe you’re the best person to give out parenting advice. On my last count, at least two hundred of your children were turned into gigantic eyeballs because of a useless war.”
“There are plenty of wars that are useless,” Adolf said. “That one wasn’t. But that’s not what we came here to discuss.”
As I watched the whole exchange, my brain seemed to stop working. The information it was being provided just refused to compute. There was only one conclusion I could draw after their words, but I couldn’t understand how it was possible.
Adolf smiled at me and just like that, I snapped out of my trance. “Wait… You’re God?” I asked.
My voice came out in a strident screech, but no one seemed to mind. “I prefer The Supreme Being.” Adolf shrugged. “But sure, you can call me God, if you’d rather.”
“The two of you have met, I take it,” Mikael offered, narrowing his eyes. “When?”
“I drop by the academy from time to time. The dorms of The House of Sloth are very comfortable and a great place to catch up on my reading.”
“Right,” I said. That made no sense whatsoever, since an omnipotent deity could’ve gone to the moon if he wanted some space. But hey, what did I know? Maybe The Supreme Being got a kick out of shifting into an imp-like form and spying on demons this way.
In any case, Adolf’s secret identity—or at least his reasons for creating it—didn’t matter that much. If he was indeed The Supreme Being, he could help me with my problem.
“I know this will sound presumptuous, but do you suppose you could see if my baby is all right?”
“She is as all right as she can be, considering,” Adolf—The Supreme Being—answered. “As you can probably imagine, the pregnancy was affected by the experience you’ve been through, but Lucifer and the others did an excellent job. I am here to fix what is left, if you so desire.”
“If I so desire?” I repeated in disbelief.
“Yes, of course. Every child is a blessing, but not every blessing is wanted. I can claim its soul and give it to another mother, if that’s what you want.”
Oh. He meant having an abortion.
That wasn’t something I’d expected, especially not from him. Everyone knew that God—The Supreme Being—was against stuff like that.
Or did they? It wasn’t like anyone had asked The Supreme Being directly for input, right?
Ugh. Whatever. I didn’t care. This was about me and my future, so I discarded everything else and considered the question carefully. Did I want the child?
Like I’d told Shiro, I’d never intended to have children, because I’d been too afraid they’d inherit my condition. Finding out I was pregnant hadn’t really changed that and didn’t make me feel more prepared for being a mother.
Even so, there was a part of me that wanted this. I didn’t remember all the details of the battle, but I recalled that the thought of the baby had anchored me when I’d been very close to drifting away.
On the other hand, just the fact that The Supreme Being was asking me about it was alarming. It intensified my fears and made me even more aware of the possibility of something going wrong with the pregnancy.
“Is there any particular reason why I should consider this?” I asked, my thoughts a whirlwind of confusion and heartache. “Will she… Will she be sick?”
“She has been touched by death and nobody can change that anymore. Well, I could, but meddling with that may destroy the soul altogether. You have to understand, Alyssa, that each soul is unique. Trying to change it in any other way except through the natural flow of time would shatter it.
“There are many things she can do. Many choices she must make. Many things that could happen.
“The only thing I can tell you is that she won’t be ill, in a conventional sense.”
I didn’t like the sound of that, but even so, I wasn’t sure what to do. As expected, The Supreme Being saw right through me.
He walked up to me and took my hand. In his imp-like form, his palm was smaller than mine. It didn’t feel like it. I suddenly felt like I was touching the universe, as if something far greater than myself has slid into place in my soul.
Hope, a tiny voice whispered at the back of my mind. hope, not the power I commanded.
Wounds I hadn’t been aware of started to heal. Muscles, bones, and tissue, body, soul, and mind, every inch of me was touched by the divine magic of The Supreme Being.
It only lasted for a few moments, but when the magic faded, I felt like a woman reborn. “I will give you some time to discuss this issue with your lovers,” The Supreme Being said. “You don’t have to make a decision right this instant. For the moment, rest assured that you are safe.”
“Thank you,” I answered, tears streaming down my cheeks. “Thank you for your help and… for giving me the choice.”
The Supreme Being nodded, his hold on me tightening a little further. “I think plenty of people have taken plenty of choices out of your hands, Ms. Michaelis. It’s time for you
to decide who and what you want to be.
“No matter what anyone says, you are far more than a vessel for an ancient power. You’re a person. You can choose. But whatever path you pick, you have to take responsibility for it.”
“Does that mean she doesn’t have to use this power at all?” Stefan asked, intervening in the conversation.
“No, she doesn’t,” The Supreme Being answered, “although I would prefer it if she did. Alyssa Michaelis was chosen for a reason, because she could carry this weight. Most people can’t do it. They crumble under the pressure of power. She can—as long as she gives herself the time.”
He patted my hand affectionately and stepped away. “And on that note, I really must depart. I do believe my son is making his way here and he’ll react badly to seeing me. Make sure to give him as much trouble as possible, Ms. Michaelis. He needs a kick up the rear from time to time.”
Winking at me, The Supreme Being vanished. Archangel Michael let out a heavy sigh. “I hate to say this, but sometimes, he is so exhausting. Will you be all right, Mikael?”
Mikael sneered at him, but somehow, forced a moderately polite answer past his lips. “I’ll be fine. You can return to where you came from and where you belong. Don’t worry about me.”
The archangel took Mikael’s reaction in stride. “Believe it or not, I’ll always worry about you. Be careful. Talk to your lovers properly. And for The Supreme Being’s sake, let yourself be exactly who you are. There’s nothing wrong with it.”
Mikael growled at him, the sound strangely similar to Stefan’s occasionally animalistic snarls. “You don’t know anything about me, about what I am.”
“Do you?”
Before Mikael could answer, his father vanished as well, mimicking his superior. It was so sudden that for a few seconds, I didn’t realize what had happened.
Mikael let out an enraged shout, his magic dancing wildly around him. He suppressed it before it could reach me, but didn’t bother hiding his anger. “One of these days, I’ll rip off his wings and feed them to him.”
His resentful comment snapped me out of my dazed trance. “Please don’t, at least not now. He does mean well, and we’ve had enough bloodshed.”
“I guess, Lyssa,” Mikael replied with a sigh. “I’m just tired of all their games, that’s all.”
I wanted to hug him, to at least have a proper conversation with him that wouldn’t involve death and destruction. I didn’t get the chance.
Mere seconds later, the infirmary room door opened. Lucifer and Meph walked inside. Judging by the slumped state of their wings, they were exhausted, but that didn’t mean they were off guard.
“The Supreme Being was here,” Lucifer said instead of providing a greeting.
Considering his background, I wasn’t surprised by his abruptness. “He helped me heal my wounds and check up on the baby’s health. He… He offered to end the pregnancy.”
Maybe the whole thing hadn’t been as out of character for The Supreme Being as I’d thought because Meph didn’t seem surprised. “And will you take him up on it?” he asked.
They all looked at me, and at that moment, I realized The Supreme Being hadn’t said who the baby’s father was. It could be any of them—except Lucifer, since I hadn’t slept with him.
“I haven’t decided,” I replied. “What’s your call?”
It was a question addressed to all of them, and they instinctively realized that. “I’m not sure our opinion counts, Lyssa,” Mikael said carefully.
“You’re the only one who can make this decision,” Callum added.
I appreciated the words, but I’d have also liked a truthful answer.
“I vote that you keep the pup!” Shiro said, wagging his tail. “We can all help raise it.”
Stefan groaned and buried his face in his hands. “You’ve been spending too much time with my mother, Shiro. I bet she’s been pushing for me to breed Lyssa.”
“I don’t know why you’re surprised,” I teased him. “You’ve wanted to do that for ages.”
Stefan’s face flamed. “Well, yes, but… It’s different. Sort of.”
The exchange felt light-hearted and comforting in a way very few conversations had been between us, lately. It was nice, even if the topic was so serious and life-changing.
“How about we set this aside for now?” Lucifer requested, clearing his throat. “Lyssa still needs to rest and there’s plenty of time for her to make a decision.
“If there’s anything I’ve learned when it comes to things like this, it’s that it’s not a good idea to rush.”
I agreed with him. That was why I’d wanted to take my time learning the magic of hope, because I hadn’t wanted to rush into things.
I wished it had occurred to me to ask The Supreme Being what I was supposed to do about my lovers’ addiction to my power. It was part of the reason why things had escalated so badly in the first place. If I’d been better at controlling my magic, I would’ve never posed a threat to them. I would’ve never been forced to leave the academy and take refuge with Stefan’s pack.
That brought to mind another question, one that couldn’t wait. “Where am I going to live now, Meph?” I inquired. “I can’t stay here, I can’t go home, and I’ve already caused enough problems for Stefan’s pack.”
My lovers shared a look I didn’t understand. Lucifer arched a brow at them. Finally, they all seemed to make a decision.
Lucifer turned toward me and asked me a question that shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did. “Lyssa, how do you feel about moving to Hell?”
* * *
Two weeks later
“You know, when you invited me to move here, this isn’t at all what I expected.”
“Listen, I might be a ruler of Hell, but I like my comforts. Besides, you can’t claim it’s completely new to you.”
I sat in front of the lake, with my feet in the water and Lucifer by my side. It was the same place I’d seen during my visit in his mind and I liked it. I hadn’t expected to find such peace in The Infernal Realm, but I’d been wrong before.
“I guess not,” I admitted, “but it’s still a little surprising.”
“Doesn’t make it any less satisfying.”
As we watched, the water rippled and several familiar figures emerged from beneath the surface. Shiro swam out, followed by a shape-shifted Stefan. “Are you done with your little game?” Lucifer asked. “At this rate, the fish in the lake might end up eating you.”
“I’d like to see them try,” Shiro replied happily.
Stefan trotted to my side and placed a flower on my stomach. “For you,” he said.
The volcanic terrain of the lake wasn’t very conducive to the growth of vegetation, but some flowers did grow underwater. Their petals looked a little like wings and Lucifer called them Flowers of the Fallen.
I clutched the bloom to my chest and shot Stefan a quick smile. “Thank you. It’s beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you.”
In moments like these, I had trouble remembering why I’d ever doubted our relationship or my decision to come here. It seemed so natural now and I had to wonder why we hadn’t done it sooner. So much could’ve been avoided if we had.
Then again, my relocation wouldn’t have been possible before the battle at the academy. Most of the princes of The Infernal Realm had been killed during the fight against the resurrected Watchers. They were currently languishing in the deepest, darkest pits of Hell in the forms of limbless mollusks, at the mercy of the people they’d earlier tortured.
Satan was no exception—something I not so secretly found very satisfying.
That meant that someone needed to pick up the slack in Hell. The responsibility had landed in Lucifer’s lap. Leviathan would be acting as his second-in-command, but he needed some help. He’d recruited Meph his cause, and the rest of my lovers had been dragged into it.
It wasn’t exactly the life I’d expected myself, but for the moment, it was the sa
fest place for me. With my enemies gone and Lucifer The Infernal Realm once again, no one here would dare to lay one finger on me. And it was so much more relaxing than I’d expected.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the silence and the company of the people I cared about. Stefan took my hand and Shiro curled down next to me.
I still hadn’t made a permanent decision, but I didn’t want to think about it right now. It was too soothing to stay like this, to just be without having to worry about a thing.
At one point, I must’ve dozed off, because I awoke to the sound of a familiar exchange. “I thought you were paying a visit to The Lower Circles of Hell today. Did you decide against it?”
“Of course not,” Mikael answered. “We went, but we decided it was a waste of our time.”
“Darling Masters is in good hands. Nephilim or not, she won’t escape. We’re better off staying with Lyssa.”
“I can’t argue with you there,” Lucifer replied. “And you, Meph? I thought I told you I needed a report on the casualties the battle that took place here.”
“I finished it already. The demons are in the process of being reconstructed.”
I cracked my eyes open and caught sight of Meph, Mikael, and Callum making their way toward me. “Hi,” I greeted them. “Nice of you to join us. I’ve missed you.”
The latter sentence out without me intending to say the words. Weirdly, it was true, although I couldn’t figure out why.
No, that was a lie. Even if we were living together again, we’d yet to reach a conclusion about our romantic situation. I hadn’t kissed them in months and I didn’t know how to bring up the topic.
My lovers must’ve noticed there was something on my mind, because they all sat down by my side, on the lake shore. “Lyssa? What is it? Anything wrong?”
Mikael stole a look at my still flat belly, obviously thinking my state had something to do with my pregnancy. “It’s not the baby,” I said before he could ask. “I was just wondering… Where are we going with this? I’m here, living with the five of you, in Hell. I’m pregnant and I’m completely unprepared for it. I have no idea what to do about it. You’re saying that you do have feelings for me and I’m not sure what to think anymore.”