Sometimes Love Hurts

by Fostino, Marie

  Chapter Three

  Ghosts of the Past

  Lisa’s Story

  Lisa Da’mico lay on her parents’ bed with her eyes closed imagining that her parents were still around her. She could still smell the Old Spice aftershave on her father’s pillowcase. Her mind drifted back to a time when she was a child. Lisa rubbed vinegar on her father’s head while he explained that his hair would grow if she massaged it. And she could still hear her mother laughing.

  “You’d say anything to get a head rub from that child, wouldn’t you?”

  Her dad, Michael, extended his arm, squeezed Lisa’s waist and whispered, “We’ll show her, won’t we? My bald spot will soon have hair again.” Then he pointed out a few new sprouts of hair. Those made Lisa giggle and continue the hair rubs anticipating new growth.

  That was such a long time ago. As Lisa lay on her parents’ bed a few teardrops escaped from her eyes and ran toward her ears onto the pillow. She finished reading the journals her mother had made for her, and finally understood what her mother was trying to relate to her.

  Lisa had been raised on the south side of Chicago. A college student, she attended Loyola University College. She was never one to worry much about her appearance. She had long brown hair that she usually tied into a braid and never wore much makeup – maybe some mascara on occasion, but she was far more interested in her studies than her looks. She planned to be a teacher, and wanted to be home with her children. That is whenever she eventually married and had them. Being a teacher would allow her to have each summer off, plus be able to spend holidays with her kids.

  Sitting up, Lisa wiped her face dry with the back of her hand and thought of her dad again. His passing was still fresh in her mind. Michael had managed a bakery until he became ill. She wanted to remember the fun times she spent with him, like the day they all dressed up to celebrate Halloween with a party at his workplace. She and her parents all became clowns for the day. The bakery warehouse was decorated in a spooky manner with orange and black streamers falling from the ceiling, and matching balloons attached. They placed oversized cobwebs on the walls, and created a couple of large pretend spiders that appeared to be crawling toward them. They also played funny music like, “Monster Mash”, and there were games, dunk for apples, and making mummies out of each other using toilet paper. To further the fun and the scares, a haunted house was created in one of the warehouse trucks. Some of the male employees dressed like zombies and vampires, and jumped out of the darkness to frighten all who were brave enough to enter. A couple of the men held power saws that hummed when they ran after some of the kids and their mothers. All that excitement made everyone hungry, so there were plenty of Sloppy Joeys, potato chips, and candy. It was perfect memory.

  Lisa desperately needed to hang on to these memories because the last couple of years of her father’s life were definitely not fun anymore. Michael’s kidneys failed and her mother, Natalie, took care of him full-time. Lisa was living at school per her parents’ request, while her mom was busy taking her dad to dialysis, trying to make him eat something each day, and constantly reminding him to take his medication. When he ran a fever, her mother rushed him to the hospital, and sat with him for hours on end. It certainly took a toll on her. She looked as though she had aged many years in just a short time. Finally when her father was too weak to climb the stairs to their bedroom, her mother had a hospital bed put into the living room.

  It was one of the hardest things her mother ever had to do. Lisa remembered her mother telling her that after so many years, she dreaded the thought of him not being in the bedroom with her.

  Night after night as he grew weaker and weaker, her mother often fell asleep on a recliner beside her father’s new bed so she could be near him. Her father had lost a lot of weight. His face lacked depth, and his mental state deteriorated rapidly. When he made a sudden move or his breathing turned too shallow, her mother made sure she was nearby. Eventually, oxygen was delivered to the house to help him breathe. The apparatus included tubing with prongs that went into his nose called a nasal cannula. Finally, they had to consider all of their options, and cried together as they talked about Michael possibly going into hospice care. But her mother chose to remain by his side. Some days she took out their photo albums and showed him pictures of their happy life together. Sometimes she put on one of their favorite old movies, and they watched it together. Still other times, she played music, stroked his hair, and simply held him hoping he would stay with her for just one more day.

  The fateful day finally arrived and her father passed away. The funeral was held on a stormy day, which seemed appropriate as tears streamed from the faces of Natalie and Lisa as they stood at the burial ground. Lisa held onto her mother’s waist while the wind slapped mercilessly against them. As they made their way back to the car, it was hard for either of them to believe that he was really gone. He had been a good husband and father. Both knew they would miss him dearly.

  Lisa had never experienced death before and felt such a strong and painful tugging at her heart. Her mother whispered under her breath that she did not know how she could possibly carry on without him. Natalie’s face was pale and her eyes puffy from all the tears she shed those last few days. She had always been a strong woman – the rock of the family. When she dropped her mother at home, Lisa did not think twice about promising to visit in a couple of days to check up on her. Natalie gave her daughter a kiss to show her appreciation and Lisa thanked God that she still had her mother. All of her energy would then go toward her.

  Lisa was not sure she was ready to face her peers at college yet. However, she also knew it would be better to stay busy. She wanted her mind preoccupied with her studies so that she would not have too much time to think about the loss of her father. She filled her days with school, homework, and of course little thoughts of her dad creeping in from time to time.

  It was the end of the following week before Lisa made her way back home. She knocked on the door and when no one answered, she slowly opened it and crept in. She found her mother sitting in the recliner in the darkness of the family room. The shades were drawn with the only light emanating from a tiny nightlight. Lisa silently drew close to her mother who was crying quietly. She knelt by her mother’s side, and gently placed her hand on her lap – her heart breaking for her.

  “Are you all right, mom?” She whispered.

  “Yes, dear,” she mumbled attempting to wipe tears from her face before she looked up.

  A small smile crept onto her mother’s face as she opened her arms inviting Lisa to come nearer. Lisa accepted and hugged her mother’s neck. She could feel her frail body begin to shake as she tried to control her tears.

  “You miss daddy, don’t you?” Lisa blurted out without thinking.

  She did not mean to say what she had actually been thinking, but try as she might, she could not keep the wonderful memories of her father from filling her mind. She could not even study without hearing his voice reminding her how important it was to get a good education, or hearing him tell her how much he loved his little girl.

  “Yes, I do,” her mother whimpered.

  “You found your knight in shining armor when you met dad, didn’t you?” Lisa asked.

  Her mother’s frail smile seemed to widen with that remark.

  “Yes,” she replied.

  “I mean you really found love. The kind that lasts forever, the kind everyone wants, but so many couples never find.”

  Most of Lisa’s friends parents were divorced. Many remarried and had blended families. Her friends often told her that she was in the minority, because she had the same mother and father throughout her life. That was something for which Lisa was very proud. Her parents had discovered the secret of staying married and being happy, and she wanted the same thing one day.

  Her mother straightened up in her chair, and her temples creased. As she smiled, some wrinkles appeared.

  “What does love mean to you?” She asked.
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br />   “You know,” Lisa began, “the man you love and marry would cherish you, and only you forever. He would never hurt you, hit you, lie to you, or cheat on you. He would always want you by his side no matter what.”

  Lisa was still on her knees by her mother’s side as her mom took her hand and caressed her head. She let her fingers comb through her long hair following it down to her shoulders.

  “I want the fairytale, mom. Like Cinderella and Snow White.” She glanced at her mother and smiled. “Like you had.”

  “Love is difficult, sweetie,” her mom replied. “It’s a choice, and it’s not always that special feeling or the need for security. Oh yeah, it starts out that way, but then life goes on and sometimes it does hurt.”

  Lisa glanced up at her mother strangely.

  “Have you heard the old sayings that love means never having to say you’re sorry?”

  Lisa shook her head. She hadn’t heard that one before.

  “Well that’s wrong. You do have to say you’re sorry. You must learn to compromise, and to forgive and forget. Love takes understanding, a ton of courage, and the unrelenting desire to stay together even when you feel totally betrayed.”

  Suddenly Lisa’s head began to reel, and she could barely catch her breath.

  What is she trying to tell me? She wondered.

  She could not recall ever seeing her parents fight. Sure they had arguments and talked behind the closed door of their bedroom… Wasn’t that a natural thing to do? She had so many questions, but decided it was not the right time to ask them.

  “How do you remember your dad?” Her mother asked softly.

  Lisa’s memories of him were only happy ones. He went to work, they had dinners together as a family, and they went to church and on vacations together.

  “I remember when dad was the coach to my softball team, and he helped me become the pitcher,” said Lisa. Her mother smiled and nodded.

  “I remember camping with dad. He tried to show me how to put up the tent, but then it fell on the both of us.” Both girls chuckled.

  When she was a cheerleader, her father came to the games to watch her. She was in her last year of high school when he became ill. At the time, Natalie noted how important it was that her daughter went on with her life as usual. She sometimes brought her dad to the games in a wheelchair so he could continue to be proud of his child, and also to give him as normal a life as possible. When Lisa graduated high school and summer came to an end, Natalie insisted that she move to the dorm so she could truly experience college life. She told Lisa not to worry about them, but rather to live her life and make them proud.

  “I want you to keep those wonderful adventures stored in your heart,” her mother said. Her hand began to shake and she removed it from Lisa’s head as she began to weep.

  “I miss your dad so much,” she moaned. “I loved him with my whole heart, and I don’t think anyone can understand how much it hurts that he’s no longer around.”

  She grabbed a Kleenex and dabbed her swollen eyes.

  “We had something so special between us. I don’t know the words to describe our love.” Then out of nowhere she sternly added, “Love and marriage is a full-time job. The hardest job you will ever have in your life.”

  Those words stuck in Lisa’s head as they continued to talk throughout the night. Lisa spoke of the great times she had while growing up, and recalled some of the adventures they went on as a family. When it was time for her to leave, her mother was still in the recliner and ready to fall asleep. She said she could not bring herself to go back into the bedroom, that she had spent the last few weeks with her father in the family room, and that, that was where she could feel his presence.

  Before leaving, Lisa promised to come back in a couple of days. However, she became so busy with homework from her professors that she did not return for a week. She found the house darkened and her mother motionless in the recliner where she had left her days ago. She looked as if she had not eaten or taken a shower since the last time she saw her. Her mother’s face was drawn and pale. As Lisa tiptoed into the room, she noticed that her mother’s eyes were closed. She gently brushed her cheek with her fingers. Her mother took a deep breath before opening them, and a faint smile crept across her face as she peered up at her beautiful daughter.

  “Hi,” her mother whispered.

  “Mom,” Lisa said in desperation, “can we go out tonight? Maybe to a restaurant and a movie?” All she could think of was doing something that would cheer her mother up. Lisa had never seen her like that before. Quite frankly, it frightened her.

  Her mother reached out and touched her arm. “No, honey, but we can visit here. I don’t feel like going out.”

  Lisa shook her head and tried to think of something else that might help her mother.

  “Have you eaten yet today?” She asked making her way to the kitchen. She took out a pot to heat up some soup.

  “No,” her mother replied in a tiny voice.

  In minutes, Lisa returned to her mother with a tray containing a bowl of soup and half a ham sandwich. They shared polite conversation as her mother insisted on hearing about her days at school. They then talked more about her father and how much they both missed him. Her mother’s eyes twinkled whenever she said his name out loud. Finally, their tongues ran dry and her mother seemed tired, so Lisa decided it was time to go. While she put the dishes away, she noticed that her mother had eaten very little of her soup, and had only taken a couple bites of her sandwich.

  “Will you be all right alone?” She asked more afraid than ever for her mother’s welfare. “I can stay here with you, mom. It would be no trouble to go back and forth to school from here.”

  “No thank you, honey,” she said faintly. “I do appreciate your concern, but I will be fine. You have a life. I had mine and now it’s your turn, so go and enjoy it.” She shook her head and added, “Honestly, it’s okay. Go on now, I’ll see you again soon.”

  Lisa hesitated before planting a soft peck on her mother’s head with the promise to return in a couple of days.

  The week went by swiftly with papers due for professors, and reading to be completed. By Friday, Lisa made her way back home. This time she found her mother lying on the couch lifeless with a photo album on her chest, and one on the floor. Lisa touched her hand but this time it was stone cold.

  “Mom!” She screamed but her mother did not move.

  Lisa’s entire body began to shake uncontrollably. Her mother had always been there for her, but she had not been there for her mother. Although her mother had told her that sometimes bad things happen to good people, feelings of guilt and shame immediately consumed her being. She should have been there despite her mother’s protests, and had only herself to blame. How could she lose both of her parents in such a short period of time?

  Lisa later learned that her mother had lost the will to live since her father died, and she just wanted to be with him again. She died of a broken heart.

  Chapter Four

  Understanding Death

  Lisa’s Story Continues

  The funeral came and went leaving the kitchen full of uneaten food. Why do people bring over so much at times like this? Lisa wondered.

  With her mother’s passing, the house belonged to Lisa or so her lawyer told her. It was written in the will, he said. The neighbors had opened the shades giving the rooms a peaceful look rather than the morbid darkness that her mother had kept it in during her last days.

  Unfortunately, the glaring light revealed layers of dust. Her mother was unable to keep up the house for some time, which was quite unusual for her. In her better days, she was always scurrying around cleaning everything in sight.

  As everyone left, they offered their condolences and reminded Lisa that if she needed anything at all, they were more than willing to help her. Only sweet things were said about her parents as they took turns hugging and kissing her cheeks. Some tried to smile and hide their tears, while others sobbed openly as they
talked. It was an exhausting time in Lisa’s life. but it was finally quiet after the last person left the house.

  Lisa strongly felt the urge to get away, so with tears streaming down her cheeks, she made her way back to her college dorm. Thankfully, her roommates proved most comforting. They had brought flowers into her room and hung a big poster on the wall over her bed that resembled a card with all of their signatures on it.

  “Hey,” said Joey Henderson, who stood waiting for her in the lobby.

  She and Joey had been dating over the last couple of years. Lisa considered him to be her best friend, her love, and the man she wanted to marry some day. Joey was six feet tall, and always wore dark clothing including a black trench coat. His bright blue eyes and long wavy golden blond hair captivated her. He reminded her of a hippy of the sixties. He was a year older than Lisa, and was studying computer engineering.

  “How’s it going?” He asked.

  “Hi,” Lisa weakly mumbled.

  He leaned in and gave her a big hug. She really needed to feel someone warm and loving at that moment. She really needed him.

  “I’m so sorry about your parents,” he continued. “I told you I could have been there with you. Why did you have to go alone?”

  Joey’s eyes searched her face.

  “I know,” she replied. “It was just something I had to do alone… understand?”

  He looked at her quizzically, shrugged his shoulders, and smiled. Lisa first met Joey at school in her freshman year of college, and they hit it off right away. She saw the love her dad had for her mom and she was looking for the same thing. Maybe, just maybe, she had found that with Joey. He was kind and considerate, and always seemed to put her feelings ahead of his own.