The Proposition 3

by H. M. Ward

  Her voice is stern and cold. “It was my choice.” Maggie’s face glistens with tears and snot. She meets my gaze almost defiantly. “This is my life, not yours.”

  I stop in my tracks and quit pulling on her. Turning back, I blurt out, “You’ve done this before?”

  “Only when I had to. Hallie, this isn’t your problem.” Maggie’s jaw locks and her once vibrant eyes dart away.

  I’m mortified and can’t conceal it. I stand there and feel every ounce of grief, regret, and rage ripping from my body. It changes me and I can’t stop it. Maggie is the only family I have left. I don’t care about Neil, maybe I never did, but people can’t live alone. Being alone is a step away from being dead—it’s a pace from ending up in a place like this with my face covered in bruises and tears.

  There are times in life that creep up slowly, like shadows extending across the earth as the sun sinks below the horizon. Other times it’s quick like a breaking twig. My life changes in that moment and I feel it. The walls go up, higher and higher, until there’s no one above them, not even God. I’m alone in my misery, and there is no way I’m letting Maggie go. I’ll do what I have to do and the consequences are of little importance.

  I snatch her wrist and tug her after me, explaining, “Victor’s knocked out in your apartment. We’re leaving and never coming back. You’re not allowed to leave and you work for me now. This shit is over. It’s over, Maggie, and we’re never coming back.”

  Maggie is gasping for air and nearly falls to the floor. “I can’t!” She bellows. “Don’t make me! Hallie, he’ll kill me.”

  I release her and feel the twisted smirk inch across my lips. I’m not myself, because I’m offering something that I’d never suggest. “Then I’ll take care of it. Go to the car.”

  “Hallie!” Maggie lunges for me, trying to grab my arm.

  I round on her. “Go!” Her green eyes meet mine and she knows. She sees the pain has fractured me in two. I’m no longer the same and we both know it. “You’ll never see him again.” It’s a promise.

  Maggie nods as she stands there, shivering. She wraps her arms around her middle and looks up at me like we’re children again. We stood in this spot before, but last time we didn’t fight back. “It’ll be all right. It will be.” She utters the words more to herself than me. I smile, and holy fuck it practically breaks my face to do it, but I manage. Before she walks down the hall with her clothes in her arms, I touch her shoulder lightly. Maggie nods once at me, then pads down the stairwell and disappears from sight.

  My mind is etched with darkness. It’s like I’ve fallen into a pit and can’t find my way out. Victor is there, smothering me and if I don’t release him, if I don’t cast him out, he’ll always be there, waiting. Three slow, silent steps back to Maggie’s apartment and I see the man still lying on the floor. He’s rousing, moaning curses and touching the bloody spot on his temple. Will anyone mourn him? Will someone buy him a tombstone and a cemetery plot? I couldn’t afford those things. I couldn’t give them to the best man in the world, so why should Victor Campone have them? He’s death incarnate.

  Before I know what’s happened I’m gripping a dull kitchen knife in my fist, slowly approaching him from behind. Victor sits up and nearly falls to the side. “That fucking bitch.” He grips his skull like it’s pounding.

  This isn’t real, is it? My life has come full circle. I’m back at the mercies of the heartless and I refuse to let them rule. I’d rather die, so here I stand. My hand doesn’t shake, and the girl I had been vanishes. She’s dissolving like an image left in the sun, fading forever until there’s no trace remaining.

  Victor senses me standing behind him and turns to look over his shoulder. That’s when I act. The surprise on his face, the flash of the silver blade on the knife, and the river of blood that runs down his throat like a red river all flash as if they were happening somewhere else. Victor’s eyes widen with shock as his hand lifts to his neck and comes away covered in scarlet.

  Those eyes, I’ll remember the way they looked at me with admiration and anger until I die. His lips part to speak, but I don’t care. I drop the knife. It clatters to the floor as I turn on my heel and walk away, leaving Victor dying on the floor.

  CHAPTER 7

  Time crawls to a stop the same way it did when my father died. Maggie and I drive in silence. I know what we have to do, but I don’t want to make her suffer. I tell her what I’m thinking and she agrees. We stop at Target and grab some clearance clothing and change in the car. I take my old clothes, coat, and gloves and put them in the white plastic bag before tossing them in the dumpster behind the store. It’s overflowing. They’ll come and take away the bloody clothes before morning.

  Maggie and I do our make-up in the car. That’s when she stops and looks over at me, ready to cry. “They’ll find out.”

  “No, they won’t. No one saw us.”

  “Victor had the place empty so there’d be no one around to hear what he was doing this evening, but his guys don’t always leave. What if they saw you?”

  I shrug. “Then they can take over and run his drug empire. No one cares about me. He’s gone, Maggie. I’m sorry I didn’t get there sooner.” Our eyes lock and I want to cry, but the tears don’t come. Something inside me broke tonight. I know what I have to do, what my life will be like because of this act. I accepted it before I dragged the knife across Victor’s throat. I’ll sign my contracts, marry Neil, and be the demur wife everyone thinks I am. That will allow me to look after Maggie and make sure this never happens again. Money is power and now I have plenty.

  Maggie nods. “So, we go into your party and just pretend that you were offended that the prick didn’t invite me?”

  “Yup.” I smack my lips after reapplying my make-up. “And tease him about not telling me.”

  “So you grabbed me and went to change?”

  “Exactly.”

  CHAPTER 8

  They buy it, even Neil who claims he can spot a liar from fifty feet away. It’s all in the eyes, he’s told me, the stance, the sweep of the shoulders, and position of the arms. So I do the opposite. I remain poised and smiling. I laugh at his friend’s bad jokes and let Cecily tease me about being bitchy about excluding my best friend from the festivities.

  I act like I’ve had too much to drink and poke my finger into her over inflated chest. “If you ever leave her out of any celebration again, you’ll be sorry. She’s a sister to me.” I smile at Maggie who is standing across the room. She’s wearing dark tights to cover the bruises on her legs. A thick layer of concealer hides the dark circles under her eyes. She touches the gash on her cheek and goes into a crazy story about how I dared her to slide down the railing on the staircase.

  She’s laughing. “So, Hallie doesn’t think I can do it. Well, screw that. So I get up on the old rail and push off. I was fine until I hit the landing and hurled myself into the wall. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever done. I thought I’d land on my feet, like on TV.”

  “And that’s why TV isn’t real.”

  “No fuck.” She giggles and clicks her glass to the tall, dark, dorky guy standing next to her.

  The man gasps like she said the crudest thing he’s ever heard, so Maggie turns on the charm. She bats her eyes and touches his arm lightly, laughing into him, like he’s the funniest man alive. His demeanor softens and the two of them wander off into the backyard where it’s darker.

  Cecily and her smoky self is standing next to me. Her boobs are trying to escape from her low cut neckline. “I thought you were having a panic attack or something.”

  I stare ahead looking at the sea of people, but seeing no one. “Nah, just PMS.”

  “I’ll make sure your friend is invited to every event with you from now on.” Cecily clears her throat. “Is there something you want to tell me?” I turn and arch an eyebrow at her while holding a half empty glass of wine in my hand. “Come, come now, you can tell me. Someone with your, let’s say tastes, may find one sex borin
g after a while. It wouldn’t surprise anyone to know—”

  I take a sip while she’s talking and my heart pounds hard. I wonder if I have blood on my face, until she goes into that last sentence. I nearly choke on my Merlot and set the glass down, hushing her. “No, of course not!”

  “Because if you were gay, it wouldn’t be a big deal.” She blows smoke in my face.

  Grabbing her arm, I steer Cecily away from the massive amount of ears and over to the hallway. “No! I’m not gay and if you give Neil that impression I swear to God—”

  She offers an amused grin and touches my forearm. “Come on now, Hallie. I didn’t mean anything by it. You two are close and it would make sense, with your background and hers.”

  “Yeah, well, you’re off base here and the man who just stuck this ring on my finger will have a stroke if you even mention the idea.” Neil has his natural order philosophy and that would scare him off. I need him to stay. He can’t leave, and a suggestion like this will send him running the other way.

  She raises her pink claws and smiles. “Oh, I won’t, but if you ever need someone to confide in, I’m here. That’s all I wanted to offer. I won’t judge.” Her old eyes hold mine for a moment. She can sense the secret buried deep within me, but there’s more than one. So even if she discovers Bryan, she’ll never know what I did tonight.

  Being defensive is making her think that there’s something to defend, so I lean in close and say, “Listen, I’d tell you if that were the case. I know I can trust you,” When did I get so good at lying? “But Neil is weird with stuff like that. He’s okay with my book since it wasn’t real, you know? It’s not like that stuff is part of our life. You do understand, don’t you?”

  She understands all right. Cecily nods slowly and I know I’m fucked. She knows there’s a story there, another lover. Fine. It’s better than knowing I just slashed the throat of Victor Campone.

  CHAPTER 9

  Maggie stays with Neil and me for a few days. It’s strangely silent because Neil and Maggie usually fight like the world’s going to end and one of them will have the final say. But the bickering has ceased and only quietness hangs in the air. Bryan hasn’t been around and Jon never tried to collect on his money. I was able to get Cecily to advance me five grand, because she thought that was plenty. I don’t tell anyone that I have it and keep my thoughts close to my heart—or what’s left of it—as I devise an escape plan.

  Good people would be ridden with grief and question their very existence for taking a life, but I don’t. I hate to think of the meaning behind my lack of empathy. A life is a life. At one time, I thought every breathing thing held value and I had no right to destroy it. Now I have blood on my hands, and it will never wash away. They’re stained with sin that goes bone deep and I don’t even care.

  I can’t discuss it with Maggie. She’ll flip out. And if I tell Neil, knowing him, he’ll call the cops, so I keep my thoughts to myself. Cecily comes around more and more often, and acts like the mother I never had. Her behavior disgusts me. There’s no room in my life for another mother. One was plenty. Once in a while when I go to sleep, I can hear my mother’s voice and that giggle that said she was gone, too stoned to care. I’d stay locked in that tiny closet until she remembered to let me out. Maggie wasn’t so lucky. Her stepfather never forgot her and used her until her little body collapsed.

  I don’t know how she endured such things, but then again, she says the same thing back to me. She acts like my mother was a monster. Mom was no saint, but she kept me clothed most days and out of sight. She could have sold me, but she didn’t. It’s not that my mom brings me the warm fuzzies. No, it’s more that things could have been worse. She could have traded a hit for my young body, but she didn’t.

  Meanwhile, the man who was supposed to protect Maggie was ravaging her instead. I bet anything that she was reliving those nights when Victor had hold of her. Although Maggie won’t talk about it, her posture speaks volumes. She’s sitting sideways in a chair, with her knees tucked into her chest, and her arms folded over her ankles. That’s when the doorbell rings.

  I walk over and pat her shoulder, thinking it’s the pizza guy, but when I yank the door open, Bryan Ferro is standing there with that smug grin on his face. Without a word, I slam the door shut.

  Maggie laughs. “You’re going to pay for that.”

  “Like I care.” I pad across the room and sit on the couch just before Bryan cracks open the door. I haven’t seen him in a few days. His pallor looks vibrant again and there’s no sleepiness in his eyes.

  “Nice manners, Hallie. Real nice.” Bryan scoffs and steps into the room, closing the door behind him.

  I shrug. “It’s about what you deserve.”

  “Since when do we get what we deserve? Because if that’s the case, I’d like to file a complaint.” That sexy grin lines his lips and I wish things weren’t so tense between us.

  “What are you doing here, Bryan?”

  He glances around the room. “Is Neil here?”

  I nod. “Yeah, in the kitchen. He tries to avoid Maggie.” Maggie smirks and wiggles the tips of her fingers at him.

  “Well, then he won’t mind if I claim my prize now, would he?”

  Maggie’s jaw drops. “You’re going to nail her, here, where Neil can see?”

  Bryan actually has the audacity to laugh, which makes Neil come from the kitchen. “I don’t care if he watches, but that wasn’t my intention. I want you here and now. I have an appointment later and I was thinking that with all this blackmail, there’s been very little sex. I intend on fixing that.” Bryan glances at Neil. “Hope you don’t mind if I borrow her for a little bit.”

  I don’t offer consent. I say nothing, but I can plainly see the nukes going off behind Neil’s eyes. Bryan intends to fuck me in Neil’s bed. “Very smooth,” I offer and shake my head.

  “You disapprove?” Bryan asks, sounding shocked.

  “It doesn’t matter, does it?” We walk into the master bedroom and Bryan grins broadly. Neil says nothing, and after a few moments, I hear his car start. The tires squeal as he drives down the street. Bryan grins and leans against the wall with his hands behind his hips. “Well, come on. Take it all off, Hallie. I want to see every inch of you.”

  I do as he asks, cold and lifeless. He notices the fear is gone and that there’s no hesitation. When I’m completely nude, he pats Neil’s bed and asks me to sit by him. “What’s wrong?”

  Shaking my head, I reply, “No. The deal was for my body, not my mind. And even if I wanted to, I can’t talk about it.”

  “Then, maybe I can help you forget.”

  “Fine, do anything you want. Anything…” The word hangs between us as my heart pounds hard. I need to be dominated and controlled right now. I need to stop thinking, if only for a moment. I know Bryan can do that, and I want him to.

  Bryan pushes his hair out of his face, revealing a softness to him that makes him seem vulnerable even though I know he’s not. “What would my Hallie like tonight? Maybe I should come here, or here,” his finger touches my lips as he grins. “Or are you up for something more adventurous?”

  I lean in and whisper, “Anything. Just get my mind off of everything else. I don’t want to think for a while.”

  Bryan steps toward me. “Sounds perfect. No questions. No answers. And I won’t hold back.” I can’t speak of what I’ve done or why I need this now. Neil would never approve, but Bryan’s here and willing. I no longer love. The part of my heart that holds compassion and reverence is dead.

  Lips parted, I say nothing. I just nod, and feel my nipples harden. The look he’s giving me brings back old times and I want to get lost in the past. I want to forget my life and everything in it. I want him. I need him and my body responds, aching for memories from long ago.

  Bryan reaches for me and whispers in my ear. “I’ll come inside you, deep between your legs and if there’s any left over, I’ll cover your breasts with it and lick them until you’re spotless.
Forget yourself Hallie. Let go, let it all go.”

  I put my hands on his chest, sliding off his dark leather jacket, followed by his shirt. Bryan swallows hard, and tugs me toward him, pulling me by the waist. His lips hover above mine, hesitantly. I know he’s thinking of the way things were before—about the things that drove us apart—and that fight. Without another word his lips come crashing down on mine. It’s a desperate kiss as his tongue forces its way into my mouth. He licks me, stroking my mouth as he kisses me, tasting me. Bryan presses me to the wall showing me how much he wants me. He’s so hard that every inch of his long, beautiful shaft presses firmly against my stomach, and I want him inside me.

  What does that make me? A whore? A person bent on living in the past? I’m engaged to Neil and I’m fucking my blackmailer in Neil’s bed without remorse. I want him so badly that I’m ashamed of it.

  Breathless, he pulls away, “How badly do you want me Hallie?” He asks the question as if he can read my mind.

  I answer by taking his hand and pressing it to my slick skin. His eyes are on me, watching, as I slip his hand down my body and between my legs. Holding me there for a moment, Bryan strokes the small, sensitive flesh and breathes in deeply. I savor his scent and the way he feels against me. As he gazes at me, I spread my legs and look at him.

  Caution flashes in Bryan’s eyes, but quickly vanishes. He wonders what came over me, what made me change. The last few times, I held back, but not now. I know he wants to ask, but won’t.

  Bryan leans his forehead against mine. “You’ve always been my wet dream, Hallie,” he whispers. His eyes move around the room. It’s nothing special. Neil is boring. It could double as a generic hotel room anywhere in the United States. Bland colors, dark headboard, and a chair.