Bloodrose

by Andrea Cremer

  A rustling of the bushes on the other side of the tree caught my attention. I had to bite down on my tongue so I wouldn’t yelp when a brown wolf slunk from the undergrowth.

  Calla?

  I bared my teeth at Shay. What are you doing out here? As much as I wanted time alone with Shay, this wasn’t how I’d envisioned it.

  I was going to ask you the same thing. When you left dinner, I thought you might be sick and I wanted to make sure you were okay. Then when I saw you go into wolf form outside the garden, I wondered what was up.

  My ears flattened. Nothing. Get out of here.

  He tilted his brown-furred head at me, green eyes curious and intent.

  “I just want to talk with you.” Sabine’s words cut through the night air.

  Ethan didn’t move; she stood silently. Waiting.

  Shay’s ears flicked as her voice reached us. Is that Sabine? He took a step forward. And Ethan?

  Get down! I nipped at his shoulder.

  Hey! He bared his teeth, but a moment later his tongue lolled out. You’re spying on them.

  I flashed my own canines. Don’t be ridiculous.

  That’s a pretty pathetic attempt at denial, Cal. He turned and bellied back into the brush. Besides, there’s a much better hiding place over here. You’ll get spotted for sure where you’re standing.

  I stared as his brown body disappeared into the dark foliage. A moment later I scuttled over the ground after him.

  Our bodies pressed together amid the thick branches. I let myself snuggle into his fur, enjoying the way our scents blended in the night air. It reminded me of our first adventures together as wolves. Long night hunts after which we’d eat our fill and then curl up together for a nap beneath the shelter of a pine tree or tucked under the huge trunk of a fallen tree. Watching the golden brown wolf beside me, my heart twinged with longing for that freedom. The uninterrupted hours where the wilderness and the world belonged only to us.

  Inch over a little more; I can’t see. I pushed my muzzle against his shoulder, making the excuse to wriggle even closer to him.

  I knew you were spying. He edged farther into the hollow, nipping my jaw affectionately.

  Be quiet; I want to know what’s going on. But as I peered at the pale silhouettes of Ethan and Sabine, I rested my head on Shay’s forepaws. He laid his chin on the back of my neck, giving my ear a playful lick.

  Why do you care what they’re doing anyway?

  Because it’s Sabine and Ethan.

  Good point.

  Ethan had finally lifted his chin to look at Sabine, whose hands rested on her hips as she watched him.

  He sheathed the dagger and sighed. “Fine. What do you want to talk to me about?”

  “I’d like you to stop avoiding me.”

  “I’m not avoiding you.” He sat up a little straighter.

  “Really?” Sabine smiled thinly. “You could have fooled me.”

  Ethan stood up and walked along the path away from her.

  Sabine’s bell-like laughter rang through the night air. “See, you’re doing it right now.”

  He turned, shaking his head. “I’m not much for company. Particularly the company of wolves.”

  “I see.” She followed his retreat toward the rosebushes, heavy with red blooms turned black by the shadows. “So that’s why you’re working so hard at it.”

  He stopped and frowned at her. “I’m sorry?”

  “You’re doing everything you can to stay away from me, even though it’s not what you want.”

  His own laugh was harsh, but his words had an edge of fear. “Since when do you know what I want?”

  “I know every time you look at me.”

  Whoa. Shay scooted closer to the edge of the bushes.

  Shhh! I nipped at his shoulder, but a heartbeat later I moved up beside him.

  Ethan stood frozen in place. Sabine took another step toward him.

  “Spending time with me isn’t a betrayal of your brother,” she said.

  He jerked back. “How did you—”

  “Tess told me,” she interrupted. “I think she’s concerned about you.”

  “That’s none of her business,” he said, voice shaking. “She shouldn’t get involved.”

  “I don’t think she wants to get involved.” Sabine’s voice curled like smoke in the night air. “That’s where I come in.”

  He stared at her, wild-eyed, looking like a rabbit caught in a snare. She reached out and rested her palm in the center of his chest.

  “I’m not so different from you, Ethan. No matter what you might think. Feel how your heart is racing?”

  He stared at her slender fingers and nodded.

  Her other hand grasped his and pressed it against her breastbone. She didn’t take her eyes off his face. “So is mine.”

  A sound emerged from his throat, a sharp cry somewhere between pleasure and pain. Their two silhouetted bodies became a single, dark tangle of limbs when he reached out and pulled Sabine against him, kissing her.

  A low chuckle filled my mind. That’s our cue. Let’s go.

  But . . . I was staring at the entwined pair, entranced by the scene while knowing it wasn’t my place to watch any more.

  Come on, Cal. Shay’s teeth gently grasped the ruff of my neck. Your questions are answered. Would you have been happy if anyone saw our night in the garden?

  I fought the urge to snarl at him. I’m coming, okay, stop pulling me. I’m not a puppy.

  Behind us, I heard Ethan’s low groan and I flushed beneath my fur.

  See. Shay crawled from the brush in the direction of the garden’s entrance.

  We stole from the garden on silent paws. When we were safely in the shadowed doorway, we both shifted forms and slipped inside the Academy.

  “War makes strange bedfellows.” Shay grinned. “Good for them.”

  “I guess.”

  “You don’t approve?”

  “It’s just a little weird.” I frowned. “A Searcher and a Guardian?”

  “It’s not the first time,” he countered. “Monroe and Corrine—”

  “Are both dead,” I interjected, still troubled by what I’d seen. I wanted to be happy for them, but the loves I’d seen here had all ended in horrible loss. And the battle of our lives was ahead. I was afraid for Sabine and Ethan. I was afraid for all of us.

  “This is different,” he said. “Sabine isn’t stuck with the Keepers. She’s here, she’s safe, and she’s free to do what she wants. Probably for the first time in her life.”

  I nodded slowly.

  “Still worried?” His mouth crinkled as he watched my furrowed brow.

  “I can’t help it.” I remembered Tess sobbing when Lydia had died.

  His arms slipped around my waist. My hands came up against his chest, but just to rest near his heart, not to push him away. I curled my fingers in his shirt, pulling him closer.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, noticing the sly expression on his face.

  “Easing your mind,” he murmured, and bent to kiss me.

  “Wait.” This time I did push him back. “We should go—”

  What I’d intended to be an invitation to my room died on my lips when he became very still. His arms still encircled me, but I could have sworn he’d stopped breathing.

  A sound like the blending of a cough and a growl bounced off the walls in the hallway behind me. Shay’s fingers dug into my hips and I knew who was there, watching us.

  “Don’t let me interrupt.” Ren moved toward us slowly, stalking. “Never mind. I’d like to interrupt.”

  Shay’s answering growl vibrated through my limbs. Still heady from our covert encounter in the garden, my instinct was to wrap my arms around Shay and warn Ren off with my own snarl. But those were instincts I had to ignore. I twisted out of his grasp, positioning myself between them.

  “Truce, remember?” I bared my teeth at them.

  “It doesn’t look like he’s playing fair,” Ren said.

&
nbsp; “I’m not playing at all.” Shay laughed. “It’s not a game to me.”

  Ren bristled. “You know that isn’t what I meant.”

  “Stop it.” I put my hands up, making sure neither alpha took a step closer to the other. “Don’t do this.”

  “I’d just like to understand what you were doing alone with him.” Ren didn’t take his eyes off Shay.

  “Nothing,” I said. This was exactly why I’d wanted to get out of the hall and into my room, where we wouldn’t be seen. “We were talking, Ren. I can still talk to Shay alone.”

  “It didn’t look like he was after conversation to me,” Ren said.

  “He’s right.” Shay smiled wickedly.

  “Let’s see what I can do about that pretty smile.” Ren lunged at him.

  I swung around, slamming my fist into Ren’s chest. He faltered, glancing at me in surprise.

  The wolf inside me howled in frustration. How was I supposed to keep these two from killing each other?

  “I’m serious. You will not hurt each other,” I snarled. “Do not cross me.”

  Shay laughed. “Nice jab, Cal.”

  I whirled and kicked Shay in the stomach, sending him stumbling back against the wall.

  “What the hell?!” he shouted, rubbing his abs.

  “I’m talking to both of you!” My head was throbbing. “How do I make it more clear? Stop trying to gain an upper hand. You’re both being total jackasses. I can’t stand it.”

  Shay winced and I regretted my words. My frustration arose from my inability to pursue my own desires as much as the chore of regulating their abundance of testosterone.

  “She’s right,” Ren said.

  Shay glared at him before turning his eyes on me. When I met his gaze, I stepped back, reeling from the pain I saw there.

  “So what, then?” he asked. “Nothing that happened between us matters now? He’s here and all that is just over?”

  “No, Shay . . .” The words were hard to push out as my heart rebelled against my mind. I saw flashes of the garden, was once again swimming in passion guided by moonlight. I felt the warmth of Shay’s skin against mine. I remembered waking wrapped in his arms only to be full of desire again at the simple sight of him sleeping beside me. Blood roared in my ears. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “What happened?” Ren’s question was like a dam against the flood of memories.

  Shay opened his mouth to respond, but my hard stare silenced him. He held my gaze for a long moment. My blood ran cold when I saw how much this exchange cut into him.

  “Nothing,” Shay said, turning away. “Good night.”

  I watched his retreat, the knot in my belly tightening until the pain was almost unbearable.

  “What was he talking about, Calla?”

  I forced myself to face Ren. When I met his dark, worried eyes, I shook my head.

  “Leave it,” I said softly. “Please just leave it.”

  His mouth set in a hard line, but he nodded. “Can I at least walk you to your room?”

  “No,” I said, my voice trembling. “I think it would be better if you didn’t.”

  I felt empty, and Ren was too good at reading my emotions. A part of me still couldn’t believe that he was here. That despite all we’d lost, he’d been saved. I wished I could tell him how much it meant to have him near me, how much strength I gained by knowing another alpha would be in this fight. But following that trail of thoughts would get me in serious trouble. If I let him play the role of comforter when I felt this vulnerable, I’d end up doing something foolish.

  “Fine.” I saw the flash of anger in his eyes before he headed in the opposite direction from the path Shay had taken. “Sweet dreams, Lily.”

  When they were both out of sight, I wandered, slightly dazed, back to the stairs, climbing slowly toward the third floor and my room. I wondered if sleep would come. Despite how weary my limbs felt after the chaos of battles and clandestine rescue missions, my mind was in a frenzy.

  By not choosing a mate, I was forced to lead alone. Was I strong enough to do that? The freedom of solitude swirled through my veins, equal parts joy and terror. When I reached my room, I paused, staring at the door for several minutes, pretending I wasn’t glancing every few seconds at the next door along the hall. Shay’s door.

  Swearing under my breath, I gave up trying to ignore the pull toward his room. I hesitated outside. The episode with Ren had been the worst kind of blunder. I’d alienated both of them, but I was more worried about how I might have hurt Shay. Would he still be angry? Did he know that I’d wanted to be alone with him ever since Adne and I came back from Vail? Would he still want me, knowing that I had to try to keep a balance between the two alpha males?

  I knocked on the door, cursing my own lack of conviction.

  “Who is it?”

  “It’s Calla.”

  He made me stand in the dark hall for at least two minutes before he opened the door. He was wearing a plain white V-neck T-shirt that offered a teasing glimpse of his chest muscles and light cotton navy pajama pants. I had a similar but slightly more feminine set of sleepwear in my drawer. Apparently they were Searcher standard issue.

  “What?” His unfriendly tone told me I wasn’t forgiven for what had happened downstairs.

  “Can I come in?”

  He walked away, leaving the door open. I followed him into the room, closing the door behind me. My pulse began to jump, knowing that I was alone with him in his bedroom. I’d been waiting for this moment all day, but now that I was here, I felt unsteady. Nerves rattled my bones. If Shay thought he couldn’t trust me, everything I’d fought for could fall apart.

  Shay stretched out on his bed. He had a very old book propped on his chest.

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “Scion lore,” he said. “Apparently, being the Chosen One means you get homework.”

  “Homework from Silas?”

  “Yep.”

  I stayed a few feet away from the bed, watching him. His lean form, lounging against the pillows, made my skin feel electric. I wished he would look up and stretch his arms out to me. He kept his focus on the book.

  “So how long are you going to be mad?” I asked.

  He didn’t answer.

  I sighed. “Shay, I’m not trying to hurt you. I just think it would be a bad idea to rub Ren’s face in what’s going on with us. It could ruin everything.”

  Shay laughed. “Way to use a dog metaphor.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  I also knew it was more than just keeping Ren’s temper in check, but I wasn’t sure Shay could handle that information. Saving Ren had been necessary. I didn’t want to admit how good it felt to have him back, to be near him again. But the constant buzz of hope that accompanied Ren’s return only made me feel worse about what I knew it must be doing to Shay. The malice roiling in both their eyes whenever the alphas looked at each other verged on explosive. As much as I wanted Ren beside me, Shay needed to know that I hadn’t abandoned him. I had no idea how I could balance the power between the two males without making Shay feel rejected. I’d made a terrible mess. Shay was angry with me and my instinct was to be defensive, but that wouldn’t solve anything.

  He tossed the book aside, looking at me. “Look, I realize I’m being a jerk. I’m sorry. He brings out the worst in me. He always has.”

  “The first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem.” I smiled.

  He laughed, but a moment later his somber expression returned.

  “I can’t stop the spinning top that’s my brain right now,” he said. “I’m trying to figure out what it means to be the Scion, but all I want to do is find out where my parents are.”

  “Logan hasn’t said anything?” I watched Shay’s chest rise and fall with a heavy sigh.

  “He’s playing hard to get . . . or something,” he said. “I don’t even know if I believe they’re alive. I can’t stop thinking about them . . . and I know it’s not wh
at I have to focus on right now.”

  “No one would blame you for that, Shay,” I said. “Of course you want to find your parents.”

  “As long as I save the world first,” he said.

  “I guess there are strings attached,” I said, smiling.

  “Strings tied to anvils,” he said. “Speaking of which, we have our own baggage and I think yours is ready to drag you back to the altar.”

  “Shay—” A small growl came out when I spoke.

  “You know I’m right,” he said. “Ren thinks you belong to him; he always has.”

  “He’s an alpha,” I said, not wanting to defend Ren so much as try to explain the situation to Shay. “He still sees me as his mate.”

  “And do you see yourself that way?”

  “It’s complicated.” I looked at the ground. Lame, Calla. Lame.

  “Maybe that’s why, with him around again, I feel like you don’t need me anymore.”

  “How can you even think about that?” I asked, avoiding a direct answer. “You’re the Scion. You’re the only reason that the Searchers might be able to defeat the Keepers.”

  “I thought Ren was the best hope for winning this war.”

  “We do need Ren,” I said, ignoring his angry glance. “He could make or break a Guardian alliance. But all the Guardians in the world can’t do anything about wraiths. You can.”

  “And yet that doesn’t seem to get me anywhere with you,” he said. “The wolves are what matter to you. More than anything.”

  “Of course they do,” I said. “I’m an alpha.”

  “So am I,” he said. “As much as Ren is. I’m newer to the pack—that’s all.”

  “I know that, Shay.” I frowned. “But I think you’re missing the point.”

  “You’re the one missing the point, Calla.” His smile was bleak. “Do you think being the Scion matters to me if I lose you? Because it doesn’t. None of this matters. You’re the reason I need to win this war. I’m fighting for you. Not for the Searchers. Not for anyone else. It’s all for you.”

  My pulse thudded in my veins, heavy as a bass drum.

  He lay back on the bed, gazing at the twinkling starlight above us. I watched him, wondering what to do. I didn’t need him. I didn’t want to need him. In order to lead, to fight this battle, I couldn’t afford to need anyone. But that didn’t mean I . . .