by Nina Levine
“I don’t need a doctor, Havoc.” His blank expression remained and he didn’t give me his attention for long. Instead, he turned back to the television and resumed watching the crime show he had on.
Frustrated, I moved to the television and switched it off. “Yvette seems to think differently so I want to know why you don’t want to go.”
He scowled, but answered me. “I’ve got my spray for any chest pain I have and as far as the blood pressure is concerned, it’s been high for awhile now. I’m on medication for it. Nothing else they can do for me, son.”
“If the medication isn’t working, I’d say there probably is something else they can do for you. Humour me—let me take you to see Dr Bennett this afternoon.”
“No.”
Fuck.
“Dad—”
He cut me off as he stood, “I said no. You need to respect my decision.”
I pulled out my phone as he left the room. If he refused to go to the doctor, I’d bring the damn doctor to him.
22
Carla
“So things are serious between you and Havoc?”
I traced the words written on the mug that sat in front of me, while I considered my mum’s question. After Havoc left, Nash and I had a huge argument that ended with him storming out of the house. I’d broken down in tears and mum was the one to console me. I hated fighting with Nash. He was my rock in this crazy life and I didn’t want to push him away, but we had gotten to the point in my life where I needed the space to either succeed on my own terms or fail by my own hand. Nash desperately wanted to stop me from screwing shit up, and I understood that, but he had to let me go.
“I like him, Mum. Like, really like him, and I never saw that coming. He’s not the kind of man I ever saw myself falling for, but I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen. But whether or not it will go anywhere, I’m not sure.”
“Why isn’t he the kind of man you thought you’d fall for?”
I sighed. “I just want someone stable. Someone who won’t let me down. And I always assumed I’d find a man who was educated and who had a good, well-paying job. Havoc is a nomad who goes from city to city. I don’t see that as stable.”
“Your father was educated and had a good job,” she said softly and I didn’t miss her point.
“I know.”
“Are they the only things important to you in a man, honey? Education and income?” There was no judgement in her tone. It was simply a question. Mum was one of the best people to go to when you had a dilemma because she had this way of talking you through the problem to come up with a good solution.
“No, and I’ve realised that now.” Now that I see Havoc’s good qualities. “I want a man who will put me first and who won’t try to change me. Someone who will always protect me. Honesty is important too, and I want a man who I can trust.”
She smiled. “All good qualities to look for.”
“Yeah, and I think that those things might actually come before education and income.”
Nodding, she agreed. “Absolutely. Do you think Havoc can give you those things?”
“Yes.” My heart rate picked up as I contemplated a relationship with him. I could see it except for the fact he didn’t live in Brisbane. He didn’t live anywhere really. That would be a huge problem.
Oh, God.
Why did shit have to be complicated?
Which reminded me… “What are you going to do about Dad? I mean, are you going to let him back into your life?” I dreaded that she might say yes, but I had to know.
The look that flashed in her eyes revealed her inner conflict. Mum had always had a bleeding heart and a tendency to forgive too easily. “I think he’s sick.”
“So?” He’d never cared when we’d been sick. He’d never come back to check on us so why should him being sick make any difference to her decision.
“Carla, I let your father go in my mind many years ago. He’ll never own a place there again, but I worry for you kids. I want you all to make peace with the hurt he inflicted. Closing yourself off from that pain and not allowing it to wash out of you will only eat you up for the rest of your life.”
My chest tightened at the thought of what she was suggesting. “Are you saying we should forgive him?”
“Forgiveness is for you, not him.” Her eyes and her voice pleaded with me to agree, but I never would.
Pushing my chair back, I said, “I don’t need to forgive him. What I need is for him to go away and never come back.” I fumed as I headed for my bedroom.
Not at my mother but at my father.
No fucking way would I ever meet him.
* * *
An hour later, I gave up trying to get some sleep. I was exhausted after the long ride home, but my mind wouldn’t switch off.
And I missed Havoc.
I pulled out my phone.
Me: I miss your cock.
He came straight back.
Havoc: It misses you.
Me: I think we should give him what he wants.
Havoc: I’m tied up for the next few hours but after that he’s all yours.
Me: Is your dad okay?
Havoc: Not sure yet. Doctor is coming over soon.
Me: I hope it’s good news. I’ll talk to you after.
Havoc: I’ll call you later, babe.
Damn. Now I was horny as hell.
With no promise of sleep and hours before Havoc would be free, I decided to see if Velvet could fit me in for a facial. I’d never been to her work before, but she’d given me facials at home and they always relaxed me.
I phoned her and was lucky—she’d had a cancellation and could squeeze me in.
Perfect.
Girl time was just what I needed.
* * *
“You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?” Velvet said after I’d answered all her questions about my trip away with Havoc. She’d finished my facial and we were passing the time until her next appointment. The salon where she worked wasn’t busy that day so we had plenty of time to catch up.
“Yes. And Nash is ready to kill him, I think.”
“There should be no I think in that sentence. He is ready to kill him. But only because he’s convinced Havoc is dangerous.”
“Velvet, he’s not dangerous to me. He’s got a side to him that I don’t think he shows many people. I just wish Nash would trust me on this.”
“It’s not you he doesn’t trust, Carla. How do you know he wouldn’t be violent towards you? From everything Nash has said, Havoc could just snap and lose it.”
I leant forward so I could drop my voice. “I don’t want to go into detail, but I kinda asked him to do stuff when we were having sex and he refused. He told me he’d never do anything like that to a woman. He’s a good man, Vi.”
“Jesus, what kind of stuff?”
“I asked him to hurt me. Pain gets me off sometimes, but he wanted nothing to do with it.”
While she was processing what I’d said, the front door to the salon opened and Madison entered. I’d met her a few times through Nash and liked her. She was married to Jason Reilly, one of the Storm men and was the daughter of the club president. She saw us and smiled before talking with Roxie, the hairdresser who owned the place. A moment later, they both joined us.
“Hey, Carla, how’s things?” Madison greeted me as she dumped her huge handbag on the floor and sat down in the chair next to mine.
“I’m doing okay. How are you?”
Roxie cut in, “Ask her about her biker dude.” She’d listened to everything Velvet and I had been discussing about Havoc and had a few things to say. Seemed she wasn’t a huge fan of the Storm men and their bossy ways.
Madison’s eyes widened. “Which biker are we talking about? Tell me everything.”
I threw Roxie a glare. I really liked her, but I could have done without this conversation. God knew what Madison thought of Havoc and I really didn’t want to hear it.
“Havoc Caldwell,” I replied.
“I met him about a month or so ago and he’s back here for his dad who isn’t well.”
Madison frowned. “He’s not dying, is he? That would be a blow to Havoc, to lose both parents so close.”
“I don’t know. He’s got the doctor seeing his dad today.”
Velvet joined in. “Do you know him very well, Madison?”
She rested her chin on her fist as she contemplated the question. “J and Havoc used to be close so I did spend some time with him. I really liked him. He had a good business doing up old bikes and at the time, I thought he had a good life. He’d been in a steady relationship with Kelly and we all thought they were going to get married, have kids and live happily ever after. But apparently something happened to his business and I think he had to declare bankruptcy. After that, Kelly left him. And then his mum died. J said he lost his shit. Just went off the rails. He shut everyone out and ended up leaving town. I always wondered what happened to his business because up until that point, it had been so successful. Havoc had it all.”
“Wow,” Velvet said. “Maybe Nash has it all wrong about him.”
Madison frowned. “What do you mean?”
“My bloody brother thinks that Havoc is dangerous and doesn’t want me to have anything to do with him,” I answered.
“Well, I can’t really say. I do know that he had a reputation for handling club issues and I did see him in action once and it was pretty scary, but you know what? I’ve seen J and Nash in action, too… actually, Scott as well, and they're pretty scary themselves, so for Nash to say that is a little hypocritical.”
“That’s a very good point,” Roxie said.
“Nash is just scared to let Carla make what he thinks could be a mistake,” Velvet said.
Madison nodded. “I get it, but he needs to let that go.”
“A-fucking-men,” I said. I was so glad I’d run into Madison. She’d shared some useful information with us and I was hoping Velvet would take it back to Nash and try to talk sense to him again.
23
Havoc
At what point do you give up in life?
I’d turned that thought over and over in my mind a lot during the last two years. I hadn’t come to a final thought on it yet. Watching my father with the doctor, I wondered what the catalyst had been for him. He’d given up. I was sure of that, but why?
Was it losing Mum?
Was it two years of being on his own and he was done?
Was it his deteriorating health?
Or something else?
The doctor came to me. “I want to admit him and keep an eye on him. Probably just overnight, just so we can keep track of his vitals. This constant chest pain has me concerned.”
“And the blood pressure?”
“We’ll need to tweak his medication. Hospital is the best option all round. I’ll call an ambulance to come get him now.”
“I can drive him.”
“I know, but with this pain, I want him monitored.”
Dad shot me a filthy look. “I don’t want to go to bloody hospital.”
My patience with him snapped. He’d been arguing with me most of the afternoon while we waited for the doctor and I was way past the point of caring what he wanted. “You’re going,” I yelled as I pointed at him. “I’m not arguing about this again.” With that, I strode into his bedroom, yanked his overnight bag out of his closet and threw some clothes and toiletries in there for him. I then took the bag and dumped it at the front door, ready for the ambulance.
“Havoc,” Yvette said in a tone that told me she thought I was being too harsh. “When I said I wanted you to get him looked at, I didn’t mean for you to spend all afternoon fighting with him.”
I stared at her in disbelief. “Well, what the fuck did you think was gonna happen? The old man’s as stubborn as hell, no way were we getting him there without an argument or two.”
“I just think you could go a little easier on him, that’s all.”
“Trust me when I tell you that I’ve been going easy all afternoon.” I took a deep breath. “He’s given up and I don’t fuckin’ like it.”
She frowned. “Given up on what?”
“Life.” Anger at that thought gripped me and I jabbed my finger at her. “I’m not letting him give up. I don’t care if I have to spend every minute of every fuckin’ day arguing with him, he’s not checking out.”
Without waiting for her reply, I headed back to where Dad sat in his armchair. He glared at me as I entered the room, but I ignored him. Taking a seat in the armchair next to his—Mum’s armchair—I solidified that declaration in my mind.
I would make sure my father got through whatever it was he was going through.
I refused to lose another parent before their time.
* * *
Yawning, I rubbed the back of my neck. It was just after nine that night and I was about to leave the hospital. Dad was fast asleep and the nurses assured me they would look after him.
I hadn’t heard from Carla, which surprised me. However, I loved the fact she gave me the space I needed.
I settled myself on my bike and sent her a text.
Me: You awake?
Carla: Yeah. How’s your dad?
Me: They admitted him to hospital, but he’s ok.
Carla: Glad to hear it.
Me: I want to see you.
Carla: Is your dick still missing me?
Me: Something like that.
Her text didn’t come straight back so I rang her.
“Havoc,” she murmured into the phone.
“You sound sleepy.”
“I’m tired. You must be so tired.”
“I’m way past tired. I need you in my bed tonight.”
She didn’t speak and I wondered if she was still on the line.
“Carla?”
“I’m here. I was just trying to figure out if I could remember you ever telling me you needed me. I liked the sound of that.” Her sleepy voice had turned into her sexy voice, one I couldn’t get enough of.
“I’m gonna come pick you up.”
“You’re one persistent man. As much as I want what your dick wants, I’m not sure I have the energy for sex so maybe we should just catch up tomorrow.”
I gripped my phone harder. “I’m not asking for sex tonight, angel.”
Silence again, and then, “Come get me.”
Thank fuck.
* * *
I pulled Carla tighter against me in the bed. Her back was to my front and my arm had her securely in my hold. Burying my face in her hair for a moment, I said, “Whatever the fuck you washed your hair with tonight, you need to always wash it with.”
Her body shook gently with laughter. “So damn bossy,” she murmured, almost asleep.
My hand cupped her tit. “You fuckin’ love that about me.”
She wiggled against me. “No sex, Havoc. I’m too tired.”
“Babe, I can keep my dick in my pants, but I need to hold you, so the boob stays in my hand.”
Her hand moved over mine and she kept it there. “I do love that about you.”
“Go to sleep. You need all the rest you can get because tomorrow morning, I’m going to wear you the fuck out.”
I fell asleep faster than I ever had.
* * *
Fuck.
I groaned as I regained consciousness.
“What time is it, darlin’?” I asked Carla as she worked my dick with her hand. It was dark as hell in the bedroom. I figured it couldn’t be any more than three in the morning.
She bent and whispered against my ear, “I don’t know. All I know is sleeping next to you makes me horny as hell and I need to get this dick inside me faster than you can say please.”
“Fuck,” I muttered, moving my hand to s
coop her body up and over so she was on top of me.
She wasted no time. As she sank her pussy down onto my cock, she placed her hands on my chest and moaned her pleasure.
“Christ, did you wake up that wet or did you get yourself there?”
“Baby, I woke up that wet, but it’s all thanks to you.”
I let her ride me up until the point where I knew she was getting close and then I flipped her onto her back and went down on her. No fucking way could I not get my fill before I pumped my orgasm into her.
Her fingers threaded their way through my hair and she gripped me hard while I tongued her. Jesus, no pussy had ever tasted so good. I’d been a starved man before I met her and I hadn't even known.
I lifted her legs up and over to rest on my shoulders as I pushed my mouth hard against her. She writhed under my touch, her reaction making me harder. Needing to watch her, I pulled my lips from her pussy and finger fucked her.
She was fucking glorious.
My eyes had adjusted to the light and I took in every inch of her while she came.
Her fingers clawing at the sheets.
The arch of her back as the pleasure ran through her body.
The way she faced to the side with her cheek flat to the bed with her face tilted up, exposing her neck to me.
She was so damn wet. My hand and face was coated in her.
When she finished coming, she opened her eyes and smiled a long, sexy smile at me. Crooking a finger, she whispered, “Come here.”
I positioned myself over her with my hands planted either side, and bent my face so our lips almost touched. “You taste so good. You wanna taste?”
She licked her lips and pulled my mouth down. Our tongues tangled and she moaned as she tasted herself. That shit turned me on. As we kissed, I ran my dick along her pussy and entered her. Not all the way, though.