Anders: An Auxem Novel

by Lisa Lace

  They were still following us.

  “Do you think they’re tracking us somehow?” Anders looked frantic.

  We came through a doorway into a little courtyard. The smell of flowers was everywhere. Vines covered the high stone walls with fragrant blossoms. It looked lovely, but what it didn’t have was an exit. We searched in vain for another way out.

  They appeared in the doorway. We retreated to the farthest corner while they began to look around the area. Dorron held a device and swept it back and forth. It beeped softly every few seconds.

  “That explains it.” I recognized the device. “They’re using an energy tracker. Once it has your unique energy signal, it can follow you anywhere.”

  Anders raised an eyebrow. “Are you talking about the X9? The one they banned?”

  “That’s the one,” I whispered. “Before I worked for you guys, I was a pilot with a security company guarding the paraball stadium orbiting Earth. We caught a couple of guys who were trying to find and kidnap a paraball star. They were using an X9, and I managed to sneak a peek at it.”

  “If you’re right, there’s nothing that can stop them from finding us.” He watched them carefully.

  “I’m right. We’re trapped.” I looked up at the smooth stone walls. There were no handholds or anything to climb. The trees had all been recently planted and couldn’t hold a child, let alone one of us. “They’re going to kill us, aren’t they?” Now that death was so close, it was easy to accept our fate.

  “I think I have a way out.” He spoke quietly as if he were talking to himself. “I have to do it.” He tore off his jacket and began unbuttoning his shirt.

  Was he nuts? “We can’t fight them. They have guns. We have nothing. Are you trying to scare them away with your nude body?”

  “I have a feeling this is going to surprise you,” Anders said softly. He threw his shirt on the ground. “But it’s our only chance.”

  What was he up to?

  He searched around for a second and found a broken branch on the ground. “If I look like I’m going to fall over, help keep me up.” He put the piece of wood in his mouth and bit down on it. Then he closed his eyes and the next thing I knew, wings appeared on his back.

  Anders bent over and stumbled, teeth clenched around the piece of wood. He looked like he was in more agonizing pain than I had ever seen before.

  I risked taking a glance at the pirates, but they were still busy with the X9. We couldn’t elude the tracker, but it took some time to pinpoint an exact location, which was an advantage for us. When I looked back at Anders, he was in a haze of hurt. His body had curled in on itself, and all his muscles were tense with pain. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I made sure he didn’t topple to the ground.

  And I waited.

  Eventually, he spat out the piece of wood and looked composed again. I hesitate to use the word normal, because if he looked like a normal anything, it was an angel.

  “Get on my back,” he whispered.

  I stared at him and didn’t move.

  “Now.” I couldn’t disobey his command. I climbed onto his back, wrapping my legs around his waist below the wings and fixing my arms around his shoulders.

  “Hold on. You don’t want to fall off.” He jumped up and pumped his wings. The pirates heard and came running, but they couldn’t fly. They stared, pointing and yelling, as we flew away into the night sky.

  “That should buy us some time. Can the pirates follow our tracks in the air?”

  ANDERS

  Gwen clung silently to my back. I wondered what she was thinking. I worked my wings, needing the pain of exercise to remove all the evening’s emotions.

  It was a little overwhelming when I thought about it. I had been terrified when the pirates showed up to kill us. And I never thought I would have to tell her about my wings.

  My father had issued a royal edict restricting us from telling anyone about them. We had to keep everything hidden. The women from Earth weren’t supposed to know in case the knowledge made them change their minds about having our babies. Dad wasn’t paranoid either. We had approached planets before Earth. The first world that offered their women to us withdrew when they found out about the wings. My father, the king, didn’t want that to happen again. All we needed was a single generation of girls to repopulate our world. The next generation born with wings would understand us in a different way from the humans.

  I took the long way back to the fighter. By the time we arrived, I was exhausted. I hoped it would help me sleep. When I touched down on the ground beside the starship, Gwen slid off and stood on trembling legs, looking at me.

  “Let me explain everything.” I couldn’t tell how she was feeling.

  “Yes, that would be a good idea.” I examined her in the moonlight, trying to figure out the emotions I saw in her face.

  “Don’t leave anything out.” She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me expectantly.

  GWEN

  “I was just a boy when my mother died.” Anders started pacing back and forth. His big, sexy wings fluttered in the breeze. “It wasn’t from natural causes. She was the first in a wave of deaths from a virus that would eventually kill every female on our planet.”

  I knew this story already. I had been on the Auxem ship since they left Earth.

  “Can you imagine what it was like watching everyone die around you?”

  My eyes filled with tears. I didn’t know how it felt to live through a disaster.

  “We thought the men were immune because none of us got sick right away. But when we arrived on Earth, our scientists discovered that we had also been affected, but in a different way. The virus will make us all infertile in the next few years.”

  I nodded. “I know that already. Just skip to the part about the wings.”

  “I want to make sure you understand. Otherwise, our actions may seem devious. My father left our planet on a quest to save Auxem, but Earth wasn’t our first stop.”

  “What do you mean? I thought you went from Auxem directly to Earth.”

  “The first planets we approached turned us down immediately. Finally, we thought we reached an agreement with one, but when they found out about our wings, they kicked us off the planet and told us never to return.”

  “Were they afraid of heights or something? That must have been a terrible disappointment.”

  “Yes, it was. It happened five years into our search, and it was devastating. After that, Father swore all of us to secrecy. He issued a royal edict that prevented us from telling anyone about our adaptation.”

  “Like a vow of secrecy, you mean?” Why didn’t he just tell people to hide their wings? They had to make it sound big and official by saying it was a royal edict.

  He glared at me. The wings made him look like an avenging angel. It should have been scary, but all it did was make me hot for him.

  “It’s not a joke. We’re talking about my world. My people. Earth is our last hope.”

  “I know, but what’s the big deal? Are people prejudiced against wings? It might be a good thing if you can turn it around. Find a marketing manager, and it might be a selling point. You look kind of sexy.”

  He stopped pacing and came over to me. He seemed a lot bigger with the wings out. They reached above his head and down to his knees.

  “I haven’t told you the whole story.”

  “There’s more?” He nodded, but didn’t look angry anymore. He looked sad. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer to my question.

  “You saw me when I took my wings out, right?”

  I winced. “Yeah. It looked like it hurt.”

  “It’s agonizing every time. And it’s worse when they first emerge. But we understand that it’s worth it. It’s hard for anyone to empathize with us if they can’t fly. We’ve kept this knowledge from you for a reason.”

  “You’re afraid we’ll reject you because we don’t want our children going through that? Well, you’re right. What woman in he
r right mind would want her child to deal with that kind of torment?”

  His eyes glimmered with something that looked suspiciously like tears. It was probably a trick of the moonlight.

  “That’s right. You can’t tell anyone, Gwen.”

  “Are you telling me that you’re keeping this from all the humans?” I felt outrage building inside me.

  “What else are we supposed to do?” Anders ran his fingers through his hair in agitation. “We need them.”

  “You know the difference between right and wrong. The Auxem shouldn’t be doing this.”

  “When we save the transport, talk to Jayne and Elle. They know everything already. They’ve decided that saving Auxem is worth it, and they believe their children will be able to withstand the trauma.”

  I stared up at him. An alien prince. A gorgeous winged creature with whom I had been intimate.

  All I saw was sorrow in his eyes and a burning need for acceptance. It tore at my soul, and I couldn’t put up any more of a fight.

  “Okay, Anders. I’ll keep your secret for now, but I don’t think it is the right thing to do.”

  “Thank you.” He looked relieved that I had given him my word. “After you hear Jayne’s and Elle’s perspective, you can decide what you’re going to do.”

  I nodded. Suddenly I felt tired. Too much had happened in the past few hours, and we hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before. I felt like lightening the mood.

  “I can’t believe you’ve been keeping this from me. Are there any other secrets you’re not telling me?” I said it jokingly. At least I thought I did.

  He didn’t laugh. If anything, his face became even more earnest.

  “As a matter of fact, there is one.” His voice sounded deeper as he took my hands. “I’ve been holding back something ever since I met you. I don’t think I can keep it from you any longer.”

  I was unable to tear my eyes away from his. I knew he was about to say something significant.

  He took a deep breath, as if searching for courage, and the words came rushing out. “I love you.”

  Chapter Eleven

  ANDERS

  The moon shone down on us, and the wind ruffled my wings. I paid no attention because Gwen was staring at me in shock.

  It wasn’t the reaction I thought I would get. I waited for Gwen to say something but she seemed frozen.

  “Gwen?” I touched her hands. Her tattered princess dress fluttered in the breeze. Calling her name seemed to bring her out from a dark place. She looked up at me with questioning eyes.

  My heart fell to my feet, and I could tell my wings were sagging. I pulled them in abruptly, unable to stifle the yell as I did so. I breathed deeply because someone once told me it was supposed to help dull the pain.

  It never helped. I lost myself in agony, glad of something to take my mind off the torment in my heart. If I had thought that loving Gwen from afar hurt, it was nothing compared to her rejection.

  I shouldn’t have said anything. It was stupid and selfish. I had crossed the line.

  Who was I kidding? I had crossed that line way back when I kissed her.

  The pain emanating from my wing pockets spread through my body until it felt as though every single cell was on fire. What was weird about it was that it hurt so much one second and the next it didn’t hurt at all. I reminded myself that the pain was worth having the ability to fly and I stood up, feeling like nothing had happened.

  Gwen sat on the ground. She had her knees pulled up to her chest, and her arms were wrapped around them. Her head rested on her forearms. She was sobbing.

  I watched her silently. Her sorrow nearly made me lose control. I had never been so close to going crazy as I was right then.

  I hoped she was crying for me. I thought she cared about me. We were friends. She didn’t want me to hurt. Maybe she was crying about her husband because she still loved him and missed him. I thought I should probably just ask her. I would, as soon as I pulled myself together.

  “What’s wrong?” I knelt beside her and put my hand on her back. “Why are you crying?”

  She lifted her face to me, and her eyes were red. She looked like a miserable princess, sitting there on the ground in Lyzette’s gown. Our run through the castle greenery had ruined it.

  Undone by her sorrow, I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tightly as she cried. I tried to enjoy the feeling of having her in my arms because I was sure I wouldn’t have the chance again.

  After what seemed like forever but was probably only an instant, she pulled away. I sat on the ground, making sure not to touch her. I shivered. The sweat from running and flying was still on my body, and I was freezing. Or maybe it was the look in Gwen’s eyes.

  She kept staring at her hands. “I don’t want to lead you on. I shouldn’t have slept with you. I knew it was a mistake at the time, but I was lonely and confused.”

  “Just stop now. I don’t want to hear you apologize for the best nights of my life.” I held up my hand.

  “They were good for me too.” I didn’t believe her. I was too agitated to sit down. I got to my feet and she followed me.

  “We went too far, Anders.”

  I stayed silent. I wasn’t sure my throat would have let me say anything anyway.

  “I shouldn’t have let anything happen. When one person cares more than the other, it’s bad news.” She looked away as she finished.

  “You should have said something earlier. I didn’t realize that you didn’t care about me.”

  Gwen took a step toward me, and I moved away. I didn’t want to feel her touch. Why bother tormenting myself? She flinched as if I had hit her, but she didn’t move in my direction again.

  “Of course I care about you, Anders.” There was a tremor in her voice. “I care about you a lot.”

  “But you don’t love me. I get it. You don’t need to tell me twice. Are we done now?”

  She blinked at me. Her face was the picture of anguish. “I guess we are,” she whispered in a quiet, sad voice.

  “Good. Let’s go before those pirates catch us. Mikael’s fighters will arrive at the rendezvous point near the transport in less than twenty-four hours. We need to be there to meet them.”

  I turned away from her and felt like someone was ripping my heart out of my chest. I heard her crying behind me again. What was she so sad about? I didn’t bother going back to her. I had to distance myself and keep her at arm’s length.

  I always knew she would go eventually. I was a fool to think that the good times with her would make up for the pain when she left. The truth of the matter was that the happiness only made me more aware of what I had lost.

  The thought of taking away her pain was absurd. I was the one who needed comfort. All my dreams were lying shattered at my feet, but there was no one to hold me. There hadn’t been since I was a boy and lost my mother.

  I should have known I would lose Gwen too.

  GWEN

  I couldn’t seem to stop crying.

  Anders’ declaration of love had taken me by surprise. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. I wasn’t living in a fairy tale. All I could think about was that Jake had said he loved me a million times, but he had never really meant it.

  I knew I cared about Anders. He was my friend, and he had been my lover. But I didn’t think I wanted him to be anything else. It was too messy and would probably end badly.

  All my relationships, including my marriage, had closed on a sour note. That’s why I had wanted to keep thinking of Anders as a friend. Friends couldn’t break up. But I had let things drift out of the friendship zone. Now here we were, ending badly with a broken relationship.

  I didn’t want to lose Anders, but I didn’t think our friendship could survive him being in love with me. Life didn’t work that way.

  I broke out sobbing again. It was happening, and there was nothing I could do about it. Finally, I collected myself enough to go into the starship where Anders lay on the couch. For a second,
I remembered what we had done there and how good he had made me feel. I almost started crying again. He stood up when I came in and went to the starboard console.

  I noticed that his eyes were red. I didn’t bother saying anything. I sat down on the left side and tucked in my stupid princess dress. Anders got the ship ready to launch.

  “Are you going to do flight preparation?” It was time to get back to business.

  “Fuck it. I’m feeling lucky today.”

  The bitter sarcasm in his voice cut me to the bone, and I didn’t insist he follow the book. Honestly, at that moment I didn’t care much either.

  After a minute, he glanced over at me. I rolled my eyes. Neither of us was going to take this ship off the ground without following the proper procedures. We were too good for that.

  I climbed out in my dress to do the exterior checks. Anders crawled underneath the ship so I wouldn’t have to get myself dirty.

  I didn’t thank him.

  We performed our jobs in silence, then prepared for launch, speaking only to give commands and answer questions. It was the most awkward take-off we had ever done together. Usually, we had plenty of things to talk about, but there was nothing this time. There might not be anything ever again.

  I knew in my heart that Anders would ask for a new partner. I hated the thought of it, but part of me would be grateful at the same time. How could I possibly be near him when I knew how much I had hurt him?

  Our final mission together was going to be torture. But I would treasure it nonetheless, knowing it would be my last opportunity to spend time with my best friend.

  It had only been three days since we left but it could have been three years. So much had happened between us. We stared at our old home on the viewscreen. It was still minuscule in the distance.

  I had changed out of the shredded dress and into some standard-issue clothes. I had found beige pants and a beige long-sleeved shirt that almost fit me. It wasn’t pretty, but I had to get out of that dress.