Angel (A Companion Book to Monster) (Impossible #1.5)

by Sykes, Julia

  And just when I thought that I had complete control, she demonstrated her power over me once again. I couldn’t hold back my low, satisfied groan. “How can I deny you when you say my name so sweetly?”

  I would never be able to deny her anything. I could toy with her, could make her wait, but in the end I would always give her pleasure. Surprisingly, the knowledge that I wasn’t as thoroughly in control as I would have liked to think didn’t bother me in the slightest.

  Curling my fingers inside of her, I stroked the sensitive spot at the front of her pussy. At the same time, I ground my thumb against her hardened clit, my firm, practiced touch demanding that she give me her pleasure.

  She screamed as she shattered in my grasp. The way that her body thrashed against my hip made my already painfully hard cock ache to fill her pussy. I anticipated the time when I would feel her inner walls rippling around my dick, just as they were convulsing around my fingers in that moment.

  Soon.

  I continued to stroke her, wringing the last drops of pleasure from her body as the little aftershocks of her orgasm left her trembling. Only when I was satisfied that she was completely sated did I remove my fingers from her soft folds.

  Her muscles had turned to jelly, and she sagged across my lap. I craved to take her then, to find my own long-denied release. But the sight of her frail, quivering body made me suppress the urge. I wrapped my arms around her, turning her over and lifting her up so that she was cradled against my chest. She snuggled into me, and I ran my fingers through her silky locks.

  My hand cupped her cheek, and I loved how small and delicate she felt even in my gentle grasp. Her eyes met mine, and she smiled up at me, a wide, purely joyous grin. The sight of her undisguised bliss flooded my chest with warmth. She looked more content, more at ease, than I had ever seen her.

  “Are you okay?” I asked gently, referring to her physical state rather than her mental one. She was obviously blissed-out, but I was concerned about how much pain I had given her.

  I watched as her complicated mind whirred back to life in response to my question, and I cursed myself for ever opening my stupid mouth. The perfect moment that we had shared was pierced by the confusion that melted away the joy on her face.

  “I’m fine,” she said quietly.

  I wanted to turn her over my knee again and punish her for lying to me. But the hint of disgust that flitted across her expression cut me to the core, thoroughly dousing that desire. She was stiff in my arms, her discomfiture etched in every taut line of her body. I wanted to put distance between us, to run from the pain that her sudden coolness awoke within me. But I couldn’t release her after what I had just done to her; she would only crash further.

  I forced my expression to blank indifference, refusing to betray how deeply she had wounded me. What had happened to discussing our options rationally? I had pushed her too far too fast, and now I had destroyed any chance that I might have had at sharing a sexual relationship with her. The perfection of what I had just experienced as she melted under my dominant touch would only make it that much more painful when I was forced to accept her inevitable rejection.

  Chapter 10

  The sound of the front door unlocking jerked me out of my dark thoughts.

  “Sean!” Bradley called out. “We have a visitor.”

  Fuck.

  This couldn’t be good. If Bradley felt the need to warn me, then our visitor was probably someone dangerous. My gut twisted as I realized the most likely person. I didn’t want him to see Claudia, didn’t want to expose her to him. But I couldn’t very well hide her away forever either. Her permanent presence in our apartment was going to make it impossible to keep her a secret.

  I handled her more roughly than I should have as frustration with our situation and fear for her clashed within me. She glared at me as I manhandled her, jerking her to her feet.

  For a moment, I considered telling her everything, admitting what I was and who was standing in my living room. If she was unaware of just how dangerous he was, then she might unleash her snippy attitude on him. Then everything would go to hell.

  But even if I could bring myself to confess who I truly was – which I couldn’t – there wasn’t time to allow her to absorb the information. Intimidating her into cooperation was my only immediate option.

  “Come on,” I ordered harshly. “And play along with what I say.”

  Her scowl deepened as she tugged up her panties and righted her dress. Disgust rolled through me at how coldly I was treating her when she had just been so vulnerable in my arms. I feared that her anger would flare, forcing me to intimidate her further to ensure her compliance, but mercifully she kept her silence.

  Once she was covered, I grasped her by the wrist and walked out to face him, pulling her along in my wake.

  My mouth twisted downward at the sight of my father, and of my muscles tensed automatically as I became hyper-aware of Claudia’s warmth behind me. I hated that she was in the same city as him, let alone the same room. I was ready to defend her if necessary, but the likelihood of us both coming out of a physical altercation with Ronan unscathed was slim to none. I could take what he gave me; I was used to it. But if he hurt her…

  I couldn’t think about that right now. The cold light in my father’s dark green eyes was as steely as his grey hair as he studied me.

  I forced myself to incline my head slightly in deferential greeting. “Ronan.” I tried my best not to spit out his name like a curse.

  My father ignored me, his gaze riveted on Claudia. I tried not to be too obvious in shifting my position so that my body was angled protectively in front of hers.

  “Is this the reason you haven’t been at work?” He demanded of me. “You’ve been too busy fucking your whore?”

  Fury gripped me, and only my concern for what he might do to her gave me the strength to suppress my aggression. I couldn’t allow him to use her as a weapon against me, which he would gladly do if I betrayed the depth of my feelings for her.

  “She’s not a whore,” I seethed. “She’s my girlfriend.”

  I anticipated Claudia’s anger at my false declaration, and I speared her with a warning glance just in time. She snapped her mouth shut, holding in her protest. Even though she wasn’t reining her ire in out of deference to me, she wasn’t stupid. She could read the tense atmosphere that filled the small room. And although Ronan’s bearing was unassuming for the moment, my guarded stance in response to his presence clearly communicated to her that he was a threat.

  My father’s focus shifted away from her to regard me levelly. “Then she’s a whore,” he reiterated. “What other kind of woman would put up with your sick perversions?”

  Sick perversions. The words lashed at me, stirring up disquieting memories that I refused to acknowledge.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Claudia’s cheeks had turned scarlet.

  Damn it.

  Things were fucked up badly enough between us. We hadn’t even had two minutes to sort through the fact that she had just achieved orgasm in my lap after I had spanked her. And now my father’s cruel words compounded all of the doubt and hurt that we were both feeling.

  “What do you want, Ronan?” I asked, my voice tight with the effort of preventing my rage from bleeding into it.

  “I want to know why the fuck you haven’t been at work. And no more of this ‘sick day’ bullshit that Bradley keeps feeding me. I can see that you’re fine.”

  I hesitated, resisting the urge to glance over at Claudia as I struggled to come up with a believable response that didn’t implicate her in any way.

  Ronan’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t think you can lie to me, boy-o,” he said threateningly, his Irish roots showing. He had lived in the States for nearly thirty years, but his brogue hadn’t faded even after all that time.

  I decided that it was best to tell the truth. Mostly. If Ronan caught me in a lie, then there was no telling how he might punish me. How he might punish
her.

  “I was shot, okay?” I admitted.

  My father scowled, his eyes flashing with both disdain at my weakness and anger at my deception. “When?” He demanded. “And by whom?”

  My eyes cut to Claudia as anxiety gripped me. I didn’t want to talk about this in front of her. We had made it this long without her finding out about the extent of my crimes, and I didn’t want that to change.

  “Tell me, boy!” Ronan barked.

  I realized my mistake in looking at Claudia, and the truth came rushing out of me as I attempted to distract my father from her. “Ten days ago. It was Santiago. The deal went south, and he pulled a gun.”

  There. That was the bare minimum, and I hadn’t revealed anything that she couldn’t have surmised for herself. It was the best that I could do, and I prayed that my father wouldn’t press for more details.

  Ronan spat. “That little shit,” he muttered before turning his keen gaze back on me. “Seeing as you’re not in jail right now, I take it you at least had the sense not to go to a hospital.”

  Bradley interjected quickly. “No, sir,” he said. “She’s a doctor.” He jerked his head at Claudia.

  I fought back the urge to snarl at my friend for pulling her into this.

  Ronan’s gaze shifted back to her, and I stiffened at the way he studied her. I had never wanted him to lay eyes on her, and now he was turning that cold, appraising stare on her, a chilling look that had made more than a few grown men piss themselves.

  But she just met his gaze levelly, refusing to drop her eyes. She wasn’t afraid, but that was only because she didn’t know what he was capable of. And her little show of defiance could be enough to provoke my father; he might strike out at her just to make a point. It wouldn’t be the first time that he had brutally punished someone for the merest hint of disrespect. You didn’t climb as high as Ronan had without possessing that level of ruthlessness.

  “I would think a doctor would have enough sense not to be with a man who beats her,” he said rudely, taking in the bruise on her cheek. Then he cocked his head at me. “Seems the apple didn’t fall too far from the tree after all, did it, you little fucking hypocrite?”

  I couldn’t rein in my fury this time. For him to even suggest that I would ever beat a woman after what I had watched him do to my mother, after what she had done to herself in order to escape him…

  My fists clenched and I took a threatening step toward my father. “I am nothing like you,” I hissed. “I didn’t do that.”

  Ronan squared his shoulders, his casual demeanor instantly shifting to one of aggression. He might be in his early fifties, but he was still strong enough to take me on. In truth, I could probably beat him if it came down to a fight. Barely. But the years of physical and emotional abuse gave him an advantage over me, as did my fear that he would hurt the people that I cared about in order to get back at me. It was that fear alone that kept me from launching myself at him.

  “Are you going to try to fight me again, boy-o?” He asked, his voice low and dangerous. “Your mother’s not here to save you this time.”

  He was purposely goading me, daring me to attack him. But I knew that he would strike where it would hurt most, even if that meant the blow didn’t land on me. He had always taunted me for my weakness in this respect, for allowing myself to care so deeply about others that they could be used as weapons against me. I had learned that the more people you cared about, the more vulnerable you were.

  And now that I cared about Claudia, I was more vulnerable than ever.

  “Get out, Dad,” I growled.

  But his muscles just coiled further, his anger rising in response to my direct order. It was the first time in two years, the first time since my mother had died, that I had challenged him. And I was stronger now than I had been then. Ronan’s appraising look let me know that he realized this too, and that was likely the only reason that he didn’t immediately make a move against me.

  “Listen,” Bradley interjected loudly in an effort to break the tension. “Everything’s fine now, Ronan. Sean will be better soon, and then he can come back to work.” He shot a meaningful look at Claudia. “Can’t he, doc?”

  “Yes, he should be fine,” she said, her tone as calm and clinical as though she couldn’t see two men on the brink of tearing each other apart.

  Ronan turned the full force of his malevolent glare on her, and she shrank back from him ever so slightly. If she had known who he really was, she would have turned on her heel and run.

  “You had better not be lying, whore,” he said, the threat palpable in his tone.

  She swallowed hard, but still she didn’t drop her eyes. I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and carry her away from him before she did something so goddamn stupid that it got her killed.

  “Fine,” my father snapped after a moment. Relief filled me when he turned his menace back on me. “You have one week before I come back here and personally haul your ass in. Got that, boy?”

  I nodded once in agreement, refusing to give him any more than that. It would be beyond foolish to goad his anger now that he knew about Claudia’s presence in my life, but it seemed that he was taking me seriously as a potential threat for the first time in my life. From now on, I would have to walk a fine line of demonstrating strength but not outright defiance if I wanted to keep her safe.

  But Ronan was sure to throw one last contemptuous glance her way before turning on his heel and striding out of my apartment. I didn’t miss the subtle threat.

  Bradley breathed out a relieved sigh before turning a scowl on me. “What were you thinking, antagonizing your old man like that? And for her? Do you realize what that could cost you? What it could cost me?” He shook his head angrily. “You really need to get your shit sorted out, man. I should have killed the bitch after she stitched you up.”

  “That’s enough, Bradley,” I snapped, my tone imbued with warning. Was he really so concerned with how my altercation with Ronan was going to affect his potential to move up the ladder that he truly regretted not killing her? He would rather be a murderer than risk his precious position in our brutal world?

  I couldn’t think about him any longer. If this was the person he wanted to be, then so be it. I didn’t have any room in my head to worry about him anymore; my concern for Claudia was much more pressing. I couldn’t let anything happen to her, couldn’t watch another person that I cared about die because of my mistakes, my failings.

  I didn’t even notice that Bradley had turned from me in disgust. The room fell away around me as disturbing memories that I never allowed myself to contemplate assailed me. I saw my mother’s kind face twisted in pain again and again, recalling every time she had shielded me from him with viciously sharp clarity. In my weakness, I had left her to his mercy. Rationalizing that she would be better off without me around to constantly invoke my father’s ire, I had moved out. Sure, I had still visited her, and I had believed her lies that everything was fine, ignoring the fact that conservative clothing covered nearly every inch of her skin in order to hide the marks.

  Her empty eyes were staring up at me from where she lay on the bathroom floor. She had pulled her long sleeve back so that she could stick the needle in her arm, and I could see fresh bruises covering the old scars. Those bruises would never heal.

  I might as well have injected the heroin in her vein myself.

  I was so consumed by my painful memories that I didn’t even realize that Claudia had gently led me back into my bedroom. I could feel the warmth of her hand on mine as she traced insistent little patterns across my skin, calling me slowly out of the past and back to reality. I blinked away the horrific images of my memories, and as they receded, her gorgeous grey eyes filled my vision. Their smoky depths were my whole world, and I cleaved to the naked concern and compassion that I saw in them.

  “Claudia?” I breathed her name questioningly, unsure if she was real or if this was another one of my fantasies. Surely in reality I had done nothing to
deserve her unconditional kindness.

  The yearning that arose within me at the feel of her soft fingertips tracing the line of my jaw was certainly real. I wanted her so desperately. Too desperately. Again I found myself on that knife’s edge between sanity and madness; the need to possess her would either be my salvation or my destruction. And I wasn’t willing to let her suffer the consequences if I was claimed by the latter.

  I flinched away from her enticing touch.

  “Don’t,” I ordered softly.

  But when had she ever obeyed one of my orders that hadn’t been delivered as a sensual threat?

  She reached out for me again in brazen defiance. “It’s okay,” she whispered soothingly.

  I caught her wrist in my hand, stopping her short. The perfection of the feel of her in my grip made me teeter towards the abyss.

  “Don’t touch me, Claudia,” I said more authoritatively, anger coloring my tone this time.

  “Why?” She asked, daring to question me.

  “Why?” Ferocity roughened my voice as I mimicked her foolish question. I fixed her in my stare, anger and anguish and fear of what I might do to her roiling within me. “Because if you touch me, I won’t be able to stop myself.”

  My fingers tightened around her wrist in warning of my uncontrollable desire to possess her.

  But to my amazement – and horror – lust stirred in her eyes in response. She drew in a shaky breath. “What if I don’t want you to stop yourself?” She whispered.

  The anger that had been simmering beneath the surface of my grief and guilt came bubbling up. “Don’t say that,” I ground out. “I refuse to force you to take part in my… sick perversions.”

  I repeated my father’s words, and more dark memories surfaced.

  “Force me?” Claudia’s angry hiss saved me from falling prey to the demons of my past again. “Do I seem like a woman who allows people to force her into things?”

  She was glaring at me defiantly, and this time I didn’t find her challenging stance at all cute. It was breathtaking. She was so much stronger than I gave her credit for. I had been so entranced by her physical frailty and her emotional vulnerability that I had neglected to acknowledge her inner strength. Claudia was a survivor, and she hadn’t let anyone walk all over her or push her around in a very long time. The forbidding light in her eyes told me that she wasn’t about to break that pattern when it came to me.