Peach Blossom Pavilion

by Mingmei Yip

  Then, very gently, he wiped the blood from my lips with his fingers. After that, he began to kiss me passionately. And I let him. In his delirious state, he carried me to the bed, took off his clothes and mine, pressed me down, and thrust his filthy stalk into my precious gate ...

  When I woke up, Fung was sound asleep, or dead drunk, next to me in bed. There was not a single thread on his body, nor on mine. My gaze surveyed the gaping mouth, sagging skin, and tofu stalk as disgust rose inside me. His clothes, lying on the floor in a heap of wrinkles, matched their master's face. Cautiously I got off the bed. When I was tiptoeing toward my coat, where I'd put my knife, I spotted something bulging underneath the crumpled heap.

  With my toes, I lifted the clothes and saw what I'd dreamed of-Fung's pistol.

  My heartbeat accelerated like the tick tock of a clock gone awry.

  I imagined the loud "bang!" shattering the evening and ending my agony. I could almost see Fung's blood-like crimson serpents returning to their holes-quickly filling all the creaks and cracks in the room. I could also see his eyes, protruding with shock and disbelief, stare at me as if I were his daughter's ghost emerging from the yin world to smother her father's soul. I imagined my delirious, victorious laughter startling everyone from their lantern riddle reading ...

  I bent to pick up the gun. It was the first time that I had held one in my hand. I now possessed the power to kill. My hand began to tremble.

  The rustling leaves outside the window cried Sha! Sha! "Kill! Kill! "

  Now the gun suddenly looked small and insignificant.

  Can this little pathetic thing take away life?

  I held it with both hands and aimed at Fung's head.

  A loud bang cracked the evening sky. I let out a sharp cry. The next moment I realized it was only the fireworks. And a startled but alive Fung was staring incredulously at me.

  "For heaven's sake don't play around with that! Xiang Xiang, that's not a toy!"

  Although my hands continued to tremble, the "toy" was still held tightly in my grip, aiming at Fung.

  "Xiang Xiang, what's the matter with you? I told you to drop that gun. It's loaded. You might shoot me by mistake! "

  "Big Master Fung, then it'll serve you right!"

  "What are you talking about?"

  "I'm going to kill you."

  To my surprise, instead of looking frightened, he burst into laughter.

  "Ha! Ha! Ha! Xiang Xiang, what's the matter with you? Are you drunk or out of your mind? Come, let's make love again, you look so lovely with no clothes on, and so much like my daughter."

  I felt queasiness simmering in my stomach. My fingers tightened on the trigger. "Damn you and damn your daughter! "

  Fung stared at me in silence for a moment. Then his expression changed; now he looked scared. "Wait a minute, Xiang Xiang, what the hell-"

  "Big Master Fung, I've been waiting for this moment for ten long years. Once I pull this trigger, all my shame will be behind me."

  "What the hell are you talking about?" Beads of perspiration were forming on his forehead.

  "Does the name Rumbling Thunder sound familiar to you?"

  He didn't respond.

  I went on, "That was my father. Ten years ago you had him executed for a crime you committed. That was why I was sent into this prostitution house, because you destroyed my family. Now it's time for you to pay for your evil deeds. It's your Karma that you became my favored guest so I have the chance to kill you tonight."

  It seemed Fung was still too shocked to say anything. He shifted his body like a snake trapped in a cage.

  I tightened my grip on the gun. "I'm going to kill you. Right now! "

  "Xiang Xiang, please don't! I'll give you whatever you want."

  "Can you give me back my parents?"

  He was speechless.

  I squeezed the trigger. Again. And again. And again. Until I realized I just couldn't pull it to release the "bang!"

  My back and armpits were soaking wet and beads of perspiration gathered on my forehead. I felt my throat burning while chills seeped into my marrow. Everything around me seemed to be frozen in time and space.

  Seeing that I was not able to shoot, relief washed over Fung's face. He stood up and walked toward me.

  "Stop right there, or I'll really shoot!"

  To my surprise, he burst into delirious laughter. "Ha! Ha! Ha! Xiang Xiang, I dare you to go ahead and shoot me! Come on! Shoot!" Then his voice turned fierce and mean. "You ungrateful bitch! You try to kill me after what I've done for you?!"

  Fung dashed forward and snatched the gun from my grip. "Fuck your mother's smelly cunt! You dead bitch! Next time when you try to kill someone, be prepared. Take some shooting lessons first! Damn you and your whole family!"

  He looked at me with disgust. "You know the saying `Some would rather drink the wine of punishment than that of respect'?"

  I didn't respond. He spat, "That's you! I treated you well, bought you all these expensive gifts, and loved you like my own daughter, but you tried to kill me! You cheap, dog-fucked bitches would rather be punished than respected! That's why you're all whores! " He spat again as loudly as the fireworks, "Smelly cunt!"

  Suddenly I no longer cared if Fung sent me right to the yin world. Maybe if I ended this way, I'd unite with Baba, Pearl, and even Guigui, my puppy whom I'd eaten with relish when I was thirteen.

  I spat back with full force, "It's stinking males like you who turned me into a whore! I was supposed to be a female zhuang yuan!"

  He stared at me incredulously for seconds before bursting into laughter. "Oh, is that so?! Then Fate surely knows how to play tricks on you, eh? So that's what your father hoped his whore daughter would be! A zhuang yuan. Ha!" He paused to think, then, "Yes, now I remember him; he was a cripple."

  I trembled with anger, yet I couldn't deny the fact that Baba had been a cripple-after he'd broken his leg during the fateful Peking opera performance.

  Fung went on thoughtfully, "I wonder how a cripple could have fathered such a beautiful daughter like you. It must be your mother." He threw me a licentious glance. "I'm sure she's a great beauty; where is she-"

  My whole body seized by horror, I blurted out, "No! She's a nun!"

  "A nun? That'll be more exciting! "

  I lunged at this incarnation of evil. Fung pointed the gun at my head. "All right, Xiang Xiang, enough of all this nonsense! If you didn't remind me of my daughter, I'd already have put a bullet in your pretty head. Now listen very carefully. You better be out of Shanghai within three days. If I, or any of my men, see you here after that, then you're asking for an interview with the King of Hell." He tilted my chin with the gun's barrel. "Xiang Xiang, I don't want to have to shoot my `daughter' a second time." He paused, his hand jerked the gun to fire an imaginary shot. "Bang! That's how I put a hole between my fourth concubine's pretty brows. Ha! Ha! Ha! Too bad she didn't look a bit like my daughter, otherwise I would have spared her life as I did yours."

  "You killed Teng Xiong! " I spat hard on Fung's face. He flinched.

  Suddenly I remembered my "melon chopping" night-accidentally I'd kicked him in the face.

  I gathered all my strength and drove my foot into his filthy stalk.

  "Ahhhhhhh!" he screamed, clutching his private parts. The gun dropped to the floor. I snatched it up and aimed at his heart.

  He looked up, sneering despite the pain, "Go ahead, shoot! Don't be a coward this time!"

  I pulled the trigger.

  The "Bang!" was so loud that I thought I had turned deaf.

  But Fung's inhuman, explosive cry jolted me right back to the here and now.

  Fung didn't crumple to the floor as my father had when the bullet hit his head. Like a ghost struggling to return from hell, Fung now stood in front of me, blood sprouting from the side of his head. As he extended his hand pleading with me not to shoot again, I realized his ear was gone!

  I closed my eyes and squeezed the trigger to release another deafening
"Bang!"

  When I opened them, I didn't see the incarnation of evil breathing his last agonizing breath on earth, nor a dead body shattered like a slaughtered beast. Fung was simply gone! Only a zigzag trail of blood witnessed his malevolent presence in this murderous room. I'd missed his evil heart a second time-maybe because he didn't have one!

  As agitated as if a cat were being beaten in my pants, I dressed hurriedly, then sprinted out of the welcoming-guests room and ran toward the kitchen. I knew I should escape right away. But I had to see Ah Ping one last time-for Pearl.

  With not a soul around, the turquoise pavilion had the appearance of an ancient mausoleum. Outside the window, the sudden thunder of firecrackers broke up the ghostly silence.

  My mind would not let go of the image of Fung with a missing ear and blood all over his face. Why, Heaven, didn't you direct the bullet right between his eyes-as he'd done to Teng Xiong!?

  Then I imagined I saw Teng Xiong with a big hole in her third eye. She looked too stunned to die; her lips stirred as if saying, "Precious Orchid, please love me in this life. Even for a moment."

  I was running, trembling, and muttering, "Oh Teng Xiong! Teng Xiong!" Finally I reached the kitchen. With a slight push, the door creaked open to reveal a room bathed in pale moonlight.

  I moved cautiously and spoke in a heated whisper, "Aunty Ah Ping?!"

  There was no response, the only sound being the Sha! Sha!"Kill! Kill! "-from the rustling leaves outside the window. I called several more times but still to no avail. As I was about to give up, I noticed in a far corner a figure crouching next to a huge cauldron.

  I hurried toward the container and screamed. "Aunty Ah Ping!"

  The figure jolted. She blinked hard, as if to shake away the still lingering dream. She stared at me with startled eyes for long moments, then suddenly said, "Are you Xiang Xiang? What are you doing here?"

  I was shocked beyond myself. Wasn't Ah Ping mute and crazy?

  Like two frightened cats, we stared at each other for an entire incarnation. Finally I spoke, "So Aunty Ah Ping, you're ..."

  "Yes, I'm not mute and I'm not crazy."

  "Good Heavens, Aunty Ah Ping, then why did you-"

  She waved a dismissive hand, then went to get a clean towel and a basin of water, and started to clean my face. After that, she asked, "Xiang Xiang, why have you suddenly turned up here?"

  Breathlessly, I told her everything.

  "Oh heaven, Xiang Xiang, please leave right away! Big Master Fung is too evil and powerful! He'll have to explain to everyone how he lost his ear. When he catches you, he'll be merciless!" Abruptly she stood up from the chair and pulled me along. "Come, follow me to where you can hide safely for a while."

  Ah Ping led me all the way to the haunted garden. We entered the deserted temple and knelt down in front of the altar.

  She said, "We'll pray to my two daughters in the yin world and ask them to protect you."

  After we finished, I threw myself into her arms and blurted out, "Ma!" on behalf of Ruby and Pearl.

  She caressed my hair with her crooked, arthritic fingers. "I know that you and Pearl had sworn blood sisterhood."

  "How did you know all this?"

  "Pearl told me everything."

  "But I thought-"

  "Although she believed that I had lost my mind, she was a nice daughter. So she still came to report things, even though she thought that I wouldn't understand. It was a filial ritual of hers."

  "Aunty Ah Ping, I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you.

  "Life is suffering. It always has been, and it always will be."

  I studied her leathery face, feeling too pained to respond.

  She went on, "Xiang Xiang, you want to know why I pretend, right?"

  I nodded.

  "Surely there's always a reason for things to happen, or not happen. It is called Karma. As you must have already known, my Karma is bad. Very bad. Some people stop eating meat to dissipate their bad Karma, but I'm not able to do that, since I'm a chef and can't be a vegetarian. After I'd tried but failed to ruin my voice, I decided to accumulate merit by not talking. That way, words can't contaminate the original purity of my mind. Xiang Xiang, to stop talking is to stop `killing.' It's words that killed Pearl."

  I was still stunned that this frail, homely, once deaf and crazy woman was now talking so sensibly, and so eloquently.

  She spoke again, her voice now urgent, "Xiang Xiang, now leave, quickly."

  "Aunty Ah Ping," I searched her eyes, "please come with me to Peking."

  "I can't. I have to stay here and watch over my daughters' spirits. Besides, I'm an old woman. I don't give much thought to the future, only the past."

  In the garden under the moonlight, we embraced, then bade each other farewell. Forever.

  When I was by the gate, I turned back and stared at her. Her face, an enigmatic mask that was both the witness and embodiment of sufferings, now shone bright and pure under the moon.

  "Aunty Ah Ping, please come with me."

  She shook her head.

  I knew it was futile to try to persuade her. "Then take very good care of yourself."

  She cast me a meaningful look and made a gesture as if to say "you, too." Then, silent once again, she began to walk and soon disappeared around a corner.

  PART SOUR

  34

  Ginseng Tea

  oth Jade Treasure's and Leo Stanley's pens scratch noisily on -the paper, materializing my sufferings and nightmares into salable dreams.

  When jade finally puts down her pen and clicks off the recorder, she exclaims, "Wow! Grandmama, that's really wonderful! "

  "Wonderful?" I cast her a chiding glance. "My miseries and sufferings?"

  She makes a face like a child's when accused of lying. "You know what I mean!"

  "Of course I do, that my sufferings can be translated into wonderful stories and sold for a wonderful price."

  She imitates my Chinese. "Aii-ya! Grandmama!"

  Leo immediately comes to his fiancee's rescue. "Popo, what jade means is that you're a wonderful person."

  "All right, all right." I lift the corners of my lips-as I did seventy-odd years ago-to resemble a blooming lotus. "I've told you my life is even soapier than aTV soap opera."

  Jade asks, "Grandmama, how could you miss killing Big Master Fung?"

  I throw her an annoyed glance. "Because I'm not a born murderess, that's why! Do you want a criminal in your family?"

  "I think I already have one-your father."

  "But he was not. I told you he was convicted of a crime he'd never committed."

  "Sorry, Grandmama, of course not." Jade pauses, seemingly thinking very hard, then, "But you really shouldn't have missed, because killing Warlord Fung was your entire goal in life."

  "Yes, but a lot of goals never get fulfilled in life, right?"

  The two exchange a curious glance. Then jade says, "I think you were just so scared that you missed his heart."

  "Yes, I was scared, very scared, but I think the real reason was my Karma."

  Jade stares into my eyes. "So your Karma wouldn't let you kill Fung?"

  "Yes. Maybe it was my mother's talk about the Buddha's compassion that my gun was directed not to his heart but instead to his ear.

  Leo asks, "Popo, did you ever regret it?"

  "At first I did, very much, but not now."

  Jade makes a face. "But why not? Grandmama, I still think you should have killed him."

  "My big princess, let me ask you a question. Do you want to strangle your little cat?"

  "Oh, no, of course not!"

  "Then how can you think that I should take away the life of a human being?"

  "But that's different, he's your enemy! "

  "How do you know your cat was not your enemy in your past life? "

  "Grandmama!"

  Leo pats his fiancee's hand.

  I sigh. "Hai, maybe deep down I just didn't have the heart to kill him. Although he didn't
have one either. But who knows?" I pause, then, "However, I did shoot off his ear. To a man like Fung, the loss of face over losing his ear would be almost worse than if I had killed him."

  Another long silence during which my two yin yang kids are busy capturing my feelings and reminiscences in words.

  Then jade leans close to me, widening her eyes. "Grandmama, after you'd escaped from Shanghai, did you go back to ... to ..."

  Since she feels too intimidated to finish the sentence, I finish it for her. "To being a prostitute?"

  The two heads, one black and the other blond, bob like a pair of yin yang balls.

  I chuckle inside. Why are decent, highly educated, American young people so interested in whores? With all this sex education and talk about freedom of sex, why are they still starving for more?

  Now Leo says in the Mandarin Chinese he learned so elegantly in Ge-lin-bi-ya. "Pogo, please tell us how you came all the way here to the States. We want all the details."

  I wave an arthritic hand at both of them. "Be patient, young people! I've promised you I won't board the immortal's journey to the Western Paradise, nor take the crane's flight, not until you two have my whole story safely in your hands! Not only that, I still have to muster up all my remaining strength to go on the," I swiftly switch into English, "book two for publicizing this memoir."