Voyeur Extraordinaire

by Reilly, Cora

  Rachel pressed her lips together. “Adrian mentioned something, but he wasn’t very forthcoming with details. But I’m good at figuring things out.”

  I gave a terse nod. “Just tell me one thing, was this some fucked up way to make me pay for what happened before graduation, because if it was—” I swallowed hard. “If it was, then congrats, you nailed it.” I blinked quickly. I would not cry in front of her.

  Rachel took a step back, looking as if I’d hit her. “What the fuck, Nora? We’ve been best friends for most of our lives and you think I would make Adrian sleep with you and then dump you to take revenge on you for something that wasn’t even your fault.”

  “I—I don’t know anything anymore.” Then I paused. “You aren’t angry anymore for what I said?”

  “No. I understand that you were mad. You’d been in love with Ben for years and then I started dating him. You were hurt and angry. I won’t apologize for my feelings for Ben, because he is the best thing that has happened to me, but I apologize for how I handled things, for how I kept my relationship with him from you for months.”

  “Okay,” I said slowly. “And I’m sorry for calling you a slut and a traitor and whatever else I called you when I was angry.”

  She smiled. “Okay. So you believe me that I had nothing to do with whatever Adrian did?”

  I nodded. “You could never be that cruel.” I let out a bitter laugh.

  “You make it sound really bad.”

  “Let’s just say I hate Adrian more than I’ve ever hated anyone.” The problem was that hate wasn’t the only thing I was feeling for him even after last night.

  Rachel frowned. “Adrian is an asshole, I’ll give you that. And I won't argue with anyone who calls him a bastard, or manwhore, or heart-breaker. That's what he is, or was, or whatever...”

  I could hear the imminent ‘but’ in her tone. She let out an impatient sigh and shook her head as if annoyed with herself. Then she looked around as if to make sure that no one was listening. “Look, what I want to tell you is that sometimes people hide behind a mask, or try to be someone else, because they want to protect themselves from getting hurt. It doesn't justify Adrian's actions, but maybe it helps you to understand him a little bit. In high school, girls gave him a hard time because he was fat. It changed him. But he never lies to anyone because he hates lies. Every woman who lands in his bed knows it’s nothing permanent. It’s not his fault that some don’t want to accept it afterwards.”

  Anger boiled up in me. Was she trying to tell me that Adrian wasn't an asshole, just acting like one to protect himself? That it was my fault for expecting to be treated decently. I forced my voice to be calm as I said. “Don’t tell me, what your brother did and didn’t do. I was there. And I really don’t know how he protected himself by taking my virginity against a wall and then telling me that he ‘doesn’t do virgins.’ Sorry, but that’s too messed up for me to comprehend.”

  Rachel’s eyes widened. Before she could say anything, I opened the bathroom door and slipped in, then closing the door in front of her shocked face. I wasn’t in the mood to discuss Adrian anymore, especially not with Rachel. I stared at the closed door for a moment before I took a deep breath. I didn't really need to go to the bathroom. I'd just wanted to escape the situation. But what now?

  I turned around and stared at the window wistfully. This bathroom was on the ground floor, so I could climb out of it and hide in the huge garden until this mess of a party was over. But that would have been childish. I shifted from one foot to the other and checked my reflection. I was almost calm by now, but thinking of returning into the living room where Adrian was waiting made my pulse quicken instantly.

  Voices in front of the door caught my attention and I tiptoed toward it, trying to eavesdrop to the conversation. I really hoped it wasn’t Rachel talking with Adrian about what I’d said.

  “I've seen Nora Clark walk in this direction, do you know if she's in the bathroom?”

  My heart stopped for a moment when I heard Chris-fucking-Cummings voice. I hadn’t even noticed him at the party, which wasn’t all that surprising considering I was occupied with Adrian. What was Chris doing in front of the door anyway?

  The answer was simple: waiting for me. I should have never gone to Prom with him, or let him kiss me and grope my breasts. If Rachel had still been my best friend back then, she would have talked me out of it, and out of the two following dates after prom. It was pretty clear that I had the worst taste in men.

  I ran a hand through my hair and tugged a bit harder than intended. What was I going to do about Chris? I really didn’t want to suffer through hours of him trying to flirt with me.

  “What do you want from her?”

  I choked on a bit of my own spit when Adrian's reply rang out. Oh, please, this could NOT be true. I wanted to snort. This was so typical for my life. My bad luck knew no boundaries. Adrian and Chris were standing in front of the door, apparently both waiting for me. This couldn't get worse. Unless they started talking about their dates with me.

  I hyperventilated briefly but got it under control within seconds. I wasn't sure who the lesser evil was. Adrian or Chris. It was a tough choice right now. Chris had been chasing me for years; even after I’d moved to New York, he’d kept texting and calling me until I changed my phone number. The kiss and ‘groping’ we'd shared after Prom had scarred me for life. The way he'd thrust his tongue into my throat and the way he’d touched my breasts as if they were a dough he was kneading didn’t really make me want to give him another chance. I shuddered.

  And then there was Adrian. His kisses had been wonderful and his touch had set fire to my skin. My heart ached when I thought of his words. He'd done what he'd always done. I shouldn't have been surprised. Sex was all he wanted.

  Not that Chris wouldn’t have gone all the way with me three years ago if I’d let him. Truth be told, he would have taken me right there on the passenger seat of his truck if I hadn't stopped him.

  Men...

  If I really thought it through, I would probably prefer Adrian to Chris, because he at least didn't want me anymore now that he'd gotten what he'd wanted. Chris on the other hand...

  I shook my head and made a quick decision. Childish or not, I was going to climb through that damn window. I could not bear a conversation with Adrian or Chris right now. I pushed the window up very slowly, careful not to make any noise. I didn't hear Chris or Adrian anymore but I wouldn't let that lure me out of the bathroom. They were probably waiting silently for me to make an appearance. No way!

  I stared down at myself. It would be difficult to climb with the dress, but there wasn't anything I could do about it now. I knelt on the windowsill and pulled the skirt of my dress up. Now I was really glad that I wasn’t wearing high heels. I poked my head out of the window and realized it wasn't as close to the ground as I'd hoped. The slope was the reason for my little predicament.

  Someone knocked at the door. “Nora, it's me, Chris.”

  My eyes widened. They were still waiting. I needed to get away. Now. How to do this best?

  I sat down on the edge, but decided that it was better if I didn't see what lay below. I turned around awkwardly and knelt on the windowsill. Then I slowly slid my legs past the edge until they were dangling over the ground as I clung to the windowsill. My skirt had ridden up quite a bit, revealing more of my thighs than I'd deem appropriate. Now I just needed to let go, but I didn't know if I could manage to land on my feet. I'd probably end up on my butt, or worse on my face. Good thing that my dress was green. That way grass stains wouldn’t stand out too much.

  “You look like you need help.”

  Holy shit. I almost let go of the windowsill. Adrian.

  Chapter Eighteen

  What had I done to deserve so much bad luck? I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the stone facade, my arms growing tired from holding my weight. Taking a deep breath, I stared straight at the wall. Maybe if I pretended he wasn’t there, Adrian wo
uld leave. From the corner of my eye, I saw black trouser legs come into my view and a moment later hands reached out for my waist, but they halted before they touched me.

  “May I?”

  I stopped a very bad insult from leaving my lips and sucked in a deep breath to calm myself. I would act like an adult, though hanging from a window wasn't making this quest any easier. Maybe I could reach Adrian with my legs and kick him, then he'd perhaps leave me alone.

  He still hadn't grabbed my waist, waiting for my permission. I wanted to snort, and slap him.

  “It's not as if you haven't touched me there before,” I said snarkily, feeling the color rise into my cheeks, and was glad that he couldn't see it.

  Huh, where had the snarkiness come from? I congratulated myself silently for my witty comment.

  My smugness vaporized when his warm hands took hold of my waist, his touch making my body tingle. How could a simple touch through clothes still make me yearn for him? Memories of last night came back. I thought of everything I'd hoped this date would turn out to be, and all the things that it hadn't been. I let go of the windowsill and Adrian caught me easily. He was strong, but he had proven that yesterday already when he’d banged me against the wall without breaking a sweat. Adrian set me down to the ground gently.

  “Trying to escape from Chris Cummings?” He tried to sound funny but his voice was too strained for that.

  “Actually, I was trying to escape from you as well,” I told him pointedly, evening out the crinkles in my dress and staring intently at the ground. My face still felt hot and I knew the blush wouldn't leave my cheeks as long as he was so close. He'd let go of my waist already but we were still close, too close. I took a step back.

  “Did you?” he asked softly.

  I couldn't help but lift my gaze and look at him. His green eyes were gentle and he looked...guilty?

  I tried to say something snide or witty to his question, but now that I was face to face with him, wittiness wasn't such an easy feat anymore. I hated myself for my inability to despise him wholly. When I looked into his handsome face, I still felt attracted to him. I wanted to tear my hair out in frustration. How could I still want him? Maybe I was masochistic.

  “What are you doing here anyway?”

  “It’s my parents’ anniversary.”

  “No, I mean outside the bathroom window.”

  “I had a feeling I would find you here. You have a habit of running away.”

  I narrowed my eyes.

  He ran a hand through his hair and dropped his gaze to the ground, obviously searching for words. I wasn't sure if I wanted to hear what he had to say. Very likely not. Maybe I could just run even if that would prove Adrian’s point. With ballerinas my chances weren't too bad. I could reach the Toyota before him and lock myself into the car until the party was over. I'd outrun him before, and that had been with Bruno on my arm.

  Very mature, Nora, honestly.

  I hated the little voice in my head, but I listened to it, and didn't flee like a coward. I did however turn to walk away from him in a moderate pace. Unfortunately he looked up and began to speak. “I—I'm sorry, Nora.”

  I froze. Not so much because of the apology, but because of the sincerity in his voice.

  I opened my mouth to say something, though I wasn't yet sure what. Adrian raised a hand to stop me. “Please just let me say this.” His green eyes were pleading. I closed my mouth and crossed my arms in front of my chest. I was anxious, but I tried not to let it show.

  It was difficult to look into his eyes and so I focused on his chin, pretending to keep eye-contact.

  “I didn't mean what I said last night after...” He trailed off. I raised my gaze a fraction and dared him with my eyes to finish the sentence. I wasn't sure why I did it. I wasn't keen on hearing him say it aloud. Maybe I was indeed a masochist.

  I'd never seen him so uncomfortable and uncertain. It was nice to see him squirm. He twisted his hands in his hair and took a deep breath. “I was shocked, and the words didn't come out right.”

  The words didn't come out right? That's one way to put it. I don't do virgins.

  I didn't allow myself to cry over this again, especially not in front of him. “Your words were pretty clear,” I said bitterly. I'd tried to sound calm, obviously I'd failed.

  Adrian's face was pulled into a grimace and his eyes were filled with frustration. “No, I didn't mean it like that...I...if I'd known that you've never...” I could tell that he was trying to choose his words carefully. “...been with a man, I would have never done it. I've always been with women who knew what awaited them and I thought that you knew as well. I thought that you knew because you'd watched me. I should have asked...” He let out a sigh and shook his head. “...but I didn't even consider that you might be a virgin with the way you look.” He waved a hand at my body and I felt my cheeks heat even more.

  I ignored the compliment. “I’m sorry I didn’t reach your high standards. I should have realized that the women you choose usually possess a certain level of skill.”

  He let out a growl. “Now you’re putting words in my mouth. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “I thought you like putting things in other people’s mouths.” My cheeks flamed at my boldness.

  His lips twitched. “Don’t change the topic,” he said almost playfully. I steeled my heart against the emotions his tone brought out in me. “I prefer experienced women because there’s less pressure.”

  “You seem like a guy who can handle pressure. And if all fails there’s Viagra.”

  His eyes narrowed. “I didn’t mean it like that either. I’m talking about emotional pressure. To make it special and memorable. There are too many emotions involved.”

  “Oh, it was memorable for me, Adrian, believe me.” I paused. “Especially the part where you shouted at me ‘I don’t do virgins.’ That gave me all the fuzzy feelings. I’m still having dreams about it.” I turned away, muttering, “Nightmares.”

  Maybe it was my imagination but I thought I saw him wince. “I didn’t shout.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “And I really didn’t mean it as an insult.” He shook his head. “Fuck. I’m not good at explaining myself. I’m not good with emotions. That’s why I’m a one-night, no emotions kind of guy. Keeps things simple and clean.”

  “Simple and clean, hm?” I stared off toward the forest. I suddenly didn’t want to talk anymore.

  I could tell he wanted me to say I forgave him, but I wasn’t in a forgiving mood. He'd been right with part of what he'd said. I'd watched him banging random girls and he’d known about it, so it wasn't surprising that he'd think I wanted that, too. Yet, he'd hurt me and I didn't mean the short physical pain. His words and actions had hurt much worse.

  His voice dropped an octave and his eyes became anxious. “Are you hurt?”

  I frowned at him, not sure exactly what he was asking.

  “There was...blood, and I was worried that I'd hurt you. I wasn’t exactly careful when I…” He trailed off.

  I felt humiliated when I thought about the blood. I hadn't noticed it, but I had been pretty freaked out that night. The physical hurt was really the least of my worries, but he'd probably not understand. And I definitely didn't want to talk to him about the blood.

  “Nora, is everything alright?”

  I jumped slightly and turned my head to find Dad standing several yards away and watching us suspiciously. Well, he was glowering at Adrian. I didn't think he'd overheard our conversation, or Adrian wouldn't be standing next to me anymore. I could have hugged Dad right then for saving me from a very embarrassing answer. I needed time to think about everything, and I couldn't do that with Adrian around.

  “Yes,” I said as I walked over to him. I didn't look if Adrian was following me. If he was clever, he wouldn't. Dad was already glaring in his direction.

  He led me back into the house and I didn't leave his and Mom’s side as we stood near the huge buffet that the Millers had
prepared. With my parents around, Chris wouldn't bother me, and Adrian would hopefully keep his distance as well. I took a plate and filled it with a few grilled vegetable skewers, though I wasn't very hungry, but it would keep me busy. I grabbed one of the skewers and brought it to my lips when Chris appeared in front of me. I couldn't help but scowl, but like usually he didn't notice. My parents had disappeared without my notice and now I was trapped with Chris.

  “Nora, I've already wondered where you've gone,” he said with a flirtatious smile. He’d gained a few pounds since I’d last seen him, but at least his complexion had cleared. I’d forgotten how small he was in comparison to Adrian. Chris was only about one inch taller than me. “Did you get my messages?”

  It wasn't clever of him to speak to me while I was armed with skewers. They might end up somewhere in his body. “Yes. I’ve been really busy in New York.”

  I forgot my annoyance when I caught sight of Adrian at the other end of the room. He was talking to Rachel and Ben. I’d always thought Ben was tall and breath-taking, but he didn’t even come close to Adrian. I pushed an entire mushroom into my mouth in frustration. Adrian’s eyes were focused on Chris's back, glaring daggers at him. If looks could kill...

  Was he jealous? But why? I had to hide a smug smile behind the vegetable skewer and took another bite of it. I didn't hear a word that Chris was saying, but I gave a nod when I thought it was appropriate and smiled now and then. Adrian's expression darkened further. I was starting to enjoy the situation. Let him suffer a bit, though I still couldn't explain why he was reacting the way he did.

  I managed to avoid him all evening but on our way out, Mom and Dad were saying goodbye to the Millers and Rachel intercepted me before I could step outside and head for the car. She handed me a slip of paper. “That’s my number and my address in New York. Let’s meet for coffee. I miss our friendship.”

  “I miss it too,” I admitted. “I miss you.” I loved spending time with Amy, but Rachel and I had grown up together. We shared so many memories. I wanted her in my life again.