Diamond on Your Radar

by F P Adriani

  Back in my room, I called him and told him to meet me here later.

  I had an idea.

  *

  After I got off the phone with Tan, I called in an “order” to Mike, who got everything I needed and brought it all to my hotel room.

  “You’ve been a gem lately,” I said to him as we dumped the packages onto my bed.

  He shrugged in his low-key Mike-way, his eyes looking particularly blue today and his skin looking particularly youthful-fresh. “I like keeping busy,” he said, flashing me his blue gaze. “You want me to pick up your Hera ticket?”

  “Yeah, that would be good. Get the money tomorrow from Nell at the office. You find out anything new about Rodriguez when you ordered the ticket there?”

  He frowned, shook his head.

  “I thought maybe from that, um, employee.”

  “Oh—no. Nothing there. I mean about that. We did go on our date though.”

  My mouth dropped open. “You really went?!? Mike, you don’t have to do those kinds of things for MSA….”

  “I wanted to do it. The thing I like about working for you, Pia, is: I always learn something about myself.”

  “Well…what do you mean? What happened on the date?”

  He shrugged. “He wasn’t looking for a long-term thing, which is cool because I’m not either. I can be anything I want. I like new experiences. I stay open to stuff.”

  “No one’s requiring you to be that open, to sell yourself—”

  “I’ve always been laid-back,” he said then, shrugging a second time.

  Now I, too, had learned something: it seemed people like that really existed, people who were so easy-going, you could get them to do plenty of things, you could often sway them to your way.

  An hour later I was laughingly relaying this Mike-stuff to Tan, without mentioning Millie and Hera in specific. I finished off my story with, “But, you know, he’s so pretty, he could bend other people’s wills to his.”

  Tan was frowning as I spoke that last bit. And then he said, “He may be pretty, but he’s also a flake.”

  I frowned back at him. “You’re being ignorant.”

  “I’m not talking about the gay thing. I don’t give a damn about that. I give a damn about you. If he’s so easily swayed, he’s dangerous then.”

  Quickly, I shook my head at him. “Nope, I trust him. You’re barking up the wrong tree there. Honestly.”

  “I hope you’re right,” he said in a clipped voice, his face as red as the proverbial beet now. He still did not look happy; in fact, he looked quite miserable.

  “Tan, your face…are you, by any chance…jealous? Is that where this is coming from?”

  Unbelievably, his face got even redder. But he didn’t respond.

  “Well, you’ve got NOTHING to be jealous about. But I remember you never liked Mike when I hired him.”

  “I do think you’ve got a fucking soft spot for him.”

  “Well, the soft spot I have for him isn’t anywhere near the soft spot I let YOU have access to.” I winked at him and he shook his head as a smile formed on his lips.

  But then as quickly as the smile had formed, it now disappeared as I turned on loud music in the room, then finally dropped the We’ve-Got-To-See-Hu-Tonight Bombshell.

  I’d hoped the funny banter about Mike would let me ease Tan into the serious Hu stuff, making him take it better.

  But my plan didn’t work: his face immediately paled. And then I wondered if I would be better off going by myself….

  “Shit—what?” Tan asked me as his ass fell back on my bed, right on top of the packages.

  “No choice, Tan. I really believe that at this point.”

  He shot out at me, “You’ve finally, totally flipped your fucking lid. What are you thinking? This is dangerous for us, Pia!”

  “But who’ll know it is us?”

  “What the hell are you talking about—”

  “I’m talking about beneath your butt.” I nodded down toward his ass, and his head turned as his eyes slowly followed my nod’s lead.

  *

  Two hours later he said to me under the cover of music still, “I’m the only orange-haired asian man in the Universe. This is insane, you are insane.”

  “But isn’t my insanity fun?” I said.

  We were both standing before my full-length wall mirror as we adjusted a bright-orange long-haired wig on his head. He looked outrageous. Outrageous enough for everyone to hopefully laugh off the green-cat-suited guy with the atrocious hair as we both slipped out through the partying crowd later.

  Near my room’s kitchenette now, I reached into my dedicated gun case and pulled out two handguns: my fat-barreled Granger and a tiny extra gun for Tan. They ran on gas, which powered both lasers and bullets, which mostly the lasers propelled. I checked the gas-canister gauges on both guns; they were almost at full.

  Tan eyed my gun fiddling. “Well, I’m happy to see that at least you’re not taking any chances tonight, Snow White.” That name was a reference to my costume. And I almost laughed at the irony of that title being applied to me.

  I walked over to my dresser and put down the guns. I moved before the long wall mirror, eyeing my perfectly round-haired wig; it looked and felt like a big hard tumbleweed on my head. And the beige and brown dress I wore also felt bizarre—it was way too long and billowy. I’d put on pants beneath so I could rip off the skirt part if necessary and still get somewhere fast with some accompanying fast leg action….

  Oh christ, what a night this would probably be.

  *

  As the time to leave drew closer, Tan paced my bedroom at an increasingly fast rate, and his hands and legs began shaking to keep time with his pacing.

  “Jesus Christ, I don’t think I can do this,” he finally said, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair, but only encountering his carpeting-dense crazy wig. With a frustrated grunt, he dropped his hands.

  “You can do it. I need you to, Tan,” I said, checking my wristwatch. Then I rechecked my ankle holster, shoved my portable phone inside one of my skirt’s inner pockets, and got off my bed. “It’s time to bolt.”

  “Jesus Christ,” Tan said for the second time that night.

  *

  In the elevator going down to the third floor, I said to him, “Just look natural, like you’re having fun, not going to prison, which is how you look right now.”

  Tan adjusted his small, silver-beaded jacket on his shoulders, and then the black mask over his eyes. “Well, for all I know, that’s where I’m headed tomorrow for cavorting with her!”

  “You better not ‘cavort’ with her ever again,” I said fast. And I would have said more—but the elevator had stopped on the fourth floor, and now we were no longer alone as someone else stepped onto the elevator.

  The first three floors of the hotel all had Event Rooms, where the Convention would primarily be celebrated. But I hadn’t wanted to slip out from the elevator onto the first-floor—too obvious. So instead we’d slip in to the party on the third floor, then we’d slip into the side stairway and slip out into the street that way, under cover of the Convention parade that was supposedly happening on the street right now. And I really hoped I wouldn’t slip onto my damn ass in this fucking annoyingly long dress….

  The doors finally opened onto the third floor, and I yanked a groaning-again Tan out by the arm.

  “Stop moaning and groaning!” I said urgently. “Look the part—this is a celebration!” And as if to punctuate my words, the music surrounding us suddenly loudened, which seemed odd because the hall wasn’t supposed to be filled with music. But then I realized it was so loud, it was spilling out of the giant Event Room down the hall….

  We finally stepped inside that room. “Damn, what a bunch of fools acting like immature assholes,” a sneering Tan said as he looked around at all the revelry, some of which involved people bursting balloons with what looked like wine inside—bursting them all over each other.

  “
Does it look like we’re being followed at all?” I asked, laughing as if I were enjoying myself, but covertly glancing around by keeping my head still and moving my eyes-only behind my black eyemask.

  “How the hell am I supposed to know?” said Tan. “I don’t think I see anyone though.”

  I grabbed him by the arm again. “Neither do I. That’s good enough—let’s split.”

  We went down the stairway, and once we’d finally left there and stepped out into the humid night, Tan stopped short and said, “That’s a parade?”

  Following his eyes, I could see a little ways ahead to the front street, where hardly anyone moved past. It looked like a normal night out there.

  “Guess it’s too early. Don’t worry about it,” I said, but I was frowning.

  And before I could move toward the street, Tan’s hand on my arm stopped me short now. “I just thought of something—your car—maybe someone’s watching it. Namely the cops!”

  “Oh, didn’t I tell you? We’re not taking my car. We’re taking Mike’s. That was one of the things he brought. But I made him bring it first, before the stuff he bought me. Then he hopped on the train back to his place, grabbed the stuff and hitched a ride here.”

  With raised eyebrows, Tan was looking at me. “You think of everything—I’m impressed.”

  “Well, not everything,” I said in a dry voice. “Keep moving.” I jerked him a bit by the hand; then I dropped his hand and stepped out into the street, carefully looking around again and laughing as I danced and shouted and sang with the thin procession of actors and their fans. I thought it would be busier tonight, much busier because a few famous actors were supposed to show up. But, apparently, I’d misjudged something somewhere.

  I did not, however, see many people watching the mini-parade, so if someone was watching me and Tan, they too were probably in the parade itself. I slid down the street toward a side-road where Mike’s car was supposed to be and, sure enough, it was there. I made Tan wait with me for a few moments before we actually walked over and got into the car.

  When I still saw only the two of us on the road, I said, “Let’s go.”

  So far, so good. No one was tailing us when I pulled the car out of the parking spot.

  Now I breathed a relieved sigh…but the night was still warm and so was the inside of the car. And sometimes life looked safe when it really wasn’t.

  I opened the window beside me. Between the warm car and the tight-waisted dress and the annoying hair and eyemask, I was feeling too constricted, which claustrophobic auras never seemed to leave me, no matter how brave I might otherwise be.

  “Where the hell are we going?” Tan asked suddenly.

  I glanced over at his shadowed profile. “I told you one of the other hotels. This shindig’s going on in four places. I figured meeting at another one would be best for all sides. We can all be more disguised and hidden then.”

  “This is crazy.”

  “Yeah, well, it is what it is.”

  It took us about twenty minutes to get there, and when we finally did and stepped out of the car into the outside again, Tan’s beautiful face turned various shades of red as he said in a rather desperate voice, “Maybe I shouldn’t have come tonight. I’m a liability.”

  “No—no,” I said, reassuring him, even though I somewhat agreed with his assessment. At the same time…. “I need your opinion, I need another set of eyes and ears. I can’t do everything alone.”

  Tan blinked a couple of times; then he sighed. “All right. Let’s go.”

  When we got inside and reached the first floor’s Event Room, the place was packed—even more packed than at my hotel. People of all sizes and shapes and colors in here—a kaleidoscope of crazily-clothed disguised human bodies pulsed through the room, some dancing, some talking, some miming skits to other crazily clothed people.

  “Shit,” I practically shouted. “How the hell are we supposed to find anyone—or how are they supposed to find us?” The music was blasting so loud, I got an instant headache. And for a few moments, I couldn’t hear myself think.

  I moved through the crowd, spinning around a little wildly, trying to get a mental anchor somewhere, and I finally realized one thing: Tan was right; this was crazy.

  When we reached a side door away from the other partiers, I glanced at Tan, saw his hand dancing inside his silver jacket, where a pocket held the small gun I’d given him. “I don’t like this,” Tan shouted, half in my direction, half in the room’s direction. “Was it her idea?”

  I shook my aching head. “No—she just agreed. It was my idea.”

  “Great going,” he said, and just as I was about to respond with a retort, someone walked up to us.

  He was big and blond, and dressed in a costume reminiscent of the jokers on old playing cards; his narrowed brown eyes studied my face for a long tense moment. Another someone stood behind him—he had a black patch over one eye and a big pink sash around his waist, and black boots rose up high over his knees.

  The Joker’s head came closer. “P.S.?” he asked me. Hu and I had agreed that we’d only use initials here.

  “You’re not A.H.,” I said to the guy, pretty snidely. But he and his cohort really were exactly what I should have expected from Hu: a joker and a pirate.

  “Raise your mask,” The Joker growled at me.

  I lifted up my eyemask quickly, then dropped it down just as quickly.

  “Yeah, P.S.,” he said.

  “How do you know?”

  “Was shown your picture. You in a cave.”

  Blood rushed into my face; I could feel Tan tense beside me. His eyes had never left The Joker’s face.

  “Now A.H. is into cave porn?” I spat at The Joker.

  “Let’s go,” he said. And The Pirate nodded fast at me and Tan—once—the nod looking like an order.

  “Now hang on a minute,” I said. “Where is she? I ain’t going anywhere till I see her. The deal was: she was supposed to be here.”

  “You really expected that? Stupid of you,” growled The Joker again.

  “We’re not budging till we see her,” Tan interjected.

  “Maybe this will make you budge,” the guy said as he whipped out a gun from inside his pompom-edged jacket. His pirate pal followed suit—his gun coming from somewhere inside his elaborate pink satin sash.

  *

  The giant joker and his pirate pal forced us into giving up our guns, and a few moments later they were pushing us out the hotel’s back door and into the night. Both Tan and I protested, but they only ordered and shoved us harder.

  Uneasiness had taken up residence in my spine. I was worried about Tan the most: I was afraid he would act first and think later. I didn’t want him to do anything stupid. He had seemed nervous all night, up until the point The Joker had pulled a gun. Then Tan’s eyes had turned a furious black—and remained that color since.

  With my eyes I now sent him let-me-handle-this signals, even while I didn’t feel the slightest bit confident in my assessment of the situation, especially when The Joker and The Pirate finally tied our hands behind our backs and put blindfolds over our eyemasked-eyes.

  At that moment, I groaned, for then I realized that here I was, Hu’s prisoner, once again.

  *

  They pushed us into a car where it seemed we sat for only moments. Then we wound up on a transport—at least I thought we had because I heard a transport motor running. Transport engines made a distinct clicking sound, and, apparently, as I was getting on, I almost tripped over the grating often used on their boarding ramps. Someone—The Pirate I think—held me up and gave me a shove forward.

  Somewhere farther inside, they finally whipped off our blindfolds.

  We stood in a small windowless room, the only light inside faintly streamed in from the open door ahead, where The Pirate’s shadow stood holding his equally shadowy gun.

  My eyes darted around, noticed the room seemed to be painted completely black—and I noticed this right before the w
hole room went black: The Joker had walked through the door, and The Pirate had pulled and locked it closed behind him.

  *

  Almost immediately, Tan’s voice came out of the darkness: “Wow, this is just great, Pia. Just fucking fantastic. Tell me again why I was supposed to agree to this?”

  I couldn’t blame him for his sarcasm: he and I were locked in a dark room on a transport to who knew where. And given both my dislike of flying and my fear of confined spaces, a totally dark small room on a transport wasn’t exactly my favorite place to be in the Universe.

  Only a moment seemed to have passed since the door had been shut, but the sweat dripped down under my wig and into my eyemask. And I could only shake my head to free my eyes of the water. Really, at this point, my costume name should have been changed to Snow Wet.

  “On a scale of one to ten for bad days, where would you rank this one?” Tan asked now, and he laughed weirdly, a highly taut inflection behind the joking.

  “Stop it, Tan!” I said, twisting around inside the ties on my arms. But it was no good; I could neither determine what the hell they’d wrapped over our wrists, nor how the hell to remove the restraints because I simply couldn’t see a fucking thing. I could, however, hear Tan’s breathing. Only it sounded too far away….

  “Where are you?” I called out to him. Then I heard him walk closer, felt him brush by the front of me. I twisted around, my bound hands shooting out and sort of grabbing hold of him. He leaned toward me, and I heard his nervous sigh near my left ear.

  “I need to sit,” he said.

  We struggled a bit to lower our bodies without falling, pushing up against each other harder until our asses finally hit the floor.

  With no reference frame among the darkness, I couldn’t figure out exactly how long we sat there, but we sat in silence for a while, the moving transport’s vibrations below us the only sound—I mean other than my increasingly rapid and increasingly loud heartbeats.