“I went out on a job for a few days feeling like things were going so well. We had a date picked out. She was going to get her stuff together and move in with me.” He paused and looked above his head, watching the clouds ghost across the stars in the sky. “The guys and I were building a house for some California millionaire way back up in the mountains. We were staying at the job site, and cell service was shit. A couple days later, I was finally able to reach her. She said that she’d had her sister give her a ride back to town, and she’d done it. She’d gotten an abortion. Just like that.”
“Oh, Ronin…” Devin whispered through the lump in her throat. “What did you do?”
“What could I do?” Ronin laughed quietly, but harshly. “I listened to her cry, tell me she was sorry, but that it wouldn’t have worked out anyway. She said she hadn’t really wanted to keep it, but was just scared of the procedure and the guilt of going through with it. And she said she didn’t love me, not really.”
Devin’s heart ached for this big, strong, invincible-appearing guy, his tough exterior persona that didn’t allow anyone to see a hint of emotion he held inside. She’d never even seen Kim, much less met her, and she certainly wasn’t a violent person. But, more than anything else, she had the intense desire to go berserk and kick Kim’s ass. Or at least yell at her a lot… force her to realize how badly she’s wounded him and make her feel like shit for doing it.
At the same time, she wanted to protect Ronin from Kim or any other ruthless, unfeeling skanks. To show him that not all girls were so heartless. She rolled to her back, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling him close, softly caressing his skin with a slow, comforting motion. His arms curved around her waist and tightened as he cushioned his face against the upper swell of her breast.
“Ronin, I’m so sorry.”
They lay there together for a while, neither speaking. Devin’s fingers softly explored along the musculature of Ronin’s back and shoulders, soothing his lingering aches. Her lips occasionally pressed against his head as it rested on her chest. After a long time, she softly spoke. “You’re kind of complicated, you know. You come off like a big tough guy, some man-ho dog who’s only interested in the next party and the hot women who will be there. Honestly, I’m not sure why you even like having me around. You’re not gettin’ any from me, and not from anyone else either that I’ve seen because you’re always taking care of me. And I’m just a fuckin’ emotional wreck who won’t give it up.”
Ronin raised his head and rested his shadowy gaze on her face. “You’re not that bad,” he smiled gently, a soft teasing tone in his voice. “There’s something about being around you that is comforting.” He shrugged and gave a quiet, morose snort. “Even if you wind me up and then leave me hanging from time to time.”
Devin’s hands stilled from their movement on his back, and she inhaled deeply. “I’m not playing fair, I know. I’m sorry. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me. I should go. I should quit bugging you all the time so you can focus on things other than my stupid crap.” Her mouth twisted. “At the very least, I should at least leave you alone so you can actually get laid,” she smiled sadly. “I can imagine it could get a little, um… uncomfortable.”
“It can. I’m not gonna lie to you. I am a dude. But, you know,” he said as he raised himself up, supporting his torso on his elbows and enclosing her in the safety of his arms, “I’m a little messed up, too. Everyone has baggage. Some people just pack their shit better than others.” He paused a moment and simply looked down at her, brushing his knuckles against her temple, her eyebrow. His eyes were tender and thoughtful as he quietly continued. “It’s been a while since Kim. A couple years. I’ve had some time to get over the worst of it. I’ve had girls since, although never anything remotely meaningful. It’s like she broke something in me, and I’ve never quite recovered. But, maybe someday, someone will show up and knock my socks off.”
The thought of that oddly left a bitter taste in Devin’s mouth and she looked over at the window while Ronin’s quiet voice murmured in her ear.
“Maybe, by then, I’ll have had enough time and life and living to move on it. Same goes for you. You’ve got to give yourself a chance to heal. It hasn’t been that long since Jake started pulling all this shittiness with Melanie, since things went to hell for you.”
“Sometimes I feel like such an idiot,” Devin admitted sadly. “I should have seen it coming. I probably did, but I just didn’t pay attention. It’s like I thought that, if I loved him enough, if I became who he really wanted, we couldn’t not be together.” Devin shook her head. “Ever since I met him, ever since that first time I saw him, all I wanted was to live happily ever after… with him.”
“It’s all a crap shoot, honey. First of all, you should never change who you are, not for anyone.” Ronin grazed his fingertips along her chin, tugging slightly to bring her eyes back to his. “Jake’s a dickhead for wanting you to be anything but, well… you. And, seriously, you simply cannot blame yourself for his behavior, for his wandering eye and cheating. All in all, he’s just too much of a prick to really ever make you happy.”
Devin absorbed his words, wishing they could erase the lingering sense of loss she still felt. Ronin rolled to his back, pulling her up against his side. His hand softly stroked her hair, and he lightly grazed her forehead with his lips. She softened after a bit, and her eyes began to drift closed as she relaxed into him, drawing comfort from his sweet touch. In no time at all, she’d fallen fast asleep again, enveloped in his arms.
Devin’s eyes fluttered open. She was still snuggled up to Ronin, her arm resting across his abs, her nose pressed against his skin as though she could breathe him in. She felt the brush of his hand as he cradled her cheek, and her eyes rose to meet his sleepy gaze. The pale gray light of predawn filtered in through the open curtains.
“Hi, sweetheart,” he mumbled. A glimmer of sunlight glowed in the east as the sun began to peek over the mountains, casting rays of red and gold and pink across the sky and bathing the room in a faintly warm light.
“Hi. I keep falling asleep on you.”
His thumb brushed her cheek and he half-whispered, “On me, by me, under me. It’s all okay as far as I’m concerned.”
The tender look in his eyes held her still. He rolled them so she was on her back, rising a bit so he was a little above her, and slowly lowered his head, giving her a soft, sweet kiss. Devin’s hand slid up to grasp his upper arm, as her fingers clenched as the kiss grew deeper. His knuckled brushed along the curve of her jaw, his hand resting below her ear as his thumb stroked her cheekbone.
She could have stayed there forever soaking up his strength, his lips gently exploring hers, living in this beautiful moment. But his iPhone rang from the bedside table.
Ronin lifted his head and looked down at her. “That’ll be Joe, wondering where I am. Gotta go to work, sweetheart.” He touched his lips to hers once more, brushed her bangs away from her forehead, and climbed out of bed.
Chapter 7 – A Genuine Illusion
Joanie’s small truck bounced along the mountainous road. Devin sat in the middle, Joanie driving and Amy perched on Matt’s lap to her right. Matt was an old high school friend of Shane, Joe, and Ronin’s who had shown up back in town a few weeks ago. Amy really liked Matt. Like really, really liked Matt. Devin saw him as not bad, albeit a little too pretty for her tastes. Amy tended to go for the GQ-smoothie-type though, while Devin seemed a bit more into the rugged type. And Joanie? Joanie liked all types.
With an exceptionally large hit, Amy bounced up, cracking her head on the door jam. “Holy fuck, Joanie,” Amy moaned. “Slow down.”
“Sorry, Amy,” Joanie said. “Bad shocks. Jeez, what the heck are they doing clear out here, anyway?”
“We used to come out here to drink before we were, well, old enough to drink,” Matt explained. “It’s far enough out of town that the cops never patrol. The other guys like to come back here once or twice a summer, for
old time’s sake. I haven’t been up here since high school, though.”
Amy saw another large rut in the road and braced her hand against the door to keep from flying around. “Oomph! Holy heck!”
Devin looked straight ahead, doing everything in her power to not become carsick, quite a feat the way Joanie was driving. Suddenly she saw it, a glimmer through the trees—a bonfire.
“Joanie, look!” she pointed off to the side of the road. “There they are!”
“Thank goodness! I was starting to think we’d never find them. Jeez, Matt, remind me never to rely on you for directions again,” Joanie grumbled.
Matt began to defend himself. “What? It’s been a while! I haven’t been out here in five or six years!”
“Yeah, I suppose. Plus it’s kinda hard to see any landmarks or where we’re going when you’ve got your tongue shoved down Amy’s throat,” Joanie laughed.
Joanie pulled the truck off of the main road, guiding it along the narrow tire tracks towards the fire. Parking next to Joe’s truck, the crew piled out.
The crowd around the fire mostly consisted of the usual suspects. Ronin, Shane, Joe, and a couple others that Devin had seen at Ronin’s house parties. Of course, there were a few skanky party bitches, one of them who appeared to be trying to wrap her boobs around Ronin’s arm. She kept whispering to him, caressing his muscled forearm, gazing up at him through her lashes. Ronin seemed to be leaning slightly away from her with a grimace on his face. Devin instantly didn’t like this girl, but did her best to ignore them as she sipped her beer and laughed, maybe a bit forced, at Joe’s story.
“I couldn’t believe it,” Joe was saying. “What the fuck did he expect when he literally met the girl in his bed! He kept telling me over and over how amazing she was. How deep and thoughtful and sweet. And I kept telling him she was bad news. But she must have had a pussy made of gold because damn Shane just had to follow his dick.”
“Fuck off, Joe,” Shane muttered.
But Joe continued as though Shane hadn’t spoken. “Needless to say, she wasn’t exactly faithful to him. We can’t all be Casanovas and lure pussy from miles around like Ronin here.”
Unwillingly, Devin’s eyes migrated back to Ronin, who looked rather uncomfortable with Barbie-girl plastered against his side. Whether if it was from Joe’s comments or Miss Bimbo attached to him, Devin wasn’t sure, but she didn’t really want to analyze it while the leggy, trampy thing started smoothing her well-manicured fingers up his shoulders.
“Joanie, hold my beer. I’ve gotta tinkle.” Devin whispered and handed Joanie her drink. She crept unobtrusively away from the fire into the dark woods.
The night was cool after the hot day, the thin mountain air was clear and fresh. Devin picked her way through the underbrush and pines as the forest began to swallow her, muting the boisterous conversation from the bonfire. As she walked into a clearing in the old growth, she looked up to see the stars gloriously twinkling down. Stars always seemed so much brighter away from the bright street lights. The Milky Way flowed across the expanse of heavens above her, almost magical looking as it misted its way through the sparkling, velvety expanse. A bright gibbous moon shone so boldly and looked so incredibly large as it cleared the mountains, the sky right around it practically as bright as day.
Devin sat on the soft ground, basking in the shadows of the pines, occasionally hearing an especially loud guffaw or a girly giggle. For how long she remained there, she had no idea, knowing she was avoiding the rest of the crowd, wishing she hadn’t come tonight. It was never the same when a girl was all over Ronin. It had happened once or twice before over the past few weeks since she first met him. A time or two, he had seemed somewhat interested in return, although Devin never stuck around to see where it led.
More often than not, though, he was her partner in crime at these things, the two of them and their unattachedness poking fun at the couples and their public displays of affection. Ronin was truly the one she enjoyed hanging with the most.
A stick cracked behind her, and Devin turned towards the fire to see Ronin hiking through the trees. He stopped to scan the woods for a moment, then saw her light-colored jacket glinting in the moonlight. He headed right for her.
“Need your help, honey,” he said in a low voice as he got closer.
Devin snorted wryly. “I think you’ve got all the help you need tonight, Ronin. She’d probably drop and blow you right in front of the whole crew.”
“Yeesh, probably. She’s hinted, a lot. But, by God, I am really am not interested. Honestly, and I’m not sure why, but she’s kinda fuckin’ scary. So I made a big production of coming over to find you, saying I thought you were upset… because you were probably jealous.”
Devin’s jaw felt as though it hit the forest floor. “Ronin! What the fuck!?” Even if it was true-ish. No, wait. She wasn’t jealous. That was ridiculous!
“Everyone else was a bit shocked at first, too. Amy stared at me for a minute, then flew into a tirade about how I was all you talked about all the way up here.” Devin’s mouth dropped even more. “Joanie looked a bit mystified at that, but Amy nudged her and gave her that wide-eyed, get-with-the-fucking-program look she gets. When Matt started to say something, Amy just laid one on him and dragged him off to Joanie’s truck. Of course, Shane about died and quickly went to break up that little party,” Ronin laughed. “Jesus, it was actually pretty comical.”
“So everyone else over there thinks I’m out here pissed because you’re with a skanky party ho!?” Devin asked, affronted.
“Nah, the only one who really thinks that is the skanky party ho that was about to rape me over there. The other guys know us a little better than that. Well… and maybe except for Matt, but I think he’s probably been filled in by now. But…”
Devin cocked her eyebrow. “But what?” she asked warily.
“Well, now I need you to kiss me. Make out with me. Otherwise she’ll know I was full of shit and start hittin’ on me again.”
“You want me to slut it up with you so you don’t look like an asshole to some little ho-bag you’re trying not to nail? You know, Ronin, you could just tell her you’re not interested.”
“I like my way better,” he grinned. “Besides, you could use a true tongue-mashing make out session. I get the feeling it’s been a while and you’re starting to get crabby,” Ronin teased with a smirk. He dropped to a knee and gave her a pleading look, grabbing her right hand and kissing her fingers. “C’mon, baby, please…” A humorous glint in his eyes reflected the bright moonlight.
“Fuck, Ronin…” Devin rubbed her forehead with an exasperated motion. “Fine. But you owe me!”
“Oh, baby, I’ll make sure you like it.” And he stood with a devious smile, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. “Now hop on my back. I’ll give you a piggyback ride back to the fire.”
“You’re insane, you know that, right?” she muttered in his ear as she climbed on his back. Making their way back to the fire, Devin slipped into character, letting out a twitterpated giggle as they approached the others.
“Soooo, everything, um, okay now, Devin?” Joe asked with a grin while Devin slid down from Ronin’s back. Ronin quickly pulled her to his side, eliciting another exaggerated giggle. Devin gazed up at him with a besotted expression and then snuggled against his broad chest, nuzzling the softly worn chambray of his shirt.
“Mmmm, never better.”
Ronin cupped her jaw, bringing her lips to his, kissing her softly, then deepening the kiss. She softly moaned into his mouth.
At some point, somewhere in the midst of that kiss, Devin’s mind began to fog. She could taste a bitter hint of beer on his lips, and somehow she began to forget that this was an act. Her hands mapped out his shoulders and back, discovering every ridge of muscle from his triceps to his waist. Ronin reached his hands down, cupping the curves of her backside as he picked her up. Her legs encircled his hips and her arms clutched him closer as he continued to kiss her. Roni
n turned on his heel, taking a few steps back out into the darkness of the trees around them.
A voice drifted over from the fire. “What the…?”
Devin didn’t even know who said it. She didn’t care. All her focus was on the burning want Ronin was evoking in her as he pressed her back up against a pine. The rough bark sharply poked its way through her light jacket, digging into her skin, and the odd pain pushed her to increase the force of her kiss as she clawed at his back. His grip on her ass tightened, and Ronin groaned down her throat.
“Ronin,” she whispered as he raised his head, lightly kissing her once, then twice. He looked at her wet, swollen lips for a moment as they caught a glint of moonlight. He kissed her hard again, then voraciously mouthed his way down her throat, tasting and nipping the sensitive skin just behind her ear. From what seemed like a great distance, muffled through her haze of passion, Devin heard voices.
“Whatever, let’s go,” one of the skanks was muttering to the other. “I just lost my fuckin’ ride for the night.” Car doors slammed, and the little hoochie SUV jerked its way down the road.
Ronin raised his head, looking at her with triumph. Devin clasped his cheeks and pulled his lips back to hers. When they were a scant hair away, Devin murmured, “Oh no, buddy, I’m not really done with you yet.”
“Is that so?” he smiled against her lips.
“Nope, I need you to kiss me some more,” she whispered.
“The Barbie twins are leaving, honey. No need for the charade any longer,” Ronin mumbled against her lips, but, belying his words, his lips tasted hers yet again as he kissed her deeply.
Their tongues tangled and thrashed, and she tried to absorb him with her body, pulling him closer and closer. A moan erupted from deep within her throat, and her hands clasped the sides of his head as she nipped at his lip with her teeth. Ronin’s body increased its pressure on her, pressing her harder yet into the tree. His lips left hers gasping as he began to lick and kiss and suck his way to the lobe of her ear.
Little Conversations Page 6