“I’m going to find some club soda to take this out,” Giselle says.
“Again, I’m so sorry,” I say. I don’t think she can tell what I know.
She gives me a tight smile. “My fault for drinking red wine in white pants. Don’t worry about it.”
I watch her walk into the kitchen, wondering what I’m going to say to Janine. If I’m going to say anything to Janine. I’d hate to look like an idiot if it’s nothing.
Next to me, Portia looks at her oversized diamond watch and tosses her napkin onto the coffee table. “Ooh! Look how late! I’d better get going. Early call tomorrow.”
I glance at the clock that Drew has over the mantle. Almost midnight. “Damn. I should go too. My parents are going to kill me.”
Portia smiles. “Ah, curfew. I remember it well.”
I sigh. “Now that my memories are coming back, being treated like a kid is starting to really suck.”
“We all go through it, if it’s any consolation. It doesn’t last. Soon you’ll be able to do whatever you want.” Drew walks across the room and joins a couple of people by the giant windows. Portia looks him pointedly up and down. “Speaking of doing whatever you want—I think you should definitely be doing that.”
I bump her in the shoulder and she laughs. “I’m not going out with Drew,” I say.
Portia leans in close. “Then I think you should tell him that. He’s barely taken his eyes off you all night.”
“Why aren’t you . . . you know, with Drew?” It would be perfect—the pop star and the handsome young gazillionaire.
Portia looks over at him and seems to be deep in thought, her eyes so dark brown they seem almost black. “We have our own history,” she says. “Sometimes there’s no going back.” She looks at me. “You two have a history, don’t you?”
I look over at Drew and nod. Sometimes when I see him out of the corner of my eye I get flashes of Connor and the life we had together, and it gets hard to separate memory from reality. “Yes. A few hundred years ago. I only remember pieces of it, though.”
She follows my gaze. “Sometimes it takes more than one lifetime for things to work out as they’re supposed to.” Portia stands up and stretches so that I can see her flat stomach and tiny little belly ring. I’m not surprised to see the ankh charm hanging off it. “Promise me you’ll come to the show tomorrow night. You two blew me off last week, so you kind of owe me.”
I think about what it would be like to see Portia on stage after talking to her all night at a dinner party. Rayne was dying to go to the show, but it sold out in minutes when the tickets went on sale months ago. “Can I bring someone?” She only got out of the hospital two days ago, but she’d kill me if I let her miss this opportunity.
“Sure,” she says. “As long as Drew doesn’t mind, it’s fine with me. I’ll see you all backstage at the show.” Portia leans in and gives me an air kiss on the cheek. Usually I hate that kind of thing, but with her, it seems to work. She walks over to say good-bye to Drew, and I stand up and gather a few plates that are left on the table.
“Leave those,” Drew says, walking back toward me. “The caterers will get them.”
“Okay,” I say, feeling useless.
“Did you meet anyone you liked?”
“Everyone was great,” I say. “I do have a question, though. Does ‘anen’ mean that someone killed themselves?”
He smiles. “Good catch. Anen is when an Akhet decides to end this lifetime. You won’t see very many extremely old Akhet; when these bodies break down, most decide to trade them in.”
I hadn’t thought much about that. “I guess you don’t worry so much about death, knowing there’s another lifetime waiting for you.”
He looks at me with a serious expression. “Depends on what’s waiting for you in this one.”
I look away, knowing exactly what he means, a pang of guilt in my chest that I can’t return his feelings.
The crowd around us is definitely thinning out. “I guess I should get going.” I reach for my bag hanging on the back of a chair.
“Do you have to?” he says. “It’s not that late.”
“Tell that to my parents. They’re already mad at me . . .” I was going to say that they were mad about him, but somehow that doesn’t seem right. “We already fight about where I go and what time I come home.”
“Sorry,” he says. “They didn’t like it that I came to your house that day.”
I shake my head. “No, they didn’t. They think you’re too old to be hanging around me.” I have to laugh at how ridiculous that is, with everything I know.
His smile is slightly sad. “Under normal circumstances, I’d agree with them. When I turned eighteen, you were only fourteen. If you were my daughter, I’d probably go after the guy with a restraining order. And a baseball bat.”
“Lucky for you, my dad’s not much of an athlete.” I look up at Drew’s face. Even though there are the barest hints of laugh lines at the corners of his eyes, he seems ageless. He smiles, and I pull my gaze away and look around the room. “Well, thanks for inviting me. I had fun.”
“I’ll see you tomorrow, right? Portia said that if we don’t come to her show, she’ll disown me.”
“Um . . . sure. I told her I was bringing Rayne. Is that okay?”
“Whatever you want,” he says. “Is she well enough to go?”
“For a Portia Martin concert, she’ll go if we have to wheel her in on a stretcher.” I smile. “I think she’ll be fine, for a couple of hours at least.”
Drew looks around at the small groups of people still left in the living room. “How did you get here, anyway?”
“Bus,” I say. “They’re still running. It’s a weekend schedule.”
“There’s no way I’m letting you get on a bus this late. Give me a second to settle up with the caterers and I’ll give you a ride.”
“It’s okay, I’ve—”
“I’m not taking no for an answer. I’ll be right back.”
Drew disappears before I can say anything, and I’m left alone in the quiet room. Music is playing softly on the stereo in the corner and the lights are dim, but the place seems even bigger now that it’s almost empty. Giselle is sitting on the couch drinking coffee and talking to some other women. I’m sure she has orders not to leave until I do.
I glance out the floor-to-ceiling windows that line the walls and take a couple of steps toward one. We’re so high up that even though I know the other skyscrapers are huge, they look tiny from here. Over to the right I see the Bay Bridge, a river of lights flowing along the entire span. There are a few ships’ lights on the water, and it’s clear enough that I can see the lights of South San Francisco disappearing in the distance.
I feel Drew behind me right before he speaks. “Amazing, isn’t it? Almost like being in an airplane.”
“We’re so high up, it feels like one could hit us.”
“No chance,” he says. “We’re not in the flight path.”
I take a few steps toward the other window and put my hand on the glass to steady myself. We’re at eye level with the very tip of the pointy Transamerica Pyramid a few blocks away, and the lights of Marin blink in the distance. “You really can see everything from up here.”
Drew stands next to me and looks out into the distance. “I love being this high up, looking at the tiny dots of light from the cars and buildings way down there. Makes me feel powerful. Alive.”
He’s standing so close I can feel the warmth of his body against mine. I’m startled to realize I enjoy it, that the sensation of him close to me is familiar, almost comforting. My mind pulls away from the dark, empty space I’ve been nurturing inside since Griffon turned his back on me at the studio.
I think back to another time and another place. A different face with kind green eyes, but the same essence, the same vibrations between us. I remember the taste of his lips on mine and the softness of his touch on the back of my neck. I close my eyes and see the desire on Conno
r’s face as we come together, completely swept up in the moment until time seems to stop except for the feel of his fingers on my skin. The desire that can’t be dampened by centuries apart.
“Lovely to see you again, my boy,” Sonia says, coming over to say good-bye. Drew backs away from me just slightly as she gives him a kiss on both cheeks. “It was wonderful to meet you, my dear,” she says to me.
“You too.”
I glance at Drew, wondering what will happen if he gives me a ride home. I can picture us parked in front of my house and me not making the same choice that I made the other night. “Sonia, wait,” I call as she heads for the elevator. “Do you think you could drop me off in the Haight?”
She hesitates, looking at Drew. “If you’d like.”
I turn to him. “It’s just easier—there are still people here, and this way you don’t have to leave.”
“It’s no trouble—”
“I’ll just go with Sonia,” I insist, knowing I’m going to get an earful in the car from her. I quickly give Drew a kiss on the cheek, avoiding his eyes and the disappointment I know I’ll see there. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say as I run to the elevator that Sonia is holding for me.
Twenty-Five
“Can the patient have a cupcake?” I ask, swinging the bag in front of Rayne as she opens her door.
“Ooh, yes!” she says, grabbing it out of my hands. “The patient is so bored she’s about to go crazy. Peter was supposed to come over this afternoon, but he’s stuck in Berkeley.”
I follow her down the hallway and into the kitchen. “So how are you feeling? Besides bored.”
“Pretty good. Tired, mostly.”
“Is that it? No other symptoms?” I search her face, trying to see if she’s been having any memories.
“Not really. Just taking lots of naps. By the way,” she continues, “where were you last night? I was texting but you never answered.”
I take a deep breath. I can keep lying to her, or I can finally tell her the truth. “I was at a party. At Drew’s house.”
Her eyes grow wide. “Drew? From the Marina party?”
“Yes.” I look down. “Nothing’s happened,” I say quickly. “It was just a party with some other Akhet people.”
“But what about Griffon?”
I think about what he said to me in the hallway of Janine’s office that day and feel my anger rise. “What about him? He’s gone, Rayne, and he’s not coming back. Not to me, anyway. I have to move on.” I think about the easy way he has with Giselle. “I’m sure he will.”
“I thought you loved him.” She looks almost like I’ve broken up with her instead of Griffon.
“I do—I did. But I also have a history with Drew. We were married once, remember? I need to find out if we’re meant to go back to that place, to be those people again.”
“But you haven’t even kissed him? This time, I mean.”
I shake my head. “Not even close.” It’s not a total lie.
“This whole thing is so insane,” Rayne says. “How was the party?”
“Interesting,” I say. I look at her eager face, and wish I could tell her everything. But I can’t, not yet. Rayne doesn’t know she’s Akhet, and telling her now would ruin the whole night. “You should see Drew’s apartment. It’s on the top of the tallest building downtown and decorated by a designer. Looks like it belongs in a magazine. It’s crazy.”
“So, are you going to go out with him again? What is he, like, twenty-five? Your parents are going to freak out.”
“He’s only twenty,” I say. “And they already did. He came by the house the other day to ask me out and they saw him on the porch. Luckily Mom was asleep on the couch by the time I got home last night, and I snuck into my room without her having a clue.”
“I take it back,” Rayne says. “I thought nothing you could do would top Kat’s leaving, but this might do it.”
“Which is why we’re not going to tell them. I have a bribe for you if you cover for me.”
“You know you don’t have to bribe me. But I’m listening.”
“Remember Portia Martin is playing tonight at the Arena?”
“Yeah. I also know that the tickets sold out in minutes. I tried to win a pair on the radio for weeks.”
“What if I told you that not only can we go to the show, but we have backstage passes?”
“No freaking way!” Rayne pushes me on the shoulder. “How did you . . . ?” She’s quiet for a second. “Did Drew get them for you?”
“Indirectly,” I say. “I sort of sat next to Portia at dinner last night. I promised her we’d come, so you can’t say no.”
“Wait, wait—you sat next to Portia Martin? She knows who I am?”
“Yep. And she said that she’ll be personally hurt if we don’t come tonight, as long as you’re feeling up to it. Drew said that he’d pick us up, but I can’t do it at my place. Can he pick us up here?”
“Um, yeah.” Rayne licks some cupcake frosting from her fingers. “Hurry up! If we’re going backstage at Portia Martin’s show, we have to start getting ready now.”
“So I’m forgiven?”
Rayne smiles at me. “There was never any question. You don’t have to resort to bribery. Although I have to say, I kind of like it when you do.”
I’m trying not to be impressed, I really am. When Drew came to get us in a Mercedes so new it still had the dealer tags on it, I tried to pretend like it was no big deal, even when Rayne leaned over and whispered to me that he was possibly the most beautiful man she’d ever seen in real life. When we were ushered into the very back of the Arena and straight into Portia’s dressing room, I acted like I did this kind of thing every day. Even when Portia leaped up off the couch and gave us all big hugs, I shrugged it off like I was just visiting a friend at her house. But now, standing just a few feet off the main stage, watching Portia up front with the lights beating down and thousands of fans screaming at her feet, I know my smile has pretty much taken over my face.
“I got you some water,” Drew says into my ear as he hands each of us a bottle.
“Thanks!” Rayne just grins and waves her backstage pass at me like it’s all unreal. We found a stool for her to sit on while she watches, and other than looking a little tired, she’s doing okay.
As we wait in the wings, Drew stands behind me, not so close that we’re touching, but close enough so I can feel the Akhet vibrations between us. I check my phone again for anything from Janine. I feel so helpless, like I failed them all.
“Expecting a call?” Drew asks, nodding to the phone.
“No,” I say, tucking it back into my pocket. “Just habit.”
“Good,” he says. “Tonight you should forget about everything else and just enjoy yourself.”
He’s right. How often do I get to be backstage at an Arena show? Portia finishes her song and waves to the crowd as they pound on the floor and scream for more. Her backup dancers race by us for a costume change, their muscles glistening with sweat, grabbing water as they head deeper backstage. The stage lights dim and a hush comes over the Arena.
Drew’s been leaning against the wall, but as soon as Portia starts speaking into the microphone, he snaps to attention. “Crap! She’s not going to, is she?”
Because the speakers are pointed away from us, I don’t catch everything she says. “What?” I look over at Rayne, who just shrugs.
Drew runs his hand through his hair. “I helped her out on a couple of songs on the last album. But she promised she wasn’t going to make a thing out of it.”
I look up and see Portia turned away from the audience, her arm extended in our direction.
“Guess I don’t have a choice,” Drew says. “Will you ladies excuse me for just a minute?” Plastering a smile on his face, Drew strides confidently out onto the stage and grabs Portia’s hand. She says something to the audience and everyone cheers as Drew walks over to the grand piano that’s off to one side and sits down.
All I
can see is the top of his head as he bends over the keys, and in seconds, the first bars of Portia’s newest hit come bursting through the speakers. Portia stands motionless next to the piano, one lone spotlight illuminating her figure, the rest of the stage bare. The crowd is silent as she begins singing about losing her love to someone else, the sense of loss and longing transmitted perfectly to every single heart in the massive space. She sings to the audience, who wave their arms in slow motion, and turns to Drew as she reaches the part of the song where she talks about finding someone just like the one she lost. Even though it’s just Portia and Drew and the piano, no flashing lights or glittering backup dancers, it’s the most beautiful moment of the whole night.
“What’s up with that?” Rayne leans over and whispers in my ear. “I didn’t know Drew could play.”
“I think there’s not much he can’t do.” I watch as the song finishes and Drew stands up and waves to the crowd. Everyone is on their feet, screaming for more as Portia wraps her arms around him and plants a kiss on his lips. She said that they had a history, but now I’m wondering just how long ago that history ended.
“Sorry about that,” Drew says a little sheepishly as he joins us backstage. There are beads of sweat on his upper lip that he rubs away with the sleeve of his shirt.
“That was amazing,” Rayne says, a flicker of awe in her eyes. “I love that song. Why didn’t you tell us you played on it?”
We flatten ourselves against the wall as the dancers rush back onstage and the lights come up for the next song. “We were just messing around in the studio one day, and that came out,” he says. “We had no idea it was going to take off like it did.” He glances at me, a faintly guilty look in his eyes. “She usually has one of the guys in the band play the piano part. I honestly didn’t think she was going to do that.”
I smile. “You were great.”
Relief washes over his face, and I realize just how much he cares what I think.
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