“I’m glad,” he says. “It didn’t matter that thousands of people were out there. What mattered was that you were back here. Every word, every note, was for you.”
There’s a pause, and it feels like time stops for just a moment. Everything seems to come into sharp focus as the music and the stage are pushed into the background. I see the way Drew’s hair is damp at the ends from the heat of the stage, and the outline of the ankh he wears through the thin fabric of his shirt. I see the way we were back then, how safe and protected I felt with Connor’s arms around me and how unbelievably broken I felt when he was gone.
I want to be part of something like that again—to feel that level of devotion again. Drew loves me even though I’ve given him every reason not to, and eventually he’ll stop giving me second chances. Someday soon, he’s going to stop asking.
I reach up and put my arms around his neck, pulling him to me and pressing my lips against his in a kiss that I hope holds both an apology and a promise.
Drew pulls back, surprised, and looks into my eyes for confirmation that it wasn’t an accident, like somehow I tripped and fell into him. I smile, almost embarrassed now. He throws his head back and laughs, picking me up and spinning me around, giving me a kiss that’s both tender and insistent. I put one hand on his chest, and his heart is beating so loud and so fast it drowns out the Akhet vibrations between us.
As he sets me back down, I look over at Rayne. She’s watching it all with a smile on her face, and I know that any sins against Griffon have been forgiven. “Nice,” she mouths, and I roll my eyes at her.
We’re walking through the parking lot after the show when my hand bumps Drew’s, and instead of moving apart, he wraps his fingers through mine, watching my face to see that it’s okay, that things have changed enough between us to hold hands in public.
I glance up at Rayne, who’s walking ahead of us through the rows of cars, her head bent and the light from her phone reflected in her face; texting Peter, I’m sure.
“You don’t have to worry,” I say, leaning into him. “I’m not going to run away.”
Drew laughs and squeezes my hand tighter. “I guess I’m not totally sure of that.” He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses my fingers. “It’s just so hard to believe that you’re here, that you’re with me now. It’s been so long.”
“I thought the kissing might have convinced you,” I say.
“I might need a little more convincing,” Drew says, leaning in and kissing me deeply. I can feel his hunger inside, an overwhelming desire so intense it scares me.
I hear a phone clatter to the ground, and we look up to see Rayne slumped against the hood of an old car from the ’50s. She’s not completely unconscious, but looks dazed and not totally aware of us as we rush over to see if she’s okay.
I recognize the look in her eyes, seeing but not seeing, and know she’s someplace else. “I think she’s having a memory,” I say.
“What are you talking about?” Drew grabs her by the shoulders and eases her onto the ground next to the car. As he lets go of her arms, he turns to me. “Why am I feeling Akhet vibrations from her?”
“I’m okay,” Rayne says thickly. She tries to stand up, but her legs are wobbling under her. “I just had the weirdest flashback.” She rubs her forehead. “I’ve been getting them a lot lately. I think it’s from the stuff that Veronique gave me.”
“It is, sort of,” I say, helping her up. “What did you see?”
She squints. “I was driving an old turquoise blue car on a country road somewhere. It had these huge fins on the back like it was the ’50s. It was really hot, so the windows were down, and I was blowing cigarette smoke out into the air.”
I look at the car she’s leaning against. It’s red, not blue, but it has the same huge fins in the back. “Was it like this car?”
Rayne looks at it thoughtfully. “Yeah, it was, kind of.”
Drew stares at me, taking it all in. “You don’t mean . . . how . . . ?”
I exhale. I should have done this long before now. It’s not fair to keep either of them in the dark, even if it’s for different reasons. “Let’s find Drew’s car. I think we have a lot to talk about.”
Twenty-Six
“So Rayne’s fine with it?” Janine asks, leaning back in her chair as I tell her a carefully edited version of last night’s events.
“More than fine with it,” I say. “Thrilled is more like it. I wish you could have seen her face when I told her. I thought she’d be pissed about what Veronique had done, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen her happier.”
Janine laughs. “That’s one way to look at it,” she says. “I’m glad you finally told her.”
“I had to. She was starting to have memories, and I couldn’t let her think she was going crazy.”
“You can always send her to me if she has questions you can’t answer,” Janine says.
“I will. I just hope she can keep the whole thing from her mom. She was so excited; I know that was her first thought, and her mom is totally into all that hippie stuff—psychics and auras.”
“At least she has you. Not many people get that kind of an advantage when they transition.”
“Thanks,” I say quietly.
“What did you tell Drew?”
“Everything,” I say. “Well, almost everything. I left out the part about spying on his party, because there was just no good way to put that.”
“And what did he say?”
I look away, thinking about the hurt on Drew’s face as I told him what had been going on. “He was kind of pissed,” I admit. “He didn’t like that I’d been keeping such big things from him. But we weren’t together when it all happened,” I say. “It’s not like I owed him anything.”
Janine raises her eyebrows at the past tense, but thankfully lets it go. No way do I want to talk about my relationship with Drew right now. Whatever it actually is. He kissed me when he dropped us off last night, but I could tell he was hesitating, holding something back.
“You’re right,” Janine agrees. “You don’t owe him anything.”
Her eyes are so honest and kind—I feel the guilt welling up inside. I’ve been thinking about it for the past two days; I have to tell her. “You know how I said that I didn’t get anything from anyone at Drew’s party?”
“Yes. You said that nobody there seemed to be hiding anything big.” She tilts her head toward me. “Don’t worry, it’s what we expected. We’re trying some other avenues of information.”
“Yeah. Well, that wasn’t totally true. I did see something, but I’m not sure what it means.”
Janine sits up straight. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
I take a deep breath. “Because it’s Giselle.”
Her eyes widen. “Giselle? Our Giselle?”
“Exactly,” I say, feeling validated by her reaction. “Your Giselle. Which is why I didn’t say anything in the first place. I knew you wouldn’t believe me.”
“That’s not fair,” Janine says. “Of course I believe you. It’s just that it’s extremely unusual for Sekhem to turn like that—I can’t remember a single case in all of my lifetimes. You caught me off guard, is all. Did you sense that she knows more about this than she’s letting on?”
I struggle to find the right words, because I’m not sure what I know. “All I sensed was something dark in her essence. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like a shadow over the sun, a place that she doesn’t want anyone to see.”
Janine considers this. “She did volunteer to go with you to the party.” She looks me in the eyes. “Do you remember her trying to steer you into or out of conversation with anyone? Did she do anything that would have made you suspicious?”
“I don’t think so,” I shake my head. “She mostly stayed out of the way, on the other side of the room, the whole time. I sort of . . . spilled wine on her, and it was when I was helping with the stain that I felt that she was hiding something.”
Janine studies
me. “Do you think that you could read her better if you had more time? If she’s involved in any of this, we have to know. It’s been a week since Veronique was killed, and every second the trail gets colder.”
I remember the look in Giselle’s eyes when I saw her at Veronique’s lab that day. Was it guilt? Did she know I sensed something? “If I do, I’ll have to be careful how deep I go, because if I get sick like last time, she’ll figure it out. She saw how I was after connecting with Rayne.”
“Is it something you can control?”
I was able to at Drew’s party, but that was with a room full of people. “I don’t know.”
“Let’s find out.” Janine takes out her phone and sends a quick text. She waits, then looks up at me. “She’ll be here in an hour.”
“Why do Griffon and Sue have to be here?” I ask, pacing her office. I’m nervous enough about this without him in the room.
“Because otherwise it’ll look suspicious,” Janine answers. “This way, it’ll just be like I called another meeting, and these are the people who could come on short notice. Don’t worry—I’ll back you up if you go too deep and start to get sick. Just do your best.”
There’s a knock on the door, and Janine motions to the couch. “Sit over there, and I’ll make sure Giselle is sitting next to you.”
I try to sit back and look casual, but my heart is beating out of my chest. What if Giselle figures this out? Nobody actually came out and said it, but if she’s head of security, then I’m sure she’s got a weapon on her. I have to trust that Janine knows what she’s doing.
Sue walks into the room, and I can see the strain of the past few days on her face. “I’ve only got about half an hour,” she says, checking her watch. “I’ve got another meeting in the city—our intelligence says that there are some deals going down that might have to do with the theft at the lab.” She collapses next to me on the couch and pats my knee. “How are you doing, dear?”
“Fine,” I say, wondering what to do next. If Giselle isn’t next to me, then this whole thing’s a bust.
“Sue, why don’t you take my chair?” Janine says, getting up from the chair she usually sits in. “It’s so much more comfortable.”
“If I get any more comfortable, I’m going to fall asleep.” Her laugh is brittle. “I haven’t been getting much rest lately.”
“Even more reason.” Janine gives her a hand to help her up.
“If you insist,” Sue says, settling into the chair while Janine perches on the edge of her desk. As I suspected, Griffon takes the chair farthest away from me when he comes in, leaving Giselle to take the seat next to me when she shows up a few minutes later.
“So, what’s this about?” Giselle asks. “I thought we had a good update last night.”
“I wanted to include Cole in our meeting,” Janine says. “Let her in on where things stand.”
“She’s not part of the Sekhem,” Griffon says. His tone is angry, dismissive. “Not officially.” I can’t look at him because I’m afraid my anger will overflow, and I need to concentrate and not blow this opportunity.
“True,” Janine says in a calming tone. “But she’s helping us in a way that nobody else can.”
“Like I was saying, there has been some interesting movement with some of the players from North Korea,” Sue says. “I don’t know if it’s about the Akhet formula specifically, but there’s more activity in that sector since the break-in. We’re checking it out now.”
As Sue talks, I cross my arms so that my elbow is just barely brushing Giselle’s. I take some deep breaths like Janine showed me and try to block out everything that’s going on around me. Giselle moves a little bit, but not enough to break the connection. I try to focus on where our bodies meet. It takes a few frustrating moments, but soon I can sense the same darkness that I felt before, as if there’s something she’s trying consciously to hide. I can hear people talking in the room, and I feel Giselle’s heart rate speed up and familiar emotions wash over me. They’re coming from the place she doesn’t want anyone to see, a place that she’s pushed as far from the surface as she can. She shifts in her seat and pulls her arm away from mine, breaking our physical connection, but I think I have my answer.
“Do we have someone watching customs?”
I pull my awareness away from Giselle and see that it’s Griffon speaking. I watch her eyes as she studies him, her pupils large and her breathing shallow. I know without a doubt that this is what she’s been trying to suppress all this time. Giselle isn’t hiding a connection to whoever broke into the lab and killed Veronique—she’s been trying to hide the fact that she’s in love with Griffon.
“Of course,” Sue says. She turns to Giselle. “What’s going on with the analysis of what was left in the lab?”
I can see Giselle pull her attention away from Griffon. “We’ve been able to isolate the mycotoxin,” she says, her voice steadier than I’d thought it would be. “And it’s like nothing we’ve ever seen before. It has similarities to the standard forms of ergo-toxins, but the makeup is different. What we haven’t been able to do is figure out exactly how she did it. There are still some pieces missing.”
“So you can’t replicate it?” Sue asks.
Giselle shakes her head. “Not with what we have.”
“It doesn’t matter what’s in it,” Griffon insists. “What matters is who has it.”
“We know,” Sue says. “Trust me, I’ve got every available detail working on it. I’ve called in everyone with ties to the most likely suspects.”
“But what if it’s someone we don’t suspect?” he asks, his frustration visible. “What if it’s someone who’s flying completely under the radar?”
“We’re using profilers and surveillance everywhere we can,” Janine says. “It’s not like there’s going to be an entire generation of evil Akhet in the next few weeks. It’s going to take decades for the formula to be administered and for the abilities to take effect.”
“By then it’ll be far too late,” Griffon says quietly.
The meeting breaks up quickly after that; there are no good answers to the questions everyone has.
“I’m going back to the South Bay—do you need a ride?” Giselle asks Griffon. Her voice is casual, but now I’m aware of the intent behind the words.
“No,” he says. “I have a few things I need to take care of at home. I’ll meet you tonight.” I try to gauge his words, but either he doesn’t know how she feels about him or he’s not reacting.
I pull my bag over my shoulder. Griffon rushes out the door ahead of me, and I’m sure that’s to avoid any more awkward conversations between the two of us.
Janine looks at me questioningly. “Everything’s fine. I’ll call you later,” I say, leaving her alone with Sue.
I decide to walk to the BART station, because it’s a nice day and I’m not meeting Drew until dinner. I push open the doors of Janine’s building to see Griffon sitting on his motorcycle by the curb out front. I glance at him and turn to walk down the street when he calls me back. I take a few more steps. I don’t want to talk to him right now. I kept it together during the meeting, but the less contact we have, the better for both of us.
“Wait!” he calls again.
I can’t exactly ignore him, so I turn and take a few steps back. “What?” I ask, glancing down the street to show him I have somewhere else to be.
“What was all that in there?”
“All what?”
“You were reading Giselle, and Janine set it up.” He shakes his head. “Neither of you is as sly as you think you are.”
“Maybe you should ask Janine about it.”
“I’m asking you,” he says. “What’s going on?”
“If I tell you, you have to keep it to yourself.” I sigh and force myself to look at his face. There are dark circles under his eyes, but aside from that, he looks as good as always. “I felt something dark in Giselle’s essence, something that she was trying to hide, and we needed to
figure out what it was.”
Griffon looks surprised. “You thought Giselle had something to do with the theft of the formula? I could have told you both you were wrong. I’ve known her for centuries—she’d never go to the other side.”
“Maybe you’re a little too close to the subject to see it clearly,” I say.
Either he doesn’t get my implication or he ignores it. “So what was it? What did you see that made you change your mind?”
I hesitate. He’s not mine anymore, but that doesn’t mean I want to help Giselle. “It’s not my secret to tell.”
“Fair enough.” Griffon nods to the bike. “I’d give you a ride to the station, but I don’t have an extra helmet.”
I look down at the single helmet strapped to the side and wonder what he did with mine. “That’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
“I can walk with you if you want.”
I glance at the crowds of people on the street. I remember shopping on Telegraph with him before, eating pizza and buying records. The difference between where we were then and where we are now is almost unimaginable. Part of me wants to say yes, to have him walk down the street by my side again, but I know it won’t mean anything in the long run. I have to keep my promise to Drew. And to myself. “No. Thanks. I’m just going to go alone.”
He hesitates for just a moment. “Okay. Guess I’ll see you around.”
I try not to watch the familiar motion of him straddling the bike and pulling the helmet onto his head. My heart is heavy as I watch him stand up, kick the bike into gear, and rev the engine. That sound is always going to mean long rides up the Great Highway to me, feeling free and confident as I sat behind him. He flips up his visor and looks at me. “You were right, back at the hospital. When you said I didn’t give you any choice between me and Drew.”
Even now, the memory of that conversation hurts. “I wasn’t with him then.”
“But you are now.” Griffon doesn’t flinch at the words.
I pause, choosing my words carefully. “You left,” I say to him, watching his face. “Drew stayed.”
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