Double Agent

by Phillips, Lisa

“Is that why you let your fiancée break up with you? You wanted the same thing your parents had, and you knew it wasn’t her.”

  “You’re saying I let Tara walk away because I was just biding my time with her?” Doug didn’t know whether to be offended at her presumption or impressed at how astute she was. “I’ve always assumed no woman would be able to handle the stress of my job, but I probably did hold myself back. After Tara broke our engagement, it was easier to date women who were just friends, or friends of friends. Romantic feelings make things more complicated.”

  “I agree with you.”

  “That doesn’t mean I don’t dream of having what my mom and dad had. Someone to share my home with, to have children with and to see the kind of people they grow up to be.”

  “I thought that once.” She shrugged her slender shoulders. “What little girl doesn’t dream of happily ever after with her handsome prince? But life isn’t like that. Perfect relationships are the stuff of fiction.”

  “So you just stopped dreaming?” He studied her. What had happened to her and Ben? “What made you so hard?”

  She stepped out of his arms. “When you witness something as horrific as what Ben and I were forced to endure, it changes you.”

  Doug took her hand and wove them through the crowd to the open French doors that led to the patio. At the stone ledge he turned and laid his hands on her shoulders. “Tell me what happened.”

  Sabine took a deep breath. “You’re going to regret asking me that.”

  “I don’t think so.” She was fighting tears. “I need you to trust me. This secret of yours is tearing you up. No matter how badly you refuse to believe that, I can see it in your eyes.”

  She turned away to look out across the manicured lawn. “I was nine, and Ben was five the day my mom shot my dad.”

  “You can’t be—”

  “You asked.” Her chest heaved. “If you want to know so badly, then be quiet while I tell you.”

  Doug closed his mouth.

  “He was actually my stepdad. Ben’s dad. He was good to both of us, and I loved him. We were playing cards, when Mom walked in with this look on her face.”

  Sabine wrapped her arms around her waist. “She had a gun. I pulled Ben across the room as far away as I could. She yelled for us to stop. Said something to Dad about betrayal and then shot him. There was so much blood. When she turned to us, she still had that look on her face. She said, ‘I should have done this a long time ago’ and pointed the gun at me and Ben. We ran out the back door and through this gap in the fence while she shot at us. We just kept running until we couldn’t run anymore.”

  She took another deep breath. “Some cops found us in an alley behind a Dumpster a couple of miles away. I remember the smell and how freezing it was. I’ve hated cold places ever since.”

  “Your mom is in prison?”

  Sabine shook her head. “They never caught her.”

  “What?”

  “She got away. No one has seen her since. I guess disappearing runs in the family, because I seem to have the knack for it, too.”

  “You’re nothing like her.”

  “You don’t know that, Doug. I’m good at my job. So good everyone at the CIA apparently thinks I killed my whole team six years ago. Maybe I’m more like her than I want to admit.”

  “I don’t believe that.” He took a chance, reached out and touched her cheek, thumbed away a tear. “Thank you for telling me. You took a chance trusting me, and I won’t let you down.”

  She smiled a sweet, sad smile. One that brought him closer, made him want to express his gratitude that she had shared her darkest moment with him. He leaned in and—

  “There you are.”

  *

  Sabine stepped back. Her face was probably beet red, since they’d been seconds away from what promised to be a memorable encounter. At least it would have been, if the look in Doug’s eyes was anything to go by.

  The general stood in the doorway with a wide smile on his face, like he knew exactly what they’d been about to do. “I was wondering where you two got to.”

  Doug grabbed her hand and pulled her back to his side. She sucked in a breath and tried not to look as guilty as she felt. Their almost-kiss wasn’t something she would ever regret, but getting caught by his dad made her feel like she was acting out against that dream parent she used to wish for.

  She’d long ago given up on the childhood fantasy of having good, healthy parents. Real life was much harder. There was little space left over for wishes. When she looked at Doug, it was like the petals of a flower unfolding to the summer sun. The man beside her made her want to dream again.

  Sabine refocused. They were both waiting for her to say something. “I’m sorry, what?”

  They laughed, though Doug’s laughter sounded more embarrassed. When she looked at him, she realized he was as nervous as she was.

  The general stepped forward. “I asked if you wanted to dance, my dear. It would be my great honor to spend time with the woman my son brought home. I thought you might indulge me, being as it is my birthday.”

  Sabine couldn’t help but accept. “Certainly, General. I would love to.”

  He held out his arm. “Please, call me Andrew.”

  He led her to the dance floor where the crowd had thinned out, leaving only the late-night die-hard partiers. Wrung out, she tried not to lean too heavily on Andrew…until he shifted closer to her and absorbed the bulk of her weight.

  “I won’t keep you long.”

  He knew.

  “My son should have better sense than keeping you up when you’re exhausted.”

  “I appreciate your concern, Gen—Andrew. The past few weeks have been some of the hardest of my life, and your son has been an invaluable help. I can see where he gets it. You should be very proud.”

  “Thank you. I am.” Andrew frowned. “I’m selfish enough to admit I would have liked to see him ascend through the ranks and follow more in the way my career progressed, but Doug has always made his own way in life. I encouraged that.”

  “I know he’s Spec Op—”

  “He’s a clerk, dear.”

  Sabine blinked. A clerk?

  “That’s how we refer to it. The men of their field like to keep their occupation on the ‘down low,’ as the kids like to say.”

  “Of course.” Sabine smiled. “You know my brother worked with Doug?”

  Andrew nodded. “I’m very sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you. Even though his duties as a…clerk kept him busy, my brother was still a huge part of my life. I miss him.”

  The general nodded. His eyes were shadowed with the same grief she felt. Then he seemed to shake it off, and pulled her into an elaborate turn that took her breath away and made her laugh.

  “May I ask how you’ve managed to keep going, since you also suffered grief in your life?” Maybe she was being too forward, but Sabine hoped he would answer.

  “That I have. Many men under my command, as well as my wife, Doug’s mother.”

  Sabine nodded. “He told me.”

  The general smiled, small and wistful. “She was a gem of a woman. Much like you.”

  “How do you go on?”

  “Have I? I’m not sure I’ve really moved on from that day. It seems to have stayed with me and not a day goes by that I don’t remember. That’s what happens when you lose a part of your heart. After that, you just do the best you can with the bit you have left.”

  Sabine wanted to cry for him but held the rush of emotion back. He wouldn’t want her pity. “Was it worth it? I mean, if you knew how it was going to end, would you still let yourself fall for her?”

  The general’s arms fell to his sides. Sabine was about to apologize when he spoke. “Yes. Absolutely, unequivocally yes. Even for the simple fact of having Doug with me still. It is hard to lose the person you were supposed to grow old with, but you cherish what time you have together. No one knows the future, Elena. So you live life to the full
est. You take the risk. Because if you don’t, how do you know you’re really alive?”

  The general kissed her cheek and walked away.

  It was tempting to want to live life to the fullest. She wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore. If she wanted a relationship between her and Doug to be worth anything at all, then she’d have to give it everything she had. But a man like Doug would never accept a strong woman inclined to take care of herself. He’d want to be the hero.

  She wanted a man who would be her equal partner in life. Someone to stand beside her, instead of in front trying to protect her from things she had plenty of experience with. If she hadn’t learned how to take care of herself by now, she wouldn’t have the job she loved so much.

  Doug no doubt wanted a woman who was the stay-at-home type. His wife would be with their kids while he went all over the world on missions. Missions he couldn’t tell her about. At one time Sabine had dreamed of a real family that was all her own, but life had stolen those dreams. Still, it was a tempting thought, if only to see how different it might be from Maxwell’s coldness.

  The memory of her ex-husband crested over her like a wave of ice water. It wasn’t worth going there, even in comparison. That time in her life was over. He had a new wife now, one he was free to ignore unless he was in the mood to criticize everything about her.

  She would have liked to think she was strong enough to fight the past and go for it with Doug. But if it didn’t work, it would destroy her. Could she take the risk?

  Considering her abysmal history, staying alone was a whole lot simpler. She should probably look into getting a cat or something. Cats were friendly, right?

  Then Sabine realized something else.

  The general had called her Elena.

  *

  Doug sipped his drink and watched Sabine leave the ballroom. He could see how tired she was; she hadn’t really needed to make her excuses to him. On the way out, she said something to his father that made the old man smile.

  “Sergeant Major.”

  Doug turned and came face-to-face with his boss’s boss’s boss’s… He lost track after a while. “Major General, sir.”

  They shook hands. Major General Robert Taylor was his father’s golf buddy and also bore a striking resemblance to Bruce Willis. Doug would have saluted, but they were both out of uniform, and this was the room he used to slide around in his socks with his friends after they ate too much candy.

  “I read your report.”

  Doug could see the major general didn’t believe Sabine’s theory about being set up for Parelli’s death. “Any idea what the repercussions will be?”

  “Depends. The army certainly has no problem that a weapons dealer is dead. Outside of us, things get more complicated.”

  Doug snorted. “That’s a fact. Why do you think I’m content being a noncommissioned officer?”

  “It does create a certain distance between you and all the bureaucracy, doesn’t it?” The major general’s eyes gleamed. “Good move. Wish I’d had the same foresight as you.”

  “Feeling the pressure of command?”

  The major general huffed. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

  “Of course.” Something hard emerged in the older man’s eyes, and Doug wasn’t sure he would like where the conversation was about to go.

  “Word to the wise, son. This girl could spell big trouble for you. I’m not sure you want to get tangled up where she’s heading. Could be the end of your career. Just a little friendly advice, since you’ve been like a nephew to me for a long time, Doug. Women like that are never good for us.” The old man laughed. “Trust me. I’ve been married three times. All of them were strong…you could even say dangerous women. I know it feels exciting and new right now, but if you let yourself get sucked in, when she walks away—which she will—there won’t be much of you that she leaves behind.”

  “I appreciate the warning, sir.”

  “But you’re not going to listen to me. No, don’t argue. I can see it in your eyes, kid. Take it or leave it. When this girl’s troubles all descend on her, you won’t want to be in the middle of it.”

  The major general sucked down the remnants of his drink and left.

  Did he really believe Sabine would do that? Her job was the kind that forced her to give it all and rarely let anyone else walk away with anything to show for it—aside from bruises. She could absolutely take care of herself. Fiercely independent, that’s what she was. Or was it that life had taught her to guard her heart above all else to keep from risking it being broken…again? It would take a lot to get through that shell of hers.

  Could she let someone in enough to be comfortable including them in her inner circle? Ben had lived there. Now that Doug knew what the two of them had been through, he could see how saving her little brother’s life meant that they stuck with each other from then on.

  Would she ever let Doug in like that?

  NINE

  “Richardson.” Doug rubbed the sleep from his eyes and listened to the voice bark instructions through the phone. “Understood.”

  He pushed away the urge to mourn for what would have been his first full night of sleep in days and got up. It was 4:00 a.m. After he splashed cold water on his face, Doug put the few things he’d got out of his duffel back in and zipped it closed.

  He tapped on Sabine’s door and waited, but she didn’t appear. Sleeping that deeply wasn’t good in her line of work. At the same time he was glad she felt safe enough at his dad’s house to get the rest she needed. He peered in to check on her.

  The bed was empty.

  The sheets and blanket were rumpled like they’d gotten twisted up while she had tossed around trying to fall asleep. He didn’t want to be going on a mission when she was like this, but it couldn’t be helped. Work called. He’d have to trust her to stay here and wait.

  The Raven, or someone who worked for him—or her, he supposed, since they had no idea—had withdrawn money from a bank in the Cayman Islands. The team was off on a treasure hunt that could lead who-knew-where. He’d get the full details at the briefing, which would likely happen on the plane since the team was spread all over the place.

  Downtime was a bit of a misnomer when you were still effectively “on call.” That was the nature of his work, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Being a nine-to-fiver with weekends off had never been his thing.

  Sabine’s bathroom was empty. The major general’s words came back to Doug, and he had to push away the distrust. Just because she wasn’t where he could find her didn’t mean she had betrayed him. She was Ben’s sister. That fact alone was enough for him to know he could trust her. Ben would never have spoken so highly of her if she was their enemy. Sure, she’d been deceived into working for someone other than the CIA. That didn’t mean she was working against the U.S. It wasn’t like she was an agent for the Raven.

  Sabine wasn’t in the kitchen, TV room or the library. A low light shone from under the door to his dad’s office, so he went in to ask the general if he knew where Sabine was.

  *

  Sabine’s fingers froze on the keyboard. Doug was in the doorway, and his mouth hung open. She slid the chair back from the computer. “It’s not what you think.”

  He folded his arms across his chest. “Is that right?”

  She wasn’t going to be able to talk her way out of this. If she did, it would destroy the small bit of progress they had made toward trusting each other. “I was looking for something.”

  “There are a lot of things to find in here. You know, I was just thinking to myself, no, there’s no way Sabine would ever betray me because Ben trusted her. I guess you deceived him, too.”

  She gasped.

  “Good thing all the sensitive information is secured.”

  He thought she was capable of that? She would never, ever have betrayed her brother. “Is that your way of warning me away from betraying the very country I’ve been working for this whole time? You think I’m some k
ind of spy against America?”

  Except that was exactly what people thought of her.

  He crossed the room. “You have to admit it looks pretty suspicious. Charm the general’s son. Blow up a hard drive so I have no choice but to bring you to the safest place I know, the general’s own house. Break into his office in the middle of the night to steal secrets.”

  “You forget that your dead teammate was my little brother, whose killer I will find.”

  “By breaking in here?”

  “The door was unlocked.”

  “Sabine.”

  “Your dad called me Elena, okay?”

  Surprise flickered on his face before he quashed it.

  She blew out a breath. “I need to know what he knows. If there’s information going around about me, I have to know what it says. I’m so twisted around, worried about what’s going to happen to me.”

  His lips thinned. “Most people would just say, ‘Hey, General, why’d you call me that?’”

  “I guess I’m not most people.”

  “I guess not.” He sighed. “Did you find anything?”

  “You want to know what dirty secrets I’m privy to?” She narrowed her eyes. “Sorry, but I didn’t get through the security features on his computer yet.” He smirked, which she took as a challenge. “Come back in ten minutes, then I’ll tell you something juicy.”

  “Not going to happen.” He studied her. “You couldn’t have come to me? You felt you had to sneak in here—”

  “I couldn’t sleep. It seemed like a good time, and I didn’t want to wake you.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t know why I feel like I have to justify myself to you.”

  “And yet you’ll betray our trust because you couldn’t tell us the truth?”

  She stood up, to put them on more level ground instead of having him tower over her. “Would you have?”

  “What have I said or done that gave you the feeling you couldn’t trust me?”

  “That’s not what this is about.” Besides, his whole job was secrets. Why hadn’t she seen that before? This could never work. There was no way they’d ever be able to completely trust each other, forever wondering if the other one was holding out.

  His eyes darkened. “As much as I’d love to stay and work this out with you, Sabine, I have to go.”