"Kells, it was only sex. It couldn't be anything else. You know me, you know my past. There is no way that the son of a wealthy, influential, restaurateur is going to end up with the daughter of an abusive drunk that spent her teen years in foster care. This was never intended to last, as I've said before. He needed an escape from reality for a while, and I hadn't had a bed partner for almost a year. That's all."
"Gia, I love you like a sister, and because of that I am sick and tired of you thinking so little of yourself. Yes, I know your past and so does Josh. So does most of our little group. The only one that thinks less of you for it, is you."
Kelly stood, grabbing her bag and heading for the front door.
"You know, in addition to your self-loathing, this little scenario of yours certainly doesn't give Josh much credit. I happen to think more of him than that, and I'd like to think you do too. Either way, be there tonight, by ten, or I will personally walk down to your shop and drag you out by your hair!"
The door shut behind Kelly before Gia could utter another word.
* * * *
Blake showed up at Josh's house on Saturday morning. Josh heard a quick rap on the door, followed by the door opening and a shouted, "Hey Josh... where you at, man?"
Figuring Blake would find him, Josh simply ignored the question and kept beating the crap out of the punching bag. Lately, if Josh wasn't at work he was in his basement and Blake knew that.
Sure enough, in just a few seconds he heard Blake walking down the stairs. "I figured I'd find you here."
"Yeah. What's up?"
"Nothing much. Just coming by to inform you that we're going to The Tavern tonight. And you're coming too."
Silence. The only sound in the room was Josh breathing as he tried to calm his racing heart. Finally Blake said, "What the hell are you doing, man?"
"Exercising. It's supposed to be good for you."
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"Yeah... I know."
"It's been over a month and you're still a mess. Have you at least called her, tried to talk to her, or..."
"No, and I'm not going to. It's over, Blake. That's that."
"You know, you say that, you even manage to sound like you believe it most of the time. But you're still not right, Josh. I've never seen you like this."
"I know."
"That's it... just 'I know'? You have nothing more to say?"
"Nope."
Josh reached for a bottle of water, grabbing a towel out of the cabinet and wiping his face.
"Josh, come on man. Not only have you been meaner than a rattlesnake, but you have hardly even been out of this damn basement. You haven't been to the club, you haven't been to The Tavern. Hell, I'm not certain you've been anywhere besides work."
"Is there a point to this little rampage you're on?"
"Yeah, there is... go see Gia."
"No."
"No? Just no?"
"Yep... just no."
Josh turned on his heel and started toward the stairs expecting that Blake would follow, but not really caring whether he did or not.
"Don't worry, Blake. I'm getting out of the house tonight. I even have a date."
"You have a date?"
"Yep. With Melinda. Remember, you and Kelly thought it would be a good idea."
"I thought Kelly said her name was Melissa?"
Fuck. "Yeah. Melissa. That's right."
"Yeah... a date. With a woman whose name you can't seem to remember. That ought to work out well."
Grimacing a little at the truth in those words, Josh just shrugged as casually as he could. "Well, at least it's a start."
As Josh headed down the hallway, toward his bedroom and a shower, he heard Blake yell out behind him, "Well, when your date crashes and burns, come by The Tavern. We'll all be there. Don't worry about me, I'll just see myself out."
He knew Blake was only trying to help. He was worried about him. Everyone was. Hell, they probably had reason to be. But he was doing the best that he could. He went to work, he spoke to people, he even managed not to scream at people too often. He knew that a lot of the restaurant employees were a little afraid of him right now, but so far he had managed not to fire anyone.
Josh leaned forward sticking his face under the stream of hot water. He really was trying. He was just so damn angry. All the time. He managed to keep his temper at work, mostly. By the time he got done for the day, he was at the end of his rope. So, rather than inflict his nasty attitude on friends or family, he came home and took it out on his body. He ran, lifted weights, punched the heavy bag until every muscle in his body ached.
After doing this every day for weeks, Josh was still angry. He was in the best shape of his life, but it had done nothing to dull the pain of losing Gia.
Losing... ha! That would imply that at some point he'd actually had her. Which was simply not the case. She had merely been on loan. Satisfying some curiosity of her own.
Still, as much as he'd like to, he couldn't bring himself to regret their relationship. If that's even the right term for it.
Josh had discovered some things about himself. Namely, he would never be happy with the type of woman his parents expected him to marry. The type of woman he had always dated. The type like Deb, and even Kelly. The type of woman he was taking to dinner tonight.
Kelly had talked him into taking her friend Melinda... no, Melissa, out to dinner. It was Kelly's way of helping him, encouraging him to move on.
They were supposed to have gone out last night, but Josh had been stuck at work later than he'd expected, so they had rescheduled for tonight.
He had been trying to be polite, but the truth was he already knew this wasn't going to work. Even if Melissa turned out to be amazing, he wasn't in any place to contemplate a relationship with anyone. Not until he was over Gia.
Somehow, he didn't expect that to happen any time soon.
Chapter 39
As Gia stood outside the entrance to The Tavern, she felt that tightness across her chest again. It was as if the muscles around her lungs were trying to squeeze the air out of her. It wasn't painful really, just a lot of pressure. She rubbed her hand across her sternum, while taking a few slow breaths.
As soon as she regained her composure, she opened the door and rushed inside before she could change her mind. It was still a little before ten, so Kelly wouldn't send out the cavalry just yet, but she knew it wouldn't be too much longer. She was quite serious this morning when she'd threaten to drag Gia down here.
Kelly was very patient, kind hearted and sweet, but she had an iron will when she wanted to. So, Gia was at the bar.
A quick glance told Gia that the group was over in the far corner, further back than they usually were. She wound her way through the crowd, taking this opportunity to see who exactly was here.
Her head count revealed they were one short. Josh was missing.
A sigh rushed out, whether it was relief or disappointment even she couldn't tell.
She pasted on a smile, determined to convince everyone that she was happy as a lark... or at least as happy as she usually was.
Gia was surprised by the warmth of her greeting. Everyone got up to give her a hug; Deb, Shannon, even Dev.
"Oh, Gia. I'm so glad you made it. We haven't seen you since... Oh, umm, well..." Shannon stumbled, trying to backtrack.
"What she means is that we've missed having you around," Deb said, smoothly filling in where Shannon left off.
Gia smiled, "Thanks, guys. I've missed you too. It's just been so busy lately."
"The shop is doing well then?" Deb asked.
"Yeah, it's doing really well. Aaron is full time now, and Billy is still part time. Jasmine is there covering the desk a few days a week, and we honestly have enough business for everyone. I could probably even use another part timer to fill the other half of Billy's schedule."
"Good. I always knew that if word got out about how good you were, your shop would take off. I mean, I kn
ow I freaked about Josh's tattoo, but it is really quite beautiful, it was just so out of character for..." her words trailed off, the sentence just kind of hanging there in the abyss.
"Him. Yes, it was very much out of character for Josh. And thank you for the compliment."
Turning to face the rest of the table, she raised her voice a little making sure to get everyone's attention.
"Listen up, I only want to say this once. You guys do not need to tiptoe around me, to avoid saying things that you think might make me uncomfortable. You also don't need to avoid saying Josh's name. It was a fling. It lasted a few weeks and now it's over. I'm fine. Really."
"Good to know," Josh said, standing right behind her.
Damn it to hell! She should have sat on the other side of the table so she could see the fucking door. Oh, double damn... her chest had that stupid tight feeling again.
* * * *
No one had mentioned that Gia would be here. He probably should have known, but Blake had told him she hadn't been seeing anyone lately. Only Kelly, and only when Kelly went to her house.
No, he was here, with a date on his arm. A date that was already less than pleased with him. To say it was not going well would be an understatement of epic proportion.
Fuck! Taking a deep breath to bury the anger, or at least to cover it with the shiny veneer he used for business... and bad dates, he pasted on a smile and tried a quick round of introductions.
"Guys, this is Melind... I mean, Melissa. She's a good friend of Kelly's and my date for the evening. Melissa, this is Dev, Shannon, Scott, Blake, Deb, you of course know Kelly, and Georgia."
He was pleased he'd managed to get the last name out without even clenching his teeth. Right up until Gia turned to face them with her hazel eyes shooting fire.
"Please, call me Gia. Is it Melinda, or Melissa? Sorry, I couldn't quite hear Joshua's introduction."
Okay, he'd deserved that.
Josh grabbed a couple of chairs, debating exactly where to put them, when Melissa grabbed one and sat it next to Kelly. If he sat there, he would be way too close to Gia. Rationalizing that there wasn't really enough room for another chair there anyway, he pulled his around and sat by Blake.
Blake, who was clearly struggling not to laugh. "So, Joshua, how's the date going? It looks like you're just having a great time."
"Fuck you, Blake."
This set not only Blake, but Dev and Scott off into fits of laughter.
"Okay, correction. Fuck you all."
"Dude, you still screwed up her name. Maybe we should have Georgia tattoo it across her boobs."
"Haha... Clever. I get it. I'm having an issue with names tonight. Can we move on please?"
Josh was getting pissed. He knew his friends were only teasing him, and he wasn't really angry at them. He was just pissed. Seeing Gia only made matters worse. Listening to her assure everyone that she was totally fine had been almost more than he could take.
"I need a drink."
Josh shoved his chair back, moving as quickly as possible to the bar. He ordered scotch on the rocks, forgoing a beer for something a little stronger.
Kelly walked up beside him, saying "Melissa likes white wine, and I would love another martini."
"Ah, hell. Look Kells, I know she's having a shitty time, I know I'm a terrible date, and when she calls you tomorrow to tell you just how badly I suck, please let her know I'm sorry. I can't do this. I shouldn't have ever agreed to it. I am still head over heels in love with Gia, I can't date anyone else."
"Well it's about damn time one of you admits it."
"What?"
"Relax, Josh. Melissa knew this wasn't a real date. I was hoping that spending an evening with someone else would knock some sense into that damn fool head of yours. If I was wrong, and you didn't still have feelings for Gia, well it would tell me that, too."
"So, you set me up?"
She nodded, sending him a soft smile of apology.
"Well, it worked, so I can't really fault you for it. Well played, Kelly. That being said, I can assume you'll take Melinda home."
"Melissa... yes, I'll take her home."
"Fuck all. I'm really sorry about that."
Kelly laughed. "It's fine. Just fix things with Gia, please? You guys are both miserable."
"Not both of us. Apparently she is just fine and dandy. I heard it myself." Even he could hear the snide tone of his voice.
"Yeah, well... try really looking at her instead of listening to what she says. Her actions, body language... they all tell a different story."
She grabbed her drink and Melissa's before turning to head back to the table, tossing over her shoulder, "The advice isn't free. You get the tab."
He laughed and paid the bartender, sipped his drink for a little liquid courage and headed back to the table. Was Kelly right? Was Gia just as miserable without him as he was without her?
Chapter 40
God she looked good. Knowing that his 'date' was nothing more than a manipulation, Josh was finally free to relax a little bit. He was here with his friends, at the bar he loved, and he was seeing Gia for the first time in over a month.
She looked really good. She was dressed in jeans, old and faded, the kind that looked butter soft and formed to every curve of her body. Her T-shirt, red with some sort of black pattern on it was faded as well, and snug enough that he knew her bra was some kind of lace. It probably meant he was staring a bit too hard, but he could also tell that the nipple rings she wore tonight were the larger pair.
He couldn't take his eyes off of her.
She, on the other hand, couldn't be bothered to even glance in his direction.
She laughed at something Deb said, throwing her head back, the rich sound making his blood run hot. Knowing he couldn't have her made that heat search for another outlet. Desire changed to anger in the blink of an eye.
He clenched his teeth, grinding them together in a bid to control his temper.
"You planning a repeat of Halloween? If you'd like, I can run interference and clear a path from here to the door for you."
"What?" Josh barked at Blake.
"Well, you have that same look you did that night. The one you got right before you tossed her over your shoulder. It could work, if you want to try it again. It is a bit more crowded in here, but I don't think the people here would be quite as surprised, so they'd probably move out of the way instead of gaping after you."
"You're just a laugh riot tonight, aren't you?"
"Just tonight? I like to think I'm always a riot."
A little chuckle escaped Josh's chest. He knew Blake was trying to get him to relax, and luckily it was working. He was still angry, but that was nothing new. He was a little further from the edge than he had been moments ago.
"I think I'm good, buddy. But if I decide I need you to block for me I'll let you know."
* * * *
Gia was laughing, chatting, and basically having a good time. Unfortunately, her subconscious mind was completely focused on Josh, sitting across the table from her, staring at her.
Despite her laughter, her chest was still tight. She had no idea what it was, but she knew it was his fault.
When he started chuckling at something Blake had said, the tightness got worse. All of a sudden, she needed some air. Now.
She grabbed her purse and jacket, smiling and making some stupid excuse to Deb. She glanced at Kelly, trying to convey her need to flee. A quick nod told her she was off the hook.
She somehow managed to walk normally, rather than run, from the table and out into the cold night air.
She bent forward from the waist, squatting down trying to get her head between her knees as she fell backward against the wall of the bar. She took a few deep breaths, hoping that she could relieve her chest.
After a few moments, her breathing felt a little more normal, although her chest was still tight. She thought about going back inside, but even the thought was enough to squeeze at her lungs again. She
was done.
Pulling her keys from her purse, she headed to her jeep.
The whole way home, Gia's chest kept getting tighter and tighter. She tried the slow breathing, going so far as to lift her hands above her head while she waited at a stop light.
It wasn't helping.
The thought that she could be having a heart attack passed through her mind, only to be discarded. She was having problems breathing, but her heart felt fine and there was no tingling or pain in her arm. Mostly it just felt like someone was hugging her too hard, squeezing the air out of her lungs.
By the time she pulled into the garage, throwing her car in park, she was desperate to get out of her jeep and into the house where she could lay down flat on the floor.
She rushed into the living room, tossing her keys and purse on the floor, before she basically collapsed to her knees struggling to slow her breathing, fighting to get air.
Just as she acknowledged that she was having a good old fashioned panic attack, the pressure in her chest changed, moving up and making her throat feel thick and tight. If she didn't calm her breathing, she was going to pass out. On the plus side, if she passed out her breathing would at least slow down naturally.
All of a sudden, the tightness in her throat seemed to burst forth, some kind of a moan escaping as she felt the first tears sting her eyes. On another long sob, the pain that she had bottled up for months, even years, rushed out. Tears poured from her eyes, sobs wracked her body as she finally gave up and let it all loose. She curled into a fetal position, hugging her knees to her chest as she succumbed to the cathartic release she so desperately needed.
She was still crying when Josh walked in the door.
Chapter 41
Josh pulled up to Gia's house, seeing the jeep parked in the still open garage. The drive over here had done nothing to calm his temper, actually driving his anger, rather than cooling it.
How dare she act like she didn't care. She was cool, totally detached, even going so far as to be nice to his date. His date! She was supposed to be angry, supposed to realize what she'd walked away from when she'd snuck away in the middle of the night.
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