Only The Beginning (Rockin' Country)

by Briscoe, Laramie

Chapter Thirty-Two

  * * *

  Hannah was still missing. Those were the only thoughts that seemed to occupy Garrett’s mind, had occupied his mind since he’d received the text message from Shell. They were going on hours, and none of them had heard a word from Hannah. Even her parents were worried. She had performed an afternoon concert and then told Shell they needed to stop the bus to grab a snack. She hadn’t returned to that bus, and nobody knew where the hell she was. They had even contacted a lawyer to see what they needed to do to file a missing persons report and keep it out of the media, but they had been instructed to let it go at least twenty-four hours.

  “You hanging in there?”

  Garrett looked up at Jared, who was the only one to even attempt a conversation with him. The rest of the guys had already verbally gotten the shit kicked out of them by their frontman and were leaving him be. “Do I look like I’m hanging in here?”

  “I know you’re worried.”

  “I’m going outta my fucking mind,” he interrupted Jared. “It’s my fault that she’s missing. I should have reigned in my mouth before it got too out of control.”

  Jared had a seat and faced Garrett head on. “Look, I’ve known you a really long time. I know how you get, but she doesn’t. I think maybe she just needs time to process things. This is all new for her. We’re new for her. She’s never known people like us, Garrett. The two of us—we’re passionate motherfuckers about everything, and we expect everybody else to be too. We shoot off when we think we’re right, but there’s one thing about the both of us. We never intentionally hurt the people we care about.”

  “But that it’s, man, I did. While I was saying all that shit, I knew it was hurtin’ her. I could see it in her face. I could see it in her eyes, but I couldn’t stop the words from coming out of my mouth. I wanted a reaction. I told Shell I would never intentionally hurt Hannah, and I did it last night. What kind of bastard does that make me?”

  Reaching over, Jared clapped him on the shoulder. “One who cares enough to stand up for what he thinks is right.”

  “When did being right involve making a woman cry? She’s never going to want to see me again. I’m totally sure of that.” Garrett shook his head, burying his head in his arms.

  “I think you’re selling Hannah short. I think she needs some time to get her head on straight. Let her do that, and I think you’ll be surprised.”

  “I hope like hell I am, but I’m not holding my breath.”

  * * *

  After coming off stage, the first thing Garrett did was check his phone to see if Hannah had been found. The only thing there was another text from Shell that said they were still looking for her. Picking up his phone, he dialed Hannah’s number, cursing loudly when it went straight to voicemail.

  “Babe, I’m worried. Forget all that shit I said last night, I’m sorry. Call me. For the love of God, please call me, I’m going out of my mind right now. If you can’t call me, call somebody else. We’re scared to death.”

  Sitting alone in one of the backstage rooms, he allowed his head to fall back against the couch. The weight was too much for his neck; he felt like it would snap off if he didn’t relieve some of the pressure. He knew they had to leave soon, but he didn’t want to get any further away from where Hannah had last been seen if he could help it. Just being within a night’s distance made him feel closer to her. What he wanted to do was to tell the promoters to fuck themselves, and they would all as a whole just take a loss on the concerts, but he knew that wasn’t fair to the fans. If Hannah wasn’t found before the next morning, he knew without a doubt though that’s what he would do. Sighing didn’t seem to help anything, but it also didn’t stop him from doing it. A knock sounded on the door, and he wanted to tell the person on the other side to go to hell and leave him alone. But, he reasoned, it might be part of the clean-up crew, and they didn’t deserve his anger. When he swung the door open, the person on the other side was the last person he’d expected to find.

  “Oh my God, Hannah,” he breathed, reaching out and folding her up in his arms. “I’ve been worried sick about you.”

  “I know,” she nodded, holding her phone up. “I got your messages.”

  “Where in the fuck have you been?” It was out before he could stop it, but he had been so worried all day, he couldn’t help it.

  “I know, I worried all of you, but I’ve just texted Shell and my mom. They know I’m fine. I saw the guys and told them that we would be driving to the next venue on our own. I have a car, so we can get there,” she explained.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, once he came to grips that she was standing in front of him. She was okay, something horrible hadn’t happened.

  “I need to talk to you. I don’t know if you want to do it here or some other place. I’m not sure how much time we have here. I do have a hotel room if you want to go back there and have our talk in private. That’s where I’ve been a good portion of the day after I left my bus.”

  Her mood was different than he had ever seen. She seemed so pensive and so…unsure of the situation. Garrett knew that he was to blame for all of that. “Let’s go talk this out someplace private, just in case you decide to scream at me again.” He hoped his joke broke the tension and it did. Not enough to make him happy, but enough to satisfy him to a small degree that this just might be okay.

  * * *

  Hannah’s palms were sweaty as she let them into the hotel room she had secured for the night. After their previous experience, she was downright scared of what they could do to hurt one another. At the same time, she knew this had to be done. She had to prove to him that she could move on with her life. She had to explain to him and then see if he could move on with her. Hannah wanted that, so badly.

  They entered the room, standing there in complete silence. Even on the first night they had spoken with each other, it hadn’t been this awkward. She absolutely hated this.

  “I need you to listen to me, if you can,” she started, her voice small, but strong.

  He had a seat on the bed and looked up at her. “I’ll listen to you all damn night if that’s what you need me to do.”

  The smile that came to her lips was the first genuine emotion he had seen from her. It gave him hope. “This may take me a while, you have to be patient and hear me out, that’s all I’m asking from you. If you decide when I’m done that you don’t want to do this relationship anymore, then I’ll respect your wishes. It’ll hurt like you wouldn’t believe, but I’ll do what you want.”

  His mouth wouldn’t open to respond. That was the last thing he wanted, but he had promised to hear her out. So hear her out he would.

  It took her a long time to start; his eyes followed her as she wandered around the room. Finally she came to a stop in front of the window and opened the curtain, gazing out. When she began to speak, it almost startled him.

  “You were right when you accused me of hanging onto Ashton,” she admitted, her voice strong and clear. “But I was hanging on in a much different way than what you assumed.”

  That was it, he wanted to beat something. She still had feelings for this guy, and she was going to give him the kiss off. This was going to hurt like a motherfucker.

  “I’m not hung up on Ashton because I still love him. As I realized over my night and long day of no sleep, I’m long over that part of our relationship. I’m not even sure now that I ever really did love him. I feel much more for you than I ever felt for him, but we’ve not said those words to each other—but right now, that’s neither here nor there. What I was hung up on was the hurt.”

  She turned from the window and walked over to the dresser. Turning to face him, she leaned against it, crossing her arms over her stomach. “That hurt I held in front of me like a shield. It was a coat of armor I could put in place every time another person did something that I didn’t like. It was convenient. Someone hurt my feelings? I could blame it on Ashton and the way he left me, the way he hurt me. I’ve been hid
ing behind that fear, that hurt, for so long that I didn’t even realize it. I didn’t realize that even though I’ve given myself to you, I always expected him to come back. That’s why his number was still in my phone, that’s why I still had a box of old letters and ticket stubs from our relationship, that’s why I constantly think that nobody ever likes me for me. It’s been easy to let myself wallow in this pool of self-pity. If you expect to be hurt, then when it happens, it’s just something else that someone has done to you that makes you feel like a second-class citizen. You were right in every damn word you said to me, Garrett.”

  He breathed heavily. He may have been right, and while that did feel good, he had to wonder at what price. What was this affirmation going to cost him in the long run? He didn’t want to ask. She had told him to listen, and that was what he intended to do.

  “When you left, I took a good, hard look at myself and realized that I am different now. I’m not that same girl that I was a few years ago. I don’t need that protection because I know without a shadow of a doubt you aren’t going to hurt me. You told me—even though I kind of wish you hadn’t—exactly what you’ve given up to be with me.”

  He blushed at that. “I really wish that I could keep my mouth shut sometimes.”

  “Even though it wasn’t the most pleasant thing in the world to hear, I needed to hear it. I’m glad you shared it with me. I get so caught up in my own crap that I forget about other people, and that’s not the way I need to live my life. I need to live it happy, not worried about what other people are going to say about the things I do. That’s something I got from him. His presence is a skin that I need to shed. I started that this morning. I burned everything he ever gave me. I allowed myself to cry over it and have a pity party for what I once thought was the most important decision of my life. Then I called my cell phone carrier and blocked his number. I also spoke with my lawyer about getting harassment papers drawn up just in case. There are still a few things he could do to hurt me, but if he does, I’ll be ready.”

  This woman standing in front of him was amazing. “If he does anything else, I can’t guarantee you that I won’t kick his ass,” he warned.

  “At this point, I’m thinking he deserves it. But what I’m trying to tell you is that I am ready. I can be with you. I want to be with you. I hope you haven’t given up on me,” she swallowed roughly, for the first time emotion clogging her throat.

  He stood up and walked over to her, putting one arm around her waist and pulling her to him. The other arm went around her neck. “God, no. I thought my mouth and my temper had lost you. I’m sorry for the things I said. I never meant for all that to happen, but if it brought us here, then I’m glad it did.”

  “I’m glad it did too.” She threw her arms around him then, holding on for dear life.

  They stayed that way for long moments, him breathing in the scent that he had learned to associate with her. Her fingers dug into his shirt, clinging roughly. Finally she pulled her head back. “Can you do something for me?”

  “I’ll do any damn thing you want me to, you just have to ask.”

  “After you go take a shower, because you stink, can we go to sleep? I’m so tired. I haven’t slept in almost a full twenty-four hours.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, that can be arranged. Right now, I need to sleep too, but it’s not going to happen without you in my arms.”

  That was exactly where she wanted to be.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  * * *

  Garrett awoke to Hannah loudly whispering on her phone.

  “Shell, I understand that you’re upset.” He watched as she held the phone away from her ear and he could hear Shell’s voice from the other end.

  “I was worried out of my fucking mind. You got off the bus to get a snack, a damn snack, and then we couldn’t find you. Do you realize every scenario that played through my head? You’re famous and people want you. I thought someone had abducted you!”

  Hannah breathed slowly. “I needed to get away, Shell,” she said patiently.

  “Take your needing to get away and shove it up your ass. I’m furious right now, and I’ve never known you to be this selfish—ever. Don’t call me—I’ll see you tonight. I have a huge mess to clean up!”

  Hannah looked at the phone as the call disconnected.

  “She’s pissed I take it?” Garrett asked, sitting up in the bed.

  “I think that would be an understatement. Apparently everyone is. My mom is furious, and you of course just heard Shell. I have to figure out how I’m going to fix this.”

  “She’s right you know,” he gently told her as he came over and had a seat next to her.

  “You think so?” she was honestly asking him.

  He got the feeling that she had never done anything like this before. She had never really been selfish with her time and her feelings. Good girl Hannah had always done what was expected of her and what she was told. “Yeah, I do. You have no idea how freaked out we all were. I’m right there with her. I thought maybe someone had abducted you too there for a while. After that picture you put on Instagram, I worried that maybe you were going to hurt yourself. You do have a lot of work to do to clean this up. What are you going to do? You need to make it right. I think your Mom will understand if you just explain it to her.”

  “I needed some time to myself.” She ran her hand through her hair.

  “And while I understand that because I live this life, I’ve needed the same thing. Not everybody does, not everybody has. As the person who brings in the money, you have to take care of the people that take care of you. Don’t disappoint me here, babe. Make this right.”

  “I don’t even know where to start. I’ve never had to apologize for anything before. I’ve always done what people asked of me.”

  He laughed and pulled her over in his lap. “Lucky for you, I have a shit-ton of experience when it comes to groveling. On the drive, we’ll figure something out.” A thought hit him. “By the way, how are you getting to your own show?”

  “I’m going to have you just drop me off at the airport. I have a ticket that should get me there a few hours before.”

  He kissed her on the neck and squeezed her tightly around the waist. “Things are going to be fine; you just gotta work it all out. Instead of letting Shell do everything this time, you’re going to have to do it for her.”

  Hannah knew that he was right. It was time to grow up and be an adult and to take control of the consequences of her actions. Everybody made mistakes; it was how they came back from those mistakes that truly mattered.

  * * *

  Shell felt like she was going to kill someone. Her phone was ringing off the hook, and she kept pushing everyone to voice mail. She was tired, so tired. Worrying about her best friend had taken a toll on her, and then the anger that had rushed through her body as she realized that Hannah was indeed okay had given way to a bone-deep fatigue. Sighing as her phone rang again, she saw Jared’s name. This one she accepted.

  “How are you holding up?” he asked.

  “I’m so tired, and I’m so upset with her. How could she do this to everybody?”

  He was quiet for a beat, and she wondered if he was still on the line with her. She was about to ask when his voice sounded again over the line. “I’m not saying that what she did was right. Lord knows I’m not the type of person who should throw stones, but I’m going to tell you where I come from. I think maybe she was coming from the same place. Sometimes in this life, people—meaning fans and even your best friends—they look at you and they think you have this amazing life. That you have it all completely together and there’s nothing that you could want for.”

  She gave him the respect of really listening to him and trying to put herself in his shoes. She wanted to understand this. The absolute last thing she wanted to do was be mad at Hannah. In all the years they had been friends, they had never let anger separate them. Never. As women that was saying something.

  “I’m her
e to tell you that’s not the case,” he told her. “With the life we lead, you don’t get any time by yourself.”

  “She’s in hotel rooms by herself all the time,” Shell argued.

  “That’s not what I mean,” he interrupted her. “When you are on the road, you’re ‘on’ all the time. You’re that person that the fans expect you to be. You’re the person the people you work with expect you to be. Sometimes that’s not you, and you become a caricature of yourself. You lose yourself in everything you’re supposed to be, and you have to take time to recalibrate your life. Sometimes you need to be away from yourself.”

  “Is that why you do what you do? The drugs?” she asked quietly.

  “When you’re as creative as we are, that place within yourself can sometimes be very dark. I’m not expecting you to understand it, but I’m asking you to give her a break. She didn’t do this to hurt you; I can assure you of that. She did this because she needed it for her. If she’s not selfish for herself, no one else is going to be.”

  “That doesn’t make it right,” she argued.

  “I’m not saying that it does, but I’m just trying to give a different perspective from someone who’s been there. If she needs a day to herself to figure her shit the fuck out, give it to her. Don’t let her get so messed up that she does the things I do.”

  Shell swallowed roughly against the lump in her throat. That was the last thing she wanted. “But I need her to tell me when she needs that.”

  “Then explain that to her,” Jared told her. “Nobody said that to me until it was too late, and I still can’t shake my demons.”

  That was a problem and she knew it, but she could only deal with one at a time. “Okay, I will try to cut her some slack and be polite about this, but I have to warn you, I’m pissed as fuck.”

  “You wouldn’t be her best friend if you weren’t.”

  They hung up a while later, and Shell sat there, still stewing when she saw an email alert on her phone. She opened it and her mouth hung open. Hannah had purchased a three-night vacation stay in Cozumel for Shell and a guest, to be used over their break. Along with it was a note.