Dark Mind (The Dark Mind Trilogy Book 1)

by Matthew Goldstein

  Cole could not help but feel disappointed, although the news was not half as bad as he had feared. Considering the calmness of the phone call, it sounded only as if something had come up. Perhaps his self-created agreements worked after all, the prospect of which sent a shiver of elation through his body. He had done it. He had finally overcome the control and fear that agreements had brought him as far back as he could remember. From now on, if he lost an agreement or did not want to complete one, he could undo it with his own agreement later, and possibly even force the outcome any way he pleased.

  “Are you really disappointed?” Meredith asked him, still standing in the kitchen doorway.

  “Nah, it’s not a big deal. There’s all the time in the world to make more plans.”

  “That is true. I’m glad you’re so mature about it. Makes my life so much easier.”

  Cole smiled to himself. “Not a problem.” He created a couple more simple agreements to ensure Amy's safety and then, he began to read.

  Cole hurried off to lunch the next day, anxious to see Amy and confirm that she was okay. He felt a moment of panic when, after his first scan of the cafeteria, he saw no sign of her. However, after a second scan he caught her sitting alone at a table, partially concealed behind a rather large boy, peacefully eating her lunch.

  “Good mooorning,” Cole said, sitting across from her and splaying his lunch out in front of him. She looked the same as always, and he had never been so happy for it.

  “You’re pretty chipper considering our plans failed yesterday,” Amy said through a mouthful of sandwich.

  Cole realized the accuracy of this statement but was quick on his feet. “Wouldn’t want that to ruin today. What are you doing later?”

  Amy’s usual smile returned. “I don’t know. Let’s ask.”

  “By the way, what happened yesterday?”

  Amy looked down at her tray of food and used her spork to push her vegetables in circles. “It was nothing, really. My parents just decided they, uh, didn't want to drive me. Happens. Sucks.”

  Cole's brow furrowed but Amy did not meet his eyes. “Yeah, that sucks. But that won't happen again today?”

  “Nope. Pretty sure we're good. It's... rare.”

  After school, they asked Amy’s mother if they could reschedule the plans for that night. She seemed reluctant at first but Amy’s pleading brought her around.

  “Hopefully better luck tonight,” Cole said to his mom as he got into the car.

  “I’m sure it will be,” Meredith responded.

  As they pulled away, Cole thought that in the corner of his eye he saw someone watching him. He looked back but by then the car had turned onto the next block. Cole sat forward again, knowing it wasn’t anyone important; it was not uncommon for him to be the unwanted center of attention. He had all but forgotten about his appointment until he looked up and saw the sign for “Dr. Rita Stern.”

  “See you in an hour,” Meredith said, pulling up to the curb. “Love you.”

  “Love you,” Cole said. Despite his mother’s unintentional mistake the previous day, he could not stay mad at her, especially so soon after fearing he might lose her forever. He shook off the absurd notion of misfortune befalling Amy because of some silly agreement out of his head as he greeted his doctor inside the entrance. It was time to have fun with his psychologist again.

  “Oh, Cole. I heard about your mom. So happy to hear she’s okay,” Dr. Stern said from her desk, getting up to lead him to the back room.

  “Thanks.”

  Once Cole had taken his place on the couch, Dr. Stern continued. “So, how was your last week? Have you tried any of the recommendations I gave you?” she said hopefully, while expecting the worst.

  “Yeah, I have a friend. It was easy.” He tried to keep a straight face but a slight smile crept up on the corners of his mouth.

  Dr. Stern looked skeptical, as expected. He had never been very honest with her and was even less receptive to anything she said. “Oh? What’s his name?”

  “Her name. Amy.”

  Dr. Stern sat back in her chair, unconvinced, taking a better look at Cole’s face and attempting to read beneath its façade. “How’d you two meet?”

  Oh, Dr. Stern, so predictable. “She came over to me at lunch last week. We've already hung out a couple times.” It was becoming increasingly difficult to keep a straight face while watching Dr. Stern’s. Sometimes the truth is the easiest play.

  “All right,” Dr. Stern said. “Tell me about her. What did you guys do?”

  “You know, just hung out, talked and stuff. We were at the amusement park yesterday. Turns out I hate roller coasters. Who knew?”

  “Cole,” Dr. Stern said, a hint of irritation in her voice. “Is all of this the complete truth?”

  “All right, you win,” Cole said. “I made her up. Wanted to see your reaction. Maybe thought you’d be happy. But if you want the truth then fine, nope, no friends yet. Tried but they’re all assholes.”

  “I really wish you wouldn’t use such language in here. And stop lying. It makes my job that much more difficult if I don’t know what you’re really thinking or doing. Please, please, try to be honest for both our sakes. I’m happy to hear you tried, if that’s even the case. Tell me about it and we’ll see how we can turn it around for the next time. Persistence and learning from past mistakes are key elements of your progress.”

  Instead of fabricating an entire story, Cole proceeded to tell Dr. Stern about his failed attempt to befriend his fellow students, leaving out all parts involving Amy. When he was finished, Dr. Stern proceeded to ask questions about his encounter, his feelings, his thoughts on what went wrong, and then gave advice on how to improve for the next time. She concluded that if Cole showed more confidence and participated in more conversations, he would have better success.

  At the end of the hour they walked out to the reception area to find Meredith sitting there waiting. She jumped up, excitement on her face, and rushed over to greet Dr. Stern.

  “Doctor, so nice to see you. Weren’t you thrilled to hear the news about Cole’s new friend? I met her after school today and she’s coming over to the house later. She looks like such a darling. I knew Cole could do it.” She said all of this jumbled together in one breath and never stopped smiling.

  Dr. Stern cast a sharp, quick glance at Cole that told him better than any words could, “We’ll have a nice long talk next time.” He returned the look with a sly smirk. She turned back to Meredith, the annoyance on her face replaced by feigned happiness. “Yes, it is quite the accomplishment. We were talking all about it today. He just needed that little push to get started. I can’t wait to see him next time.” She threw another glance at Cole before returning to her desk.

  When they had left, Dr. Stern's shoulders sagged and she rubbed her eyes. “I have to do it,” she muttered. “Call him. Just swallow your pride and call him.” She picked up her phone and dialed.

  “Hello?” a calm, articulate voice answered.

  “Hey Brent.”

  “Oh, Rita! It's been too long. How are you?”

  “I'll just get right to the point. I'm having trouble with a client and I didn't even realize how bad it had gotten until just now. He's making me look like an amateur.”

  A chuckle came across the line. “Is that so? In what way?”

  “He plays games with me, he lies all the time, and I just let him steamroll all over me. I've become a joke to him. I really want to help him but before I can do that I need to take a step back and help myself.”

  “I see. And what is it I can do for you?”

  “To begin with, I can't even pinpoint his disorder. It doesn't match with anything I know. I was going to start a Googling frenzy but was just wondering if maybe you could help shed some light. I know you've had a good number of odd experiences.”

  “Yes, of course I can try. Anything for you. Tell me everything you know about him.”

  10

  That night, Cole sat re
stlessly reading his book, not absorbing any of the words on the page. Meredith wanted to talk about his appointment and what his short term goals were, but he could not concentrate on anything except the clock. A few minutes early the doorbell rang. Cole remained seated, allowing his mother to get the door. He took a few deep breaths, not wanting to embarrass himself by appearing anxious. At the sound of greetings at the door he composed himself and went to make sure his mom did not ask any undesirable questions.

  After a cursory greeting for their host and a tight farewell hug for Amy, Mrs. Brown left and Meredith invited them into the kitchen. She sat Amy down at the table while Cole stood awkwardly against the wall, watching his foot as it tapped the floor. Meredith asked Amy a few questions about herself and Amy happily obliged, offering an elaborate explanation of everything about her with nothing less than a smile and a laugh. After a few minutes, Cole stepped away from the wall.

  “All right, I think you have enough information,” he said. “Can we go hang out now?”

  “Of course,” Meredith said. “I was just getting to know her, is all.” She looked at Amy. “Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

  “Not at all,” Amy said, chipper as always. “It was nice to meet you.”

  “You’re such a nice girl, so sweet,” Meredith said. “You two have fun.” She went over to the sink to wash the dishes, cueing the two of them that they were dismissed.

  Cole led Amy to his small bedroom, wincing as he opened the door and remembered the mess that covered his floor, obscuring the dirty rug underneath. Amy seemed not to notice.

  “So, what do you wanna do?” she said.

  “I don’t know. I usually just read books,” Cole said, uncomfortable again.

  “You can’t do that with two people,” Amy said. “You have any board games? You have Monopoly? I love Monopoly.”

  “I…only have one game,” Cole said. “It’s called ‘Risk’.”

  “Oooo, I love that game,” Amy said. “Oh, but I don’t think we can finish it before my mom gets here. It’s really long.”

  “Is there something else you wanna do?”

  “No, no, get it out. I haven’t played it in forever. We can finish it some other time.”

  Cole reached under his bed and pulled out the game, still in its original plastic wrapping.

  “You’ve never played it before?” Amy asked incredulously. Cole averted his eyes and said nothing but Amy was too excited to notice. “Oh man, you are missing out. I can’t wait to teach you how to play.” Amy, bubbling with excitement, ripped off the wrapping and cover and arranged the board to begin playing. “I think the last time I played this was with my parents like a year ago.”

  “I never…” Cole began, but caught himself, thinking it best to leave his thought unsaid. However, this time Amy noticed.

  “What was that?” she said. She was looking at him oddly, perceiving a pain in his eyes.

  “No, it’s nothing,” Cole said. “Really.”

  “You can’t just start to say something and then say it’s nothing. Come on. I thought we were buds. I can tell something is wrong.”

  “It’s just, I don’t know. This is stupid. It’s just, sometimes... I mean, you have the perfect life. You have all these awesome things and an awesome car and two awesome parents.” His eyes remained glued to the floor while he spoke and, when he had finished, he regretted every word. “I told you, it’s stupid. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

  Cole raised his eyes to see Amy frozen, staring down at her hand, which was holding a game piece on the board. She sat in silence for several moments, scarcely appearing to breathe, while Cole watched, too afraid to say anything. At last, he opened his mouth to ask if she was all right, but before he had uttered a syllable, she whispered, her lips barely moving, “You think I have it so great?”

  She looked up, slowly, until her eyes were level with Cole’s. He had never seen her face so grave and it sent a chill down his back.

  “I’m sorry, I -,” Cole began but Amy cut him off.

  “You’re not sorry,” Amy said, her voice deathly serious. “I can’t believe you don’t appreciate it. I’m envious of you.”

  “Really?” Cole said. “What’s so great about my life compared to yours?”

  “Why do you think I always come to your house?” Amy said, her voice rising and her eyes narrowing into slits. “Why do you think my mom is always so eager to drop me off all the time? My parents can’t stand me. Or each other. All they care about is their stupid jobs and what everyone else thinks of them. That’s why they have that stupid act whenever they pick me up. As soon as we drive away they’re completely different. And they make me play along or…” She lifted the back of her shirt and twisted to reveal a large deep purple bruise on her back. “They do it whenever they’re angry but less if I’m good. It got really bad last night. Why do you think I couldn’t come over?”

  There was a short silence, the pit in Cole’s gut rendering him incapable of speech.

  “They try not to leave marks on me so they don’t get in trouble but sometimes they... lose control,” Amy added.

  “W-why don’t you tell someone?” Cole said in a small voice.

  “They threaten me if I do. They say it’ll get much worse. I’m scared of them. It’s horrible!” Her head dropped and she sat there, eyes closed, panting angrily.

  Cole stared with wide eyes, unsure of anything he could say or do. A few seconds later there was a knock on the door.

  “Is everything okay in there?” Meredith called through the door. She cracked it open and poked her head inside. “I thought I heard a scream.”

  Amy’s head had snapped up at the knocking and she turned around with a huge cheery smile on her face. “Oh, sorry, Mrs. Sicarius. I get really into games. Didn’t realize I was loud. It won’t happen again.”

  “That’s fine, Honey,” Meredith said. “It just got me a little nervous. Oh! I see you’re finally using Risk! Enjoy the game.” She closed the door and retreated down the hall.

  Amy turned back to Cole, the smile smaller but still there. “Don't ever talk about it again. Okay? Now let’s play.”

  Cole felt lost but as Amy began to explain the rules in her peppy voice his mood improved and, by the time they were ready to play, it almost seemed as if the conversation had never happened. Cole’s head had been spinning too fast to pay much attention to Amy’s explanation but he caught on quickly anyway and they played for a couple hours. Had someone been watching them play, it would have appeared as if nothing was wrong, but in the back of Cole’s head was a burning desire to bring it up again. He couldn’t stand the idea of Amy consumed by pain and hiding it all behind a façade of happiness, but he also could not bring himself to say anything when Amy had been so adamant about not wanting to talk about it. He resigned himself to leaving her alone for now but vowed to keep trying to help her.

  Cole was on the verge of winning when the game was interrupted by another knock as Meredith poked her head in again.

  “Sorry to break up the game but your mom’s here to pick you up,” she said.

  Amy shot Cole a look before turning to Meredith with a smile. “That’s okay. We can finish this another time. Thanks so much for having me over.” She jumped up off the floor and hurried out of the room.

  “My pleasure,” Meredith said. “You are more than welcome anytime.”

  Cole followed them to the front door where Mrs. Brown was waiting.

  “Amy! Did you have a good time?” she asked.

  “Uh-huh. We played Risk,” Amy said, coming up to give her mom a hug.

  “That’s wonderful,” she said and then to Meredith, “thanks for watching her for a few hours. Aren’t kids a handful?” She laughed. “But we love them for it. Goodbye, Cole!”

  Cole did not respond. It was all he could do to keep his mouth shut and stare but Mrs. Brown didn’t seem to notice. She left with Amy by her side.

  Meredith stood watching them drive away. “Great fi
nd. She’s adorable. I’ve never seen anyone so happy all the time in my entire life. And so polite.”

  Unable to bear any of this, Cole went back up to his room to rack his brains for a solution. He was smart; there had to be some way to fix Amy’s life, even if he could never fix his own. He winced every time Amy’s pained face flashed across his mind. He knew he would never be able to rest until he did something. The only answer he kept coming back to was that he had to tell somebody, despite what Amy said. There had to be someone older who had the authority to step in and help.

  With this thought to comfort him, he got ready for bed, performing all of his nightly rituals before shutting out the light. However, something was nagging at him, something he could not quite remember. As he was finishing putting on his pajamas, it came to him; his self-made agreements had failed. Despite his full-fledged attempts at helping Amy, harm had come to her anyway. He was powerless to control the future beyond completing agreements that were given to him. If he lost those, there could be no redemption, and this feeling of helplessness and disappointment overwhelmed him almost as much as Amy’s plight.

  He lay down in bed but his wandering thoughts would not permit sleep so easily. After a few minutes he gave up, went over to his window to look out over the street – and froze. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he was awake but his eyesight was not deceiving him. Standing on the sidewalk in front of his house, staring up at his window, was the boy from the amusement park. He was unmoving, unblinking, as Cole stared back.

  Cole broke the stare and bolted out of his room to catch the kid in the likely case that he fled. Cole had to talk to him, to find out what the hell he was doing following him home. He flew down the stairs, hoping his mother would not be around to stop him or ask questions, and was almost out the door when something in his peripheral vision made him stop. He released the doorknob and spun around, disbelieving his eyes yet again.

  “Mom?” he called quietly.

  She was on the living room carpet, lying face down, her limbs bent at awkward angles.

  “Mom?” He was frantic now, the boy outside just a distant fragment of a thought. He sprinted for his mother but midstride reversed his step and ran into the kitchen instead.