Hiding from Love

by Barbara Cartland

  Leonora waited until she heard Desirée’s steps ring out on the steel stairs. Then she ran to the rail and peered after her.

  She would have to take off her shoes if her pursuit was not to be discovered as she followed Desirée.

  The very air below seemed to pulsate and Leonora realised that she must be near to the engine room.

  What on earth could have possessed Mr. Chandos to suggest such a rendezvous?

  For a second her resolve faltered. What could she possibly hope to achieve by following Desirée in this way?

  The misery of seeing all her suspicions confirmed? The mortification of seeing that pallid creature wrapped in the arms of the man that she, Leonora, desired more than any other in the world?

  Did she hope such a sight would act as a purgative on her emotions and rid her of this ridiculous obsession?

  Hearing Desirée reach the bottom of the stairs, she gave herself a shake.

  There was no time to dwell on her motives.

  She was cast now upon her course, as surely as a leaf on the surface of a stream.

  Taking firm hold of the steel rail of the stairway to steady herself, she started down.

  CHAPTER NINE

  The heat became stifling and the thrum and throb of the engine was like the beat of a gigantic heart.

  The cladding of the ship seemed to shudder and she tried not to think of the dark mass of sea on every side.

  She found herself in what seemed for the moment like the centre of a volcano. It was all fire and noise, fierce glow and cavernous shadows.

  Her face burned with the heat emanating from four huge furnaces.

  The furnaces in turn were like the gaping maws of hungry beasts. Stokers in dirty vests, sleeves rolled to the elbow, slaved to feed them with shovelfuls of coal.

  Leonora cast frantically round for Desirée.

  The pounding furnaces created avenues as straight as the boulevards of a foreign City and along one of these Desirée was creeping, her head low as if trying to hide.

  Near the end of the row of furnaces she stopped and drew from her bodice the billet-doux that Mr. Chandos had given her earlier that night.

  Leonora watched jealously as she brought the paper to her lips before reading its contents again.

  Once read she thrust the paper back into her bodice and proceeded on, turning left at the end of the row.

  Although her footfall could not possibly be heard amidst the din, Leonora found herself resorting to tiptoe, as she followed quickly after her prey.

  There was a series of doors in a long wall and one of these was open and there stood a stoker, his hair lank over his forehead, his hands holding a tin mug.

  He seemed unaware of Desirée, who had stopped in her tracks at the sight of him.

  Leonora, her view impeded somewhat by the figure of Desirée, shrank back to observe the scene before her.

  She felt a degree of satisfaction at the idea that this humble stoker with his tin mug might prove an unwitting obstacle to the fulfilment of the lovers’ plans.

  Obviously Mr. Chandos waited behind one of those very doors that Desirée did not dare now approach!

  Then the stoker heaved an audible sigh and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

  Trembling, Desirée now moved closer to the wall, leaning against it for support. This gave Leonora a clearer view of the stoker and what she saw made her start.

  She recognised the same soot-streaked features of the young man she had once suspected of passing messages between Mr. Chandos and Desirée. The same young man she had later seen punching the wall during a heated exchange with Mr. Chandos.

  Whatever the nature of his role previously, Leonora decided scornfully, he was now playing the part of look-out to warn the lovers if someone might approach.

  Again she contemplated turning back while she was still unobserved.

  Another second and all her certainties were shaken.

  Desirée, her eyes still fixed on the stoker, suddenly gave out a low moan, whether of frustration or sorrow, she could not determine.

  It was a sound the stoker could not possibly have heard amidst the noise and yet he looked Desirée’s way.

  Seeing her, he gave a cry, threw the mug aside and rushed forward.

  Leonora gasped as she saw him sweep Desirée into his arms and press his grimy face to her pale cheek.

  What was this? Where was Mr. Chandos?

  Was Desirée playing false already?

  Playing false with a mere member of the crew? A fellow in a torn vest with a dirty face? How could she?

  The dirty stoker was now swinging Desirée around in undisguised ecstasy.

  In this circuit Desirée’s eyes fell on Leonora and opened wide in alarm. She then struggled to release herself from the stoker’s grasp.

  Alerted, he set her down and Desirée pointed.

  There was a pause before the stoker found his voice.

  “What the hell do you mean by this?” he demanded of Leonora.

  She was astounded at his lack of embarrassment, as she had indeed witnessed a most compromising encounter.

  “What do I mean?” she replied haughtily. “Isn’t the question rather, what do you mean, sir?”

  The stoker’s response was not at all what she might have expected.

  “That, young lady, is my business.”

  Leonora smarted with indignation.

  His business? As if Mr. Chandos did not exist, as if he had no prior claim on this young woman who now so heartlessly and heedlessly betrayed him!

  “I would think Mr. Chandos might not agree with you there,” she retorted acidly.

  Desirée and he threw each other a glance.

  “Mr. Chandos?”

  Leonora felt a little disconcerted to see that the two looked puzzled and not guilty at the mention of Desirée’s erstwhile suitor. Nevertheless, she blundered on,

  “Yes. Does he know about this assignation?”

  Desirée regarded her gravely.

  “Of course he knows about it, Leonora. It’s he who has been helping us.”

  “Helping you?”

  “Yes. Robert and I could not meet openly, so Mr. Chandos carried messages for us.”

  Leonora could not believe her ears – firstly at hearing Desirée refer to the stoker by his first name and secondly at the idea of Mr. Chandos playing Cupid.

  Robert was regarding Leonora with a frown.

  “Was it some misplaced concern for Mr. Chandos that made you follow Desirée here?”

  Leonora swallowed.

  Now that she was being forced to account for herself, she found that there was no way she could throw a favourable light on her behaviour.

  “Desirée was – kindly looking after me – and I was worried when she disappeared,” she murmured, feeling that this explanation had the virtue of not being entirely untrue.

  “I did disappear, but I thought that you were asleep,” began Desirée, when Robert put his finger to his lips and beckoned the two girls to follow him.

  Leonora could hear the sound of someone testing the pistons of a nearby machine.

  She hesitated, unwilling to be implicated further in this strange web of deception, but Desirée quickly grasped her hand and drew her along.

  Robert closed the door quietly behind them.

  “Perhaps a little tea to calm our nerves?” he asked.

  Leonora barely heard, as she looked dazedly about her. She took in a tin kettle on a stove, a large trunk and four bunk beds covered with brown blankets.

  Robert followed her gaze.

  “I share this room with three other fellows.”

  Desirée gave an appalled cry.

  “Oh, Robert, it’s so small!”

  “I don’t mind. I am now used to it. I’d put up with anything for you – you know that, Desirée.”

  Leonora flinched instinctively as matters must have now gone far between them.

  “I really don’t feel I should remain here,” she sa
id, glancing at the door.

  “Oh, please stay,” pleaded Desirée. “Robert only wanted us to come in here in case someone saw us.”

  “That’s right,” confirmed Robert. “My room-mates are all right. They are in on the secret, but should the Chief Engineer get wind of what’s going on – ”

  He trailed off and looked away, suddenly uncertain.

  Leonora waited a moment and then turned to Desirée,

  “So what exactly is going on?” she asked, unable to disguise a hint of disapproval.

  Desirée reddened as she caught Leonora’s tone.

  “It’s not – what you may think, Leonora! This isn’t something unconsidered or flippant. The truth is – Robert and I – we’re engaged. We’ve been engaged for some time, only Mama wouldn’t countenance it and took me away.”

  Leonora paled as she remembered Mrs. Griddle’s revelation that she was going to Brazil in order to remove Desirée from an unsuitable suitor.

  Robert with his tangled beard was that ‘suitor’!

  And she had thought that Desirée was in love with Mr. Chandos!

  ‘What an utter fool I have been! An utter fool!’

  “Miss Leonora?” Robert was now looking at her in alarm. “Perhaps you should take a seat?”

  Leonora sank gratefully down on a nearby stool.

  Her thoughts were in turmoil as she watched Robert pour water into a teapot while Desirée looked for mugs and she could not but notice Robert’s longing glances at her.

  ‘I considered her so insignificant,’ she reproached herself, ‘but look how he loves her!’

  There was silence as he filled the mugs with tea.

  “So how did you manage to be on the same ship as Desirée?” Leonora asked Robert at last.

  He thrust his fingers into his beard.

  “Mr. Chandos – ” he replied, glancing at Desirée.

  “Mr. Chandos?” repeated Leonora feeling that there was no end to the surprises in store for her.

  Robert gave a nod.

  “I’ll tell you the whole story from the beginning. When I learned that Desirée’s parents were planning to take her abroad and away from me, I determined to follow. I’m not at all a very brave fellow, but I wasn’t going to let my one chance of happiness be stolen from me.

  “So I contrived to discover the name of the ship she would be travelling on and the date it was sailing with the intention of finding employment on board.

  “I disguised myself by growing this beard, although it was not really necessary. Mrs. Griddle had only agreed to meet me the once to tell me that I was unsuitable – I am only a clerk in a publishing house, you see.

  “I came down to Bristol in order to visit the Offices of the Steamship Company, saying I wanted to sign on for work. They laughed at me at first, saying I did not look strong enough, but then Mr. Chandos came in and wanted to know what was going on.

  “I then decided to tell him my whole predicament and once he’d heard me out he hired me on the spot.”

  “He hired you?” Leonora’s eyes widened. “What authority had he to do that?”

  Robert gave a disbelieving chortle while Desirée’s eyes turned with astonishment on Leonora.

  “Bless you, Leonora,” he cried. “Don’t you know? Mr. Chandos is the owner of this ship.”

  Leonora swayed on her stool.

  “H-he is?”

  “Sole owner. He had a partner once, but the partner died. He owns a mine in Brazil and that’s where the steel girders in the hold are going. He’s a very wealthy man.”

  Leonora was now beyond absorbing any more. Her mind was running in a fever back over the last few days.

  She had indeed noticed the deference shown to Mr. Chandos by the Captain and the crew, but there had been no other sign of his importance.

  He had never pulled rank and it was obvious that none of the other passengers realised his status.

  Now she could understand that meeting on deck in the moonlight, when Desirée had rested her head on Mr. Chandos’s shoulder and now she appreciated his chivalrous interest in Desirée.

  He was the confidant and go-between.

  When he had offered to lend her books, it was no doubt to facilitate the exchange of messages with Robert and when he had taken the note from Desirée in her cabin, it had been destined for Robert, not for himself.

  “You can depend on me,” he had said and Leonora had interpreted those words as a lover’s pledge.

  ‘Oh, fool, fool,’ she cried desperately to herself. ‘I have snubbed and ignored him out of jealousy when all the time he was acting at the urge of his generous heart.’

  She could not prevent herself from groaning.

  “Are you not well, Leonora?” asked Desirée.

  “I am – fine. I am just tired. It must be very late.”

  Robert threw a glance at Desirée.

  “It is,” he admitted glumly.

  Leonora understood the situation at once. He was hoping for a little time alone with Desirée.

  “Excuse me, I really must be going now.”

  “Should I not accompany you?” ventured Desirée.

  “Not at all. I will find my way back. I feel fine and I’m sure you two have – much to say to each other.”

  As Robert opened the door and looked warily out, Desirée caught at Leonora’s arm.

  “You won’t tell Mama?” she urged in a whisper.

  “Oh, Desirée, do you really think I would?”

  Desirée, relieved, shook her head.

  “And I won’t tell on you – ”

  She blinked as she realised Desirée was promising not to inform Mr. Chandos that Leonora had felt obliged to intervene tonight on his unwitting behalf.

  “Thank you,” Leonora murmured.

  Desirée smiled wanly, as Robert, having ascertained that the coast was clear, ushered Leonora out.

  *

  Mr. Chandos was not at breakfast the next morning and nor was Desirée.

  Mrs. Griddle threw Leonora a questioning look as she sat down, but was otherwise reasonably forthcoming. She said that Desirée was feeling unwell.

  Finny was serving at breakfast this morning and he fussed over Leonora, much to Mrs. Griddle’s interest.

  Leonora was not hungry, but under Finny’s watchful eye, she forced herself to eat a boiled egg.

  When he went off to serve another table, however, she threw down her napkin and quickly excused herself.

  She did not want to return to her cabin just yet and went instead to the upper deck.

  Who should be there, leaning on the rail and staring at the horizon, but Mr. Chandos!

  Now that she knew his true character and the depth of his kindness to Desirée and Robert, she felt even shyer of him than ever.

  Her heart fluttered as she approached him.

  “Good morning, Mr. Chandos.”

  “Good morning, Miss Cressy.”

  She hovered, twisting the end of her shawl.

  “You were – not at breakfast?”

  “No. I was not hungry.”

  Leonora bit her lip and turned to stare at the sea.

  “It is – very fine today,” she murmured at last.

  Mr. Chandos nodded.

  “Fine now, yes, but I really don’t like the look of that dark horizon.”

  There was indeed a black line of cloud lying low where the sea and sky met.

  “Does it mean a storm?”

  “I hope not.”

  Silence fell again between them.

  Leonora did not know how to broach the subject of last night’s unhappy incident with Señor de Guarda and yet broach it she must, if only to thank Mr. Chandos for his timely intervention.

  At last she cleared her throat.

  “M-Mr. Chandos?”

  To her considerable dismay, she felt she detected an impatient sigh as he turned to face her.

  “What is it, Miss Cressy?”

  His eyes were dark and their expression unfriendly.
r />   “I-I wanted to thank you, Mr. Chandos, for carrying me to – my cabin last night.”

  He waved her words away with a frown.

  “Any gentleman would have done the same. There is no need to thank me.”

  “Oh, but there is!” she carried on bravely. “I know that you interceded when Señor de Guarda – ”

  She faltered as she saw the effect the Señor’s name had on Mr. Chandos. His eyes grew hard and a muscle in his jaw flexed.

  “You had better say no more, Miss Cressy. I should not wish you to compromise yourself still further.”

  Leonora started.

  Compromise herself?

  She knew that she had behaved foolishly with the Señor, but surely Mr. Chandos did not believe that she had encouraged his attentions to the degree of assaulting her?

  “I know that you overheard all that passed between Señor de Guarda and me, Mr. Chandos. In which case you must be aware that I did not – welcome his attentions?”

  Mr. Chandos’s expression was glacial.

  “It did not seem you welcomed it, no, but who is to say what sort of conduct finds latent favour with a lady?”

  “L-latent favour?”

  “In retrospect, in the safety of your cabin, Señor de Guarda’s appeal grew and what had frightened you at the time began to intrigue you – enough for you to rise from your sickbed to seek him out, no doubt to further test what his Latin arts of seduction might bring about.”

  “I – don’t know what you mean.”

  Mr. Chandos gave her such a look of contempt that she felt she must wither before him.

  “I brought the Captain to your cabin to see if you were recovered, Miss Cressy. He has medical knowledge, but unfortunately we found your bed empty.”

  Leonora gasped in dismay.

  Mr. Chandos had obviously expected Desirée to be absent from the cabin, but not her, the patient he had carried unconscious in his arms.

  He knew that Desirée had an urgent assignation, but he could only guess where she, Leonora, might be and with whom and that he believed she had returned to the bosom of the Señor was a blow to her self-esteem.

  All she had to do now was tell him the truth and he would be mortified at his mistake.

  But how could she reveal her secret?

  How could she tell him that she had suspected his interest in Desirée to be amorous?