Doubting Thomas-Nurse Hal Among The Amish

by Risner, Fay

Tootie replied to her sister as if Nora should have known. “Don't you ever read William Shakespeare?”

  The next few days, Emma moped. She didn't speak much while she worked. Finally one morning, Hal could see Emma was upset enough she wasn't going to get over whatever it was, and she was past the point of just missing Adam.

  Emma dried the plates and put them in the cupboard. She dried the kettles, stacked them and placed them on top the plates. Hal waited until Emma's back was turned and put the kettles in the pan cupboard.

  Hal handed Emma the scrap pail to empty to the cats in the barn. Emma dumped it in front of the chicken house. She left the pail in the chicken yard and came back empty handed.

  Hal put a kettle of vegetable soup on the back of the cookstove to simmer. She asked Emma to get her the salt box. Emma brought her the pepper container.

  Hal decided she'd waited long enough for the girl's disposition to change. She took the paring knife away from Emma and handed it to her mother. “Mom, you finish peeling the apples. Emma and I are going for a walk.”

  Emma started to shake her head no.

  “Jah, recht now,” Hal said sternly, pointing at the back door. She didn't mean to sound as if she was ordering a child around, even though Emma had acted like one for some time now.

  Hal was content to walk in silence down the lane until they were away from the house. She looked back to make sure they were far enough away. “Spill it. What's bothering you?”

  “I do not want to talk about it,” Emma grumbled, focusing on the turning pumpkins in the vine covered patch at the edge of the cornfield to avoid looking at Hal.

  “Your father told me Sunday afternoon Adam come from behind Jane Bontrager's chicken house without you. He was really upset. Left right away your father said. I take it the two of you had a disagreement.”

  “Sort of.”

  “Is that anything like being sort of pregnant? I didn't want to butt in, but Adam hasn't been back to make up. So I'm asking. I might be able to help if you explain what happened. Keep in mind you only have a few weeks until the wedding. This is not a gute time to stay mad at each other.”

  “There may not be a wedding.” Emma snapped, watching her bare feet.

  Hal stepped in front of Emma and grabbed her by the shoulders to make her stop walking. “Look at me. What are you telling me?”

  “As mad as Adam is at me, he is not going to marry me,” Emma moaned.

  “You didn't think your family needed to know the wedding is off. We have worked hard to prepare a nice wedding for you two,” Hal scolded.

  “Ach! I did not know what to do,” cried Emma. “I kept hoping Adam might cool down before I had to say the wedding was off.”

  “All recht, why is Adam that mad at you?”

  Emma took a deep breath and studied Hal with tear filled eyes. “Remember when I talked to Bishop Bontrager about my worries, because I didn't see Adam anymore.”

  “Jah, and that didn't help?”

  Emma nodded her head sideways. “The bishop did not have any sympathy for me. I told you he called me a doubting Thomas. I never really understood why the bishop said that even though he explained the bible verses to me. Not until yesterday anyway, after I cornered Adam behind the chicken house. I opened my big mouth and stuck both feet into it. By the time I realized I had done the wrong thing, it was too late.”

  Hal looked very stern. “Fudge! What did you say?”

  “I accused Adam of not wanting to marry me. I said that was why he stays away. Not because he is so busy working. I accused him of hiring Priscilla, because he likes her more than he should and wanted her around every day.”

  “Fudge! How awful for that sweet man. Emma you should be ashamed of yourself,” Hal scolded.

  Emma's shoulders sagged. “I am now that it is too late.”

  “You go to Adam recht away. Tell him you're sorry.”

  “I cannot do that. He told me I needed to take time to think about what I accused him of. If I did not trust him any better that that, we should not get married. He said it was up to me to find him and tell him I did not want to marry him.”

  “All recht, you have thought about this and know what you want so go to him.”

  Emma shook her head. “It has probably not been long enough to let Adam cool down. You did not see how hurt and angry he was.”

  “I can imagine. I'm glad I didn't see him after you ran him through the wringer. What are you going to do now? You do want to marry Adam, don't you?”

  “Jah, I do. I love Adam. Still, I do not know what has been wrong with him. He has acted strange all summer. First, I cannot catch up to him to talk to him so I worried. That is when all sorts of bad thoughts came to me. Adam did not answer me when I accused him of trying to get out of marrying me. I still do not know if I am recht or wrong about some of the things I said to him.”

  “It seems really strange to me that after Adam and you have been so close for so long that his feelings would change over night. Don't you think that would be unlikely to happen?”

  Emma's lips flattened together as she thought. “Jah, it does not seem like the Adam I know and love.”

  “Sure, now if you really trust him you need to tell him you were wrong. Ask him to forgive you. Sooner or later, Adam will give you the answers you want when he isn't mad at you anymore. The most likely one is he has been busy all summer as he said, working to build a nest egg for the two of you. How sad it is that you'd accuse that hard working man of doing something untrustworthy. He adores you.”

  “Ach, that does make sense when you say it. I just cannot go see him yet. Adam was so angry he does not want to see or talk to me now.” Emma sniffed, trying not to cry.

  “Well, give him a little time to cool off. That may help some, but keep in mind, you don't have much time left. When he starts missing you and realizes the wedding date is soon, maybe he'll come talk to you.”

  Emma shook her head. “Nah, Adam is not coming back. I tell you, you should have seen his face. It turned to red stone. He scratched his last words in big capital letters. “I will not come to you.”

  “So you go to him. I'd say you should have to after what you accused Adam of doing. Swallow that pride for the sake of the man you love. If you remember, I had to come face your father and talk to him to get him to marry me after I turned down his marriage proposal. If I could do that, you can, too.”

  Emma said sullenly, “That was different.”

  “Nah, it wasn't that much different. Your father wouldn't confide in me about what had taken place in your family, concerning your mother. That bothered me. I told him I wouldn't marry him if he kept secrets from me. I thought I meant that. Then I missed him so much. I knew I loved him, and I knew the gentle, caring man your father was. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

  So I came here to tell your father I'd marry him without knowing the family secrets. Do you think it was easy for me to swallow my pride and face your father with that admission? Nah, but I had to do it, because it was the recht thing to do for your father and me.

  With a little encouragement from you, John told me what happened to your mother, before he married me even though he no longer had to tell me. So you see there is probably a happy ending for Adam and you, because you love each other. It is up to you to make it happen, Emma, by showing him you really trust him no matter what awful things you were thinking and said to him.”

  “I have to think about this,” Emma said as she turned around at the hayfield and headed back to the house.

  The next morning after kitchen clean up, the women had a second cup of coffee while they discussed their plans for the day.

  Nora said, “Emma, has there been any change with Adam?”

  “Nah.”

  “Mom, I told her she's going to have to trust him with the same blind faith we have in our husbands,” Hal said.

  “Yes, I agree.”

  Emma snapped, “You both are so sure of your faith in your husbands. Did you know
they lied to you not once but twice recently?”

  “Holy buckets!” Tootie exclaimed, her eyes wide.

  “Emma!” Hal snapped, setting her cup down hard. “You shouldn't talk about your father and grandfather like that.”

  Nora looked shocked. “What makes you say a thing like that?”

  “At the quilting frolic, I mentioned to Roseanna Nisely that Samuel must be glad his hay was made with help from our men. She said I was mistaken. Samuel had not made his hay yet. Daed said that was where they were going, and they were gone all day.”

  “I see,” Nora said slowly.

  “But, …,” Hal began.

  “John and Jim are as honest as the day is long,” Tootie interrupted to defend them.

  Emma held her hand up for them to listen. “Again at the quilting frolic, I asked Joe Fitzmiller if he had a gute day at the salebarn, talking to Daed and the others. He said he did not see them. They did not come to the salebarn. Why did Daed lie both times? They were gone all day that day, too, so where were they?”

  “Emma, your father always has the best of intentions. If he didn't want us to know what they were doing, I'm not going to get upset,” Hal said and glanced at her mother for confirmation.

  “Absolutely, I feel the same way. I have faith in both men. We will find out what they were up to one of these days. Whatever they did is nothing to worry about,” Nora agreed.

  “Sure, if you say so,” Emma said doubtfully. “I just wished I could say the same about me and Adam.”

  After lunch, Nora asked Jim if they could go for a ride in his courting buggy. Jim was surprised that his wife volunteered but pleased just the same.

  Later that afternoon, Nora came back with a smile on her face. She caught Hal alone in the kitchen and whispered, “I was right, Hallie. The men had a good reason for not telling us where they were when they disappeared for two days.”

  “What was the reason?”

  “I can't tell you.”

  “Oh, Mom! Not you, too,” Hal groused.

  “I promised your father not to say anything. John will have to tell you if he thinks he can. The men kept still, because Adam wanted them to let him tell Emma in his own time.”

  “If Adam and Emma's attitude doesn't change soon that may never happen. We will never know what he was up to all summer,” Hal complained unhappily.

  The number of days before the wedding were fading away, and no sign of Adam. Soon it would be time for the wedding to be published at the worship service. Emma couldn't let that happen until she knew there was going to be a wedding.

  One night after everyone was in bed, Hal told John the problem between Adam and Emma had gone on long enough. “Something has to be done to get them back together. Emma is so miserable.”

  “Adam has got to be as miserable as Emma. He thinks the world of that girl or did,” John defended.

  “John, could you go talk to Adam for Emma? Get him to come see her?”

  “Nah, and you are not doing that, either. This is between them and none of our business. We should not interfere. If they cannot solve their differences now, they would not be able to live a gute married life together as man and wife.”

  “Then will you at least talk to Emma? See if you can get her to swallow her pride and go see Adam. That's what he said he would be waiting for,” Hal said.

  “I think we should leave what happens up to them, but I can talk to Emma if you think it would help. She mopes like a motherless calf, and I cannot stand to see her so unhappy.”

  “Gute, I knew I could count on you,” Hal said.

  After Emma tossed and turned for half the night, she got out of bed and slipped downstairs. The house was hot. Maybe the cooler night air would help. It certainly couldn't hurt.

  She eased open the screen door. The cool porch floor felt good to her bare feet. She sank down on the edge of the porch.

  Out of no where, Biscuit showed up. He nosed her hand, asking to be patted. She rubbed the top of his head. The satisfied dog flopped down beside her. He put his head on his stretched out front legs and closed his eyes. In the distance, the Bontrager dog barked. Biscuit's head jerked up, his ears perked to alert. He wrinkled his nose like a rabbit, sniffing the air.

  Emma patted his head. “Relax. That dog is not close.”

  In the dim light of a quarter moon, Emma leaned back against the porch post, trying to take the advice she just gave the dog. She took a gulp of fresh night air and filled her lungs. The freshness only served to make her more alert.

  A quiet time like this was soothing to the nerves. Just what she needed. Clouds were banking up from the east. Tomorrow was bound to be cloudy with a promise of rain that wouldn't happen.

  Behind the house, the windmill creaked out a soft whine in the gentle breeze. Emma listened for movement at the barn. She wondered if cows and horses ever had a restless night like people.

  She could make out the ghostly movement of a creature by the road ditch. She squinted through the darkness and recognized Buttercat, prowling in search of a mouse.

  An owl hooted somewhere in the distance, probably roosting in the picnic grove. That was a pleasant sound to fill the silent spot in this night when she felt so miserable.

  Soon the calmness of the evening blanketed Emma. Her head nodded uncontrollably. She was ready to go back to her room and get into bed. No way did she want to fall asleep beside Biscuit on the porch, and have someone in the family find her there in the morning.

  Chapter 11

  Morning came too soon for Emma after the restless night. She hated to get out of bed. After breakfast, while the other women cleaned the kitchen, Emma left with the scrap pail swinging back and forth in her hand.

  The soft clop of hooves caused her to stop at the edge of the driveway. The sun overhead was bright in her eyes so she squinted and tried to make out who drove in. She was hoping against hope it would be Adam.

  With dread, she realized it was Priscilla Tefertiller's fiberglass buggy. That was the last person in this world she wanted to see this morning. Priscilla stopped her horse close by Emma and climbed over the seat. She stalked toward Emma.

  “Wilcom,” Emma said coolly.

  Priscilla halted in front of her. “I have something to say, and I expect you to listen.” Emma's mouth flew open. Priscilla didn't give her a chance to reply, and the frost in her voice would have frozen over Bender Creek. “Adam tells me your problem is you think he has an interest in me even though you know that I am going out with Bobby. That does not make sense. I am here to tell you that you are wrong.

  I like my job, and because of you, I am in danger of losing it.” Priscilla lifted her hand to stop Emma's response. “I am not through talking yet. Adam says he might have to let me go if you come back to him. I need my job, and you are not being fair to me, trying to get me fired when I have done nothing wrong. You need to stop torturing Adam. Make up with him so you can get married. Adam has suffered long enough already. That is all I have to say.”

  Priscilla climbed back in the fiberglass buggy. Emma watched dust flog behind the buggy as Priscilla's horse did a pretty good clip down the road. Emma had to chew on the shame Priscilla's fast, angry words brought her and try to digest them without getting sick at her stomach.

  Emma wanted to get away from the house for awhile. She'd go for a walk. Get off by herself so she could think about how much she cared for Adam, and how she'd wronged Priscilla and Adam. Bobby must be upset with her, too. No doubt since Priscilla is mad, she told Bobby what was bothering her.

  Emma didn't want Priscilla to lose her job. Adam needed a sales clerk. She sure didn't want the job. If Adam married her, she wanted to teach school. How had she messed things up so badly?

  Emma's surroundings didn't register as she shuffled in the lane, putting one foot in front of the other one. When she came to the hay field, she realized she was at the end of the lane. She'd gotten there too soon. She didn't want to turn around and go back to the house yet.

 
; In front of her was the pasture gate. She climbed over the gate. The walnut grove was across the pasture ahead of her. That quiet spot was dense enough to hide in and perfect to be alone. She trudged through the dew sprinkled grass and stepped around the cow piles.

  Hazy vapor shifted across the pond top and hovered over the draw, adding a surreal atmosphere.

  Mourning doves cooed to each other. Emma usually liked to hear their calls, but today the doves sounded as doleful as she felt. A dove flew down and landed in the cow path ahead of her. Emma saw the soft gray-brown bird strut toward her. She stopped and waited. The bird got within a few feet of Emma and stopped to preen its feathers. At first, Emma wondered at this wild bird's assertiveness. Then she remember something her mother once said about a mourning dove coming close was a sign of impending grief. Emma clapped her hands. The disturbed dove chortled as it flew away. Emma watched the bird disappear and prayed silently that nothing worse than what she was suffering came her way. She had to leave it in God's hands that he had better things planned for her than the dove did.

  Emma reached the tree grove and walked out of the sun into the cool shade. The sun couldn't find too many holes in the leaf canopy to poke through so the picnic area was dimly lit with shafts of light spearing the grass in spots.

  The darkness matches my mood, Emma thought.

  She knelt in front of the wooden crosses partially hidden by tall grass and pulled grass around her mother's cross so she could see it better. As Emma flopped down with her back against a walnut tree, she said to the cross, “Mama, why did you have to die? You could have stayed around long enough to help me solve my problems.” She thought for a moment about the past and said sorrowfully, “Reckon you had enough problems of your own, ain't so? You did not even try to solve your own.”

  Mindlessly, Emma waved at mosquitoes that dotted the air around her face. She watched the birds flit from tree to tree and wondered what it felt like to have their freedom. A squirrel chattered nervously. Somewhere, a pheasant crowed and another one answered.