Next Time I Fall
Page 16
“Sorry. It’s more like…I don’t know…not so much that I like bossing people, but I have control issues.”
“Mm hm. Well, that’s okay. I’m used to following directives.”
“Good. Then get your butt up because we have stuff to do.”
Steve reached down and squeezed Eric’s crotch. “Do we have to go immediately?”
Eric looked at him, grinning. “Well, maybe within the next half hour, give or take.”
“Let me close the bedroom door…and lock it.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Three checked bags, plus a carry-on?” Eric rearranged the suitcases in his trunk in order to fit them all in.
“And one personal item, my tote bag,” Kathleen said.
“Cripes, you’re only going for a week.”
Steve stood beside them, smiling. “I totally understand. You never know exactly what you’re going to want to wear. I’d be the same way.”
“See! You should listen to your boyfriend. You were right. He’s very intelligent.” She turned to Steve, reached up and cupped the side of his face then kissed his opposite cheek.
“Please don’t encourage her.” Eric gave Steve a reproving look, but inside he thrilled to the fact Steve and his best friend had taken to each other.
“I’ll take the backseat,” she said, marching around to the side of the car. “You two lovebirds can sit in the front.”
Eric looked at Steve, trying to gauge his reaction. How did he feel about being identified as Eric’s boyfriend, his lovebird? Steve’s smile suggested he didn’t mind. He stepped over to the passenger door and climbed into the car. Eric slid behind the wheel.
“Sooo…” Kathleen began, even before Eric had finished backing out of her driveway. “How does it feel to be free?”
Steve turned in his seat to answer her. “You mean from my church?”
“Yes, from all that judgment and hatred.”
“Hm. Well, to be honest, I have mixed feelings. Sometimes I think about it and get emotional, and other times it’s like you said. I feel free. It was my whole life for so long. And as far as the hatred goes, there are some people in the church who outright hate gay people. I don’t think that most do, though. That’s not at all Christian. Most believe the way they do because they’ve been taught to believe it.”
“I know what you’re saying, dear, but I just can’t give anyone a free pass on that. They make a choice. It’s not like someone’s holding a gun to their head forcing them to believe such horrible things.”
Eric almost jumped into the conversation, but hesitated when Steven began to reply.
“Actually, it’s very much like having a gun held to your head. They’re taught all their lives that if they do not believe—if they don’t accept God’s word, and by this they mean the church’s interpretation of the Bible—that they will ultimately burn in hell. Parents with gay kids are so torn. It’s because they love their kids that they’re so terrified that their child is going to face hellfire. So many times, when they condemn their kids for being gay, they think it’s for their own good. They think it is the sinfulness of homosexuality they’re condemning, not their child and his or her very identity.”
“Forgive me dear, but…” She waved her hand flippantly. “That’s a load of bullshit. Why can’t they see that abandoning and rejecting their child is hurting them right now? Why’re they so worried about some so-called afterlife that might or might not ever happen?”
Eric cleared his throat as he tried to concentrate on the road.
“I think it’s because they see Heaven and Hell as real places,” Steve answered. “They are as real to them as Ohio and Illinois are to us. Even if we’ve never been there, we know they exist.”
Kathleen pulled out a compact mirror and checked her reflection. “I find this topic so fascinating. To me, it seems like a cult.”
“People don’t realize that fundamentalist, evangelical churches often are like cults. Not all of them, but the more hardcore, dogmatic denominations are.”
“Well, I’m Catholic. I know all about guilt and fear of hellfire or purgatory. But I’d never let a priest tell me I should condemn or abandon my child. And what kills me, is that these so-called Christian people all abhor abortions. They think abortion is the equivalence of murder, and yet they are fine with turning their backs on their own kids after they’re born because they happen to be gay…or trans…or bi, whatever.”
“I agree,” Steve said. “I hope I can find a way in the future to work with families like that, especially with the kids. I think many times it is a matter of education.”
“Then you should do that,” Eric said. “That’s the line of work you should pursue.”
“He’s right,” Kathleen chimed in. “You’re so passionate about it, and you could do great things.”
Steve looked at Eric, then reached across the seat to take hold of his hand, squeezing it. “Thank you,” he whispered. “That’s a fantastic suggestion.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Tuesday morning, Steve got up with Eric, and when Eric left for work, he started his research. He already knew there were gay-affirming Baptist churches, but he knew nothing about them. He learned quickly enough that American Baptists not only were welcoming of LGBT congregants, but they also were open-minded about the interpretation of scripture. They were also committed to diversity. But were there any of these churches in the Grand Rapids area? He used the website’s church locator and discovered four such churches. None had websites.
He then researched other denominations, starting with the ones he knew were doctrinally similar to his own faith. The results astounded him. There were far more gay-affirming churches than he’d have ever imagined. He truly had been living in a bubble. Perhaps the saying about the squeakiest wheel always getting the grease was true. From his vantage point within his religion, he had believed that the religious community as a whole had universally condemned homosexuality. Perhaps this had been true at one time, but not nearly as much now as he’d thought.
The Catholic faith and the fundamentalist evangelicals had not budged on their official condemnation of LGBT people. Most other Protestant denominations had at a minimum debated or reconsidered the issue. Many had taken the step to outright lift their ban on homosexuality and now welcomed LGBT people into their congregations. And some went so far as to alter their ordination process in order to prevent discrimination.
Steve kept a tablet alongside his computer where he made notes. He wrote down names, addresses, and phone numbers. He bookmarked all the important websites. He’d filled up three pages in his notebook when he moved on to start researching gay weddings.
And that’s when he found it.
Metropolitan Community Church, a gay-affirming denomination, provided outreach specifically to the LGBT community. Not only were they welcoming of LGBT congregants, but they were even advertising for a position in their youth outreach. They were looking for a youth director.
He quickly wrote down all the information, then picked up his cell phone.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Steve had programmed the church’s address into his GPS, but when it led him to what appeared to be a residential district, he thought perhaps he’d typed something incorrectly into his phone. Then he spotted the sign for the church. The building itself indeed appeared to be more like a home. It was even smaller than his hometown church up in Boyne City. He pulled into the drive.
He parked and got out of his car, then headed for the church entrance. A man on the north side of middle age greeted him as he pushed through the double doors. “You must be Steven.” the smiling, gray-haired gentleman extended his hand. “I’m Curt Standish.”
“Nice to meet you in person, Rev. Standish.”
“Curt is fine. Come on in.” He motioned with his hand, like a Price Is Right Model, toward the small sanctuary. “Why don’t we just chat for a bit? I have an office, but it’s a little cramped.”
“Sure.”
The pastor led Steve down the center aisle toward the altar, and they each took a seat on a pew in the front row. “I read your resume and the very detailed biography you provided, Steven. I’m touched and frankly impressed.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Thirty-two years ago I found myself in a situation very similar to yours. I was also an evangelical Baptist—a fundamentalist. I had graduated from Bible college and was ordained by my denomination, then came out as a gay man.”
“Wow. I can’t imagine how much harder it must have been back then.”
The pastor smiled. “I had a wonderful partner. His name is Rick, and he’s now my husband—legally, I might add. But he’s suffered some physical setbacks lately. His health is not great. I’ll be seventy in a few months, and we’ve talked and prayed about retiring.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Steve leaned forward.
“Thank you, but the Lord has blessed us. We’ve served this church family for almost four decades, and the rewards have been beyond abundant. But we need new blood. We need youthful leadership.”
Steve took a deep breath. “Sir…Curt, I can’t say yet if this is the right job for me or that I’m the right candidate for you. Regardless, I’d love to attend your church and become involved, particularly with your youth ministry.”
“We’d welcome your involvement.”
“All I’m asking at this point is that you give me a chance to test the waters. I want to get to know your congregation and see how things transpire.”
“Tomorrow night, Thursday, is our youth group. Perhaps you’d like to attend. You could even lead the devotional if you’d like.”
“Really?”
When Steve left the church an hour later, he walked to his car with a broad smile on his face. He pulled his phone from his pocket and immediately sent a text:
“Luke, this is Pastor Steve. Would you like to attend youth group tomorrow with me at a new church?”
He didn’t even have time to start the car when he received the reply: “YES!”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Steve parked his car in the parking lot adjacent Eric’s office building. He hesitated before getting out. Maybe Eric wouldn’t like being bothered at work. Then again, he’d also stressed that he was out to everyone at his job, so Steve didn’t think showing up would expose Eric in any way.
When he stepped inside, a receptionist looked up from the counter. “May I help you, sir?”
“I’m here to see Eric Daniels.”
She smiled. “You have an appointment with him?”
“No…um…”
“You’re not Steve are you?” She smiled from ear to ear.
“How’d you know?”
“Oh my God!” She jumped up from her chair and rushed around the counter. “He doesn’t stop talking about you. Come on, come on. I’ll take you back to him. I’m Jinny, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you.”
She hurriedly led Steve down an aisle through a series of cubicles, and then down a hallway to an office. She stopped outside the door, and Steve raised his eyebrows as he read the gold nameplate on the wall. ERIC DANIELS C.P.A. Senior Partner
She stepped into the threshold of the door. “I have a surprise for you, Eric.”
He was sitting at his desk with his head down, reading through some paperwork. Eric looked up just as Jinny stepped aside to reveal Steve standing behind her. Eric quickly pushed back his chair and rose to his feet.
“Steve!” He hurried around the desk and stepped across the room. “Is everything okay?”
Steve stepped forward, and Eric grabbed him by the shoulders, then leaned in and kissed him. Jinny stood beside them smiling.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I…um…I probably should have waited till you got home, but I was too excited. I think the interview went really well. I’m going to lead youth group tomorrow night, then I have an appointment with the entire church board next week.”
“Wow! That’s fantastic, I’m so proud of you.”
“Congratulations,” Jinny said, patting him on the shoulder. She looked at Eric. “I can’t believe you’ve fallen in love with a preacher.”
Fallen in love? Was that what Eric had told her? Steve pulled Eric into another embrace. As he did, a voice from the hallway registered in his ear. He pulled back from Eric and turned to see Rachel, his friend from the Baptist church.
“Steve!” she gasped.
Jinny took a step back as Rachel moved into the office. “Wh-what happened to you? At church they said…”
“Hi Rachel. So this is the accounting firm you work at?”
“Yeah.” She stood there, mouth agape.
“I got fired last Saturday. I had to move out of the parsonage and in with my boyfriend, Eric.” Eric grabbed hold of his hand.
“Oh…everyone was saying you had a family emergency and had to go back to your hometown.”
“Well, not exactly. I did go home for a short period, but the reason they fired me is because I’m gay. The board is probably just trying to figure out how to break the news to the entire congregation.”
She looked from Eric to Steve, then smiled and shrugged. “Maybe they’re embarrassed. That’s not a very decent way to treat someone who’s as dedicated a pastor as you. They should be ashamed of themselves.”
“Thank you.” Steve moved closer to her, holding out his arms, and they hugged.
“I love your boyfriend,” she whispered. “Best boss I’ve ever had.”
Steve laughed. “I say the same thing.”
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Eric held Steve’s hand throughout the service. The wedding, in spite of Ryan’s theatrics and Dwayne’s procrastination, had turned out beautiful. And Steve, though he knew neither of the grooms, stood watching them say their vows with tears streaming down his cheeks.
Later at the reception Eric led Steve to the dance floor where they danced together for the first time, and it felt at that moment that all eyes were on them. Toward the end of the slow dance, the female partner of a straight couple dancing nearby leaned in and whispered, “You’re upstaging the grooms.”
Eric didn’t care. All he cared about was being with this amazing man who had so drastically changed his life in such a short time period. It had been only fifteen days since he met Steve on his front porch, and he now knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that he was head over heels in love. Maybe there was such a thing as love at first sight.
Steve had attended the youth group at MCC on Thursday night and came back gushing about every one of the young people. He’d led the devotional that night, and one of the kids from his former church youth group had shown up with his new boyfriend. Eric and Steve planned to attend the morning worship service Sunday, so Eric vowed not to drink too much at the wedding lest he be hungover.
After the dance, they headed to the bar where Steve got himself a Diet Coke and Eric ordered a scotch. “Have you ever tried alcohol?” Eric asked.
Steve shook his head, smiling. “Maybe someday. You have to be patient, I’m afraid. I can’t rethink every single thing I’ve been taught all my life in a few short days.”
“Well, even Jesus condoned drinking alcohol at weddings,” Eric pointed out. “Wasn’t that his first miracle, turning water to wine?”
“You know a lot more about the Bible than you pretend to.”
At that moment, a familiar face appeared next to them, one Eric would have just as soon forgotten. “Paul, nice to see you again,” Eric lied.
Paul nodded then took a long look at Steve. “Let me guess, your new roommate.”
“As a matter of fact—” Eric began to answer.
“We’re not roommates,” Steve interrupted. “We’re boyfriends. Lovers. Unlike the last douchebag who sponged off Eric, I’ll never take advantage of Eric like that.”
Eric picked up his scotch from the bar. “There you have it.” He took a sip. “If you’ll excuse us, I think we’ll go find a corner to make out in.”
Chapter Twenty Four
One Year Later
So much had happened over the previous twelve months. Starting at the first of January, Steve had been ordained as the Metropolitan Community Church’s senior pastor. He’d been on the church’s payroll for the previous six months as an associate pastor and youth director, so he was the obvious choice to replace Rev. Standish when he retired.
Steve’s parents, brothers, and sisters-in-law had come down the day he was officially instated as the church’s clergy. His mom had joined the PFLAG chapter in her area and had even changed churches to one that did not believe her son was going straight to hell for being gay.
Eric and Steve still lived in the same condo, though they’d discussed the possibility of buying a home closer to Steve’s church. It really didn’t matter to Steve, so long as he and Eric were together. Eric still made a lot more money than him, but as promised, Eric had set Steve’s finances in order, and he actually had begun to save a little money.
Yolanda still cleaned their home every Monday, and Steve still helped when he was there, over her objections. Steve did most of the cooking. He’d learned a lot from his mom growing up. And he’d forced himself to try mushrooms again and even managed to swallow them without gagging. He’d also tried alcohol, though in extreme moderation.
They went to the piano bar frequently, at least once a month, and usually forced Kathleen to tag along. Steve became a part of the performers’ acts when he showed up. They loved the way he could pretty much play any song by ear. And he and Eric usually walked together, hand-in-hand, across the bridges on the Grand River while in the downtown area.
Steve sat on the porch that Saturday morning, watching the dogs play together on the lawn, and wondered if his partner would remember today was their anniversary. He hadn’t said anything to Eric because he didn’t want to guilt him into doing something he didn’t want to do. But Steve had gotten Eric a gift, a gold bracelet bearing the inscription, “Next time I Fall..” with the date they’d met. He left it in its velvet box, on Eric’s nightstand before Steve came downstairs to let the dogs out.