His Little Earthling

by Katie Douglas

  “I’ve found a landing site.” Flin’s voice crackled over the radio inside her helmet. Sarah turned and caught up with him and Basil.

  “Footprints!” Sarah exclaimed, when she found Flin examining the ground.

  “This way.” He led the way, and Sarah was mildly annoyed that his longer legs meant he’d get to Ral first. She had to know that he was okay. The footprints stopped abruptly in front of a big pile of rocks that were blocking the entrance to a cave.

  “Fuck.” Flin glared at the rocks. Sarah reached out to pick one up; surely that was the only way to get to Ral, but Basil put a hand on her shoulder and pulled her away.

  “Stay back, it could subside,” he said. She moved away, irritated at having to watch Flin and Basil move rocks when she wanted to help. Once the stones were low enough that they only came up to Flin’s chest height, they let her come back and assist them. Basil and Flin still moved the bulk of them; she wasn’t strong enough, but she worked steadily and soon the rocks only came to her waist.

  “Ral?” she yelled into the cave. There was no reply. The three of them kept pulling rocks away until they had finally made a safe entrance. Sarah scrambled in before anyone stopped her. Shining a light around the cave, she saw it had a tunnel at the back. She kept walking. A second opening in the back of the cave revealed Ral, lying on his side in an atmo-suit. Sarah tried to keep her voice steady.

  “Ral? Ral, it’s me, Sarah,” she began. He stared up at her.

  “S…rh,” he managed. His voice was dry and crackly. He was drifting in and out of consciousness.

  “Flin! Basil! I’ve found him!” Sarah yelled. They weren’t far behind her, and when they saw him, they immediately lifted him up and began to carry him. Sarah followed them, fearing for Ral’s life. They were at the cave entrance when another ship landed. The door opened and several men descended. Sarah was surprised to hear a new voice coming through her atmo-suit’s radio.

  “Mister Basil! Mister Flin! It is certainly a sight for sore eyes to be seeing your faces in this unorthodox location.” A man with several chins and a horrible warty green complexion was waving at Basil and Flin.

  “Fuck. Big Vince.” Flin frowned.

  “What’s he doing he—” Basil began.

  “He’s the one who Ral’s assistant hired to kill him!” Sarah said quickly.

  “You failed to mention there were gangsters involved. I would’ve brought a blaster,” Basil grumbled. He rolled his eyes as Big Vince pulled out a weapon.

  “My employer has asked me to do a job. And I never fail to deliver the goods. This is the end of the line,” Big Vince said. Sarah shrieked as he shot at them. As the beams of light got close, they seemed to change course and hit nearby rocks instead.

  “Stay close to Flin,” Basil said, and comprehension dawned.

  “He’s deflecting the shots, right?”

  Basil nodded. “We’re gonna move to the ship, now, nice and slow.”

  “Isn’t the elf dead yet?” a sanctimonious voice asked. Sarah recognized it as Ral’s assistant.

  “We are negotiating the finer points of his demise at this present moment,” Big Vince replied.

  “Hurry up. If you’re not on board with his body in thirty seconds, I depart regardless. I don’t have time for this,” Vartuk snapped.

  “Why are you so bent on killing Ral? For an office? Really? What’s he ever done to you?” Sarah shouted.

  “Since you’re about to die… I don’t see the point in wasting my breath explaining myself to you.” Vartuk turned and got back onto Vince’s ship.

  From this angle, Sarah was shielded from Vince’s view by Basil. She pulled out her tablet and tapped at the screen with the big atmo-suit gloves, until the tablet called Vartuk again.

  “Who is this? Is that you, ma’am? I’m working to get the job done as we speak.” While he tried to guess the identity of the caller, Sarah hacked his tablet a second time, setting her tablet to only acquire files that he added since she last downloaded everything from his tablet. With the camera covered, and ensuring her atmo-suit’s radio was only broadcasting to her tablet, she spoke in a soft voice. He wouldn’t recognize her voice immediately, because everyone sounded similar with the Speakeasy chip’s translation.

  “There’s an old Earth proverb, Mr. Vartuk.” She shuddered as she realized Vince’s habit of calling everyone ‘mister’ had rubbed off on her after just a couple of minutes in his presence. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I’ve just hacked your tablet again. Goodbye.”

  “Hey, youse should stand where I can sees you!” Big Vince yelled. Sarah stood up, still holding her tablet. “What are you trying to pull? Are youse trying to contact the authorities?”

  Sarah shook her head. Flin tried to carefully lower Ral to the ground. As he did, Vince fired a shot at Sarah. She screamed as her tablet dissolved in her gloves. At that moment, Vince’s ship began to move. Vartuk apparently didn’t want to wait for Big Vince to finish the job. Presumably, if Vince killed Ral, Basil, and Flin, the gangsters could depart in The Great Gig and meet up with their boss later.

  “Flin!” Basil yelled. “What was that? You’re supposed to be protecting Sarah!”

  “Distance. Semi-conscious elf! Fucksake.” Flin dropped Ral the rest of the way and began to walk slowly toward Big Vince. The gangster was stupid enough to fire his blaster at Flin, and the beams skittered away into the atmosphere as Flin deflected them, still advancing on Vince. Sarah was sure Vince would have a knife or something.

  As Flin reached Vince, he pulled his glove off, then reached out and touched Vince’s bare shoulder. The green-faced gangster flopped straight to the ground. Vince’s attendants ran to him to try to help him. Flin turned back to the others.

  “Like charming a snake. Cut the head off, the body doesn’t know what to do with itself.” Flin looked pleased with himself.

  “What did you do to him?” Sarah asked in disbelief.

  “I put him to sleep,” Flin said simply.

  “C’mon, Ral’s more important now!” Basil was trying to lift Ral by himself. “Let’s get outta here before they figure out their ship left.”

  Flin added his strength and suddenly Ral was being carried more easily again. Sarah followed behind them, stunned by what Flin had done. Was there even an explanation for his weird abilities?

  As they neared The Great Gig, Sarah noticed a flash of silver on the ground. She reached down and picked it up, her fingers fumbling in the thick gloves of her atmo-suit.

  “C’mon, Sarah!” Basil called. She straightened up and got back into the ship. When the air locks were closed, she removed her spacesuit and pocketed the silver thing, then turned all her attention to Ral. She eased his helmet up and gasped when she saw his face, so drawn and shadowed. Piece by piece, she and Flin got him out of his spacesuit while Basil flew the ship.

  “You okay, bro?” Flin asked.

  “I’m still not your brother, Flin.” Ral’s voice sounded weary, but Sarah was overjoyed that he was talking at all.

  “Can you stand? This is a fancy ship, it’s got beds, and we don’t let our guests loll in the cargo bay like it’s the zoo’s geraffimal enclosure.”

  Ral nodded, but needed to lean on Flin excessively to get to his feet. Sarah ran ahead and opened doors, and Flin took Ral to his own cabin, where he carefully lowered him onto the bed.

  “He’s your problem now,” Flin said to Sarah, then left her alone with Ral. She ran to get him a glass of water, then when she returned, she perched on the edge of the bed beside him. She found herself staring at a painting of an orchid above the bed, not sure what to say.

  “Ral, I’m so sorry,” she began after several minutes. “I didn’t mean anything I said before, I love you, and I never want to be apart from you. The last five days have been miserable, and they must have been much worse for you. I was so scared that something awful might have happened to you.”

  “Why?” Ral’s question took her by surpri
se.

  “Because nothing bad should ever happen to you. I love you. You’re wonderful and smart and funny, and I even like your silly stratigraphy jokes, although I’m still not really sure what stratigraphy is. You should always be safe and happy. Even… even if that doesn’t include me.”

  “Why’s my cousin here?” His voice was crackly.

  “I tried to charter a ship but no one would talk to me in the old town—”

  “You went where?” Ral tried to explode but he descended into a coughing fit instead. Sarah handed him his glass of water again.

  “You were lost! And no one was looking for you. Your assistant orchestrated this whole thing—”

  “I know. He left me a message. Stupid egomaniac.”

  Sarah filled him in on everything that had just happened between the cave and the ship, then she absently tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear. “I just downloaded every single file from his tablet. Every call, every message, every time he typed a password… I had it all. Then Big Vince vaporized my tablet.”

  “You’re not having much luck with tablets, are you?” He tried to shake his head but started to cough once more. He took a deep drink of water. Sarah felt ashamed that she’d damaged another piece of probably expensive technology.

  “Everything should be backed up. After I dropped my last tablet—which was also Vartuk’s fault, might I add—I set my tablet to save everything twice; once to its own memory, and once to my spare hard disk. I just need to download all of that onto a new tablet when we get back. I can look through it, and I want to know why Vartuk is so bent on killing you. This clearly isn’t just about getting your office.” Sarah shifted uncomfortably on the bed. Talking to Ral was so difficult right now.

  “That doesn’t explain why Flin is here. Or why the walls and furniture are all made of slightly rusty metal.”

  “After I couldn’t charter a ship to find you, I remembered that Basil and Flin had this tin can, so I explained the problem and they flew out here to get you. I’m only paying for fuel. I couldn’t bear the idea that you were out in space, on your own, and no one knew where you were. It’s all my fault, and I’m so sorry. If you never want to see me after this, I’ll find my own place and finish school by myself. But I want to be your little girl again.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut so she couldn’t see his face, because she knew he was about to tell her he never wanted to see her again. She didn’t blame him, but she still couldn’t look.

  “I’m grateful that you came out here for me. And I believe you when you say you want to be mine. But that means you said very nasty things to me with the express intention of hurting my feelings, not even because you really felt that way, young lady. Didn’t you?” When Sarah opened her eyes, Ral was looking down at her with a stern expression, which made her quiver slightly.

  “Yes, Daddy.” She was so glad she was still able to call him that even though she’d behaved deplorably.

  “I believe, once I’m feeling better, that you are due a punishment of an appropriate magnitude.” His voice was so serious and unyielding that she couldn’t help but blush in embarrassment at the idea of being punished by him.

  Sarah stared pointedly at her dusty shoes, avoiding his gaze again. “I know. And I agree.”

  “Good. That will make the whole process much easier.” He nodded in satisfaction, although when she tentatively looked up at him once more, there was no amusement in his eyes, and Sarah suspected that this wasn’t going to be a punishment she’d forget easily. Would he finally make good his promise to buy a bigger spoon? Even though she knew it was going to be horrible, she couldn’t help feeling a bolt of pleasure shooting through her core. He was going to settle this, then it would be over. Maybe then she could stop being so guilty. She sighed. He deserved someone better than her.

  “Ral, you don’t have to, you know,” she said.

  “Don’t have to what?”

  “Be stuck with me. You really don’t. I love you, but you could probably do a lot better than me.” After all, it was his decision whether he wanted her around or not. She felt like she’d lost any say in the matter when she’d told him she didn’t want to be with him, even though it hadn’t been true.

  “I don’t want to.” He looked deeply into her eyes and leaned down, parting his lips slightly. Her mouth fell open in surprise and then he kissed her.

  Chapter Eighteen

  How much longer would she have to wait? Sarah stood in the corner of the living room and it was unnerving her. It seemed like hours since Ral had told her to wait there. She shifted from foot to foot, wondering when he would punish her.

  “Every time you move from now on, I’m going to add a minute onto your corner time,” Ral said.

  Sarah breathed in deeply and was about to sigh heavily when she stopped herself. Ral would think she was trying to give him attitude. She let the air out slowly, counting to fifteen in her head as she tried to pace herself. This punishment was going to be bad enough but extra waiting was only going to give her overactive imagination more time to think about all the horrible things he might plan to do to her.

  A million years later, by Sarah’s guess, Ral finally spoke again.

  “Kneel over my beanbag, young lady.” He held something in his hand. Sarah hadn’t ever been interested in cooking, but she recognized ginger when she saw it. The gnarly root looked particularly solid; was he going to spank her with it?

  “Uh… is that safe? I mean, will it flex when you spank me with it?” she asked.

  “Oh, I have no intention of spanking you with it, young lady. I’ve been saving it for this exact moment. Kneel over the beanbag. If I have to ask again, I’ll spank you with my hand first.”

  Sarah felt like she was a lamb going to the slaughter. Whatever was happening with the ginger, she was completely in the dark, but its twisted shape snarled at her menacingly and she knew that Ral was purposely not telling her about his intentions. She knew why, too; whatever he was going to do was so awful that he knew she would fight him if she had any warning. That was reason enough to resist, so she ran toward her room and had made it to the bed before he caught up with her.

  When he grasped the sleeve of her dress, she contorted out of it and climbed over the half-wall between her room and the living room, then ran into the kitchen. She was halfway inside one of the big cupboards beneath the countertop when she felt a firm grip on one of her feet. Kicking free, she got inside the cupboard and wriggled as far back as she could.

  This seemed like a good place to live. There was food, air… what else did anyone need? Sure, the air was actually a little thin, and for some reason she was having difficulty breathing, and the shelf above was digging uncomfortably into her hip, but that was all fine details. If she didn’t leave the cupboard, she would never have to face Ral again. To her surprise, instead of reaching in to pull her out, he stepped back.

  “Sarah, I’m very disappointed with you right now.” His voice sounded far away.

  “I’m sorry.” It would have been so much more meaningful if she hadn’t been jammed into a kitchen cupboard trying to get away from an unknown but terrifying punishment. On one level, she knew that Ral was only trying to clear things between them, and that she deserved this, but on a more primal level, she didn’t want to find out what was supposed to happen next. Especially now that she was in more trouble.

  “You’ve got two options. If you come out of there of your own accord, you’ll get exactly what I planned for you, plus the hand spanking. If I have to drag you out, I’ll be obliged to add the spoon as well. It’s not safe to climb into cupboards like this; the base is far more likely to give way if I have to wrestle you out.”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Don’t be. Just come out like a good—well, not exactly a good girl, but less bad than if you stay put.”

  “I meant I’m scared about the punishment.” She felt that living in a cupboard was a much better option.

  “Would I do anything to ha
rm you?”

  Sarah considered this for a moment before she answered. “No, but there’s a whole plethora of really owwie things you’d do that are completely harmless!”

  “So how many of those do I need to add before you come out?”

  She shook her head fervently. “None! Subtract some!”

  Ral sighed. “Why do you always do everything backwards? Why do you always make your life so difficult? I’ve given you everything you needed to settle into this world and I’ve shown you what you need to do for yourself, and every time I look away for a moment, you do the opposite.”

  “Maybe I know how to do stuff too!” Sarah grumbled. “I saved you, didn’t I?”

  “By sheer bloody luck! Your first attempt was to find some gangsters in the most dangerous part of town, was it not?”

  Sarah glared at his knees from her hiding place.

  “At least I did something. If I was your perfect girl I would’ve just stood here, wringing my hands and not knowing what to do. That’s what you want, isn’t it? Well, I can’t apologize for that, because that girl would still be here wondering where you’d got to. And you’d have starved to death by now.”

  “Elves don’t need to eat or drink that often. We can turn the air around us into energy for most of our needs. I’d have still been fine in a week or two.”

  “And would Little Miss Perfect have found you in a week? Or would she have been too busy ironing her size-zero school uniform, doing her homework, and practicing fitting large objects into her mouth?”

  “Okay, young lady, you’ve had ample time to come out of your own accord, I’m calling an end to these shenanigans.” Before Sarah said anything further, Ral’s enormous hands reached in and closed around her waist, then she felt herself sliding toward the rest of Ral. When she was out far enough to see the weary expression on his face, she sighed.

  He paid no mind to that, and instead tipped her over one of his broad shoulders, where he landed some sharp swats to her sit-spot with his hand before she heard him open a drawer.

  “No, not the spoon, please, Ral!” she moaned, knowing that it was only exactly what he’d warned her about. If only she hadn’t gotten so distracted with talking to him while she was in the cupboard, she could have surrendered before he ran out of patience, and then she would have avoided the wooden spoon completely. She should have paid more attention to all his warnings.