Let You Go

by Jaxson Kidman

  I looked down the stairs and there was Vivian. Standing with a really tall guy that looked a lot older than her. I never understood the part where guys in college would try to come to parties like these. Weren’t college parties supposed to be better than this?

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “We’re playing a game,” she said. “Come on.”

  I slowly walked down the stairs. There was music coming from every room. All the kids had broken up into their respective groups. The way they dressed, who they hung out with, the music they listened to. One room had some rap music playing, everybody was moving to the music, drinks in hands, hands in the air, guys and girls getting super close together as they danced. Another room - the dining room, probably used for Christmas dinner - had some kind of heavy screaming metal music. Everyone standing around, bopping their heads to the super fast music, the voice growling from the speakers. I couldn’t understand a word that was being sung.

  I kept following Vivian and she went to the large back doors that led to a huge deck. This deck was so big that it had three levels. The first level was the biggest part. There was a table and chairs. A lounge set of furniture. And lots of coolers with kids flipping up the white lids to jam their hands into icy water, looking for another drink. The second level wrapped around the first and had more seating. The third level down had a hot tub. It was on, bubbling, neon lights changing every few seconds. It was full of kids though. All the super cool kids.

  Vivian stopped on the second level of the deck.

  I grabbed her and I finally had a chance to stop. “Viv, what’s going on?”

  “We’re going to play a game,” she said. “Have some fun.”

  Vivian was a year older than me, but sometimes acted like she was a year younger. The one thing I could say for sure was that she never treated me like a younger sister. I was always by her side, all the time. So I did my best not to embarrass her or myself.

  “Okay, everyone sit in a circle,” someone said.

  There were nine of us. Out of those, I knew the names of seven. Out of the seven, I had only really talked to three, and that included Vivian.

  The person on the outside of the circle held up a bottle. “I think we know the game. A little spinning of the bottle.”

  Everyone collectively called out ooohhhh….

  My cheeks turned red.

  I nudged at Vivian.

  She looked at me. She shrugged her shoulders.

  I leaned over. “I don’t want to do this.”

  “Shhh, Rose,” she whispered back. “It’s nothing.”

  “We’re changing the rules,” the person called out.

  Vivian quickly turned her head away.

  Changing the rules?

  “A simple spin is a kiss,” the person said. “We know that. But this one is different. Ready for this? A single spin around is a single kiss. That’s boring though. So, here’s the new rule. Each spin around after the first equals a second… a second of some wild tongue action. Get it?”

  Everyone laughed.

  “That’s not it,” the person said. “If you get three full spins, then you get to take your new friend for a walk off the deck, into the dark, for a minute per spin.”

  “Three minutes,” I whispered.

  These rules were stupid. So freaking stupid. They made no sense.

  The guy held up three fingers. “Three spins. Three minutes. Anything goes. The crazier the story… and the sounds… the better.”

  Everyone clapped. Except me.

  I put my hands to the deck and planned my escape. I could fake going to the bathroom and never return. Nobody would care.

  I inched back just a little when I saw a figure appear from the bottom level of the deck.

  “What are we doing?” Foster asked.

  “We’re playing-”

  “I’m in,” he said, without hearing the game.

  He looked right at me and smiled. He wiggled his way between two people.

  “Okay, we’re at an even ten,” the guy telling us the rules said. “I’ll go first.”

  He dropped to one knee and reached into the middle of the circle.

  Now, to be fair, I had played this game before. I wasn’t some sheltered girl or anything like that. I just didn’t expect Vivian to want to go to a party tonight. And to be at a party with a lot of people I didn’t know. And now, to be playing a more extreme version of this game.

  Plus, I had Foster staring at me with a cocky grin on his face.

  Stupid bathroom boy.

  The bottle was spun and stopped on a girl named Tara.

  “That was two spins,” Tara said.

  “Two seconds with me then.”

  “I don’t like these rules, Jeff,” Tara said.

  “Come here, baby,” Jeff said.

  He leaned forward and put his arms out.

  Tara inched forward, curling her lip.

  Sure enough, they kissed. Their mouths opened and someone counted one Mississippi, two Mississippi…

  They broke apart.

  “Tastes fruity,” Jeff said. “Watermelon?”

  Tara stuck her tongue out and said, “Cheeseburger?”

  Everyone laughed.

  “I’m taking a spin here,” Foster said.

  It was out of turn, but nobody argued.

  The thing with Foster… he wasn't a cool kid. He wasn’t a loser. He wasn’t a bad boy. He wasn’t a jock. He totally did not fit in anywhere, but everyone listened when he spoke and did stuff. I couldn’t tell you how many times he would leave school for a few days, a week, even longer. Then he’d suddenly be back. The rumors about him swirled and swirled.

  He had his sleeves rolled up on his dark green flannel shirt. When he leaned forward, necklaces fell out of his undershirt. A cross dangled. A chain with a ring.

  He grabbed the bottle.

  He looked right at me, curled his lip, and spun it as hard as he could.

  There was no way in heck this bottle was going to stop at me.

  It went around once, twice, three times… four times…

  “Oh, man,” Jeff said. “We are at five now. Going on… six…”

  The bottle slowed and stopped.

  Right between me and Vivian.

  I swallowed hard and looked at Vivian.

  “In between,” Vivian said.

  “Spinner’s choice,” Jeff said. “You get six minutes with one of these two sisters.”

  Funny how this Jeff guy knew I was Vivian’s sister, but I had no idea who he was.

  “Three minutes with each,” Foster said.

  Half of the circle laughed. The other half clapped.

  “That’s not a bad rule,” Jeff said.

  “Just pick,” Vivian said. “One.”

  Foster climbed to his feet.

  I knew what was going to happen and I knew how I was going to handle it.

  Foster walked around the outside of the circle like we were in kindergarten playing duck, duck, goose.

  And he stopped right behind me.

  He put a hand to my shoulder.

  “Let’s go have some fun, Rose.”

  I played by the rules as I stood up. Everyone making noises and comments. I was as nervous as anything. My body shaking. Kissing a guy was one thing. Having to make out for a couple seconds was another. But this… six minutes alone with Foster? And Jeff made it very clear that anything goes.

  I rolled my eyes.

  I was nervous, yes, but anything goes wasn’t going to happen.

  Foster could take his right hand and go back to the bathroom and have his six minutes of anything goes.

  He slipped an arm around me and started to walk. He looked back and said, “Don’t wait up for us.”

  I threw my elbow into his ribs.

  “Oh,” he said and wiggled. “What was that for?”

  “You’re sick. Bathroom boy.”

  “That’s a good one. I guess I could call you six minutes girl, huh?”

 
“Please,” I said.

  We walked down to the third level of the deck. The hot tub was still bustling with people and noise.

  We kept going.

  We were then in the backyard. The truth was that I didn’t even know whose house this was. Just that it was tucked away outside the main part of town. It was a massive house with a massive yard. Some rich person with a rich kid who could throw parties like this one.

  The way Foster navigated though, he was familiar with this spot. Which made me wonder how many times he had played this new version of spin the bottle. It made me shiver.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  “Just down here, Rose,” he said. “Relax a little.”

  “Shut up, Foster,” I said. “The clock is running, by the way.”

  “Oh, then I’d better move faster.”

  Before I could speak, Foster stopped, turned, and gently pushed me up against a tree.

  I gasped.

  I looked up at him as his eyes pierced into mine.

  It wasn’t the first time a guy had looked at me with these eyes… but never anyone like Foster.

  I licked my lips.

  A kiss I could handle.

  But Foster’s eyes wanted more… and maybe mine did too.

  5

  The Whole Nervous Thing

  Foster

  She was pretty. She was always pretty. I didn’t give a shit about some stupid bottle game. Anyone who honestly played those games was pathetic. If I had intentions of making out with someone - or more - I could handle that on my own without the need of rules and chance.

  But when I saw Rose sitting there in the circle, I had to make a move.

  Now I had her with her back to a tree. Her hands reaching behind her. So unsure and nervous.

  “We’re almost there,” I whispered. “Clock doesn’t start until I say so.”

  “That’s not fair,” Rose said.

  “I don’t play by the rules.”

  “Oh, that’s right. You’re a tough guy. You just disappear from school. You get to pick your name. You stand out from the crowd.”

  “Exactly. Come on.”

  I grabbed her hand and led the way.

  I had been in these woods more than I cared to admit. Face it, there wasn’t a part of this town I hadn’t covered by foot or by bicycle. At the edge of the woods was a pond. It had different names, depending on who you asked. Cripp’s Pond. The Jack Hole. Edge Creek Pond. Plus a few more.

  When we broke through the trees and Rose saw the pond, she gasped.

  “Right,” I said. I pointed to two white chairs right at the edge of the water. In between was a metal ring that made up a fire pit. “Sit down. Let me see what I can pull off here.”

  Rose was enamored by the pond as though she had never seen water before. But I had to let her go for a minute. The way the moon reflected off the water, lighting up the area around the edge was actually nice.

  Me, I started to gather some sticks and twigs. I tossed it all into the middle of the fire pit and crouched. I took a lighter from my pocket and started to build a fire. My survival skills weren’t taught in the basement of a church with a pack leader and some stupid fucking sewn on badges and shit. It was done through legit surviving. I might have looked cool, maybe romantic, the way I was able to start a fire, but what Rose didn’t know was that there were times when I had to do this to actually survive the night.

  The kindling came to life with fire and there was a small pile of wood next to the fire pit. I put a few pieces to the new flames and they caught in no time.

  “That’s serious skill,” Rose said.

  “And here you thought I was going to be some wild dog mauling you, huh?” I asked.

  I winked and she looked away.

  I laughed.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “You.”

  “Me?”

  “You’re so shy about this stuff.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry I have no desire to lose… to… mess around in the woods.”

  “To lose, huh?” I asked. “So that means you’ve never…”

  “Shut up, Foster,” she said.

  “Hey, no worries. Your secret is safe with me.”

  “Secret? Why is that a secret? It’s my decision.”

  “Of course it is,” I said. “What do you think of the pond?”

  “That part is nice,” she said. “And the fire too. Thanks.”

  “So I’ve obviously set the scene here,” I said. I stood up and walked to the chair. I put a hand out. “Now I get my six minutes.”

  “Foster…”

  “Rules are rules.”

  “You said a little while ago that you don’t care about rules.”

  “I don’t,” I said. “But you do. You always follow the rules. You don’t want me to go back there and say you didn’t fulfill what the bottle wanted. Right?”

  I watched her reluctantly give me her hand. I pulled her to her feet. She put a hand to my chest. She was unsure.

  “Foster,” she whispered. “I’ve never, okay? I’ve never done that. And there’s other stuff. I didn’t come here tonight for… any of that. Vivian found me and said to come play…”

  I lowered down and put my nose to hers. “Rose. Be quiet. I’m not going to do anything.”

  “You’re not?”

  “No,” I said. “Shit.” I took a step back. “Those games are stupid.”

  “Yeah. They are.”

  “So, we get to hang out for a few minutes.”

  “Then what?”

  “Then I’ll go walk back up there and pass by the game,” I said. “I’ll exhale loudly, run my hands through my hair, adjust myself, and give a wink.”

  “So everyone will think…”

  “Think whatever they want,” I said.

  She smiled for a second and broke away from me and sat back down.

  I nodded.

  I could see the tension float away from her. As though she really thought something was going to happen. That I was going to force her to do something. Did that shit really happen at these parties?

  “Hey, Rose,” I said.

  “Yeah?” she asked, turning her head.

  I saw the light from the fire dance across her face.

  “I’m really sorry about your mother,” I said. “I never got a chance to say that to you. I mean, the first time I met you… you were upset on your steps. I should have stopped and talked to you, but I was doing something for someone.”

  Carrying some baggies for my father to give to his friend. In exchange, my father bought me a new bike.

  She nodded. “Yeah. It’s okay, I guess. We’re doing okay.”

  “That’s good. I just wanted to say that. I never got a chance. I know it’s been a long time. I don’t want you to get upset or anything.”

  “I’m fine,” she said. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

  I looked at my wrist as though I was wearing a watch. “Ask away. You’ve got about three minutes left here.”

  “I know that Foster isn’t your real name.”

  “Oh?”

  “I mean, I’ve heard it so many times. You chose your name.”

  “What if I did?” I asked.

  “Why?”

  “Because I wanted to.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Didn’t like my actual name.”

  “You’ve lived in… foster homes…”

  I nodded. “That’s where I got the name. A few times, I had to change schools. That’s why I would disappear from our school. Funny how people love to make shit up in their heads about me. That I was in jail or something. Not really. Just got shipped somewhere else for a little while. I bounced around so much that people started to figure it out. Someone called me foster kid to break my balls.”

  “That’s where you got the name? From a bully?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t call him a bully,” I said.

  “Why not?”

  “I beat his ass for calling me that. Right in the cafeteria.
And then I told everyone my name was Foster. And it just stuck.”

  “Because you beat that kid up.”

  “Exactly,” I said. “You make them believe what you want them to, Rose.”

  “Kind of like back there with that game?”

  “Yup,” I said. “Let them ask anything they want and don’t answer. Just smile and wink. Let them make shit up about what we’re doing right now.”

  “You know a lot about people,” she said. “Maybe you should be a psychologist when you grow up.”

  “Grow up?” I asked and laughed. “Shit, Rose, I just need to get through this week first.”

  “You don’t think about the future?”

  I smiled at Rose. She had no idea what my life was like. Which was fine. She and her sister lived at home with their father. Good ol’ Frank.

  “I don’t think about the future, Rose,” I said. “Day to day.”

  “You play guitar, right?”

  I smiled. “Yeah. Why?”

  “Just… I don’t know. I’m just talking.”

  “Right. Talking. Yes, I play guitar.”

  “How many do you have?”

  “None.”

  “What?”

  “I play friends’ guitars,” I said. “When I can.”

  “Do you write songs?”

  “Yeah. I do.”

  “You should play shows then.”

  “Who says I haven’t?”

  “Oh,” Rose said. “Uh… well… when’s the next one?”

  “No idea, Rose.” I slowly stood up. “Any other questions about my life?”

  “What’s your real name?”

  “Not a chance,” I said.

  “What if I kiss you?”

  “You kiss me?” I asked.

  “I’ll kiss you and you tell me your name.”

  “Okay, deal.”

  Her eyes went wide. I think I caught her by surprise by agreeing to it.

  She put her hands to the arm of the chair and slowly rose up. I saw the way she licked her lips. Nervous again. I couldn’t have been the first guy she’d kissed. Then again, who knows? People were always full of surprises.

  The fire crackled next to us.

  We faced each other.

  “The name?” she asked.

  “The kiss,” I said.

  “Foster…”

  “That’s not my real name,” I said with a wink.