by Ana Layne
“We can fix it,” I assure her. “We can be together. I’ll even tell him if you’re worried about that.”
“It’s not that easy, Rus. I don’t want to hurt either one of you.”
“You’re killing me. I’m the one who wants you the most. I wish you could see that.”
She steps back, and I want to reach out to pull her closer, but I give her the space she wants. “I-I can’t hurt him. He hasn’t done anything wrong.”
“I don’t understand you, Tam.” I step closer to her, cornering her against the wall. “You said you love me and I asked you to prove it. You did with that mind-blowing kiss, and you’re back to saying you can’t hurt him?”
“Don’t tell him this happened, Ruston, please,” she begs.
“What’s it matter? Are y’all officially dating or something? Are you screwing him, too?”
“No and no, Ruston. I only slept with you.”
“Not like it matters because I know that won’t be happening again because you’ve made your choice.”
“I don’t deserve this,” she says, wiping a tear from her face. “What we shared the other night was amazing.”
“I don’t want to hear it, Tamilyn.” I sigh, stepping back from her. “I’m sorry for borderline harassing you. You don’t deserve that.”
“I do want to be with you too.” She wipes another tear from her face and crosses her arms over her chest.
“You can’t have both.”
She crashes her lips against mine once more and moans into the kiss. She pulls back and watches me intently before she speaks. “I want what we said the other night. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”
I eyeball her like she’s lost her damn mind because she sounds like she has. “Tamilyn, that’s wrong. We were both drunk when we said that.”
“We said it, though, and you know we did. I’m not sleeping with him and I won’t at all. All I’m asking is give me time to figure out how to break it to him that I’m with you. You know it’s going to upset him to hear it. I don’t want him know we’ve been going behind his back, I just need time.”
“I don’t know that I like the sounds of this, Tam, but I’m a fool for wanting you like I do.”
She nods. I’m so blinded by love that I’m potentially allowing chaos to form around us. I should have put my foot down and made her realize I’m done, but I’m flirting with danger just to be with my best friend. One step in the wrong direction could end in tragedy.
Chapter 14
Tamilyn
It’s morning, the sun is barely peeking through my blinds, and my phone starts buzzing like crazy. Groaning, I sit up. Sleep was not in the cards for me last night. I tossed and turned the majority of the time trying to figure out what to do in this fucked up situation I’ve put myself in. I’ve never been that girl. I’ve never played the game of seeing two guys at once. I always looked down on any girl who did that. Obviously, I’m no saint. I have no golden wings and I certainly have no halo. Christ, this is fucked up.
I grab my phone off my nightstand and turn the notifications off. It’s reminding me that I have a photo shoot scheduled for this afternoon. I toss my phone back onto the nightstand and attempt to close my eyes once more. No such luck. It starts vibrating again and this time it’s a text from Ruston. I haven’t talked to him since yesterday at my parents’ house. After our hallway encounter, we managed to keep everything normal around our families so no one would notice our issues. The last thing I wanted is for either of our moms to pull us to the side and make us talk about it.
I swallow the little bit of saliva that rests inside my mouth, debating whether or not I want to hear what he has to say. I hate feeling torn, but I’ve created this and I need to figure out how to make things normal again.
Ready or not, I tap his message and brace myself mentally. For all I know, I’m getting ready to read that he’s done with me forever and our friendship will just become a massive pile of rubble.
I’m going to quit the gym today. I’m not competing with Austin.
I’m confused.
What are you talking about?
I joined to compete for you, hoping you’d see me and want to be with me but your choice is clear Tam. I can’t share you. I won’t share you and wait for you to decide who you want to be with. It’s not right to me or him and I’m sorry for making you think that was okay last night.
I’m taken aback by his words. I had the inkling that I would read something as heartbreaking as this but I was hoping in the back of my mind that I was wrong. A gasp escapes my throat as tears spring forward. What have I done? I just lost my best friend. With shaking hands, I send him my reply.
And you had to tell me this through text message? You couldn’t tell me this in person?
His next message is even more hurtful.
I don’t think it’s a good idea if we see each other for a while.
What am I supposed to say? My finger hovers over his name, wondering whether or not I should just go ahead and delete his number. I could just put myself out of this fucking misery. He’s done, obviously. I kissed him last night, proving my love for him like he wanted but it wasn’t enough. All because I can’t decide who the hell I want to be with. Aggravated, I toss the phone on the floor and lie back down. My family has this huge barbecue every year that his family always attends along with all of their friends. It’s coming up soon and I’m wondering how the hell we’re supposed to be around each other if he doesn’t want to see me. I throw the covers over my head. I just want to go back to sleep. Seeing as how the photo shoot isn’t until later, it just seems like the smartest thing to do. Except, when I close my eyes, all I see is Ruston and my lips are on his, his hands are on me, and I’m in heaven when in reality I’m in a complete hell.
Chapter 15
Austin
I’m a little down this morning because I haven’t heard from Tamilyn since last night. I know she had dinner with her family and I hoped she’d invite me but she didn’t. I ended up hanging out with Lance and his very pregnant girlfriend Hilary. She made tacos and we all sat around laughing and talking. I’m glad I’ve made friends so I don’t have to bother Ruston all the time. I know he won’t mind, but it’s important to me to be able to start a fresh life without getting into trouble and a life with my own friends.
I’m proud of myself, which reminds me that I need to call my mom. I hope she’s proud. I put her through hell back home, fighting like I was some sort of thug raised on the street when I was raised much better than that. My family is great. They gave me everything I could ever want or need and then I repaid them by being a little shit. They received more phone calls from the cops than they ever should have because I was hanging around the wrong people. I’m in the process of completing the changes I started back home. I’m doing things better for me, and I love it.
I shoot Tamilyn a text before I leave the driveway to head to Lou’s. The whole way there, I can’t help but wonder if she’s replied yet. The first thing I do as I park my car is check my phone, and still nothing. Maybe she’s doing a photo shoot, but I swear she said it was this afternoon. Oh well, I’ll just check my phone in between practicing. I notice Ruston’s truck parked a few spots down. I’ll just ask him if everything is okay with her. Seeing as how they are best friends, maybe he’s heard from her.
I walk inside the gym and head straight for an empty locker to get rid of my phone and keys. Ruston’s voice fills my ears and I turn to listen for where he is. The voice is coming from Howard’s office. I lean in closely to eavesdrop, hoping no one notices.
“I really appreciate everything you did to let me join, but I just don’t think this is where I need to be right now. I work at my dad’s office and I just need to be there more. I hope you understand,” Ruston explains.
I almost barge into the office to ask him what the hell is going on but I continue to stand there listening.
“You can still come in and train anytime you want, Ruston. I appreciate
you coming to me like this. I like you, and I hate to lose you, but I understand.” Howard’s voice fills the space.
“Thank you, I just think I need to step back right now. I joined without fully thinking it through and I’m sorry for wasting your time.”
Howard speaks again and the room goes silent. Footsteps emerge and I move quickly to walk toward the punching bags so no one can figure out what I was just doing. I glance toward Ruston as he walks out of the office. I’m waiting for him to turn and look at me but he walks straight out the front door without a single glance back. What the fuck is going on?
“You were eavesdropping, weren’t you?” Lance says from nowhere.
I jump out of my skin, turning to face him. “Maybe. I didn’t know he was quitting for real.”
“This isn’t for everyone, man. Only us sick twisted fuckers can really hang.” He grins.
I laugh as I bring myself into stance to wail away on the punching bag in front of me. I realize I don’t have my gloves so I excuse myself to run out to my car. Maybe Ruston will still be in the parking lot and I can get him to talk to me. I grab my keys and run toward the front door. I step into the blinding sun and look to where his truck was parked just moments earlier but he’s gone. Fuck. I sigh as I unlock my car. My gloves are sitting right there on the passenger seat. I was so worried about Tamilyn that I never grabbed them. I need to get my head on straight.
I toss my keys back inside the locker. Lance is still standing beside the punching bag. “I figure I’ll watch you for a little and then you can spot me on the weight bench.” He slumps against the wall.
“Sounds good, man. Thanks for having me over last night.” I bring myself back into stance and begin throwing punches at the black bag in front of me. Little beads of sweat form along my forehead as I continue to pound away. I need this form of therapy today and it’s working. When I finally step away from the bag, I feel like a huge weight just lifted off me.
Lance is still slumped against the wall, grinning at me. I raise my eyebrow waiting for him to speak. I’ve been around him long enough to know he has no filter.
“You done? I thought you were going to pummel that shit until it was dead. Little punching bag, did he hurt you?” He laughs as he walks over to touch the bag.
Rolling my eyes, I head for the weight benches so Lance can lift. He can spot me after. My adrenaline is pumping and I’m ready to go.
Lance saunters over and gets the weights situated where he wants them. I stand behind him, helping to lower the bar when Howard walks over to me. “Hey, Austin, can I talk to you for a second?”
“Yes, sir.” I place the bar back and give him my full attention.
“I was sorry to see Ruston go. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. Are you ready to step inside the ring?”
My eyes light up. I’ve been waiting for this moment, hoping it was going to pop up, and here it is. “Hell yeah! I mean, I am. Do you think I could be ready?”
“It’s okay.” Howard laughs. “That’s good you’re excited. You’re in the same class Garrett is in, and he’s taking a few more days to stay home with Raegan and the baby so I figured you could take his place and get a feel for why you’re here. I know you’ve had some prior training and you’ve been doing well here so far.”
“I’m ready. When is the fight?”
“At the end of the week. Let’s get you sparring. Lance can do that with you. I want you focusing on your footwork and keeping your hands where you need to. Practice your throws, kicks, everything. You need to make sure you’re fully prepared. I don’t want you to get in there and be surprised because this is nothing like the streets. If you try anything like that in the ring, you’ll be disqualified. Just keep in mind the training you learned back home, and what you’ve learned here, and you’ll be fine.”
“I won’t do anything crazy. You ready, Lance?” I know he wanted to lift weights but I’m so pumped to start sparring.
“I’m always ready.” He grins as he sits up.
I’m still wearing my shirt so I take it off and set it inside the locker where my phone and keys are. I grab my phone quickly to see if Tamilyn has texted me, but still nothing. I shoot her another text asking if she’s okay before I shut the locker door.
Howard stands off to the side of the mats and watches as Lance and I get into stance. My hands are up and I’m watching Lance intently, wondering if he’s going to make the first move, but all we do is shuffle around and I take that as my cue to throw my first hook. He blocks it immediately and Howard calls out, “Be prepared. You have to be a little quicker than that. Your opponent may have been able to sneak a hit on you. Don’t be caught off guard.”
“Got it.”
This time, Lance throws his hit and my hands jolt upward to block it. I sneak a hit in and Lance stumbles back, laughing a little. “Good hit, man, do it like that and you’ll be fine.” I glance toward Howard and he nods. I’ve got this. I can do it.
I’m focused, imagining the bright lights of the ring shining down on me. It’s me, my opponent, and a whole crowd of people beginning to chant my name. Austin, Austin, Austin! It’s like a natural high and I know I can’t let them down. They want to see a fight, so I’ll give them one.
We spar continuously until we’re both breathing heavily. We got a few good hits in on each other and I even managed to drag him to the ground. Howard stood beside us coaching me on the correct technique. I had to remember this was no longer street fighting, that dirty fighting is not allowed. Howard made it clear that I would be disqualified if I forgot the rules. I’ve come too far to go back to my old ways.
***
I pull up to the apartment hoping Ruston will be home. I haven’t heard anything from him at all today. Last I saw, he was quitting Lou’s. It’s almost like he’s avoiding me and I’m beginning to wonder if I’m overstaying my welcome. That’s the last thing I want to do. I head straight for the shower. I’m sweaty and dying to smell normal again. I let the warm water wash over my body before lathering up the soap. The aroma permeates the steam, and I breathe it in. Finally, something that doesn’t smell like beefed-up testosterone.
I wrap a towel around my waist as I step out of the shower. I sigh as I walk toward my room. I listen to see if maybe Ruston has come home but it’s so quiet I assume I’m alone.
Drying off, I put on a pair of boxers and some basketball shorts. I lie across my bed and reach for my phone. Still no word from Tamilyn either so I decide to text her yet again.
Hey, are you okay? I haven’t heard from you today.
I begin scrolling through my phone waiting patiently for a reply that may never come. I’m shocked when she almost immediately texts back.
I’m soooo sorry! I slept in this morning because I didn’t sleep well last night and I had a photo shoot this afternoon. I didn’t mean to make you worry.
I was thinking the worst, and here she was just sleeping and doing her job. I’m not sure why I’m feeling so damn wrapped up in her but I am. There’s some sort of magnet that’s pulling me closer and I’m not fighting it. For once, I’m allowing myself to feel something toward a woman. By now, the old Austin would have fucked her and been done, moving on to the next piece of ass he could find. But this Austin—this one wants to be different.
No, it’s all right. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Have you talked to Ruston?
I’m curious as to whether or not she knows anything but her quick response leaves me with no answers.
No, I haven’t.
Me either. Are you busy tonight? I’d like to see you.
Not at all, want to come over? I can show you those pictures from the fight.
I’ll be there in a few.
The grin that spreads across my face can’t be contained. I grab a shirt out of my dresser and throw it over my head. I’m ready to get over to her house and see her. I grab my keys and slip into a pair of flip-flops. This is the best part of my day.
Chapter 16
> Ruston
I did it. I did exactly what I told myself I wouldn’t do and it hurts like a motherfucker. I let go of two things today. One thing I didn’t really care to be a part of, but the other has been a piece of me since birth and now it’s gone. Texting Tamilyn was a shitty move on my part but I had to do it. There was no way I could have told her in person. I need to distance myself, because this isn’t the person I am. I’m ashamed to think about the person I almost allowed myself to become. I went straight to my dad’s office after I left Lou’s. The day was filled with meetings about upcoming projects and it was plenty to keep me busy and keep my mind off things. I’m on my way home now and that’s when everything is hitting me full force. What the hell have I done?
I know Austin saw me in the office this morning but I didn’t want to face him just yet. Maybe he’s at the apartment and we can just talk about it. I won’t even mention Tamilyn or my jealousy. If they want to be with one another, I won’t stop them. I pull into the parking lot at the apartment and I notice his car isn’t there. I unlock the door and flip the light switch on. As I enjoy the peace and quiet, I notice the leftover steam hovering inside the bathroom and I know he’s been here. He must have left not long ago. Maybe he just stepped out for a moment.
Reaching for my phone, I text him.
Hey man, where are you?
I set my phone down and walk into the bathroom to relieve myself. I’ve needed to pee the entire way home. Why I didn’t before I left the office, I’ll never know. I walk back to my bed to find he’s replied. My gut just took a huge blow.