Blow (TKO #3)

by Ana Layne

  “Hey, Tam, want to give me a hand?” My eyes fill with tears at her choice of words. I know she meant nothing by it and probably didn’t even realize what she said, but my guilt is making the simple question bigger than it needs to be.

  “S-sure.” I set the manila envelope on the counter away from anything that could spill on the pictures. I’d be pissed if they got ruined.

  Mom hands me a knife and a few cucumbers and tomatoes. “Can you cut these up for me and place them into a bowl? I’ll get you the Italian dressing when you’re done.”

  I nod and begin rinsing off the cucumbers before I peel them. When she’s not looking, I pop a piece in my mouth. I love fresh cucumbers. I rinse them one more time before setting them in the bowl she has placed beside me. I move on to the tomatoes and begin dicing them. I’m finished in no time, and I slide the bowl over toward Mom.

  “I’m done.”

  “You’re fast. Hmm, let me see what you can do next. Can you butter these rolls and get them ready to go into the oven?”

  “Yeah, why not. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”

  “Did you go by the hospital to see Austin?”

  The knife I’m getting ready to dip into the tub of butter slips from my hand and falls to the counter. “Shit,” I mutter.

  “Are you okay?” Mom runs to my side.

  “It’s just a butter knife, Mom, I didn’t lose my hand or anything.” I cover my mouth, wanting to sob. How stupid could I be?

  “Go sit down. I’ll butter the rolls. What just happened?”

  “You just caught me off-guard, I guess. I didn’t go to the hospital, Mom, and I never will. I can’t see him like that. You heard what his Mom thinks of me and I doubt he wants to see me.”

  “You never know until you actually go up there. His mom was just angry. If that were you lying in that hospital, I would have been angry too. People can sometimes say the worst things in the heat of the moment. I know you and Ruston have your feelings for one another but you did feel something for Austin at one point, and it’s not fair to him that you’re blowing him off like this.”

  I raise my eyebrow, knowing she is right. I don’t want to tell her that she’s right, though, because I know she’s waiting to hear me say it. “It’s just really hard for me. I’ll see him in my own time, when it’s right for me.”

  “I’m not trying to push you to see him. I know this isn’t easy. I was just giving you my motherly advice.”

  “I know, and that’s why I love you.” I grin at her. “Let me finish helping you. It’s only fair. I’m just clumsy.”

  She hands the butter knife back to me. If I can just make it through this dinner without any of these minor meltdowns, I’ll be okay. Only time will tell. When Ruston gets here, things will either come together or fall apart. I’m having a hard time convincing myself that I need him right now. He’s right. I am being selfish.

  Chapter 33

  Ruston

  Mom doesn’t take me back to my apartment after the visit with Austin. Instead, she heads back to their house. I raise my eyebrow but figure maybe she is just stopping for a second. When she turns her car off, I follow her lead and go inside. I sit on the couch and close my eyes for a moment, thanking God that Austin is okay. It was actually great to see him in such a good mood. I expected him to be angry with me but I guess he has a new outlook on life after what he just went through. I know I have a new outlook and it didn’t even happen to me.

  “What are we doing here?” I ask Mom.

  “Barbara and Phil invited us over to dinner this evening. I figured it would just be easier to come back here and we can bring you home after.”

  “No. Bring me home.”

  “Why?” she asks.

  “I’m not going.”

  “Why not, Ruston?”

  “She wants to be selfish. I can be selfish too.” My eyes begin to water. I can’t believe Tamilyn is being this way. That’s not the Tamilyn I’ve known my whole life.

  “Oh, honey,” Mom says as she walks over to me. “Maybe she is being selfish but she is hurting too. You can’t hold this against her. You two need each other.”

  “You’re right. We do need each other, and she wasn’t there when I needed her today at the hospital. If she really loved me, she would have been there. No excuses.”

  “Ruston, you have a lot to learn about love. She does love you. You can see it when she walks in the room and sees you. You are both carrying guilt. It’s not your fault. It was an accident. Just come eat, and maybe you two can talk. If you don’t, so what? You can talk another day.”

  Mom and her wise wisdom. “I’ll go, okay? I’m going for you though, not for anyone else.”

  “Okay, honey. Why don’t you try to get a little rest, and we’ll head out in a few hours.”

  I nod, thinking that sounds like a pretty good idea. I am tired from being in the hospital. I give her a hug and then walk toward my room. I stretch out across my old bed, and decide to check my phone but there’s no message from Tamilyn. I want to apologize to her for the way I behaved earlier on the phone.

  I’m sorry for calling you selfish.

  It’s okay. I deserved it. How was the hospital?

  It was good. He’s actually in a great mood considering everything. Are you going to be at your mom and dads this evening?

  Yeah, Mom’s making a big roast.

  I’ll be there. We need to talk.

  Okay.

  I set my phone down and let out a sigh of relief. She’s trying to shut down on me and I can’t lose her too. Like Mom said, we need each other, and I’m going to make Tamilyn see that.

  ***

  Dad pulls up in the Hudsons’ driveway. I glance at the front lawn where Austin and I had our fight. A fight that tore us all apart and forever changed our lives. I blink back a few tears and tell myself that being here is okay. I open the car door and walk to the same spot I stood two days ago. I can see him standing there looking so angry while he spit out everything he needed to say. I close my eyes for a moment and open them when I feel a hand on my arm. I look over to see Tamilyn standing beside me.

  “It’s hard for me to stand out here too,” she whispers.

  I sigh and wrap my arm around her, pulling her into me. “Don’t shut me out. I’m hurting just like you are. I can’t show that around him. We need to be there for each other.”

  “I’m sorry for being selfish.”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s okay.”

  “Are we going to be okay?” she asks.

  “I hope so. Let’s go inside.”

  I lead her inside and don’t turn back to look at the front lawn. I don’t want to see it again until we leave. By that point, I won’t be giving it much attention.

  Mom smiles when she sees Tamilyn and me walking in together. We go sit in the living room and I listen while our parents talk amongst themselves. It’s nice to have great friends at a time like this in our lives.

  “Oh,” Tamilyn says suddenly. Everyone stops talking to hear what she’s about to say. “While y’all were at the hospital visiting Austin, I was developing some pictures from his fight a few days ago. I thought maybe he would like to have a few prints and I was going to bring a few copies to the gym.”

  “He would love that, Tamilyn,” Mom tells her.

  She steps into the kitchen, then emerges with a manila folder of pictures. She passes them to Mom who begins instantly tearing up when she looks at them.

  “These are great,” Mom says, smiling.

  “I just hope he will like them. He was so happy that night.” She sits back down beside me.

  While Mom shows the pictures off to Barbara and Phil, I lean into Tamilyn’s ear. “That was really sweet of you. I forgive you for being selfish now. I love you.”

  She blushes slightly as she pulls away from me and turns to meet my eyes. “I love you too. Will you come with me to the hospital tomorrow to give Austin his copies?”

  “You know I will.”


  ***

  Dinner is amazing as it always is. Maybe it’s the delicious roast and maybe it’s the fact that Tamilyn has done a complete one-eighty from earlier. When she asked if I’d go with her to the hospital to give Austin his pictures, I wanted to kiss her. I knew she would eventually change her mind and come to her senses.

  Tamilyn’s mom hands her a glass of wine and she begins slowly sipping on it. I was going to see if she wanted to run up to the hospital tonight but I don’t want to push my luck and I know her rule about drinking. My dad showed up to meet us after work and he and Phil step outside after dinner to smoke a cigar. They ask if I want to join them, but I don’t want to leave Tamilyn’s side.

  Tamilyn tells her Mom she’ll clean up the kitchen and begins placing the leftovers into containers so she can get the dishwasher loaded.

  “Let me help you,” I say, startling her.

  She jumps, nearly knocking her wine glass over. “Shit, you scared me.”

  “I’m sorry. Tell me what you need me to do.” I chuckle.

  “You can finish rinsing these dishes so I can start the dishwasher.” She grabs the broom.

  “What made you change your mind about going to the hospital?” I look over and her eyebrow is raised.

  “Don’t push it or I’ll change my mind.” She places her hand on her hip, trying to look serious. I know if she wanted to, she could easily change her mind.

  I throw my hands up in surrender. “I’m not trying to push it, I swear. I’m just curious.”

  “I just realize that I need to let go of my selfishness and go see him. It’s not his fault that our secret caused this mess.”

  “I’m so proud of you.” I place a plate into the dishwasher and saunter over to her. I place my hands on her hips and pull her close, so close the tips of our noses touch. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

  “I don’t feel too amazing,” she whispers.

  “Well, you are.” I place a soft kiss on her lips.

  “I don’t deserve you, not after everything.” She tries to pull away slightly.

  “You don’t get to decide what you deserve, Tammy Lou, I do. You’re perfect for me. I can’t stand that we’ve argued since that night when all I’ve wanted to do is hold you.”

  “I’m sorry I pushed you away. I wasn’t trying to, but I just didn’t know how to deal with everything. I’m not as strong as you are.”

  “That’s what people do, Tam. It’s human nature. We push people away when we need them the most. I won’t hold it against you. It upset me. I can’t lie. It hurt a lot to see you acting like you were, but I knew eventually you were going to come around.”

  She nods as she listens to me. “Thank you for understanding. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  “That, my love, is something you’ll never have to worry about. You’ll never be without me.” I kiss her lips one more time. I haven’t tasted her kiss since that night, and I miss it.

  “All right, Prince Charming, we’d better finish cleaning this kitchen. You’re distracting me.” She giggles as she pulls away from my hold and begins sweeping the floor.

  I watch as she focuses on the task at hand. I came here tonight expecting the worst and got a complete surprise. I know when we go up to the hospital, she won’t regret her decision. She’ll see that Austin is okay and there’s nothing to be worried about anymore.

  Chapter 34

  Austin

  It’s a new day and I’m glad to be alive. I’m staring at cream colored walls, but it’s better than not staring at anything. I’d love to stare at Paige again, but I haven’t seen her since I was in ICU. Maybe she just doesn’t know where I got sent to. Oh well, I’m sure she’s busy and was just doing her job. There’re so many patients inside this hospital, why should she be worried with me?

  An older nurse with short gray hair walks in carrying a tray of food. I cringe when I realize I have to try to feed myself. I was once right-handed. I can do some things with my left hand but I’m not good at it. I’m preparing myself for the anger and frustration that I’ll encounter in a few moments. I thank her politely and wait for her to walk out of my room. My left hand is shaky as I reach for the lid to see what they brought me this morning. I raise my eyebrow as I stare at the plate before me.

  The thin brown cardboard is what I’m assuming to be bacon and the pale yellow square must be eggs. I groan at the thought of having to eat it but I don’t want to starve myself. My mom has been up here constantly and I told her to rest a little this morning. I don’t want to bug her to bring me something edible, so I grab the fork and struggle to hold it right. Once I feel comfortable with it, I poke at the egg and bring it toward my mouth. The egg slides off the fork and lands in my lap.

  “Fuck.” I mutter as I set the fork down and grab the egg. I pop it right into my mouth and soon realize that I did myself a favor by dropping it. This is disgusting. I force myself to eat a few more bites before pushing it away. I eyeball the orange juice on the tray. There’s no way they could mess up orange juice. I manage to open the straw without breaking it and insert it into the cup. I bring the straw to my lips and take a small sip. Yep, they did something right. I drink every sip of the juice before placing the cup back on the table. I slide the table as far away as I can get it. I can’t look at that so-called food anymore.

  A knock at the door catches my attention. No one really knocks when they come in. Well, the only person who’s come besides Mom was Aunt Paula and Ruston, and they just walked in with her. “Come in,” I call out. Maybe it’s Paige.

  My heart sinks when I see it’s Tamilyn and Ruston. Not that I’m not glad they’re here, it’s just not who I was expecting.

  “Hey, man, we wanted to come by to see you,” Ruston says as he walks in.

  Tamilyn stays well behind him. I know she must feel responsible for what happened and I want to tell her it’s okay, but I’m waiting to see if she’s going to say anything to me or just stand there.

  “I’m glad you came. You missed the cardboard bacon and square eggs they served me for breakfast,” I joke.

  He laughs and moves a little to his left, exposing Tamilyn. Our eyes meet and she drops her gaze to a folder in her hands. “Hey Tam, whatcha got?” Her eyes dart back up and she clings to whatever she’s holding. She looks like she’s trying to talk herself into coming closer to me. “It’s just an arm. I won’t bite you.”

  “How can you joke like that?” she whispers.

  “If I can’t joke about it, I’ll be pissed. I’m alive and that’s all that matters. It was just an arm and I’ll be fitted for a prosthetic one later today,” I tell her.

  “I’m so sorry for everything, Austin. I don’t understand how you’re talking to me now when the other night you…you were so angry.” Her voice shakes.

  “I was very angry, you’re right. I liked you and I wanted to believe there was going to be something more between us, but it wasn’t meant to be that way. I should have known from the beginning that you two had an attraction. I’m a guy. I think with my dick and it doesn’t always think clearly. It’s not your fault that I stormed off like a fucking idiot.”

  She walks closer and sets the folder in my lap before wrapping her arms around my neck. She sobs softly and I pat her back. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  “It’s life, Tamilyn. We all hurt each other at one point. I’m not mad anymore, I swear. We’re all friends and that’s how it should be. You two are my friends. Well, that ass is my cousin, but same thing.”

  “Tam, why don’t you let him open the folder,” Ruston insists. I admit, I’m very curious to find out what she brought.

  “Oh yeah, I’m sorry. I thought you would want to have these.” She steps back.

  I grab the folder and hold it in my hand. This would be a great time to have two hands but I struggle to open it. She offers to help me, but I tell her that I need to do this for myself. I have to learn eventually, so why not start now?

  My eyes fill
with tears as I pull the first photo out of the folder. These are my pictures from the fight. The only fight I’ll ever know. The tears begin silently streaming down my face and I don’t know what to say. I set that photo down and grab another one. My eyes are so blurry from the tears but I don’t care. I’ll keep these forever. I notice there are a few more so I pull them all out. Some are duplicates.

  “Oh, I forgot to take the duplicates out. I was going to bring those to the gym.”

  “Here, you can sort them out. I-I don’t want to say except thank you. I didn’t expect to see those.”

  “I thought you’d like to have them,” she whispers as she sorts through the pictures. She hands the duplicates to Ruston and gives the folder back to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. It was just really hard for me to see you like this, knowing my secrets did this to you.”

  “I’m fine, I swear. I’m just glad you came.” I smile through my tears.

  “You want some real breakfast, man?” Ruston asks. I’m glad he’s changing the subject. I don’t want to cry anymore. It was a bittersweet moment to see myself doing what I love, knowing I’ll never get to do it again.

  “That would be fucking amazing.” My stomach growls just thinking about it.

  “I’ll go, just let me know what y’all want,” Tamilyn says.

  “You pick, Austin. What do you want?”

  “I want to stay living with you, if that’s all right. And I guess a sausage biscuit from McDonald’s would be great.”

  “Hell yeah, you can stay living with me. You’re welcome as long as you want to be there.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. Mom told me I could go back with her, but I like it here despite everything that’s happened. This is my new home and I’m going to make a new life here. Tamilyn jots down what we want and says she’ll be right back. I watch as she leaves, then I grin at Ruston.