Claustrophobic

by Bernadette Franklin

  “Don’t look at me. You’re the one who wanted to visit for Christmas and bring a kidnapped man with you. You were the one who gave her ideas. Those ideas involve grandchildren. For grandchildren, she’s willing to set aside her dislike for the holidays. Or, rather, embrace them fully and with concerning enthusiasm.”

  Whatever. If Mom wanted to indulge in flights of fantasy where I captured Julian and recruited him to be the father of our children, I wouldn’t complain. We’d get around to discussing children eventually.

  Probably around the same time I informed him birth control made me puke up my guts, played havoc with my hormones, and left me a miserable mess, thus resulting in my blatant refusal to take any.

  Then again, my mother knew about my dubious relationship with birth control. I turned my glare to her. “You are such a bitch.”

  “I’m not the one who can’t take birth control, sweetheart.”

  Yep. My mother wasn’t just a bitch. She was a queen bitch, ruler of my universe. With nothing left to do, I got to my knees and bowed to her. “I’m not worthy.”

  “That might have been too much info,” Julian’s mother admitted. “And perhaps a little embarrassing for Chloe.”

  “What? Chloe can be embarrassed? Huh.” My mother reached over and poked my head. “Get up before you make my back hurt watching you do that. I’m too old for that bowing shit.”

  I straightened and flashed Julian a grin. “Julian, this is my mother. Mom, this is Julian. Didn’t you want to know how I handled your mother and a bunch of annoying attorneys? Well, this is how. I went through training starting at a very early age. If you don’t want my mother telling everyone something, you need to ask her really nicely not to. As I didn’t ask her nicely not to, here we are.”

  “And you utterly don’t care she told everyone you can’t take birth control?”

  “She’s trying to spare you from the vomiting.”

  “Gotcha.” Julian’s brow furrowed. “Is there anything else I should know?”

  “She likes kids,” my mother announced.

  “I had figured that one out on my own. She might not be a fan of the holidays, but she loved working with the kids.” Julian smirked. “And I think she secretly enjoyed telling other women they had to keep their hands off me.”

  “Secretly?” Kristine asked.

  “You’re so mean, Kristine. Why did I get you a present this year?”

  “Because you love me above all others.”

  Julian snorted. “No, she doesn’t. If she loved you more than me, she would’ve kidnapped you. But she didn’t. She kidnapped me.”

  I turned to Julian’s mother. “May I have a present, please? A present seems much nicer than listening to these two idiots argue over me.”

  “Well, there’s no doubt she’s yours,” my stepfather muttered.

  “I think I need a present, too, Mrs. Carter,” my mother announced.

  Julian’s mother fetched a box and handed it to my mother. “Shoes make everything better, and I hope to introduce you to your new favorite pair today.”

  If anyone could seduce my mother with shoes, it would be Julian’s mother. I laughed, and without waiting for someone to pick a present for me, I snagged the nearest present with my name on it and grabbed the box with the prized Monopoly game on it, dumping it on Julian’s lap. “There. You can’t say I didn’t get you anything for Christmas.”

  “That you got me anything at all is amazing,” he replied, cracking his knuckles and eyeing the box.

  Julian’s mother swooped in and stole his present. “You get this one last. The best is always saved for last, and as I know exactly what’s in this box, you have to wait.”

  Giggling, I tore into my present before someone stole it from me and discovered a pair of black leather gloves. I shoved my hands into them and clapped. “I’ll have to wear these the next time I kidnap Julian. That’ll get rid of any fingerprints.”

  Julian shook his head, and he smiled. “I like how your first thought is about how you’ll use your new gloves to kidnap me.”

  “Kidnapping you is my new favorite hobby.”

  “You won’t hear any complaints from me. Just make sure you limit your kidnappings for when I don’t have to show up for work.”

  “I find your terms acceptable. You can count that as a Christmas present.”

  Julian’s mother took over distributing presents, working with admirable efficiency until everyone had a pile. I suspected Julian’s mother was responsible for most of them, as I could tell there were few contributions from me, most of which were in Kristine’s pile.

  It amazed me such a kind woman could exist, and I’d get to claim her as an in-law as long as I didn’t screw things up.

  To my utter amazement, the gloves were the only article of clothing I received. Instead, a dizzying variety of jewelry from necklaces, bracelets, and earrings lurked within carefully wrapped boxes. I wasn’t brave enough to ask if the stones were real, what types of stones they were, or what I’d wear them with. I didn’t think I had any clothes that would do a single one of the pieces justice.

  At a complete loss, I stared at Julian with wide eyes.

  He laughed from a mountain of new board games, each of which had reduced him to cooing sweet nothings to the pristine boxes. In comparison, my gift would be lackluster in terms of shine, but I hoped I’d be able to beat the latest and greatest.

  Reaching over, he snagged one of the necklaces, which featured a blue teardrop surrounded with clear stones. He freed it from the box, opened the clasp and flicked his wrist. Somehow, the chain wrapped around my throat, and he secured it without missing a beat.

  If he could operate a bra clasp with half the efficiency, he could have me fully unclothed in ten seconds flat. If he couldn’t, I’d have to make sure he got in plenty of practice as part of his formal surrender.

  Sometimes, a proper seduction was called for. Otherwise, a swift removal of troublesome clothing served my needs the best.

  Obviously, I needed to hurry up with formalizing his surrender.

  While I paid too much attention to my plans to get Julian out of his clothes, he grabbed a second box and clasped the matching bracelet around my wrist. “I can put in the matching earrings if you’d like, but I might stab you, so it’s probably safer for you to do it.”

  I snatched the box with the earrings and put them in, pleased they didn’t weigh too much. “Everything’s really pretty.”

  “It was Mom’s idea. She noticed you didn’t have a lot of jewelry when she was helping out at your apartment.”

  “I noticed you hadn’t brought a lot of things with you,” my mother said, pausing from her exploration of her new wardrobe.

  “She’s moving in with me!” Julian and Kristine announced.

  The pair faced off and snarled at each other. I rolled my eyes, stared at the ceiling, and wondered what I’d done to deserve them.

  I must have been an angel in a previous life.

  “You haven’t told her you’re moving in with him, have you?” Julian’s father muttered. “Have you told him yet? Have you been yanking their chains, Chloe?”

  “It was so easy. How could I not? So easy, Mr. Carter. They were begging for their chains to be yanked. I told Julian he was being kicked out of his house and I was taking it over. Do you mind adopting him for a while? I have to establish dominance over my new property, and he’ll get underfoot. I think I’ll need about a week.”

  “I have a basement. We can toss him down there for a while. Want to get moved in without interference, do you?”

  “Exactly. He’d interfere. Or worse, he’d try to help.”

  “Extra hands and manual labor is always useful.”

  I considered that. “Maybe. But won’t he just try to make us play games instead of work?”

  Julian’s father laughed, staring at his son’s new game collection. “You have a very good point there, Chloe. We’ll have to restrain his urges to avoid work by conning us into playin
g just one game.”

  “It’s going to be a challenge,” I muttered.

  Julian shifted his board game collection away from us to protect his hoard. “All work and no play is annoying, so therefore we should play more than we work.”

  Grinning, Julian’s father picked up a box from his pile and handed it to his son. “I’ll lock him in my basement and release him when we want a break to play a game. Then we’ll lock him back up again until our next break. That’ll make the work most efficient. Alternatively, we can make him load the SUVs while we ferry things over. The faster we finish, the faster we can do the things normal people do.”

  I snorted. “You? Normal? Him? Normal? Or are you suggesting the woman with the obsessive need to dress people might be normal? I’m the most normal thing to happen to any of you.”

  The Carters stared at each other, and as one, they shrugged.

  Julian smiled, and he extracted himself from his pile of presents to sit next to me, moving my new hoard of sparkling jewelry aside. “I was told I was allowed to get you one and only one gift as you had gotten me one gift. This is what I picked.” He set the small box in my hand. “For the record, my mother broke into my safe to retrieve this, and I would have gone back to New York and back if necessary to fetch it.”

  Julian’s mother laughed. “My son is not a reasonable person sometimes. You would have been fine with waiting, right, Chloe?”

  “I would’ve been fine with waiting, Julian.”

  “No. You deserve someone who is willing to drive his ass from South Carolina to New York and back because he didn’t plan sufficiently to make sure you got your Christmas present on time.” Julian pointed at the box. “I really would have gone back for it without hesitation.”

  I believed him, and wondering what could be so important, I tore off the paper to discover another jewelry box, larger than the necklace or bracelet boxes. Puzzled, I cracked it open.

  Black velvet covered everything except a ring with a single red stone, the color of a rose in bloom. I held my breath, working the ring out of its slot. Before I could say a word, Julian took hold of my hand, cupping my fingers around the ring. “I was going to attempt a surrender today anyway, but you beat me to it. I wanted something special. The day I suggested you move in with me, I started looking for the perfect ring. Unsurprisingly, I couldn’t find one. So, I had to beg my mother to help me find a jeweler who could fit in an emergency order. She basically owns my soul and my wallet for the next hundred years.”

  Julian’s mother shrugged. “I don’t own nearly enough souls. I couldn’t afford to let one escape my clutches. I’ll sell his to you for a good price, Chloe.”

  “My birthday is in March.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  “Mom, please. I’m badly trying to surrender here.”

  I found it amusing Julian thought he wasn’t doing a good job. I smiled and tightened my hold on my new ring. “I wouldn’t know what to do if you tried to get on a knee and propose properly, so I’m just going to accept your surrender and use this ring as the physical representation of your surrender. I will still require proper formalization.” I grinned and pointed at the box. “You hid other presents under the velvet trying to make it look like one present, though. You’re so busted.”

  “A ring that pretty needed a necklace, a bracelet, and earrings to go with it. There are also matching wedding bands hidden in there somewhere, as I thought you’d appreciate if I wore a physical representation of my surrender. Please move in with me instead of with Kristine. I’ll do anything to be picked, even cry.”

  I bet he would, too. “Sorry, Kristine, but if I have to choose between you crying or Julian crying, you’re just going to have to come over, go on another milk bender, and cry yourself to sleep on Julian’s couch.”

  My best friend in the world flipped her middle fingers in Julian’s general direction. “I’m only letting you get away with this because it’s not every day a Bronx girl gets to move up in the world and bag herself the hottest Santa in New York City. I’d be a terrible friend if I came between her and such a prize.”

  I eyed the Monopoly game I’d pulled out from beneath my bed and wrapped, considering it a suitable present. In comparison, I’d struck out compared to him.

  Julian’s mother grabbed the box and gave it to her son. “You better open this before she starts doubting she picked something good for you. She vastly underestimates the value of what’s in this box, but she won’t believe me unless you open it.”

  “I would chase you down and take my present if you tried to withhold it,” Julian informed me. “I like presents, and I’m willing to fight for ones meant for me. I’m sure I’ll love whatever it is you got me. Judging from the shape, size, and weight, it is a game. I really like games, Chloe. I really like games. As such, I’m positive I’m going to love this. And if I already have a copy of this game, I’ll go burn the other one so this one reigns supreme.”

  “You’re not going to have to burn any games,” Julian’s mother said, and she shook her head. “Really. Don’t be absurd. You would never burn a game.”

  “I’d make an exception for whatever’s in this box.” He tore into the wrapping paper, revealing my old, worn copy of Monopoly. “You found an original copy of Monopoly?”

  “Technically, I suppose I found it. Under my bed. It used to be my grandfather’s. Honestly, I’d decided to give it to you before I decided I was giving myself a very special Christmas present this year.” I opened my mouth to apologize for not getting him something better but thought better of it. Instead of saying anything, I waited.

  “This was your grandfather’s?”

  I nodded. “He was the one who taught me how to play Scrabble. He’s also the reason I count pieces. Every last bill is there. All the pieces are original, and the game is in really good condition. So, every time I get it out and play it, I count every last bill, make sure all the pieces are there, and if you even think about suggesting we play any house rules on that board, I’ll get mad.”

  Julian smiled, easing the lid off the box. Either Julian’s mother had somehow gotten into the box and made certain all the pieces were in their proper place or she’d been exceptionally careful whenever she’d handled the box. “You weren’t kidding. It’s really perfect.”

  “I will be expecting you to play it with me. I’m spoiled, and I get upset if I can’t play at least once a month.”

  Kristine giggled. “You’re still going to insist I come over and play with you, aren’t you?”

  I grinned at her. “As a matter of fact, yes. But think about it this way. We can make Julian play the banker and do all that pesky math for us.”

  Laughing, Julian eased the lid back onto the box. “Whatever you ladies want. I’m just glad someone’s willing to play with me.”

  “I call dibs on the thimble,” I announced.

  “Wait. I thought the original Monopoly game used wooden tokens,” Julian said, his brows furrowing.

  “No. That’s not true. The first production run had metal pieces, but they ran out of the pieces, so they started using the wooden pieces until they could go back to metal. This is from the original run, purchased its first month of sale, so it has the original metal pieces.” I rubbed my hands together. “I call dibs on the thimble! Long live the thimble!”

  My mother leaned towards Julian and said, in a false whisper, “She refuses to accept the thimble’s fall to new pieces.”

  “The T-Rex is a lie. So is the rubber ducky and the penguin. Lies. Horrible, terrible lies.”

  “She takes Monopoly rather seriously. Honestly, I’m astonished she let anyone touch that game.”

  Some opportunities couldn’t be ignored. “That factored into my decision to kidnap him and force him into marriage. I’m not losing my game. I’m just relocating it to my new house in advance.”

  Julian considered the game, glanced at me, and then focused on my mother. “For the record, she’s not actually forcing me into
anything. I’m a very willing participant.”

  “I guessed that from your choice of present. Just ignore the nonsense pouring out of her mouth. We all do. She’s excited, and for good reason. If you need some actual normality or an escape, do give us a call. I’m sure my husband would like some company.”

  My stepfather shook his head. “I don’t know why you’re accusing me of normality. Have you checked our house, darling?”

  My mother scratched her scalp before shrugging. “Good point. Ah, hell. We’re all mad here.”

  That we were, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

  The week after Christmas, chaos and courtrooms ruled my life. While Julian and his father believed Mr. Whiteman would do whatever it took to settle the case with Alice, I held onto my belief the idiot would sacrifice everything to be right no matter how many laws he broke on the way.

  The prosecutor, an import from Buffalo, took an aggressive approach to the case, grilling anyone with the misfortune of being questioned. My photograph of the reception desk proved to be a key piece of evidence, as it proved without a shadow of a doubt that the firm had attempted to cover up what had happened.

  I thought the whole thing was stupid. The biggest difference between my picture and Alice’s involved blood, but the police had been able to prove a lot had been spilled thanks to Julian’s help. I worried Julian would be put in the line of fire, as he had his turn being questioned.

  The first questioning session revealed Mr. Whiteman meant to see the trial through to the bitter end, and he was willing to pay a hotshot defense attorney to tango with Mr. Samsil, wasting everyone’s time.

  I thought the jury had Mr. Whiteman figured out from within the first five minutes of the trial, and the instant he opened his mouth on the stand, the entire atmosphere in the courtroom changed.

  Disgust reigned, and it would only be a matter of time before he faced bitter defeat.

  When I wasn’t required in the courthouse, I went from interview to interview in search of a good job that would keep me somewhat close to Julian’s work so we wouldn’t have to worry about the commute as much.