She pushed the thought away and instead focused on the enticing memory of the night before. For just for a little while, she could get lost in all of this.
“Good morning, sunshine.” He stepped out of his room and immediately that sense of wholeness washed over her.
Did he feel the same way? His smile seemed to indicate that he did.
“Good morning.” She smiled and offered him a cup of coffee. “It’s still snowing out.”
“Still? Thank you.” He took the coffee and sighed as he looked out the window at what looked like several inches of snow. “Well, I guess that rules out the hike.”
“I think maybe it does.” She picked up her own cup of coffee and carried it over to the window beside him. “But it rules in some snowball fights and snow angels.”
“Snow angels?” He grinned. “I haven’t thought of those in years.”
“Honestly, I love making them. My boys stopped enjoying it as they got older, but I still sneak out and make one on the first big snow.”
“I guess you’ll need to make one today then.” He draped his arm around her waist. “You can remind me how to do it.”
“It’s pretty easy.” She rested her head against his shoulder.
As intimate and relaxed as the moment was, it still felt strange to her. But then nothing had felt real since they’d arrived at the cabin. It seemed to her that it was a dream, that at some point she would wake up. She just hoped it wouldn’t be any time soon.
“Did you hear from your brother?” He sipped his coffee.
“Yes, he checked in with me first thing this morning. He and the boys are having a great time together.”
“It’s good that they have him. Are you two close?”
“Not very. I think David stepped in more out of obligation when my husband died, but he does seem to care for the boys, and I appreciate all the effort that he makes. They only do this once or twice a year, but that’s better than not seeing him at all. Still, sometimes I wonder if it just reminds them of what they don’t have any more. I can do things with them, but some things just aren’t right for them to do with Mom, you know.”
“Maybe one day we could all come here together. What do you think of that?”
She bit into her bottom lip. “It would be a big step.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not making plans. It’s just a thought.” He smiled. “I look forward to it, whenever the time is right.”
“It is a fantastic thought. I can just picture it. You could invite your son too.”
“Ah yes, that would be interesting.” His brows drew together.
“What’s wrong? Did you two have an argument?”
“Not exactly. He’s just had a surprising reaction to me dating again. I’m not sure that he approves.”
“Really? Well, maybe he’s just trying to be loyal to his mother.”
“Maybe, but he’s old enough to know better. Sometimes I wonder what goes on in his head.”
“Hm, from what you’ve told me about him before, I’d imagine it’s very similar to what goes on inside of your head. You two are a lot alike.”
“That’s what his mother used to tell me. She said we always butted heads because we were too much alike. I never really saw it, though.”
“He’s trying to find his way in life. I’m sure he’ll come around.”
“I hope so. I don’t mean to cause him any more pain.”
She leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Then tell him you’re not seeing me.”
“What? I don’t think that would be right.”
“Why not? What we do is our business. My boys don’t know that I’m seeing you. My oldest has suspicions, but I wouldn’t admit it to him—not yet.”
Jack turned to face her. “Why not?”
“It just doesn’t seem right to bring them into it. Especially not while we’re just feeling things out.”
“Feeling things out.” He nodded. “You mean you want to wait and see if it’s something that’s going to stick?”
“Not exactly phrased like that, but yes.” She took his hand in hers. “I mean, do you know where we go from here?”
“I know where I want it to go. I want us to be together in whatever shape or form you deem acceptable.”
“You make me sound so cold.” She lowered her eyes.
His hand tightened on hers.
“It feels cold, Michelle, when you look at me and say that you’re feeling things out. It’s much more to me than that.”
“It’s more to me too, Jack.”
“Is it?”
When she looked up, he met her eyes.
“Yes, it is. I just don’t know how to explain it, or understand it, or even what you might be feeling.”
“I’m not just here for the weekend. I want to be a part of your life. I can understand you waiting to introduce me to the boys and that’s entirely your call. When you’re ready, I’ll be ready. But I expect you to believe me when I tell you how much I care about you.”
“It’s not that I doubt you. It’s just that all of this seemed so impossible not so long ago. I guess I’m still catching up.”
Chapter 18
“It’s not impossible now.” Jack brushed his hand along her cheek and smiled at her. “We’ve found one another despite everything.”
“Now you sound like Hollywood.” Michelle laughed.
“Think of the things that were stacked against us, and yet, here we are.”
“You’re right.” She offered him a gentle kiss.
After a light breakfast, they layered up and headed out into the snow. It was a bit deeper than Jack expected. He offered Michelle his arm to steady her. They made their way to the large open area behind the cabin, and Michelle proceeded to educate him about snow angels.
“Like this?” He fell back into the snow and sank much further than he’d anticipated. As he sputtered in the snow he laughed. Then he swished his arms and legs as she instructed.
“That’s pretty good.” She offered him her hand. “Now the trick is getting up without ruining your snow angel.”
He took her hand and smiled as he stared up at her. “Let’s see if I’m an angel after all.”
She tugged him to his feet, then they both turned to look at the imprint he’d left behind.
“It looks like you are.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cold cheek against his.
“For the moment.” He chuckled.
After a fierce snowball fight they headed back inside for hot chocolate. While Jack sipped his he studied her. She sat by the fire, appearing to be mesmerized by the flicker of the flames. He wondered what she was thinking about. Did she wish she was somewhere else?
“I’m having a great time,” said Jack.
She turned to look at him, her cheeks red from the heat of the fire. “I am too.”
He sat down beside her and leaned back as he looked into the flames. “It’s hard for me to think of us not being together, of going home to separate lives.”
“Then don’t think about it.” She kissed his cheek. “We have lots of time left together.”
“Yes. Enough snow should melt today that we can try for that hike out to the lake tomorrow morning. Are you up for it?”
“Absolutely.”
“Wonderful.” As he reached for her, her cell phone rang.
She glanced at it, then grimaced. “I’m sorry, I have to take this.”
“Go ahead.” He rested his hands back against the rug.
“Hello? Miles? What’s wrong?” She took a breath. “Just tell Austin he’s not allowed to use your basketball.” She waited a moment, then sighed. “How can you know for sure it’s yours if they are identical? Miles, stop. Please. It’s just a basketball and they’re exactly the same. Just use the one you have.”
She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “I thought I told your uncle only emergency calls? Where’s Uncle Nick?” She covered the mouthpiece of her phone. “I’m sorry, Jack, just a minute more.�
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“Take your time. I know what a crisis basketballs can be.” He winked at her.
She smiled and uncovered the mouthpiece again. “Nick, what is going on? Why are the boys calling me about a basketball? I think you can handle this.” She closed her eyes and frowned. “No, I know. Austin can get pretty mad. Alright, just tell them that if they don’t shape up about the basketballs they don’t get any game time when they get home. Zero. Okay?” She smiled. “Thanks.” She hung up the phone.
“You handled that very well. I guess the boys are into gaming?”
“Too much, really. It’s hard for me to tell them no sometimes.” She sighed. “I really have to do better.”
“I think you do just fine.” He rubbed her shoulders. “Don’t doubt yourself so much.”
“How can I not? Everything depends on me now.”
“I’m here. Whatever you need.” He kissed the slope of her neck. “Don’t be afraid to ask.” He felt her body stiffen.
“I can take care of us.”
“I know you can.” He smoothed his hand down along her arm and wrapped his hand around hers. “I would never question that. But I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
She rested her head back against him and sighed. “I used to be so much calmer about things. Now I feel like I’m always at the end of my rope, like if I make a single mistake everything is going to disappear.”
“Like he did?”
“I hadn’t really thought of it that way.”
“I did a couple of sessions of grief therapy after my wife died. I thought I was doing it for Noah—to be an example—but once I got to talking, I found out some things. Mostly why I didn’t feel like I was grieving.”
“Why was that?”
He swallowed hard and shook his head. “I’m not sure that you’d understand.”
“Try me.” She shifted her body so that she could look into his eyes.
“Because I was angry. I was really really angry.” He frowned. “I didn’t even know it until it all came to the surface. I was angry at her for dying. Isn’t that crazy?”
“No, it’s not crazy. About four months after my husband’s funeral all the bills were overdue, everything was a mess, the boys’ grades were slipping—I couldn’t keep up. In the middle of the night one night, I just let it loose. I cursed, I screamed, I even broke picture frames. I told him how angry I was that he’d left me, that he’d promised he never would.” She shuddered and drew away from Jack a bit. “It was a dark night.”
“It makes it so difficult to embrace this, doesn’t it?” He stroked his fingers through her hair. “To trust us.”
“Yes.” Michelle turned to face him and smiled a little. “Yes, it does.”
“Which makes it all the more sweet, in my opinion.”
“I think so too.”
“You know what we need?”
“What?” She smiled.
“Wine.”
“Wine?” She shook her head. “I don’t know if I could handle more than a glass.”
“We’re snowed in with nowhere to go. Why not?”
“I suppose you’re right about that.”
“Great, I’ll get us some glasses.” He stood up and walked into the kitchen.
The moment he was out of her line of sight he released a heavy breath. It took all of his strength to rein in his desire for her. As much as he knew things needed to move forward as slow as possible, he couldn’t convince his heart of that.
He searched for the bottle of wine that he was sure he’d packed, but it wasn’t anywhere to be found.
“Michelle, I’m going to need to run into town.”
“I thought you said we were snowed in?” She stood in the doorway of the kitchen.
“I’m betting the roads are pretty clear, and the store is only about a mile down the road. I’ll turn back if it’s too bad.”
“I should come with you.”
“And get freezing cold again? No way. Plus, I need you to keep an eye on the fire. Okay?”
“Okay.” She smiled and walked over to him. When her hands rested against his chest he could feel the warmth of them through his shirt. He drew a slow steady breath and looked into her eyes.
“I love you, Michelle.”
“I love you too, Jack.” She kissed him and whisked away every worry in his mind.
No matter how long he had to wait, he was willing. He knew that much to be true.
Chapter 19
After Jack left, Michelle sat back down in front of the fire. It was almost meditative to stare at the flames. As she sorted through her thoughts her mind traveled back to the night that she’d described to Jack. It was then that she’d given up on her future and started focusing only on how to survive. It was then that she’d stopped truly living—until she’d met Jack online. That was when she had chosen to remember that she was still alive, that there was still a life to be lived.
She shifted in front of the fire and shoved the poker into the ashes to spark up a new flame. It was fun to just relax and play with the embers. As she thought about heading home the next day she was both excited to see her sons and saddened that it would probably be some time until she saw Jack again. Maybe he was right about introducing him to the kids sooner rather than later. Then they could all do things together and she wouldn’t have to miss one or the other.
With these thoughts swirling in her mind she heard the front door of the cabin open.
“Jack, did you get the wine?” She turned toward the door. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw a man, who looked quite similar to Jack, in the doorway. Yes, he looked just like Jack, but he was only in his twenties.
“Who are you?”
“I could ask you the same thing.” She stared back at him.
“Where’s my father?”
Noah. Her heart sank. It was Jack’s son. With her alone in his father’s cabin, this was not the way she’d intended their initial meeting to go. What would he think of her being there?
“He went to the store. I’m sorry, I’m sure he’ll be back any minute. Would you like me to call him for you?”
“No, it’s okay.” He took a slight step back. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“I’m Michelle, a friend of your father’s.” She offered him her hand.
He studied it for a moment then smiled and took it in a firm shake. “I’m the one that should be sorry. I didn’t realize Dad was using the cabin this weekend. When I heard about the snowstorm that blew through I decided to come up and check on the place. Oh, and I’m Noah. It’s nice to meet you.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you.”
“Well, Dad is usually so busy. I figured I could help out. Now, I get to meet you.” He grinned. “That’s a bonus.”
“Is it?” She felt her smile brighten. “I wasn’t sure if you’d feel that way.”
“I do.” He crossed his arms and stepped further into the living room. “When my dad first mentioned you, I’ll admit, I was a little concerned. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that he deserves to be happy, and you seem to make him happy.”
“I hope that I do.”
“You do.”
Jack stepped inside the door with a bottle of wine in his hand. “Noah, I wasn’t expecting you.”
“Sorry to just drop in like this. I wouldn’t have come if I’d known you were here. I’m sure this is a little awkward.”
“No, I don’t think it’s awkward at all. I think it’s good timing.” Jack set the bottle of wine down on the counter and turned back to face his son.
“Noah, this is Michelle. Michelle, this is my son, Noah.”
“Yes, we’ve met.” Noah laughed.
“I know, but I wanted to be the one to do the introductions.” Jack smiled and poured them each a glass of wine.
“Oh no. Dad, I should really go.”
“Nonsense, you drove all this way, you should stay for a little while. If that’s okay with you, Michelle?”
“Yes, absolutely.” Michelle tried to keep her heart from racing. It was pretty amazing to meet Noah, but she would have preferred to have the time to prepare for it. What if she said something wrong? What if she didn’t make a good impression?
Jack handed her a glass of wine and then one to his son.
“To snowstorms.” He raised his glass in the air.
“To snowstorms.” Noah nodded.
They clinked their glasses then settled in the living room in front of the fire.
“So, Michelle, my dad mentioned that you have two sons.”
“Yes, Austin and Miles. They’re ten and twelve.” She smiled. “They’re with their uncle this weekend.”
“Ah, I remember those ages. Good luck.” Noah grinned.
“Yes, it’s interesting.”
“And you’re doing it all alone?” He stared into her eyes for a moment. “That’s a lot on your shoulders.”
“They’re wonderful, really. We have our moments of course, but I wouldn’t trade a single one.”
“That’s what it’s like, Noah. One day you’ll understand.” Jack sipped his wine. “When you have a child, they become your world.”
“If I have kids.” Noah lifted his glass in the air. “Not so sure yet.”
“You have plenty of time to decide.” Michelle noticed the similarities that Jack and Noah shared, not just in looks, but in mannerisms. She couldn’t help but see his mother in him as well. There was no question in her mind that Noah was raised by two very loving parents. Her heart ached for a moment as she wondered if Jack could do the same for her boys. Would he be able to love them the way that he loved his own flesh and blood?
“Yes, first you have to find a wife. Any news on the dating front?” Jack set his glass down and walked over to the fire to add a piece of wood.
“I’m still exploring.”
“That’s one way to put it.” Jack chuckled.
“One day you’ll meet that one special person, and she’ll turn your head, and you’ll never be able to look away.” Michelle raised an eyebrow. “Just wait.”
Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 5 - 8 Page 32