Outing of the Heart

by Lisa Ann Harper

  ‘You mean we can’t be together after all,’ she whispered.

  Tenille looked up and spoke with wet eyes. ‘I’m afraid that’s what it means.’ She got the words out disjointedly. Together they sat, isolated on their island of sadness, from the bustle of activity around them.

  ‘You can’t explain you’ll be taken care of?’ Sidonie asked, feeling it only needed her to try a little harder, for them to understand. She wanted to turn the clock back to their happy time. Her dejection was intense, riding such a high before, now this letdown.

  Tenille was looking across at her through swimming eyes, as an avalanche of emotion overcame her. Sidonie looked so fantastic. So virile and desirable. Here was everything her mind and body desired. Their time together a reality at last … not the recurring dream of lonely nights. Oh fate was too cruel. Parents especially.

  Depressed spirits were submerging her deeper and deeper when suddenly, a warm hand, firm on her arm, made her look up. Strong fingers, a muscular forearm with fine, blonde hairs catching the sunlight like an aura of energy, were gripping her.

  ‘What Sid?’

  ‘I know this is a bit bold, but … I do have the time off … I could drive you up, stay over for the weekend …?’ She lifted her right eyebrow in enquiry. ‘Would your parents put me up? It would save them a trip and you’d still be home with them.’ Hopeful overtones suffused her voice.

  The face she was watching instantly brightened. ‘You are a legend, Sid. What a marvellous solution.’ The earlier mood of dejection was completely shed. ‘Let me phone right away. They were not to leave ’til dad got off work.’

  ‘Good, good. Where’s the phone? I’ll get some change,’ Sidonie offered.

  ‘No need. I’ll make it collect.’

  They moved off towards the elevator where the public telephones were located. ‘I’ll wait here,’ said Sidonie, as she propped herself against the plexiglass shell, while Tenille made the call. It didn’t last long. By the time she replaced the receiver, her face had regained its happy mien, the smile playing once more at the corners of her mouth. She was like a different person.

  ‘We’ll still be together, darling … not quite the same as we’d planned but … at least in the same house.’ “No not like it should have been, but this was better than nothing.” She used the thought as an anodyne.

  ‘Ah Honey, it’s OK with me,’ Sidonie consoled her. ‘I was so disappointed over not being with you, now this sounds like heaven.’

  ‘Mm..m,’ was Tenille’s response: ‘You haven’t met mother yet.’ The two women returned to the dayroom and resumed their seats.

  ‘Ten, it’s going to be fine with your parents. You know, I get on very well with the chronologically disadvantaged.’ They both laughed at this, tension expelling with each breath.

  ‘I’m sure your mom and dad and I will become good buddies in no time, you’ll see.’ She had every confidence in her ability to charm. Her thoughts moved on.

  ‘What next? Over to the apartment and pack you up?’ A momentary concern marred her sunny disposition. ‘How long will you need to stay with your folks?’ She threw a frowning glance in Tenille’s direction, suspecting she’d not like the answer. Tenille took a deep breath, reluctant to say the words, but knowing she must. ‘Sid … they want me to convalesce with them.’

  Sidonie groaned, then blurted out in a fit of temper, her feelings of frustration getting the better of her: ‘There’s always something isn’t there, to spoil things.’

  At the gentle touch of a restraining hand on her arm, she felt ashamed of her outburst and her face softened. ‘I’m sorry Angel,’ looking apologetic. She pressed her hand over Tenille’s where it lay against her skin, the warmth and delicateness of that touch piercing through her obduracy.

  Tenille slid her hand out from under, the contact too intimate in this public place and for what she had to say. ‘It’s just ’til I’m able to get about easily and can cope on my own. Don’t make me feel worse over this,’ she complained, trying to control her own emotions, but suffering the stress nonetheless. She banged the crutches against the chair in front. ‘I hate being so incapacitated.’ she expostulated. ‘This damned leg is ruining my whole life’ exaggerating the situation, but unable to stop.

  ‘OK – OK, Ten. Let’s both settle down,’ Sidonie soothed as she sat back. ‘We’re getting carried away here. Let’s look at what we’ve got,’ she suggested, trying to be reasonable; seeking co-operation. The latter responded with a mechanical: ‘Yes,’ but the glare on her face did begin to dissolve.

  ‘OK, we’ve got the rest of today and three more days, which includes a nice drive to the country. This will be a welcome change for me and I get to meet your folks. I’ll return to Toronto Sunday evening, knowing you’ll be in good hands and well looked after while you’re there. Even though I won’t get to see you, it’ll be a worry off of my mind.’ Tenille said nothing, just nodded.

  ‘Now, let’s look at it from your side. Shoot.’ she commanded.

  Already Tenille was feeling better, just listening and watching her animated enthusiasm, the pupils of her eyes, so small in this light, they made the blue of her irises startlingly intense.

  ‘Darling,’ she whispered. ‘I love you so much.’

  ‘It’s not what I asked for, Sweetheart, but I like it for openers,’ she encouraged. Now she smiled and waved her hand: ‘Carry on.’

  ‘Well, I agree with all you’ve just said and, I can add that it probably will be better for me to be at home just for a little while. I’ll be able to rest lots and concentrate on my physio. This should make me independent sooner.’

  She regarded her quizzically. ‘There, how’s that? Is that a sufficiently positive note to get us off on our mini vacation?’ Laughter erupted, elation filling her once again.

  ‘That’ll do for now. We may be able to find some more positive things later, you never know,’ she added, looking sideways under her eyelids in a decidedly suggestive manner. Tenille’s heart raced. She knew intimacies between them in her parent’s home would be impossible, but her body could not help but respond to the idea of kisses and caresses.

  ‘Like I said, about thirty minutes ago Ten, let’s get outta here and kick off the dust of this town.’

  She picked up the crutches as Tenille stood and propped one under each arm, then collected the overnight bag and the parting gift for the nurses.

  ‘I’ll hand that over to Staff Nurse,’ Tenille indicated the presentation box: ‘And then we’ll be gone.’

  The wait at the elevators seemed long. Obviously many of the staff wanted to send Tenille off with their best wishes. Sidonie helped her negotiate her entry into the auto. It turned out to be quite a lengthy procedure. She had to turn her back to the seat and transfer one crutch over to join the other, she could then place them in her right hand and lower herself onto the seat with her left. Meanwhile, Sidonie, supporting her left leg, lifted it up and over into the car. They made a good team, completing the manoeuvre without impatience.

  Once settled, Sidonie drove carefully to McPherson and was in luck again with her parking. She collected the crutches and ran back to the passenger side, gallantly helping Tenille out. The car seat being so low, made it awkward for her to move, she felt like a beached whale, needing to be hauled, pushed and prodded.

  Mrs. Sandrelli greeted them warmly, opening the door and coming forward as soon as they pulled up. ‘Did they feed you good in that hospital? You look like you could do with a big bowl of Cannelloni,’ she grumbled.

  ‘Yes, they fed me well, but I didn’t want to eat. I seemed to lose my appetite … but it’s coming back now,’ she hastened to reassure her.

  ‘And how’re you doing with those?’ Serafina pointed to the crutches.

  ‘Just fine. I’m getting the hang of them. Sometimes, for short distances, I just hop. At first hopping made my foot throb, but it’s used to it now.’

  ‘We’re here to get some things, then I’m driving Ten up to he
r parents’. She’ll be there for a little while, convalescing,’ Sidonie explained, wanting to hurry along the departure process so they could be on the road, completing the journey before nightfall.

  ‘Si si, of course. You let me know when you coming back, Cara. I get some groceries for you, okay?’ Serafina asked.

  ‘Oh yes, that would be great. It’s always nice to make coffee after a long journey.’

  ‘We’ll just get ourselves organized here,’ interjected Sidonie, ‘then we’ll be gone.’

  ‘I’ll write you a cheque for the rent ’til the end of July,’ Tenille offered while Sidonie did her best to curb her impatience. ‘Then we can start again in August, if that’s all right with you?’ she queried, oblivious to Sidonie’s hopping about like a jackrabbit.

  ‘Don’t you worry your head about money right now, Cara. We settle up later. You know this is a safe place to store your possessions while you’re gone,’ Serafina assured her.

  At last they wound it up allowing Sidonie to move on down to the apartment. Tenille experienced difficulty on the stairs now she had this awkward, heavy cast. Sidonie got her settled on the bed then immediately put her arms round her to give her a deep and lingering kiss. Tenille’s mouth was soft and yielding, her kiss as hungry as hers. She lay back against the pillows and began to relax in Sidonie’s capable hands, watching her move about the apartment, collecting things at her bidding. She emptied out the overnight bag and transferred toiletries to Tenille’s large valise. This would have been going on the Los Flamencos tour; now it was for a trip home. The thought made her sad. She wondered how the troupe was doing, south of the line. How exciting to be a part of all that glitz and glamor – the nightclub scene. But then, she reflected, she had never really been one for that sort of thing. True she loved the dancing, but she wasn’t a party animal. That was more Devon’s bailiwick. “Ah Devon. What are you doing now?”

  ‘That was a big sigh. Is everything all right?’ Sidonie’s anxious enquiry came through, as if from a long distance. Still, it penetrated her thoughts and brought her back to present practicalities.

  ‘Sure, Honey. How’re you doing there?’ She made an effort to lift her spirits. ‘At least being summertime I only need light clothing. I can wash stuff everyday. My parents are on town water,’ she clarified, as Sidonie looked surprised at the observation.

  ‘Right. That’s it, Babe. I think I’ve packed just about one of each. And look at this. I can still close the lid without sitting on it.’ She snapped the clasps then asked where she wanted her medications. ‘Purse or toilet bag?’

  ‘Purse for now, Sid. They’re q.i.d. ’til the end of the week.’

  ‘And what’s that supposed to mean?’ retorting in mock exasperation. ‘A few days in the hospital and you go all professional on me,’ her banter light. At last all done, they said their farewells to Mrs. Sandrelli and Sidonie carried the valise to the trunk, storing it next to her own. It only remained to help Tenille out to the car.

  CHAPTER 11

  Sidonie drove north to the 401 then travelled eastward to highway #115. She could have taken a more diagonal route, but felt comfortable with this. Being Thursday they were avoiding the mass exodus of Torontonians who, every weekend, headed for release from the daily grind and up to cottage country.

  Chatting was companionable, any former strain gone with the disappearance of the city skyscrapers. Admiration for the greenness of the farmers’ fields, not yet dried out by the heat of the summer sun, filled their consciousness. The sky was a clear blue with just the odd fluffy cumulus floating at leisure in the stratosphere. It felt good to get away from the constant pall of pollution which hung over Toronto. Driving southward from Parry Sound or other points north, the distinctive grey haze which so characterized the city’s location by Lake Ontario, was unmistakable. In contrast, there were no diesel fumes here and the amount of traffic dwindled to the odd motorbike; they had the road to themselves. Escape was therapeutic. Sidonie spotted a deserted lay-by and pulled over.

  ‘Why are we stopping?’ Tenille queried without concern, simply idle curiosity.

  ‘You’ll see,’ was the only response.

  The engine cut, she swung round, fiery eyes pinning Ten’s. ‘For old time’s sake,’ she said huskily as she took her into her arms and their lips met impetuously. She felt Ten’s breasts pressing against her own. She caught the musky aroma of her oil and her senses reeled. Ten’s body was hot within her embrace as she moved herself closer, their hearts pounding and pulses racing. Encapsulated in their own private world, she could indulge her need, greedily. She heard Ten’s sigh as her head rested back.

  ‘Yes my darling, it has been a very long time,’ she responded to Sid’s non-verbalized thoughts. She yielded herself to her caresses and let her body conduct her on a wave of feeling that was sweeping her almost to the highest crest. Sid placed her hand at the base of the slender column of Ten’s throat as her tongue explored and probed, then let her hand move slowly downward, feeling heavy on the twin mounds which responded eagerly. Ten wanted more, but was lulled into savoring the pleasures of the moment and could make no demands on her lover. She let her hand slide down the side of Sid’s body to come to rest on the bare flesh of her hot thigh, just below the shorts. As the kiss grew more intense, more demanding, her boldness increased, sliding her hand under the fabric, resting it on the inner softness of the muscular leg. The feel of the warm flesh held promise of intimacies so often dreamed of, but not yet experienced. She wanted to go further then felt her wrist clasped and held firm.

  Sid had pulled away slightly as she felt herself loosing control, to murmur in Ten’s ear: ‘If you want to arrive safely and in one piece, you’d best let my hands steer.’ The voice was thick and deep; the voice she recognized as filled with longing and desire unsatisfied. This aroused her more, almost beyond enduring. She wanted to give herself completely to this girl; have her do anything to her she may desire. Was she making herself abject in her love? It felt so natural. It was how she wanted to be, as she had never been with anyone before; complete submission. Her body wanted this above all; wanted to be the instrument of Sid’s lovemaking, upon which she could play melodies and harmonies, to resonate throughout her whole being. The intimacy so close, she would be consumed by her. Her body still throbbing with passion, she opened her eyes and felt her joy complete when she focused on Sid’s face, so near, her brilliant eyes blazing into hers, the golden flecks in the azure as clear as filtered cider; the streams of light from the afternoon sun illuminating her golden head.

  Sid felt herself drowning in those lustrous, dark eyes as they smoldered back into hers, bright and shiny in their glistening moistness. She wanted nothing more than to make this moment last and last … to reach Ten to the ultimate; to the orgasm she knew was ready, had only lovingly to be drawn forth, until she moaned in ecstasy and clung to her … the emissary to all her innermost pleasures. She knew she could do it and one day she would.

  She turned the ignition key. They took time to let the heat subside, giving themselves over to the sublimated excitement of cutting up the highway at warp factor, the wind blowing through the car, its touch feathery light, across their sweat-dampened brows.

  ‘It’s times like this I wish I had a ‘V 8’ convertible, low slung with chrome wheels,’ she confided , ‘quite impractical for our climate,’ she added prosaically, ‘but a wonderful fantasy.’ In wistful reflection she recalled an earlier one, after they had met in the sauna.

  Tenille had ridden in the car naked, whilst she’d been fully clothed. She had driven recklessly through the silent night, still able to discern the contours of the woman’s body, her breasts, stomach and thighs, all that she’d seen before. Now she did have her next to her and, if not naked, then certainly with clothes showing the promise of the pleasures that lay beneath. The tank top, low cut at the neck, front and back, showed erect nipples through the soft cloth. The madras cotton skirt, falling in full pleats from the waistband, draped reveal
ingly across her belly and thighs, leading the eye enticingly towards the hidden cleft where she so longed to stroke, taste and smell. Yes. One day. She drew her eyes back to the road just in time to make a steering correction. ‘Oops – sorry. Better concentrate,’ she apologized.

  ‘Yes, didn’t you say, ‘safe and in one piece’, a moment ago?’

  ‘I did, I did,’ she conceded. ‘I was letting my thoughts wander again. Tell me. I believe we’ll be coming into Lindsay soon. Do I have to make a turn?’

  ‘Not until you’re actually on Kent St. and then it’s left into Maple Avenue. It’s number twenty seven. Simple,’ she paused for a moment then resumed: ‘Sid …

  ‘Mm..m?’

  ‘I’m glad you stopped back there.’

  ‘So am I Babe,’ she confessed.

  ‘It’s just that … well, we may not get much time alone.’ She hesitated, wanting to explain. ‘My mother demands a lot of attention when I visit.’ She took a deep breath: ‘You see, she doesn’t think I have any life of my own; like independent of her. It’s as though I’m still a child … she expects me to be there for her … all the time.’ She cast Sid a rueful look. ‘I’m sorry, but there it is, I can’t change her.’ The shoulders heaved. ‘She may want to dominate you too, but you being who you are … you’ll probably be able to handle her.’

  ‘As to that, we’ll see. I want to get along with your folks,’ she reminded her. ‘I’m not about to shake their tree.’ She turned her head. ‘You don’t mention you’re dad,’ curious and intrigued. ‘How does he feature in all this?’

  ‘They’ve been together for so many years now, they’ve slipped into habit patterns when responding to each other. They have such well worn grooves, anything different would make them uncomfortable. Over the years it appears my mother has the more domineering, well, perhaps that’s too strong a word, but let’s say, the more demanding personality. Dad, being a Libran, likes to keep the peace and not rock the boat. Where he can, he goes along with Mom and concedes most things. I don’t know if he’d know what to do, if he didn’t have her to chivvy him. It’s made him careless. He doesn’t need to think. Dad knows she’ll do it for him. Consequently people turn to her.’