A Restored Man

by Jaime Reese

  "Don't change the subject."

  "I didn't realize this was up for discussion," Cole said, returning his focus to the form. "Should I be filling out a special request pass instead?"

  "The special pass will grant you only four hours. So you might cut it too close. Just do it for the weekend to make sure you're covered."

  Cole nodded and continued with the form.

  "Cole?"

  Cole groaned, dramatically. Julian would keep pushing until he sucked the information from Cole like a fucking leech. This is what it must feel like when I nag him. "Yes, I want to see my family. Yes, I miss my mom and she's excited about seeing me. Yes, I want to see my brothers and sister. No, I don't want to stay there because I don't want to be there long enough to fuck up the warm and fuzzy feeling of seeing me again. Is that it?"

  Julian put his notebook down and turned to face him on the couch. "You won't fuck up the warm and fuzzy. She calls you every day just to see how you're doing. It's obvious she loves you."

  Cole tugged at the seam of his jeans. "I know. I just don't want to disappoint her again."

  "You won't. You've got a job. You're straightening out your act." Julian pulled down the front of Cole's beanie. "You're talking back a lot less," he said with a rare smile.

  Cole straightened his beanie. "I haven't been able to send her any more money. It's the one thing I was able to do for her that none of my brothers or sister did. So I don't know—"

  "What money?"

  Cole shrugged. "I used to send her money, nothing big enough to raise any red flags from anyone, including her. That's why she never had a clue what I did. I stopped when I went in."

  Julian's scowl deepened. "She just wants to know you're okay. This is the first time she's going to see you since your release and that's because you don't want her to come here. She's even asked me if she can visit here, but I'm respecting your wishes. So it's about you, not the money. She's just really worried prison changed you."

  Cole sighed, hoping he wouldn't disappoint her again.

  "Do I want to know where the money came from?" Julian asked.

  Cole half smiled. "No, you don't. Plausible deniability."

  Julian rubbed his shaved head.

  Cole chuckled. "Hey, I'm a car thief…a damn good one. I'd be an idiot if I burned through all the money I earned over the years. I'm not as dumb as I look. I'm just a great actor."

  "You were a car thief. And you're right, I don't want to know," Julian mumbled.

  "No, you don't. I have a stash but I can't touch the money for a while until the heat on me wears off."

  Julian plugged his ears with his fingers. "I don't want to know." He waited a few moments then picked up his notebook again and resumed his notes or whatever the hell he did in that damn notebook of his. "So what did you get her for her birthday? You can't walk in there empty-handed."

  "You," Cole said, setting down the papers on the center table.

  That seemed to grab Julian's attention. "What?"

  "I need you to go with me to the party," Cole said, tugging his beanie.

  "Why me?"

  Cole sighed. "Is it because I forgot to say please?"

  "No, it's because you haven't told me why." Julian's brow lowered. "If Matt says it's okay, then I'll go."

  Cole poked Julian on his side. "You need to ask for permission?"

  Julian smacked Cole behind his head. "It's called respect, you prick. I'm not the one asking for a chaperone to go visit mommy."

  Cole rubbed the back of his head. "Touché," he said, looking at Julian with a scowl. He leaned back on the couch and yelled toward the stairwell. "Hey, Matt!"

  Julian looked upward and sighed. "Why don't you go up the stairs and talk to him like a normal human being?"

  "What is it?" Matt's voice echoed throughout the house as he yelled his response.

  Julian rubbed his shaved head and leaned his head back on the couch.

  Cole snickered. "Can I take J out on a date?" he yelled.

  Julian looked over. "I've asked you not to call me that," he said calmly.

  Matt came down the stairs slowly, each step measured, determined, and firm. "I must have misunderstood you," he said in a steady tone with a fire burning in his bright blue eyes Cole hadn't ever seen. It almost mirrored Aidan's I'm-going-to-kill-you-slow look.

  Julian burst into laughter. "Cole, this is one of those times when you really need to think very carefully about what you want to say. So you better do a pause times two if you want to keep your important parts intact."

  Cole stilled, his eyes shifting back and forth between Matt and Julian. "Uh…"

  Matt crossed his arms and glared. He had obviously learned a trick or two from Julian.

  Cole fidgeted.

  Julian covered his mouth with his precious notebook but couldn't hide the enjoyment of the moment in his eyes. Fucker.

  Cole blew out a deep breath. "You guys are wigging me out. I don't want either of you. Matt, you're too…I don't know, too perfect and preppy. And you, Mr. Green Glare," he said to Julian. "I don't want you either. It'd give me the creeps. You're like my brother. That's why I want you to go with me. You're a spitting image of my older brother Marco…except for your shaved head. I think it would mean a lot to my mom if she saw you there and just had a little bit of time with you because she didn't get a chance to say good-bye to my brother before he died. Now feel free to kick my ass if needed. My face has already healed up so why not add some more color." He crossed his arms and scowled.

  Matt deflated. He walked around the couch and sat next to Cole. "I didn't know you had an older brother who died. Why didn't you say anything about him?"

  Cole threw his head back on the couch. "This. This is exactly why I didn't want to say anything. I don't want to talk about it."

  "How and when did he die?" Julian asked, obviously not caring about Cole's lack of desire to discuss the issue.

  Cole looked over to Julian. "Two and half years ago. He died in Afghanistan."

  "Were you guys close?" Julian asked.

  "You are a persistent son of a bitch, aren't you? You're like him even in that respect. Yes, he was my best friend. When he was home, we did everything together—except steal cars, of course. He joined the army because he said I always looked at him as if he was a hero so he wanted to make it official. So there. Happy now?" He hated this. Hated remembering the guilt that gnawed away at him every day.

  "I'll go," Julian said and resumed writing in his notebook.

  Cole raised an eyebrow but sure as hell wasn't going to push the point now that he had what he wanted. He didn't need to pause to know that.

  Matt patted Cole's knee, kissed Julian and retreated upstairs again.

  Cole pulled the laces on his boots, untying and retying them. Repeatedly.

  "It's driving you nuts, isn't it? Not knowing why I said yes without waiting for Matt to say something?" Julian said absently as he continued to write in his notebook.

  Cole couldn't stand it anymore. "What the hell do you write in that fucking notebook every day?"

  Julian closed the notebook and looked at Cole. "You get one question before I go upstairs. Choose wisely."

  Cole chewed his lip. He wanted to know what was in that notebook, but dammit, he hated when Julian was right. "Why did you say yes?"

  Julian half smiled. "The way you are with me, it's the same way I was with my older brother. Your personality is a mirror image of the way he was. He was carefree, always laughing. Ironically, his name was Nick which is part of the reason why I refuse to call you by your given name. When he died, a part of me died with him." He looked away for a moment and blew out a breath. He waited a few seconds before resuming. "I was so angry. I almost did some really stupid shit but didn't because my mom was all I had left worth saving and I couldn't do that to her."

  "What was it that you almost did?" Cole asked.

  Julian looked at him and pursed his lips. "You've used up your question quota for the night." />
  "Jerk," Cole mumbled.

  Julian tugged on Cole's beanie again. "I'm guessing you were angry about losing your brother and that's why you got in trouble or careless enough to get caught. The timing is too perfect. So I get it. You feel as if he was ripped from your life and there were so many things unsaid. I know I'm not your brother and I know that you know I'm not him. But somehow, driving me batshit crazy makes you remember the time you guys had together. And you want to give your mom that same feeling, a chance to have a little more time, even if for just an hour or two," he finished, with a softer look in his eyes. "I get it." He grabbed his notebook and rose from the couch.

  Cole straightened his beanie, trying to stave off the tightness in his throat and the pressure in his chest. He closed his eyes, and inhaled a shaky breath, trying not to let Julian's words reach the thoughts he tried so hard to hide. It wasn't fair. Everyone had loved Marco, his laughter, his spirit. Marco was the glue that held his family together and brightened everyone's life. Marco was the tape that bound Cole to his family, the one who always made him feel as if he fit in just as he was.

  And now, Marco was gone because of him.

  Julian wrapped his arm around Cole's shoulders from behind. "It's not your fault he died," he whispered by Cole's ear.

  Cole opened his eyes and looked ahead at no particular point on the wall in front of him. "I hate you," he said in a broken whisper as his vision blurred. I hate how much you sound like him, talk like him, walk like him. I hate how much you always remind me of how much I miss him and how much I need him. He felt a kiss at the top of his head, yet another gesture that mirrored his brother's actions. He tried to swallow past the lump in his throat. Pain speared through his chest and the pounding of his heart echoed in his ears.

  "I hate you too," Julian whispered.

  Cole gripped the edge of the cushions as Julian's steps faded up the stairs. He stayed as still as he could, trying not to let his carefully crafted façade crumble. He held his breath and tried to think of a song, something, anything to calm the rising storm of emotions.

  This was the first time anyone had told him it wasn't his fault.

  Cole sat there, as steady as he could, and let the tears he had held back for over two years, finally escape.

  But I'd rather work with you.

  Ty squeezed the stress ball and watched Cole work with the mechanics in the bay—Cole's focus on his work was intense, his movements efficient and confident. Ty tried to busy himself in his office, but it was pointless. He thought the weekend would give him the chance to recharge, to detach the imaginary rope pulling him toward Cole.

  He was wrong. Very, very wrong.

  But I'd rather work with you.

  He squeezed the stress ball tighter.

  Cole had a wicked sense of humor and quick comebacks ready for any of Ty's comments, especially those about his height. Cole wasn't that much shorter than Ty at all. Nowhere near as short as the teasing merited. In fact, he was the perfect height. A slight tip of his head and Cole's full, kissable lips would be right there, waiting for him.

  Ty's jaw muscles clenched as he continued to squeeze the stress ball harder.

  But I'd rather work with you.

  Cole's shoulders were broad—wider than Ty's own—and tapered down to a narrow waist and a round ass that looked perfect even in the crappy, thick cotton work pants. His arms would flex when lifting an engine part and showcase each ripped, sculpted muscle of his thick biceps.

  He wanted to see if, in fact, Cole's hair was as dark as charcoal. He wanted to run his hand through it to know if it was thick and coarse, or soft and silky.

  He squeezed the ball so tight his nails dug into his palm.

  Even though the physical was as perfect as he could have imagined, his thoughts always returned to their banter. He loved the teasing, craved the jokes and the laughter that always erupted between them. Ty closed his eyes and slowly exhaled.

  That laugh.

  Cole's laugh was as big as his smile and personality. And that raised eyebrow with half smile combination did Ty in every time. Somehow, everything else faded around him when Cole was near. That smug grin would make him forget about his worries, his insecurities, and his doubts. The glare of those mismatched eyes challenged him to take a chance, to have no fear, to forget those stupid walls he had erected around himself.

  There was something genuine—very what you see is what you get—that Ty had missed for far too long with everyone else. He knew better than to want more, especially with someone who was so honest he wouldn't be able to disguise his true feelings—someone who wouldn't be shy about saying just how repulsive it was to touch his marred skin.

  But I'd rather work with you.

  Ty threw the stress ball across the room with enough force to have it ricochet off one wall then the other. He sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair. He was stronger than this, had always been until…the accident. Why the hell had he been spared? So that he could live each day avoiding a mirror? So that when he tried to move on again in life, he'd feel that tug on his side or that pain in a limb holding him back? He hated the pity he saw in the eyes of everyone he had known from before and how the chatter would cease and the whispers begin when he'd enter a room.

  He hated it.

  Ty heard the melody he craved echoing in the shop. He looked over and saw Cole laughing with two other techs. Cole's infectious smile traveled to the others like a wave rippling in a sports crowd as they nudged him, obviously ribbing him with some joke in retaliation. Ty smiled and let that familiar sound filter through his body, brightening some of the darkness that pained him. He gasped for breath when his throat tightened with emotion. He shook his head as a strangled laugh escaped. How could one man's laugh make his heart beat so fast? How could one sound spark life back into his soul?

  He blew out another heavy breath. One thing his parents had drilled into him—if you want something bad enough, you'll fight to get it. But somehow, he'd lost his will to fight along the way. He wanted Cole's joy to intoxicate him. Even if he could only have his laugh and jokes at the shop. It would have to be enough. He'd settle for what he could get.

  He grabbed his clipboard and exited his office to tackle his weekly service appointments.

  * * * * *

  Cole laughed and tried to focus on his work, but his mind kept straying back to the dark-haired man sitting in his office. He had made every effort to be the model employee, working his ass off at whatever task was at hand. The time with Ty had been an exercise in hard work and incredible self-control. He knew better than to push, so he decided to linger around Jeff, hoping the older man would pity him and pull him into his recent project. He didn't have a clue if he'd work with Ty today or not, but after last week's odd shift in their dynamics, he figured it was best to be safe. He wasn't a gambler by nature. He couldn't risk losing the opportunity to be this close to Ty every day.

  Every. Painful. Yet. Glorious. Day. God, he loved teasing Ty just to hear his laugh or see that glimmer of imminent banter in his eye. Cole wasn't the type of guy to wallow in something that kept him so frustrated. Trim the fat and move on. Why revel in something that would compound the torture? It wasn't worth it.

  But Ty was worth it. Ty was the type of guy who could have anything and anyone he wanted. He kept it undercover, but there was a quiet confidence there that always lingered between them. But more than his steady poise in his words and actions, there was a light that would shine from Ty that beckoned Cole like the brightest fucking xenon light he had ever seen, blinding him to everything else. He wanted to be close, to soak and bathe in that aura every chance he had, hoping to have some of that spirit Ty emitted stick to him like superglue.

  And his smile. That smile and low rumble-laugh sent chills throughout Cole's body every time.

  Cole turned when he heard the office door open.

  Stacie immediately click-clacked over to Ty with papers.

  He held back a chuckle. How tha
t woman always managed to zero in on him was eerie. He wondered if he could get away with frisking Ty to check for a LoJack. They chatted, swapped papers, did the signature thing, then separated. The man signed more papers on a daily basis than those needed to close on a mortgage.

  Cole tightened the bolt on the engine as he continued to look over his shoulder, watching Ty.

  "If you tighten that any more, you're going to break the head," Jeff whispered.

  Cole turned to the older man and squinted. "I'm making sure it's in there tight."

  "Uh huh," Jeff mumbled.

  "Can I steal Cole from you?" Ty asked.

  Cole rounded quickly, surprised by Ty standing directly behind him. "Damn, man. We're going to have to put a bell on you so you can't sneak up on us," he said, shaking his head, trying to dispel the shock.

  "Please take him. He's tightening the bolts so much I'm not going to be able to loosen them up on my own," Jeff said.

  Cole glared at the older man. "You can't have loose bolts or they'll cause problems."

  Jeff neared Cole's face and returned the glare. "And you can't have bolts too tight or you'll mess up the threading."

  They were facing off. Cole never blinked first. He stared down Jeff but the old man was just as persistent.

  Cole's entire body jerked when Ty's hand landed on his back. Damn it, he flinched first—but it was so worth it to have Ty touch him.

  "C'mon," Ty said in a quiet tone.

  "You flinched first, I win," Jeff said as they walked away.

  Cole turned and glared with an exaggerated sneer. Jeff stared back and waggled his eyebrows. Fucker. He swung back over to Ty as they walked to the restoration bay. "So what are we working on today?"

  "You might get bored working with me, but I have some service calls I need to work on. It can get a bit monotonous after a few repairs."

  "I thought those were the service bays," Cole said, thumbing over his shoulder.

  "They're for the traditional shop work my techs do on a daily basis. These are my service calls. Side project I'm doing and there's no money in it for the guys so I don't really want to burden them. I figured we could work on them and, in between, we could tinker with the Yenko if you want or wrap up the last few details on the Drayton rig. I worked on most of it over the weekend but there are still a few things to finish up."