See How She Awakens

by Michelle Graves

  “Izzy?” Molly’s voice startled me as I paced around the gardens. Something I’d been doing to pass the time.

  “Yeah?”

  “You are pacing around like a caged lion. Are you alright?” The concern in Molly’s voice saddened me. I didn’t want to abandon her, but staying here was driving me slowly insane.

  “Molly, I can’t stay here much longer. If you really need me, I will, but I’m kind of losing it. There are just too many memories here. Good and bad. I don’t think I will be able to keep it together if I don’t leave soon.”

  “Izzy, you’ve done more for our world than anyone had any right to ask. Why don’t you worry about taking care of yourself for a while?” Molly walked to the bench where I’d planted myself.

  “I’m not sure if I know how to do that, either.” A wry laugh escaped me before I could tamp it down.

  “Well, practice makes perfect,” Molly said with a smile.

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to leave you guys. I mean, y’all are my family. I just don’t think I can start moving forward here. There are too many things to hold me in the past.”

  “It’s not like you are disappearing for good, Izzy. If we need you, trust me, we are going to come get you. Where will you go?” Molly sat down on the bench, reaching out to hold my hand as she settled in next to me.

  “I don’t have the faintest clue.” Honestly, that is what had been keeping me there for as long as I had remained. I didn’t really have anywhere else to go.

  I didn’t want to return to the house in Alabama or Chicago. Nor could I go back to the shack in the desert, or the Order headquarters in the swamp. Every last one of those places held too many memories. Memories of loss, of love, of a future I’d never have. I was adrift with nowhere to call home.

  “Have you talked to Aberto about this?” Molly was using her empath skills on me; I could feel calm washing over me as the words left her. She and Sena had been working on developing her talents in the past few weeks. Now Molly could not only feel people’s emotions, but she could project emotions onto people.

  “I don’t know how to bring it up. I don’t want to live in the dreaming, and I can’t really go back to any of the places I’ve been before. I don’t quite know where that leaves me.”

  “Where do you want to go?” Molly stilled, waiting for my answer.

  “Somewhere I’ve never been before. Somewhere I can start fresh. I don’t want to turn my back on the past, but I can’t live there either. I need a place that will offer me a new beginning. A chance to start moving forward. Does that make sense?” I turned to look at her, and I knew that in leaving her I would be losing the peace her company brought.

  “All right. City or country?” Molly’s face turned determined. I could practically see her mind start working.

  “Country. I don’t want to be closed in by people and buildings. I need somewhere I can think.” I’d at least figured that part out. Being surrounded by thousands of people just meant I would be able to see the darkness swimming under the surface. I’d never find any peace.

  “Desert or mountains?”

  “Are we playing fifty questions now?” I giggled. Once she’d set her mind to something, nothing would stop her. Apparently, I was her new project.

  “No. But you didn’t answer. Desert or mountains?” Molly narrowed her eyes at me. I wasn’t going to get out of this without playing along.

  “Mountains.” The desert reminded me of my time with Aberto in the shack. I didn’t want to remember how the darkness had taken over me.

  “Alright, rocky, or tree lined?”

  “Trees. Definitely trees.”

  “What about the Appalachian mountains? It is secluded, has trees, and it is somewhere you’ve never lived before.” Molly looked awfully proud of herself.

  “That could work, but where?”

  “Just find a map of the Appalachian Trail and pick a small town close by. If I remember correctly, hiking brought you peace. Maybe you can find some there.” Molly patted my hand before standing up. I knew she had a lot on her plate. The last thing she needed to be doing was babysitting me. “You need to find yourself again, Izzy. You can’t do that here. If something comes up, we will find you. But for now, you need to go.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “It isn’t a request. You’re not any help if you stay here, pacing around like a caged animal. So, as the supreme leader of all things amazing, I’m ordering you to vamoose.” Molly took on her bossy tone as she stared me in the eye.

  “Yes ma’am!” I said with a mock salute.

  “Talk to the old man, and let me know where you decide to go.” Molly said over her shoulder as she made her way back toward the old house.

  “Okay,” I muttered.

  “I know of a town. One I have been through before.” Aberto said, popping back into existence. He’d been doing that a lot. Never remaining for too long. I knew he was trying to give me time to come to terms with things. To get back to myself, but like Molly said, it was impossible for me to do that here.

  “Where? And seriously, bells.” He’d about made me jump out of my skin. Again.

  “Bells?” Aberto seemed confused.

  “Yes, bells. You need to wear them so I know you are coming. You keep startling me.”

  “Perhaps I should yell boo next time.” The corner of Aberto’s mouth turned up in a half-smile.

  “Did you just make a joke?” Unbelievable. The longer Aberto and I spent together, the more he loosened the reins on his typically stoic nature.

  “I did. It was rather amusing. I don’t understand why you refuse to laugh.” A full-on smile erupted on his face as he sat down next to me.

  “Because you aren’t as funny as you seem to think you are. Now, where is this place?”

  “Damascus.”

  “I thought that was in Syria.” My eyebrows creased in confusion.

  “There is also one in Virginia. It is a rather transient place. The majority of the people are hikers passing through. I believe it is the sort of place where you may be able to find the peace you seek.”

  “Would you mind?”

  “Izzy, my home is wherever you are. I care not for the location, so long as you are there.” Aberto lifted his hand to brush a wayward curl from my face.

  “Damascus, huh? It has a nice ring to it. When can we go?”

  “Let me find a place, and we will leave as soon as it is secured.”

  And just like that, he was gone again. We needed to work on his hellos and goodbyes.

  I mustered myself and headed back into the house. It was time to tell everyone where I would be heading. Walking into the office, I heard heated voices. Ian and Molly were at it again.

  “She shouldn’t be on her own yet. She’s been through too much,” Ian said.

  “Ian. That is why she needs to leave. Don’t you see that looking at us, staying in this place, all of it reminds her of him? If you lost me, and you were forced to watch Izzy and Kennan be with one another, how do you think that would feel? Or better yet, how could you stay in a place so haunted by the memories of a life you can never have again?” Molly asked.

  I hadn’t realized she’d noticed. I’d tried to hide how it affected me, but clearly I hadn’t done a great job. Stupid empath skills. There wasn’t any hiding emotions from her.

  “But she will be alone.” Ian’s concern warmed my heart. I knew a large part of his concern was for himself as well. We’d had a rocky year, but I was still the closest thing he had to Kennan that remained in this world.

  “No, she won’t. She will always have us, and Aberto will be with her.” Molly put her hand on his shoulder, doing her best to calm him.

  “I don’t trust him,” Ian muttered petulantly.

  “He loves her. If history is any indication, he will walk through whatever hell is put in front of him to protect her. Besides, it isn’t forever. She needs this, and we need to let her go.”

  “Umm, hi.” I said, trying not
to be as awkward as I felt walking in on their conversation.

  “Hey, Pip Squeak. So, you’re leaving us, huh?” Ian put on a brave face, but I could tell it bothered him.

  “I don’t want to, but I definitely need to go. It hurts too much to stay here. I will miss you guys.” I walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his massive self. He hugged me tightly, and I knew this wasn’t a goodbye forever, but a see you later.

  “Have you decided where you will go?” Molly asked.

  “Aberto knows of a town in Virginia he thinks will be a good fit. He left to go find us a place to live. I guess we will be living in Damascus soon.”

  “Damascus has a nice ring to it,” Ian chimed in.

  “Let’s just hope it works.” I smiled, doing my best to put on a brave face. I didn’t want to leave my family. They’d kept me together, helped me piece together my scattered life. I couldn’t rely on them to fix this, though. This mess I had to figure out for myself.

  “Have you told the others yet?” Molly asked.

  “No, but I will.”

  As Molly wrapped her arms around me, practically turning me into a Molly-Ian sandwich, I knew I was leaving behind love. Love that had buoyed me in my darkest hours. But it wouldn’t fade, I’d carry it with me always. I would return someday, and they would be here.

  I stayed for a while, reminiscing about ridiculous things that had happened over the past few years with Molly and Ian. I needed to say my goodbyes, I couldn’t avoid it forever. If I was right, Aberto would be back quickly. He had a way of working some magic. For all I knew, he already had a place up there waiting. He seemed to have retreats scattered everywhere.

  My aunt cried, and told me to come back and visit soon. I promised her I would, and told her to come see me as well. After all, she was the only blood family I had left. I wasn’t about to let that go. Eleanor, well she did what Eleanor does best. She handed me a sack of heavy books, telling me they might have information that would help me figure out what I was, and what that meant. Conall was reserved as always, and Sena was her ostentatious self. The two of them, I had no idea how they worked, but they did. The last people I saw were Bruce and Cristie. I hadn’t had a chance to get to know them well, but Bruce had always been there when I’d needed him. Always in the background.

  It was time for me to move on, and just as I predicted Aberto reappeared. I was ready. My goodbyes said, my meager belongings packed, I headed off to find my future.

  Damascus turned out to be everything I’d hoped it would be. Nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains, it was a retreat from the hustle and bustle of the world. The population of the town was large enough no one really asked questions, but small enough to give me the peace I needed. Aberto had been right, the town was a transient one. The majority of the people were just passing through on various adventures.

  Fall had settled in, and a chill began to fill the air. The leaves had begun changing colors, warming the mountains in their fiery hues. I found peace in the mountains. I spent hour after hour hiking through them. Sometimes on my own, sometimes with Aberto in tow.

  Things were easy with him. I never felt rushed or pushed to be something more than I could. He allowed me space when I needed it, and provided company when I didn’t want to be alone. We just were, and that was enough.

  “How are you?” Aberto walked out onto the deck of the log cabin he’d found for us. He handed me a cup of coffee and lowered himself onto the porch swing next to me.

  I looked up at him, he hadn’t shaved in weeks and was starting to truly resemble a mountain man. He’d also trimmed his hair up. He no longer looked like a samurai. I wasn’t really sure when he’d changed so much. I’d been so lost in myself I hadn’t been paying much attention.

  “Your hair is different.” I tilted my head, taking him in. The man was undeniably gorgeous, no one could argue that. But somehow, this look fit him. Decked out in an old fisherman’s sweater, jeans, and work boots, he seemed to belong to this world completely. His eyes twinkled with laughter as he took in my plaid pajama clad body.

  “I cut it a week ago. It kept getting in my eyes when I was chopping wood.” He paused to pull a blanket from the back of the swing to wrap around my shoulders. “You know, if we lived in the dreaming, I wouldn’t have to chop wood.”

  “I like living here. It keeps me connected to the world. The dreaming isn’t a tangible place. Besides, you could just go down to town and buy chopped wood. No one is making you chop it yourself.” I pursed my lips at him before turning my attention back to coffee in my hands.

  “I refuse to pay for something I am fully capable of providing for myself at no cost.” Aberto had begun to change.

  I wasn’t sure if it was being in the world and interacting with people more regularly, or the time he spent with me. Somewhere, in the past two months, Aberto had become more human. His guard was falling, and his emotions were easier to read. It was strange to think of how he’d been when we first met. It seemed my remaining in the world had forced him to become of it.

  “Why are you staring at me?” Aberto titled his head, creasing his brow in question.

  “You’re different.”

  “I am an ancient being. I thought we had established I am not like others.” Aberto still had trouble reading between the lines, though.

  “That’s not what I meant. I mean you’ve changed. Being here has changed you.”

  “And you disapprove?”

  “No, not at all. I like the new you. You are more real somehow.”

  “I was not real before?”

  “Meh, sort of. Before, you were this distant being, almost untouchable. Emotionless. Now you are different. When I first met you, I didn’t think you felt anything. Well, nothing more than anger at me when I would mess up. But now, there is more.” I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I didn’t want to admit his new self was making it easier for me to see a future with him. I wasn’t quite ready to go there yet.

  “I have you to blame for that,” he said with a chuckle.

  “Pardon?” I wasn’t sure if he was mad he had changed, or if he liked it.

  “I’m forced to be more than I once was. The first time you remember meeting me, the day we tattooed your back, I was cut off from the world. I had spent so long in the dreaming, separated from anything real or tangible, I’d forgotten what it was to feel. The more time I spend here, with you in this world, the more I remember.”

  “Do you miss it? The solitude, being numb?”

  “It was a lonely existence. I much prefer this one.” Aberto clasped my hand in his, and we stayed that way, slowly swinging back and forth watching the fog roll over the mountains.

  I knew the town we lived in now was only a temporary reprieve. Soon I would have to face my destiny. Soon I’d have to be what humanity needed me to be. For now, Aberto and I could be the weird tattooed newcomers to the people of Damascus.

  It was enough.

  I finally understood the truth of my existence. The past years had shaped me and molded me in ways I never could’ve predicted.

  I’ve loved, I’ve lost, and I’ve mourned.

  I fulfilled an impossible prophecy.

  I fell, just as it said I would, and I awoke, irrevocably changed.

  I’ve evolved. Into what, I’m still not sure.

  Someday soon I will have to face the world again. I am all that stands between the dawning darkness and humanity.

  The truth I’ve learned is simple. I know who I am.

  I am the balance.

  My name is Izzy Boone, and I will never die.

  It has taken years for me to recover. I’ve spent them in the embrace of the mountains. Hiking, reading the books Eleanor had sent with me, and getting to know Aberto.

  I learned many things in those years. I figured out I wasn’t supposed to exist. A being of my makeup was an anomaly. I like to think God knew what he was doing. Perhaps He knew humanity needed something more, or maybe He just wanted to see what would happen. E
ither way, I refused to believe I was an accident.

  I no longer felt like a pawn in a game. I’d taken my life back, and with it, I’d taken on the task of preventing the darkness from pressing in on the world. Every step I took, I took to prevent the darkness from finding its way in again. I would never let another Seer suffer through what I had to endure, not if it could be stopped.

  As for the new Council, well that is simple. Molly, being the brilliant woman she is, swept in and took over easily. I still wasn’t sure if she’d put the whammy on the Seers and Guardians to get them to fall in line, or if they’d just done it because she was so durn likable. Either way, more good was being done now than had been done in thousands of years.

  The new motto fell in line with that of the former Order. If a disaster was looming and a Seer saw it, they could act without first having to seek permission. Sure, stuff still fell through the cracks, but I’d been able to fill in those cracks for the most part.

  As for those that abused their talents, there was now a no tolerance policy in place. If a Seer or Guardian was found abusing their gifts, they were immediately stripped of their powers and sent into exile. In the first days, many of those ceremonies had to be performed. Sadly, it seemed the Council’s reach was much further than we had initially anticipated. The darkness struggled to find a foothold even now.

  What I’d become had allowed me to be in tune with the very darkness that had once tried to ruin me. I could feel it pressing in on the world and predict when it would come at us full force. A restlessness has begun to grow inside of me, and I knew it was the darkness in me. It knows the balance has been tipped in our favor, and it is afraid. As it should me.

  As for Aberto and I, well that one is more complicated. It has been over a hundred years since Kennan died. I still miss him every day, but the truth of it is I’m ready to love again. Aberto has been there, by my side for a hundred years, longer even.

  We were always inevitable, he and I. I wouldn’t fight it any longer. I was stronger with him by my side. He helped me be who I needed to be most. Made me want to save the world.