“Right,” I said, quickly walking out of the office. I peeked into one room and smiled. It was the guest room, and either Willa or his other sister Lacy, or maybe his mother, had to have decorated the space. It was the only room in the house with paintings and décor like decorative pillows and a mirror hung up on the wall.
“As you can tell, I didn’t have a hand in decorating this room.”
“I see that,” I said with a giggle. “Sisters or mom?”
He rolled his eyes. “All three of them. They wanted to do all kinds of things to this house when I bought it. I had to put my foot down, but I gave them this room and the bathroom.”
When I stepped into the guest bathroom, I couldn’t help but laugh. Hunter’s family owned an apple orchard, and apparently the décor in there was paying homage to that. The shower curtain, as well as the pictures on the walls were nothing but apples. “Apples?”
Hunter rolled his eyes. “Cruel joke by Lacy and Willa.”
“I like it.”
“Glad someone does,” he mumbled before walking down to the end of the hallway. The door to his bedroom was open, and he walked in first. When I stepped inside, I drew in a deep breath. It smelled like Hunter. A mix of cedar and menthol from the shaving cream he used.
“You still use the same shaving cream,” I said, not even realizing I had spoken until the words slipped free.
“I do. You always said it smelled like cedar and medicine.”
I turned in a slow circle as I took in the large bedroom. A king-size bed sat against the largest wall. A simple black iron bedframe was flanked by two large windows with a beautiful view of the mountains. Hunter’s house backed up to a wildlife management area, so no houses could ever be built there.
“What a beautiful view,” I said softly, making my way deeper into the room.
“It is.”
I glanced around again and noticed Hunter didn’t have anything hung up on the walls in here either. There was no other furniture in the room besides a large dresser.
“Don’t you want something on your walls?” I asked as I walked toward a door that I assumed was the bathroom.
“I never really figured I’d be staying in the house long term.”
“You want to move?”
Hunter looked around the room and shrugged. “Yeah, this place was always just a starter house. It’s not a very big house to raise a family in.”
My steps faltered, and I nearly tripped. I put my hand on the bathroom counter to steady myself.
Hunter had been thinking about starting a family? I wasn’t sure why that would surprise me. He was thirty-three, after all. It was time to start thinking like that…and Lord knows I had been.
I took in the big bathroom. It had two sinks, a large walk-in shower, and an old-fashioned clawfoot tub. I walked over to it and ran my fingers along the cool cast iron. I loved big tubs and wished I had one of my own to soak in.
I felt Hunter behind me, so I slowly turned around.
His eyes searched my face as if he was desperately trying to read my mind.
“You’ve thought about a family?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yes. I’ve always wanted one.”
Tears pricked again at the back of my eyes. “I know,” I whispered. “I wanted to be the one to give it to you.”
That caused him to take a step back. Something moved across his face and for a moment, it looked like anger…but not necessarily directed at me. Or maybe it was, and I was simply being hopeful.
Before I could stop them, tears rolled down my cheeks and a sob slipped free. “I’m so sorry, Hunter.”
He shook his head and walked over to me. Pulling me into his arms, he held me as I buried my face into his shirt and cried.
Something inside of me just broke. The dam I had built to hold back all the feelings I’d kept inside after breaking up with Hunter cracked open. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Disappointment. Jealousy. Guilt. It all broke free, and the only thing I could do was cry. And boy did I.
“Shhh, don’t cry, sweetheart. Please don’t cry.”
It was too late. The flood gates had been opened, and all I wanted to do was scream in frustration. I wanted to tell Hunter everything, yet I wanted to tell him nothing. I had never felt more confused and scared.
“I’m…I’m so…I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
“Bella, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you upset.”
I felt my legs give out and before I knew it, Hunter had me in his arms. He carried me over to the bed and set me down. I wasn’t even aware I’d curled up into a fetal position until Hunter moved onto the bed and lay next to me. He pulled me to him and I buried my face in his chest once more.
I couldn’t speak. I could hardly breathe. All I could do was cry for the dreams we’d both lost. The missed moments. The missed trips. The missed kisses. The feel of his body over mine as he made love to me. It had been taken from me, and I’d been too weak to fight to get it back. How could Hunter ever forgive me for all the lost time? Stolen from us because of me? It was all my fault—and I wasn’t sure there was anything I could ever do to make up for it.
“Oh God, Hunter. I’m so sorry!” I cried out as I grabbed his shirt and gasped for air.
He wrapped his arms around me tighter and pressed his mouth to my hair. “I’m right here, Bella. It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m right here.”
I woke with a start. Sitting up, I rubbed at my eyes as I tried to make sense of where I was. It hadn’t been a nightmare that woke me this time, but a feeling of something, or rather someone, missing.
Something moved next to me and I reached my hand down to feel fur.
Jack.
Looking to the other side of me, I found an empty bed. Hunter had left at some point, after I’d obviously cried myself to sleep.
Exhaling, I glanced around the dark room. I crawled out of the bed, only for Jack to follow me. “Where is he, boy?”
Jack looked toward the bedroom door. I drew in a deep breath and started toward it.
The sound of the TV downstairs alerted me to where Hunter had gone. I made my way down with Jack right by my side every step of the way. The TV wasn’t turned up much, so I could barely make out what was playing. When I got to the last step and saw Hunter, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I placed my hand over it as I took in a slow, deep breath.
He was asleep sitting up, his head back on the cushions with some show on the History Channel playing. I looked down at Jack, who was also staring at his dad with the same look of love on his face that I was positive I had. I felt so guilty. Hunter had been exhausted, and here he couldn’t even sleep in his own bed because I’d had a mental breakdown. A long-overdue one, but still.
Quietly making my way toward him, I sat down on the coffee table and took in a sleeping Hunter.
He was so handsome, it nearly stole the breath right from my lungs. His dark hair looked as if he’d run his fingers through it multiple times. The features of his face were relaxed, and for the moment, he looked peaceful. I took in his beautiful jawline, his soft lips that had me itching to kiss him. A perfect nose, and eyelashes so long any woman would kill for them.
What I wouldn’t do to be able to sleep so soundly. The blanket he had put over him had slipped free, so I carefully lifted it and covered him.
I bit down on my lip as I watched every small twitch his body made. My body warmed with each rise and fall of his chest. Confusion swam around in my head as I waffled between the urge to beg him to make love to me, and the need to run as far from my feelings as I could.
But I was so tired of running. When Hunter had held me earlier, it had been so easy to drift off to sleep in his arms. For the first time in so long, I’d felt safe, and I wanted that feeling again.
As if he could feel me watching him, Hunter lifted his head and opened his eyes. A beautiful smile broke over his face, and I felt myself fall even more in love with him. I prayed with everything I had that he’d be patient with me. That once he fou
nd out the truth, he’d forgive me. Because I wanted him like never before. I wanted to be his. I wanted to give him the children he wanted. I wanted to be his everything.
I wanted to not be afraid of him touching me or fear that the memories of that awful day would resurface.
“Did the TV wake you up?”
I shook my head. “No, I woke up, and you were gone.”
“I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to disturb you.”
All I could do was nod. I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say. The ones I needed to say.
The stinging feeling of familiar tears building at the back of my eyes had me blinking rapidly. Hunter noticed because he noticed everything about me. He always had.
He reached for my hand. He was bound to get tired of this crying version of me.
“Talk to me, Bella.”
“I’m so scared, Hunter. I’m terrified.”
He tossed the blanket off of him and moved to the edge of the sofa. “Scared of what, Arabella?”
I dropped my hand to my lap. God, I was so tired. Ten years of denial and bottling up my feelings had left me weary.
Hunter softly cradled the side of my face with his hand, brushing my tears away with the pad of his thumb. “Scared of what, sweetheart?”
“I’m so scared you’re going to…to not want me again.”
“Not want you? Bella, I want you more now than I ever have. I love you, and no matter what you do or say, nothing is going to change that.” He reached for my hand and placed it over his heart. “This belongs to you, and if I have to wait a fucking eternity for you to open up to me, then I’ll wait. I just want you to trust me, to know that I’ll never leave you. I need you to surrender to me, Bella.”
I wasn’t sure if a heart could actually swell up with love, but with how my chest felt, I was positive my heart had done just that.
Surrender to me, Bella.
God, how I wanted that more than anything.
Standing, I moved toward him, causing him to relax back on the sofa. I straddled him, and when I sat down, I felt his hard dick against my core—and gasped at the pure delight it gave me.
“Bella, we don’t have to—”
I pressed my mouth to his and kissed him. Hoping and praying he could feel how much his words had meant to me.
Hunter’s hands touched me everywhere, and he grabbed my ass as he thrust up against me. We both groaned at the feeling of our bodies pressed together.
This is Hunter. I’m okay. I want this. I need this.
I brought my hands to the bottom of his T-shirt and pulled it off over his head, tossing it to the side. I ran my hands down his broad chest as I took in the man he now was. So strong and fit. His abs gave way to a delicious V that dipped into his sweatpants, and I longed to feel him in my hand once again. Longed to be swept away by the passion I had always felt for him. If only I could move past the gripping fear that was slowly clawing up my throat.
Deep breaths, Bella. Deep breaths.
Hunter sat as still as he could while I explored his bare upper body. I could feel his hard-on twitch under me, and I pressed down against it, causing him to suck in a breath.
“I want to touch you,” he whispered.
I jerked my gaze up from his chest to meet his eyes. They were so dark blue with desire, I nearly forgot everything but him and the way he made me feel.
I took his hand and moved it under my shirt, pressing it against my breast. Hunter’s breath quickened as he massaged it lightly, his eyes never leaving mine.
It was his turn to take my shirt off, and he did it so quickly I could barely even understand what was happening.
His eyes took me in, and I wanted to revel in the way he looked at me. It wasn’t with lust or a greedy desire. It was with love. Yet…something inside me felt dirty. Like I didn’t deserve to have him look at me that way.
He had no idea what had happened. No idea another man had taken what had once belonged to him.
I jumped when his fingertips moved along my exposed cleavage. Hunter pulled my bra cup down, exposing my nipple to the slightly chilled night air. My breath hitched, but then I moaned when his warm mouth covered me. He flicked, sucked, and gently bit while I dropped my head back in pleasure.
“Yes,” I gasped, pushing into him.
Then I made the mistake of closing my eyes.
Darkness swept around me. I was suddenly whisked from Hunter’s safe arms. I was back there.
To my nightmare. To words uttered by a man who didn’t love me or care about me.
“What would your boyfriend say if he could see you now, princess?”
My heart started to beat frantically, and my breathing increased. A tight feeling gripped my chest, and I tried to scream—but nothing would come out.
Suddenly, I was off of Hunter. Warm hands cupped my face, and his sweet voice pulled me out of the darkness.
“Breathe, Arabella. Baby, it’s okay. It’s only me.”
My eyes snapped open to see Hunter in front of me. There was a look of fear on his face as he searched mine.
“Don’t leave me again, Bella. Please. Don’t leave me again.”
One quick look around and I realized Hunter had moved us, placing me on the sofa and kneeling in front of me. Jack was to my left, his paw on my leg.
Of course, Hunter picked up on the fact that I was going down a rabbit hole.
I opened my mouth to say something, but words failed me yet again. I was a bit shocked that my worst nightmare was happening when I was wide awake.
“I love you, Hunter.” I blurted the words out in a desperate attempt to drown out the sound of his voice.
His face softened, but I could still see the fear and worry etched in his brows.
I closed my eyes and whispered, “I’m so tired.”
He stood and swept me into his arms before carrying me back up the steps and to his room.
When he put me down, I quickly took off my jeans while Hunter stood there silently. I crawled into his bed and looked back at him. “Please hold me—and don’t leave.”
He nodded before he climbed into bed and under the covers. His shirt was still off, but he kept his sweatpants on. The only clothing I wore was my bra and panties, but I needed to feel him against me. I needed to feel his warmth.
“Come here,” he said softly as he drew me up against him. “I’m not going anywhere, Bella.”
Jack jumped onto the bed and curled up at my feet, and a sense of peace slowly took over.
I snuggled against Hunter’s body and closed my eyes. Before I drifted off to sleep, I said, “I think I need to talk to someone before I tell you…everything.”
His body tensed, but he never loosened his hold. “Okay,” he whispered before he kissed my head. “Whatever you need to do, Bella. I’m here. I’m here, and I swear to you, I won’t leave if you promise me you won’t.”
Before I drifted off to sleep, I whispered back, “I won’t leave you ever again. I promise.”
Arabella
It had been a week since the night at Hunter’s house when I broke down. He had woken me up the next morning with soft kisses on my face. I’d opened my eyes to find he’d already dressed for work in his uniform. Seeing him like that made my body hot and achy, and I instantly remembered feeling him against me the night before. I had to force myself to ignore how much my body wanted him.
Hunter had told me to stay as long as I wanted, but I’d gotten up and dressed and left when she and Jack headed to work.
On Hunter’s days off that week, he and Kyle had gone to Boston to help Brighton move her things back to Boggy Creek. Then he’d gone up to their family cabin to go ice fishing for a couple of days with Kyle and Bishop. He’d stopped by the night before they left to have dinner. Things felt different between us. The secret I carried was beginning to build a wall between us, and that was the last thing I wanted to happen. I had asked Hunter to be patient, and I knew he was trying his best, but ten years
of waiting had been enough. I had put Hunter—and myself—through the wringer, and if I wanted to be able to move on, to have a future with him, I needed to talk to someone. And I knew I finally needed to tell him everything once he got back later this afternoon.
That was how I found myself at the counseling clinic Aiden had opened last year. When I’d called Willa to see if Aiden was home, she’d told me he was there catching up on some things for the clinic. Now I lifted my hand and knocked lightly on the door.
Aiden’s voice came through. “Come on in.”
Turning the handle, I drew in a deep breath and pushed open the door. The moment Aiden saw me, he stood and smiled.
“Arabella, this is a pleasant surprise.”
I returned his smile. “Are you busy?”
“No, not at all. I was just here taking care of some things before I head on back to Willa, Ben, and Ciara.”
“I won’t keep you long. How are Willa and the baby doing?”
A look of pure happiness washed over Aiden’s face. “Amazing. I can’t believe Ciara is almost a month old. It’s already going by too fast.”
I nodded, then looked down at my hands as I fidgeted.
Aiden cleared his throat. “Arabella, you know you can talk to me, right?”
I lifted my eyes and met Aiden’s gaze. I worked my lips in and out against my teeth as he leaned back in his chair and waited patiently.
“I met Hunter for coffee a couple of days after Ciara was born.”
He smiled. “I heard. Sounds like things are going pretty good for you both.”
Smiling, I replied, “It started off a bit rough, but things have been good. He’s been to my house a few times and I’ve been to his a couple of times. It’s been so nice to just be with him and talk to him and have him…have him…just hold me, with no expectations. I’ve missed him.” My voice cracked and I cleared my throat. “I’ve missed him so much.”
Aiden nodded and waited for me to continue.
“We’ve kissed a few times, and I’ve tried to be intimate, but I…I can’t.”
Surrender to Me (Boggy Creek Valley Book 4) Page 8