Suddenly, I remembered the day a few weeks ago when we’d met for lunch. I closed my eyes. The things I’d said to her. I’d told her I wanted to hate her. I’d practically mocked her when she said she’d been in pain all these years.
I jumped up suddenly, startling Bella. I shook my head. “I…I…I didn’t mean what I said.”
Bella must have known what I was talking about, because she stood and grabbed my hands. “It’s okay, Hunter. You didn’t know.”
“I didn’t mean it. I would have been there for you. Why in the fuck didn’t you tell me? I would have tracked down that fucker and killed him!”
Bella looked shocked for a moment. She opened her mouth but nothing came out.
“Hunter.” Aiden’s calm voice came from my right side.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked Bella again.
“I…I was so afraid you wouldn’t be able to look at me again. He didn’t use any protection, and I needed to find out if I was pregnant. And I felt so ashamed! I was scared and confused and angry.”
I stumbled back a step. “Were you? Pregnant?”
“No! No, I wasn’t. But when I broke up with you, I didn’t know that yet.”
I pulled her into my arms again and held her. “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything else. I love you, Bella. I wish you would have told me. I would have helped you. But nothing could ever make me not love you. Nothing.”
Sobs poured out from deep inside of her as she buried her face in my chest. I held her up when I felt her knees give out. All those years, she’d carried such a burden on her shoulders. I hated myself for not knowing. How in the hell could I not have known? Or had I known deep down and just never wanted to admit it?
“What’s his name?” I asked.
Bishop and Kyle both stood and walked over to Aiden. Bella drew back from me. Her eyes immediately went to my three best friends, all standing to the side.
They’d clearly told her not to tell me his name.
“Arabella—what’s his name?” I asked again.
She swallowed hard. “Why does it matter, Hunter?”
I let out a laugh that sounded void of any and all humor. “Because I’m going to track him down and kill him.”
Bella’s eyes went wide as saucers. “What?”
Jack clearly felt the tension in the room because he stood and walked over to paw at me, then looked at Bella.
Kyle walked up and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Hunter—”
I jerked away from him, then spun around and glared. “You all told her not to tell me, didn’t you?”
Jack stood next to me and barked. Kyle looked down at him and then back at me.
Aiden walked up and stood between me and Kyle. “Hunter, you need to calm down.”
Something inside of me snapped right then. The anger I felt in that moment was like nothing I’d ever experienced.
“You need to get the fuck out of my face, Aiden!” Turning back to Bella, I shouted, “What’s. His. Name?”
She jumped, and Abby moved to her side immediately, along with Jack. He sat next to Bella and stared at me as if I’d lost my mind.
My chest burned as I fought to hold back my own sobs. Sobs of anger, despair, guilt. Fuck, I wanted to hurt someone. “I want his fucking name. I need his name, Bella!”
Bishop put his hand on my chest. “Dude, you need to calm down. It doesn’t help that you’re upsetting her like this.”
Staring at him, I said in a voice so desperate I didn’t even know it was mine, “I want his name, Bishop! I’m going to kill him for taking her from me!”
Aiden pushed me back and got in my face, his teeth clenched as he kept his temper in check. “You’re upsetting Arabella, you need to calm down. Stop this.”
Jack jumped back up, and I heard him growling. I wasn’t sure if he was aiming it at Aiden or me.
“Jack, back,” Kyle said, but Jack wasn’t about to listen to another handler.
I quickly turned my head and saw Bella crying in Abby’s arms. I somehow found my voice. “Jack, down.”
Jack instantly laid down. I bent and gave him a few pets, then said, “Go to Bella.”
He jumped up and immediately went and laid at her feet.
“Let’s go outside for a minute, okay?” Kyle said, tugging at my arm. “Dude, come on.”
Nodding, I caught Bella’s gaze. I wanted to tell her I was sorry. That I loved her. That I would do anything she needed me to do. But all I could hear was her screaming during one of her nightmares.
Everything made sense now. Her nightmares. Her panic attacks when I was on top of her on the sofa. The way she flinched whenever I touched her.
It all made sense—and I had known it deep down inside but was too much of a coward to ask her.
When the cold air hit my lungs, I dragged in a deep breath.
I jammed my fingers into my hair and shook my head. “Oh my God. I think I always knew. I always knew deep down.” Tears blurred my vision and I placed my hands on my knees and tried not to get sick. I lost the battle and leaned over the rail and puked.
Kyle—or someone—was right by my side, rubbing my back. I puked two more times, until I had nothing left to throw up. I stumbled back and into a chair on the porch. Tears streamed down my face.
“Hunter, none of us knew,” Bishop said. “Hell, Abby was the only person Arabella ever told. She just now told her folks earlier today.”
I stood and paced. “I knew. I think I’ve always known.” Another wave of nausea hit me. “Oh my God…she’s been dealing with this for almost ten years. Alone. Fucking alone!”
“Yelling isn’t going to help you or Arabella, Hunter. You need to calm down,” Aiden said.
Turning to face him, I heard the pleading in my own voice. “I need his name, Aiden.”
He sighed and looked away.
“I know you can get it. I want it!”
“Then what are you going to do, Hunter?” he asked. “Go after him? Kill him? In case you’ve forgotten, you’re a cop.”
“I don’t give a fuck! He raped my girlfriend! He stole ten years of our lives! I want him to pay.” My hands cramped as I balled them into tight fists.
Bishop walked up to me and placed his hands on my upper arms. “Dude, you need to calm the fuck down. I get it—you just found out some pretty heavy shit. But right now, the only thing you need to focus on is Arabella. She’s going to need you to not lose your mind—and not go to jail.”
My entire body was numb.
“Did you hear me?” Bishop asked, giving me a little shake.
I felt pricks at the back of my eyes. I couldn’t even form tears anymore. “Yeah,” I whispered, suddenly more tired than I’d ever been in my entire life. Was this how Bella always felt? She’d said it more than once, how tired she was.
I closed my eyes. Oh God, Bella. I’m so sorry.
I stumbled back a few steps and looked at the three of them. Suddenly, the tears came. “I was supposed to protect her. Keep her safe. Be there for her when she needed me.”
The sadness in their eyes was too much to handle. I looked away.
“I wasn’t there for her. I wasn’t there for her. I just walked away and gave up.”
An image of Bella, the scarf I’d bought for her stuffed in her mouth, being raped, hit me. Before I knew what was happening, I collapsed to my knees and let out a strangled cry.
Someone dropped down next to me. Strong arms engulfed me, holding me as I rocked back and forth and cried. My guilt hit me so hard, it nearly stole the air from my lungs. Sobs ripped from my chest as I cried out, “Oh God, I wasn’t there for her!”
“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay, Hunter. I promise, because you are here for her now,” Aiden said, keeping a tight grip on me.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat on the front porch of Bella’s cabin. Someone had gotten my jacket from the car, and at some point I was hauled up off the floor and onto the swing. I wasn’t sure if I was numb from the cold, or t
he emotions running through my body.
I was so angry at the asshole who’d raped Bella. I was angry at myself for not realizing the truth that day she’d broken up with me. I was angry at Bella for not trusting me to do the right thing. And I was so fucking sad knowing she had dealt with this on her own, all this time.
The screen door to the house opened with a creak, and I glanced over to see it was Kyle.
“Is Bella okay?” I asked hoarsely.
He nodded. “Aiden and Christina, one of the counselors at the center, warned her you might react with anger. Though Abby said Bella broke down again when she heard you out here crying.”
I sighed. “I shouldn’t have lost it like that.”
Kyle sat next to me. “I would have done the same thing. I’m sure of it. So would Aiden and Bishop. You have every right to be angry and feel the emotions you’re feeling. I’m sure you’re feeling like a pendulum right about now.”
I scoffed. “I’ve got every single emotion hitting me. I want to go in there and comfort her, but I can’t until I get rid of the urge to rip this guy apart. And I honestly don’t know if that’s ever going to happen.”
Kyle looked back at the door, then at me. “Listen, I’m not going to pretend to know how you’re feeling. I know we’ve both dealt with rape cases before, but this is different. This hits home. But I think right now, you need to focus on Arabella. She needs you to get past this if you two are going to have any kind of a future.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“So…figure out a way to deal with the anger while you work on helping the woman you love heal.”
Slowly turning my head, I looked him in the eye. “Do you honestly think I’m going to simply let him live out the rest of his life without paying for what he did to her?”
Kyle smirked. “Fuck no, I don’t. And when the time comes, I’ll help you.”
His words made me pause for a moment. “You’ll help me?”
“Yeah,” he said with a firm nod. “I’ll find out who the bastard is. And you and I will take care of him. But right now, your focus should be on Arabella. So get your shit together, Hunter, and go back inside and be there for her.”
“Right,” I said as I stood up. “You’re right.” We started toward the door, but I pulled Kyle to a stop. “Aiden and Bishop can’t know.”
A determined smile grew across Kyle’s face. “Can’t know what?”
With a nod, I put my hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze before we headed back in.
Abby and Bella were setting the table with dishes of pasta. When Bella looked up and met my gaze, I smiled. I held my breath until she returned it. She made her way around the table and walked over to me. I held my arms open and wrapped her in a hug.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry I lost control.”
She looked up at me, tears pooling in those ocean-blue eyes of hers. “I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.”
I leaned down and pressed my mouth to hers in a soft kiss. “No more apologizes. I want to work on us. Getting back to us and the future we both dreamed about.”
Her eyes sparkled. “I like the sound of that.”
“No more secrets between us. Ever,” I said.
“No more secrets, I promise.” She stretched up onto her toes and sealed our promise with a soft kiss.
I wanted to keep that promise to her—but I knew I wouldn’t. Because the moment I found out who had touched her, stealing her and our happiness away, I was going to make him pay tenfold.
Arabella
“Where’s your Prince Charming taking you today?” Candace asked as she added ingredients into a quiche she was making.
“I don’t know. He just told me that he’d be here at ten thirty and to dress warmly.”
Candace smiled. “You seem lighter on your feet this morning, Arabella. I’ve never seen you this relaxed and happy.”
I smiled back. “I am. It was a pretty emotional evening last night, but Hunter and I took a big step forward.”
I still hadn’t told Candace what happened to me. Not that I didn’t trust her, but it all felt too raw. Telling Aiden, my parents, and Hunter yesterday, as well as Bishop and Kyle, nearly wiped me out.
After everyone left last night, Hunter and I sat on the sofa and talked for hours. I gave him the very short version of the rape. He asked me a few questions, and I answered them, but he didn’t want me to tell him details, and I honestly wouldn’t have been able to. I broke down a few times, and he held me while I worked through it. But he was so sweet and loving…after he’d calmed down. He blamed himself, which Christina had warned me would happen. He apologized for not being there, and that had been hard. I’d been the one to push him away, so we were both dealing with a plethora of emotions and what ifs.
After all the worst moments of yesterday evening, something had shifted between us. Something good. I was positive Hunter felt it as well. Now that he knew why I was having a hard time being more intimate, and now that I knew his feelings for me hadn’t changed because of the rape, I hoped things would progress quickly in the intimacy area. I knew I wanted that more than anything, and when Hunter held me while we slept, I could feel his desire for me. Despite knowing the truth, his desire for me hadn’t dampened at all.
Knowing he still loved and wanted me was such a relief. I was still worried how it would go when things got more sexual between us, but I knew that with Christina and Hunter’s help, we’d be okay.
I woke up this morning feeling like the real, carefree Arabella Adams for the first time in a very, very long time. The past was no longer going to be able to dictate my future.
“That’s good,” Candace said when I told her. “I hope both of you can work through it all and end up happy, just like Abby and Bishop.”
Smiling, I nodded. Abby and Bishop had been to hell and back after they’d suffered a miscarriage. I could tell by the way Abby was beaming last night that she was most certainly pregnant again, but I understood why she and Bishop would keep that news to themselves for a bit.
“When will you extend the hours of the café here in the store?” Candace asked.
“Closer to spring, when more people are interested in the apiary.”
“Are you going to start advertising the baskets you make? I think you should.”
I lifted a brow. “Advertise them?”
She leaned her hip against the counter. “Yes. They’re so amazing, Arabella. The way you gear them toward what the event is for, and the care and personal touches you put in them. I really think you could sell a lot more if folks other than your close friends and family knew about them.”
I chewed on my lip as I thought it over. “It sounds like a great idea. But to be honest with you, I’m so busy with the apiary, the store, and the café now—and with Hunter being back in my life—I don’t know where I’d find the time to do them. I love doing them. So much… It’s just about finding the time.”
A wide smile erupted on her face. “And you’d like to spend more time with Hunter?”
“Yes, I would like that.”
She winked. “I hope you kept the outfit Bree gave you.”
I felt my cheeks heat. She didn’t need to know I most certainly had kept it. “Don’t you have quiche to make?”
She scoffed. “Please, I can make quiche and talk about fashion, makeup, sex—you name it. I can multitask like no one’s business.”
I laughed. “I’m sure you can, but Hunter and I are taking things slowly.”
Candace paused what she was doing and turned to me. “Okay, I get wanting to go slow. But, girl! How can you keep your hands off a man like that? Have you seen him? The man is hawt!”
I folded my arms over my chest. “Yes, I have, thank you very much.”
“And you don’t want a piece of that?”
I huffed, then awkwardly said, “Of course I want…a piece of that.”
She arched a single brow. “Why does that sound so precious coming from you?”
/>
I laughed. “Things are…complicated.”
It was her turn to huff. “All I know is if a man looked at me the way Hunter looks at you—like he’s jealous of the sun and moon rays for getting to touch you—I’d be making things less complicated.”
I smiled. “The last time Hunter and I made love was in the back of his truck.”
Candace dropped the spoon she was using to mix with. She sat on the stool at the island and prompted me with her hand. “Keep talking.”
A nervous chuckle slipped free. “Oh, Candace. Hunter was—no, he still is the most romantic man I’ve ever met. He told me we were going to a movie and picked me up in his daddy’s old truck that he’d given to Hunter to take to college. Anyway, he pulled into this open field on the back side of the orchard. It was Christmas break, so it was cold and had been snowing nearly all day. He parked and told me to wait in the truck and not to peek.”
She propped her chin up on her hand. “Did you peek?”
“No,” I said with a laugh. “I kept my eyes closed. He had bought this tent that fit over the bed of a truck. Inside it, in the back of the truck bed, he’d set up all these blankets and pillows. He even had a little heater going. He had popcorn and Milk Duds—they were my favorite at the time—and his laptop. We snuggled up under that tent and watched Steel Magnolias because he knew it was one of my favorite movies.”
Candace let out a sigh, waving at her face as if cooling herself off.
“Then after the movie, he made love to me…and I knew in the depths of my soul that I would love him forever and a day. He asked me to marry him that night. I don’t think he meant to,” I chuckled. “But he did, and I said yes.” My smile faded and I closed my eyes. “Little did I know that a few months later, my world would be shattered.”
A serious expression crossed over Candace’s face. “Bella, I apologize if I’m about to step over the line or assume something, but were you raped?”
I snapped my eyes open and stared at her. “What?”
Candace reached across the island for my hand. “If I’m wrong, I’m so sorry to have assumed.”
For a good thirty seconds, I wasn’t able to say anything. “How did you know I was raped?”
Surrender to Me (Boggy Creek Valley Book 4) Page 11