I frowned. Hunter would think that, given how I’d ended things. Suddenly, the conversation we had at The Coffee Pot came back to me. “Oh no,” I whispered.
“What?” Aiden and Christina asked at once.
“Um, when we met for lunch, things got heated between me and Hunter, and I got up to leave before either of us said something we’d regret. Hunter told me he’d tried to hate me. We exchanged some words, and I know he’s going to feel guilty for some of the things he said. I know him.”
Aiden scrubbed a hand down his face. He knew Hunter as well as I did. He would torment himself for saying what he’d said, then would most likely feel guilty for not seeing what had happened, even though I’d pushed him away.
“Okay,” Christina said. “Aiden, it might not be a bad idea for Hunter to come and talk to me. Or you, if he doesn’t want to talk to me or Mitch about this. But I definitely think he’s going to need to talk to someone. If we could do a couple’s therapy session, I think that would also be very helpful.”
Aiden nodded. Mitch was the co-founder of the clinic and another ex-Navy SEAL. “Yeah, I know.” Turning back to me, he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “You’ll wait to talk to him until me or Kyle and Bishop can be there with you both?”
“I promise—I won’t tell him without at least one of you guys there.”
Christina gave me a soft smile. “Arabella, the sooner you tell Hunter, the faster you’ll be able to work at healing and moving on with your life. Both of you. And don’t be surprised that if after you tell him, your intimacy grows stronger. Just you telling him, getting it out in the open, is going to take down that wall, and you’ll truly be able to see he isn’t going to leave.”
Swallowing hard, I looked at Aiden. “He’s coming over for dinner tonight. They should be back from ice fishing by now.”
I could see it written all over Aiden’s face. He knew exactly how Hunter would react.
“You don’t think he’ll hate me, do you?” My question was directed at Christina, even though I kept staring at Aiden.
Christina reached for my hand and squeezed it slightly. “No, he is not going to hate you, Arabella. He is not going to blame you, look at you differently, or love you any less. It was not your fault. And once he knows the real reason you pushed him away, he’ll be able to help you heal. I also suggest you tell your parents. The more you hide this from the people who love you and continue to carry the truth with you, the more it will weigh you down.”
Chewing on my lip, I nodded and exhaled. “I feel like such a coward for hiding for so long.”
Aiden dropped to his knees in front of me. “Don’t. What happened to you was a nightmare, and no one could blame you for wanting to hide it away. A lot of people do. It’s your body’s and mind’s way of coping with the trauma.”
“Trauma,” I repeated the word. I had never truly thought of it as a trauma before, but it had been.
“Trust me, Arabella. I know all about pushing things to the back of my mind and trying to pretend everything is okay. You need to know that we’re here for you. All of us. No matter what, we’re here for you.”
I reached out and hugged Aiden. “Thank you, Aiden. Thank you so much.”
He hugged me back and kissed my forehead, then stood up again. “Do you want me there tonight?”
Standing, I reached for my coat and fumbled with it before Aiden helped me slip it on. “If you don’t mind.”
“What time is he supposed to come over?”
“He said around seven.”
“I’ll be there at six. And if you want, I can call Kyle or Bishop.”
“Please. I’d appreciate it. I’ll call Abby.”
Christina stood and gave me a sweet smile. “Before you leave, Arabella, let’s make an appointment for you to come back and talk to me again, okay?”
“Yes, okay.”
After making an appointment to talk to Christina next week, I drove home in a fog. My mind raced. I had no idea how Hunter would react, but I was preparing myself for what Aiden and Christina guessed might happen.
I turned off the car, looked at my folks’ place, and closed my eyes. “Deep breaths, Bella. Deep breaths.”
Opening my eyes, I stared at the two-story farmhouse I had grown up in. I left my purse and keys in my car, opened the door, and walked up the front steps.
When I stepped inside, I could hear my folks laughing at something in the kitchen. I slowly made my way toward them—and froze at the sight before me. My father was dancing my mother around the island. I placed my fingers to my lips and smiled.
They both noticed me at the same time and stopped dancing.
“Arabella, sweetheart.” Mom’s smile faded as she looked at me. “What’s wrong?”
My father walked over and looked down at me. “You’ve been crying. What’s the matter?” He wrapped his arm around me and guided me over to the small table in the corner. I sat down and a glass of water appeared in front of me before my parents sat down next to me.
I cleared my throat and looked at them. “I need to tell you why I quit school.”
Instantly, tears formed in my mother’s eyes as she reached for my hand.
Christina had said I needn’t go into details, so I didn’t. “I was… I was raped.”
My mother let out a sob.
My father immediately stood and started to pace. He shook his head and walked over to the wall and punched it with so much force, I nearly jumped out of my chair. My mother held onto my hand tightly as my father yelled, “I knew it! Goddamn, I knew it!”
He must have realized his outburst was frightening, because he instantly walked back to me and dropped to his knees. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. I didn’t mean to lose my temper.” Taking my hands in his, he kissed the back of them, tears rolling down his handsome face.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just couldn’t. I felt so ashamed and—”
“You have nothing to be ashamed of! Arabella Adams, you did nothing wrong. Do you hear me?”
My mother kissed my forehead. “Your father is one-hundred percent correct. You have nothing to be ashamed of, darling. Nothing.”
I smiled sadly, glancing from my mother to my father. “Daddy…you guys don’t even know what happened.”
“And we don’t need to know,” my dad said. “What we need is for you to know that we love you, Arabella. And no matter what you need, your mother and I are forever and always here for you.”
“Daddy,” I sobbed as I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his neck.
He held me tight. “I’m so sorry, baby girl…I’m so sorry.”
I drew back. “What on earth for?”
My mother placed her hand on my shoulder. “We should have pushed you harder to tell us what happened. Maybe if we had, you wouldn’t have hidden away for all those years. You and Hunter…” Her voice trailed off, and she looked at me with so much love, I could practically feel it radiating off of her.
“I haven’t told him yet. I’m going to tell him tonight when he comes over for dinner.”
Daddy’s forehead creased with worry. “Do you need us there? I’m…I’m…I’m sorry for losing my cool a moment ago.”
I placed my hand on the side of his face. “It’s okay. Aiden will be there, as well as Abby. Bishop and Kyle too.”
“Good, good. Because when that boy finds out, he’s going to want to kill the fucker—just like I do.”
My eyes went wide, and I looked at my mother, who simply nodded while she wiped her tears away. I had never heard my father talk that way in front of my mom.
“Are you mad I didn’t tell you?” I asked, wringing my hands together.
My father’s face softened, and he drew me to him again. “Never. I’m just sorry we weren’t there for you, that I didn’t follow my gut instinct.”
“You’ve always been here for me, Daddy. Both you and Mom have.”
“Not always,” he said as his voice cracked, and he held me just a
bit tighter.
Hunter
The last few weeks had been both a dream and a goddamn nightmare. Every time we took two steps forward, something would happen and Bella would take a step back from me. But I was at least grateful she wasn’t pushing me away completely, and I needed to remember that.
Something deep inside told me that I already knew what was wrong with Bella. But every time my imagination tried to go there, I stopped it. She was terrified of something—and even more frightened by the idea of me finding out what it was.
Now I pulled over on the side of the road and took a few moments to breathe. Intimacy was still something Bella was working on. After that night on the sofa, when I had touched her and kissed her breasts, she’d pulled back a little from me. Something had shifted between us that night. Though, to be fair, I’d hardly gotten to see her since that night because of my schedule. I’d almost pulled out of the ice fishing trip with Kyle and Bishop, so I could spend time with her instead. None of us were damn good at it anyway. I was glad I hadn’t, though. It had been good to hang out with them and relax for a bit, even though I’d frozen my damn ass off. And I thought that Bella might have needed the space as well.
Staring out the window, I thought back to earlier this afternoon. We’d come back from ice fishing a little early, and I’d been driving past the clinic that Aiden and Mitch Hathaway, a former Navy SEAL and fellow police officer, had founded. It had started off as a place for veterans and those who suffered from PTSD to go for counseling, but I knew they helped other people as well. I’d almost talked to Aiden about maybe seeing someone there myself.
Then I saw Arabella walking out of the clinic, and it took nearly everything I had not to stop and ask her why she was there. Until I remembered how she’d said she needed to talk to someone before she could talk to me.
Had that been why she was there? I prayed it was. It was clear Bella needed help with whatever demons she was attempting to fight on her own.
“Fuck, what is going on, Arabella?” I asked as I hit the steering wheel. When would she trust me enough to tell me? I needed her to open up if we were going to make this work.
After a deep breath in, I sighed. “Patience, Hunter.”
Jack stood in the backseat and poked his head up next to mine. I smiled and wrapped my arm around his neck. “It’s okay, boy. Let’s go see how our girl’s been since we’ve been gone.”
Jack barked, making me laugh. He’d taken quite a liking to Bella. An almost protective role. He followed her everywhere, slept near her, sat near her. Even whined when I kissed her.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced down at it. It was a text message from Willa. I opened it to find a picture of Ciara and Ben. Ben was holding his baby sister while he sat on the sofa, wearing a wide smile as Ciara slept peacefully in his arms. I smiled and felt that familiar longing in my chest for a family of my own.
I sent Willa a text back with two hearts and a message that said I was planning on stopping by tomorrow to see the kids.
I put my truck back in drive and headed to Bella’s. When I pulled into her driveway, I frowned. Bishop’s truck was there, along with Aiden’s.
Had she mentioned inviting other people over, and I’d forgotten somehow? I really wanted to just spend time alone with her.
Jack barked to get out, knowing we were at Bella’s.
“Hold on. Christ. Someone would think you loved her more than me.”
After I opened the back door, Jack licked me and then jumped down. I laughed. “Is that your way of saying you love me more?”
He bounded up the steps and I followed, deciding to leave my coat in the truck.
I knocked, then opened the door. “Honey, I’m home!” I called out as I heard voices coming from Bella’s kitchen.
Aiden, Bishop, and Kyle all walked into the living room. Cat made a dash for Jack, and they both took off in a mad race around Bella’s small cabin.
“Where’s Noel?” I asked Bishop. Noel was the golden retriever puppy he’d given Abby on their wedding day. Their second wedding, that is. They’d gotten married on Christmas Eve, so Abby thought Noel was the perfect name for the puppy.
“She’s not stupid. She’s still in the kitchen with the food.”
Smiling, I reached for Bishop’s hand and shook it as I teased, “Long time no see. I didn’t know you guys would be here.”
Kyle shrugged. “Last-minute invite, so I forgot the pickup sticks.”
Bishop and I both laughed.
Abby came around the corner of the kitchen with Noel at her heels. She had a glow about her that seemed to light up the whole living room. I was glad that she and Bishop had worked out their issues. I’d honestly never seen two people so in love. Well, except for me and Bella before…
I let that thought drift away.
“You look beautiful tonight, Abby,” I said, walking over and kissing her cheek.
“Thanks. Arabella’s in the kitchen with Aiden.”
“Is Willa here too? She just texted me,” I asked as I headed toward the kitchen. When I walked around the corner, I saw that it was just Bella and Aiden in there. Bella’s head lifted and her eyes met mine—and I could tell immediately something was off.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
Aiden cleared his throat, and Bella looked down at her hands, which were twisting the edge of her sweater. She never used to do that, but it was something I noticed she did often now…whenever she was nervous or uneasy.
I walked up to Bella. Placing my finger on her chin, I lifted her head. “Why is everyone here, Bella?”
“I, um…I asked them to be here.”
I nodded and glanced at Aiden, then back at her. “Okay.”
“We need to talk, Hunter.”
My heart slammed against my rib cage. “You’re not…breaking up with me…”
Her eyes went wide. “No! God, no. I told you, I’m not running anymore. I made you a promise, and I don’t intend on ever breaking it.”
“Then what’s going on?” I asked—before suddenly realizing I was about to get the answers I’d been waiting ten years for. My heartbeat started to pound in my chest, and I almost turned and walked right out the door. Who was the one running now?
“Let’s sit down in the living room, Hunter,” Aiden said.
“Does this have something to do with you going to the counseling center today?” I asked.
Bella’s eyes snapped up to meet mine. “How did you know I was there?”
“We got back early, and when I drove by I saw you walking out.”
She looked at Aiden who nodded at me.
“Do you mind if we sit down?” she asked, taking my hand in hers.
I followed her without saying a word. Kyle, Bishop, and Abby all sat in the living room chairs, leaving the sofa open for me and Bella.
When we sat down, I saw that Bella’s hands were shaking. I reached for them, and she turned to face me. “I need to tell you what happened in college. The reason I broke up with you.”
All I could do was nod. Then I looked around the room and let out a humorless laugh. “Do we need an audience for this?”
Abby looked down at the floor as Bishop and Kyle exchanged a look. I saw Abby wipe a tear from her cheek, and I turned back to Bella. I could feel my heart pounding harder and my breathing getting heavier.
Bella cleared her throat and said, “I was in a study group with another girl, Sarah, and two guys.” She paused, and I waited. “It ended and…and Sarah and the one guy left.”
I felt my heart break in two because I knew. I already knew what she was about to say.
No. Please God, no.
She looked up and tears rolled down her beautiful face. “I begged him, Hunter. I fought so hard but he…he held me down and he shoved the—” Her hand went up to her neck as she fought to keep speaking. “He shoved the scarf you bought me for Christmas that year into my mouth. I was so scared, and the room was soundproof. He… He…”
I closed my eyes an
d felt my own tears trickle down my cheeks as the next three words she said hit me like a freight train.
“He raped me.”
My chest felt like someone had ripped it open, yanked my heart out, and kept stomping on it. The pain was nearly crippling.
“He raped you?” I repeated.
She buried her face in her hands and sobbed.
I knew I should pull her toward me. Hold her, tell her everything would be okay. But I was frozen. An instant wave of hate and rage filled me…until something else finally took hold while I listened to the love of my life crying next to me.
I wrapped my arms around Bella and held her as I looked over at Kyle, and Aiden. “Did you know about this?”
“Not until today,” Aiden softly said. My body shook, and all I wanted to do was hit someone. Hit the motherfucker who’d dared to touch Arabella.
When I looked to the right, I saw Abby’s face. “Did you know this whole time?” I asked, not even caring that my voice was filled with fury.
She swallowed hard and nodded.
My eyes jerked back to Bishop, and he shook his head. A part of me wanted to scream at Abby, but I knew that it wouldn’t do anyone any good and wouldn’t change anything.
Bella drew back and looked up at me. Her eyes were bloodshot. “I’m so sorry, Hunter! I tried to fight him off. I tried!”
A sick feeling hit me as I realized she blamed herself for the rape. I cupped her face in my hands. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about, Bella. Did you report it?” I asked in a voice that sounded much calmer than I actually felt.
Bella closed her eyes, and I wiped her tears away as I repeated, “Did you report the rape?”
She shook her head, then opened her eyes. “I was too ashamed. He said I asked for it, that I wanted it. I didn’t, Hunter. I swear to you, I never gave him any impression I was the least bit interested.”
Holy fuck. How in the hell could she think I would even question that? “Jesus, Bella. I know you wouldn’t have done that.”
Surrender to Me (Boggy Creek Valley Book 4) Page 10