Whispers and the Roars

by K. Webster

  “The black one,” I point behind him. “There.”

  He strides over to it and yanks open the passenger door. I’m thankful it’s dark out because he does the inevitable and yanks the material over his head before tossing it into the car. I rush over to the vehicle to climb inside before anyone sees. Once I’ve started the car and the air conditioning is blowing, he turns to look at me. My gaze falls to his newest tattoo that encircles his nipple and I shake my head. When I meet his stare again, he’s watching me with interest.

  “You like it?”

  I clench my teeth together and nod. That’s the only answer I can give him. Putting the car into drive, I peel out of my parking spot and cruise out of the parking lot before my family can see my undisciplined friend.

  “I got it for you,” he says, fumbling with his Zippo as he looks out the window.

  “Thanks.”

  The car ride is quiet. I’m not going to acknowledge the fact that Bones has my name tattooed over and over again in an infinite loop around his nipple. He wants to get a rise out of me. But I’m on to his game.

  I’m lost in thought when a hand roughly grabs my dick. I nearly lose control of the wheel and send him a murderous glare. “What the fuck, man? Get your hand off my cock.”

  He grins and winks at me but doesn’t let go. “Your cock likes me. Or did you forget?”

  With an annoyed growl, I shove his hand away from me. “That was a long time ago.”

  “Old enough to know better, but still too young to care?”

  Always fucking riddles with this guy. “Whatever, man.”

  “She was never mad about those times, you know. It turned her on,” he taunts. “I know she flipped the bean one too many times with those images on her mind. Told me so herself…”

  I clench my teeth and try to drive away all images of those nights. Nights where Bones and I got piss-assed drunk. Nights where he coaxed me into a lot of things I regretted the next day. Nights where he filled a void when Kady refused to see me.

  When his hand clutches my dick again, I pull the damn car over and shove it into park. I grip his wrist to yank it away, but before I do, our eyes meet. Hurt flashes in his blue orbs that has me taking pause.

  “What are you doing, Bones?”

  “She leaves you wanting all the time,” he mutters thoughtfully. “Then she mopes around the house longing for you. That shit creeps up on a crazy fuck like me. Seeps its way into my bones. She’s got me feeling all kinds of needy for you too. What’d ya say, kimchi boy, wanna let Bones take care of that eager cock?”

  This time I do shove him away. “Enough. You’re pissing me off.”

  He shrugs and kicks his now bare feet up on the dash. “Your loss. You know where I live.”

  The air is charged with confusion the entire way back to the house. Neither of us speak. And the moment we pull into the driveway, he jumps out and disappears inside the house. I sit in the car for a few minutes to collect myself. No matter what I do, I seem to always say and do the wrong things. I’m fucked in every direction.

  Nothing is going at all how I planned for it to go.

  I’m just climbing out of the car to apologize to Bones when that asshole Pascale saunters out of the house. I know it’s him because I recognize his fucking beanie he wears on his head even in the dead of summer. He’s wearing a pair of loose shorts and a white tank that shows his tattoos beneath. I hate the guy with a passion.

  “What the fuck are you doing here?” I snarl and charge for him.

  He smirks upon seeing me and reaches behind him, no doubt going for his gun, but I’ve already tackled him into the grass. We grunt and wrestle but I’m bigger. I wrangle the gun out of his hand, tossing it far away from him. He spits at me. “Get off me, fuckin’ prick!”

  I hold his forearms into the earth and glower at him. “Why are you here?”

  “I was just leaving.”

  “Does Kady know you were here?”

  He attempts to spit at me again but I clutch his throat, giving it a tight squeeze. I thought I ran him off long ago. Time to be a dick and remind him why he’s not welcome.

  “You’re not allowed in her home. Officer Joe said the next time you come around—”

  “FUCK OFFICER JOE!”

  I tighten my grip around his throat until he stops squirming. When his tongue hangs out just a bit, I get right in his face. “Don’t fucking come here again or I’ll have you locked up.”

  When I release him, he laughs. “For what? Selling weed?”

  “You’re trash, Pascale. You and I both know you do more than sell weed. Agatha says you’ve been known to deal cocaine.”

  He rolls out from beneath me and scrambles to his feet. We both eye the gun in the yard but he wisely doesn’t try to go after it. “I oughta cut that bitch for talkin’ shit about me—”

  Charging for him, I grab the front of his shirt and snarl at him. “You touch one goddamned hair on her head and I’ll end you. Fucking end you.”

  When I let him go and he disappears into the darkness, I find the gun and lock it in my car before going inside. The house is quiet. Bones is pissed at me. Kady is upset. I can’t win today. Defeated, I shed my jacket and climb the stairs. Finding Kadence’s room, I lose my tie and shirt before kicking off my shoes and climbing into her empty bed.

  Where are you, Kadydid?

  I wake to Whiskers sitting on my chest staring at me. His eyes are narrowed and knowing. The only damn cat I’m not allergic to. Who knew?

  “Hey, kitty,” I coo, and stroke his head. “Missed you.”

  He purrs and digs his claws into my chest. His meows are cute. This cat may be old but he’s still playful like a kitten.

  “You hungry? Anyone feed you lately?”

  His meow is needy and pitiful. I scoop him in my arms to carry him downstairs. He’s the fattest cat I’ve ever seen. When we make it into the kitchen, I find his bowl and then pour some milk into it. I microwave it for a few seconds to warm it before setting it on the counter. Whiskers hops onto the countertop with ease and laps at his milk. While he drinks, I scratch his back. He finishes and nuzzles against my hand. I know the drill. Scooping his heavy ass back into my arms, I take him over to the couch.

  My thoughts are on Kady as I pet his head. I drift off with the girl of my dreams on my mind.

  “You smell like Whiskers.”

  I yawn and squint in the darkness. I’m not sure how long I was out for. Someone has turned off all the lights and the cat is long gone.

  “Where you been, Kadydid?”

  She lets out a sad sigh. I can’t see her in the dark but I can feel her. Kady is more than a sight, she’s a force of nature. I want her to obliterate me.

  “Out and about. Been thinking.” Even though she attempts to keep her tone light, I sense her upcoming descent into her depression hell. It’s in her voice. A crack. A tiny tell that only I would notice. She can’t hide those parts of herself from me. I’ve studied every single aspect about her. One tip in the wrong direction and she will plummet into the darkness. Kady belongs in the light.

  I stand and seek her out. She’s avoiding my touch but at least she’s talking to me. When I hear a creak of the stairs, I dart in that direction. She’s quick and bounds up the steps just out of reach. Always running. Always hiding.

  But I always find her.

  I always catch her.

  “Kadence, come here.”

  The door to her bedroom squeaks and I pad softly in after her.

  “I’m no good for you.”

  Prowling through the darkness, I seek her out on her scent alone. Sweet and pure. Mine. Her small ragged gasps give her away. A moment later, I have her in my arms. So sweet.

  “You’re the only one for me,” I whisper against her hair.

  Her small arms wrap around my waist and she hugs me tight. All of the chaos that surrounds this broken woman is worth it if it means having moments like this. Sliding my hand up the side of her neck, I lift her chi
n with my thumb. I brush a soft kiss against her lips. A small whimper escapes her and I want to fucking devour it.

  “Yeo, I’m so sorry. For everything…”

  I chuckle and suck her bottom lip into my mouth. She tastes like the best dessert, the sweetest tea, the most savory steak. Delicious. I’ll crave her until I die. “You’ll never have anything to be sorry for. When you run from me, I get lost and confused. But when you let me catch you, you make me happy again. Stop running, Kadydid. Stay with me. Always.”

  My palm travels along her throat to her breast. Her breath catches when my thumb skims over her hardened nipple. That small sound works magic on my cock and it’s suddenly alive. So damn alive. And needy. Needy to take her over and over until the sun comes up.

  We can fix this.

  She doesn’t argue when I grab the hem of her shirt and peel it from her body. Kady doesn’t fool with bras much and I’m always thankful for less barriers between us.

  My eyes close when her fingers work urgently at the buckle of my pants. Our mouths meet again, this time fiery and passionate. The moment her small hand has a grip around my throbbing dick, I’m a goner.

  I shed the rest of my clothes and all but rip her panties away. My mind is clear enough to retrieve a condom from my pants pocket before launching onto the bed after her.

  “I’ve waited forever,” I say with a growl as I push her knees apart. “Don’t make me wait any longer.”

  She whimpers and digs her claws into my biceps in an effort to draw me to her. I press a chaste kiss to her panting mouth before trailing wet kisses down between her breasts to her toned stomach. When I reach her pussy, she grabs on to my hair. “Can’t you just make love to me already?”

  I chuckle and run my tongue along her slit. “Are you sure you don’t want me to taste you a little bit first?”

  Her words are garbled but the moment I massage her once more with my tongue, she gives in with a moan. “Yessss.”

  Nipping and lapping at her perfect pussy, I devour the woman who has always held my heart in the palm of her tiny hands. I’ve missed her so fucking much. I can’t get enough of her—I’ll never get enough of her.

  “I need to feel you,” I breathe against her, causing her to yelp out. “From the inside.”

  She lets out a sound too erotic for anyone but me to ever hear the moment I push my finger into her hot, wet center. Her body grips me in that tight way I remember and I’m about to come all over her sheets.

  Jesus, I’ve missed us.

  “So tight,” I praise, my finger expertly finding her nub of pleasure within. The moment I hook my finger and graze it, she jolts like a live wire.

  “OH GOD!”

  “That’s it,” I coo against her pussy, my tongue teasing her clit as I finger fuck her G-spot to oblivion. “Come all over my finger like you used to, Kady.”

  She squirms and thrashes until her orgasm consumes her like a demon possessing its innocent victim. It takes everything in me not to come right along with her but I want inside of her when I finally have my release.

  When she eventually comes down from her high, I slip my finger from her. Her heavy breathing is my drug and it fuels me on. I tear at the condom with my teeth until I free the rubber. My dick is rock hard and eager to be inside of her again.

  Kady and I are better together.

  Always.

  “I love you,” I assure her as I tease her opening with my now sheathed cock. “Don’t ever forget that. No matter where you are or what you’re doing. My love never wanes.”

  “I know.”

  Her words die off into a pleasure-filled wail the moment I push every thick inch of my cock into her receptive body. Once I’m seated inside of her, I let out a groan of relief. If it were up to me, we’d live like this. She and I, connected.

  “Say it, Kadydid,” I murmur against her sweet lips, my voice nothing but a whisper just like she loves. “Tell me what I need to hear.”

  “I love you too, Yeo.”

  * * *

  Kady

  I sent him away back then.

  Despite his pleas. Despite his tears. Despite his near rage.

  Goodbye, Yeo.

  And when he damn near refused to go, I called in reinforcements. Bones and Officer Joe can be fierce when they need to be. Yeo didn’t have a choice but to listen to me.

  Now he’s back in my arms.

  Back in my heart.

  No more goodbyes, Yeo.

  His hot breath on my bare chest sends a thrill of excitement coursing through me and love thundering straight to my heart. With Yeo, my mind is calm and my soul is happy. I can quiet all of the awful, disgusting thoughts that tell me I’m not good enough for him and let him love me like he wants to. Usually.

  But twelve years ago, a year before Grandma passed away and I was left with a house and all the demons in it, I disconnected our link. It was the most difficult thing in my life—severing every single part of me that was tied to him. Yet, I did it. Because if I didn’t, Yeo would die in my house. Unhappy. Maybe alone. Sad and confused.

  And that tore me apart.

  He’d isolated himself from his family and friends because of me.

  It wasn’t healthy and they resented me because of it.

  My stupid, stubborn boy led me to believe he’d followed my orders. He did, sort of. Went off and got his education. A doctor no less. But then he came back. That wasn’t the plan. Yet now, as I stroke his stick-straight inky colored hair, I’m happy. Relieved. Blessed beyond all reason.

  Why won’t he just forget me?

  I’m too much trouble.

  Depression is a part of my life. Some days, it just swallows me whole. I lie in bed for hours and hours just like Momma used to do. Hiding from the outside world. Hiding from my reflection. Replaying the negative parts of my life over and over again on some torturous loop. It’s not something I simply get over. It consumes me.

  Except, with Yeo, the pull is a little weaker.

  And the only time I want to stay in bed is when he’s naked and in it with me.

  I’m too much trouble.

  My skin grows cold and clammy as my troubled thoughts scamper into shadows. The present bleeds into the past. And memories of a world I try so hard to forget claw at me, dragging me under so quickly I forget to breathe and fortify myself first.

  “You’re too much trouble,” Daddy says, his voice cold like the snow that’s falling outside. My eyes flit over to the window, preferring the quiet snowfall over his mean words.

  When I don’t reply, his fingertips bite into my jaw as he jerks my face to stare right at him. These days, Daddy isn’t nice. In fact, I can’t remember the last time he was nice. Maybe on my seventh birthday? He’d taken me down to Hobbit’s Creamery and I’d gotten rainbow sherbet, my favorite, and then we’d gone to the park to play. Mommy was sick that day. I know she was sick because the night before he’d hurt her.

  “Maybe I should send you to live with your grandma. What do you think about that?” he demands, his voice low and growly like Butch’s. Butch almost bit my fingers the other day. Daddy looks like he might bite too.

  “Can Mommy come too?” I question, hot tears forming in my eyes.

  He releases his grip and stands. I rub away the soreness on my jaw as he paces my small bedroom. Just like Butch paces the fence when he’s dying to get out from behind it. Sometimes I wonder if he wants to get over the fence to play with me. Other times I wonder if I look like something he could snack on.

  “We were fine until…” Daddy trails off and snaps his hate-filled glare to me.

  I swallow and bite on my lip to keep my chin from quivering. “Until what, Daddy?”

  “It was a boy, you know. We wanted a boy.”

  I frown. “What was a boy?”

  “The baby.” His voice is sad and he hangs his head. “Your mother lost the baby last year and I…and we…I just can’t…” He grabs at his hair and pulls. I’m afraid he’ll rip it right from his head
.

  “Daddy, where did the baby go?”

  He snaps his gaze to mine and for the briefest of moments, his hard features turn soft. “It died, Kadence. The baby died in your mommy’s tummy.”

  “You want me to live with Grandma so I don’t die too?”

  He storms over to me and I flinch. But then he sits down on the bed beside me, burying his face in his hands. His whole body shakes as he cries. Daddy doesn’t cry. Not ever. Why is he crying?

  With a nervous hand, I reach over and pat his back. “It’s okay, Daddy. I’m careful. Butch only tried to bite me once. I won’t die.”

  His body tenses but he lifts his head to look over at me. “I’m sorry.”

  I scramble into his lap and throw my arms around his neck. Daddy hugs me to him and kisses my head. He smells like smoke and stinky beer but this hug is like the ones I remember from before he became mean.

  “I love you, Daddy,” I assure him.

  He pats my back and kisses my head again.

  Then he tickles my leg just above my knee and I giggle.

  Daddy laughs too. His eyes meet mine and I don’t recognize him. He has the same eyes Butch has. Like he’s hungry. I shiver and he shakes away the look before tossing me on the bed and then standing to leave my bedroom.

  “Go to bed, Kadence.”

  As I attempt to fall asleep, I can’t help but smile. I fixed Daddy. When he’s mad or sad, I can fix him and make him happier.

  I have superpowers.

  I’m dragged from my memories when I hear Yeo’s murmured praise along my flesh as he kisses my breast. His dark eyes lift to find mine and he cocks up a black eyebrow in that mischievous way I love so much as he bites my nipple. I let out an appreciative gasp the moment his tongue circles the nipple to sooth away the pain.

  Yeo is good at a lot of things.

  But what he’s best at—something nobody else can do—is keeping me out of my own damn head. He keeps me here, in the present, ensnared in his loving gaze.