We’ve been having so much fun the last few weeks. He keeps me occupied with things like going bowling, rollerblading, and rock climbing. The most fun, though, is just hitting the open road and riding our Harleys together. It’s nice to connect with someone that you have something in common with. It makes conversation effortless, but even when it’s quiet and no one is saying a word, it’s comfortable. No one feels rushed or obligated to fill the empty space with useless information.
I know I need to talk to him and tell him everything about me, and about my past. It’s only right that he knows everything, or else I’m no different than a stranger. He could walk away if he knows the truth. That’s the part that scares me. Whenever I think of my past and what happened to me, I get sick to my stomach and find myself wishing it were a nightmare that I haven’t woken up from.
Sawyer and I are planning a longer ride today. We’re heading to the beach. My saddlebags are packed with everything I need, including a swimsuit, towel, and a change of clothes to walk around in. I wear jeans or leather when on the bike, as well as boots that cover my ankles. I’ve heard too many stories of people suffering major road rash and it’s not something I want to experience in my lifetime. He should be arriving at the house shortly, as our plan was to be on the road by eight in the morning. I take my last gulp of coffee when I hear the sound of his motorcycle approaching. I watch as he drives up the street. He looks so hot on the back of his bike. It’s my favorite view. I hurry and grab my things, locking the door behind me as I run toward him and give him a big kiss. I hurry to pull on my helmet and start my bike, eager for the road trip.
We hit the open road by 8AM and traffic is light. I’m behind Sawyer, enjoying the view of him in his leather riding gear on the back of his badass bike. My mind wanders and I think back over the last several weeks, and how much fun I’ve been having getting to know Sawyer. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard over the course of my entire life as I have in the last few weeks. Sawyer makes it his mission to get me to laugh and does whatever is necessary to hear what he calls his favorite sound. The man is all around swoon worthy, and I’m so lucky that he wants to be with me. The only thing that darkens my mood is knowing that I haven’t told him yet, but in my defense, I’m terrified I’m going to lose him and I just got him. I know it needs to be done and I’ll do it… soon.
I’ve heard that when a person lets go of their fear or whatever it is that holds them back it’s liberating. I’d like that, to unload the anchor that hangs around my neck, pulling me down and threatening to drown me, but fear always wins. I have a fear that he’ll leave me and I’ll be alone…again. I fear that he’ll be disgusted by me or pity me, which is somehow worse than if he left me. I know I need to do this, to tell him everything, but not yet. I don’t think he’s ready to hear it just yet, or maybe that’s the lie I’m telling myself.
We get to the beach by ten and it’s already crowded with people. I grab my things from the bike and tell Sawyer I’ll meet him by the dressing rooms. I can feel his gaze on me as I walk away, putting an extra little sway in my step. Just like I like to check out his ass, he always tells me turnabout is fair play. I change into my ice blue bikini and sheer white cover up, slipping my feet into a pair of flip-flops. I smear on a bit of gloss and tie my hair into a ponytail, finishing my look with my oversized sunglasses.
I walk out to find Sawyer in blue trunks, hung low on his hips, and a towel in his arms. He’s leaning against the building with a pair of shades covering his eyes, smoking hot. He whistles through his teeth when he catches sight of me and tugs me in tight to his body, kissing the shit out of me. I’m breathless and dazed when he lets go, feeling weak at the knees and blushing. I notice other women checking him out, beautiful women, making me realize I’m so lucky that he chose me to be on his arm, even though he always tells me he’s the one that feels that way. He teases me for making him work so hard in the beginning. I laugh when I think back to how many times he had to ask before he could get me to go out with him. Thank goodness he was persistent.
We spread out our towels and park our butts on the sand, before lying back to soak up some heat and sun. It isn’t long before a fine sheen of perspiration covers my body and I need to cool off in the water. I stand and walk to the shoreline, carefully poking one toe into the ocean. I shiver as the cold water closes over my foot. Suddenly, I’m picked up in a set of strong arms and carried out into the surf, shrieking the entire way. He holds me tight to him as he submerges both of our bodies into the cool water, and I shiver as goose bumps arise on my skin. Laughing, I throw my face into his neck and graze my teeth along his shoulders, licking the salt from his skin.
He bends his mouth to kiss me, and licks at my lips and teeth, sucking my tongue into his mouth. His fingers sneak into my bikini bottoms and swipe through my folds, feeling my slick wetness. He groans into my mouth when I rub my hand over his hardening length, his breathing becoming sporadic from excitement. We pull back from one another, laughing, before we end up doing it in front of an entire beach as an audience. We stay in a bit longer, splashing each other and just acting like kids, having a fantastic time.
I drop down onto my towel and lie there, exhausted, letting the sun warm me up all over again. We spend the next hour or so getting wet and drying off. We join in on a beach volleyball game and it isn’t long before Sawyer’s eating sand, and I’m laughing my ass off. We decide to grab an ice cream before getting back on our bikes and making the two-hour trek home, trading cones every so often to exchange flavors.
***
It feels good to be home. We’re exhausted and dirty from our ride and from being at the beach all day. Sawyer chases me down the hall as I scream with laughter the entire way. We’re frantic, tearing at our clothing, piece by piece dropping to the floor. I jump on him and throw my legs around his waist, giggling as I watch Sawyer try to reach for the tap on the shower without losing contact with me. I lick the skin on his neck, enjoying the taste of sea salt and perspiration before the water rinses it all away.
I sigh when he finally gets me under the spray and starts rubbing body wash all over me, cleaning every inch of me thoroughly. I feel like purring as he washes my hair, massaging my scalp and my temples. I can feel how slick and wet I’m getting from the intimacy in his touch, my body readying itself for his. My legs tremble as he licks at my nipples, pulling on them till they are hard points, gently grazing his teeth over them. His hands are slippery from the soap as he slides them all over my body and between my legs, massaging my clit with sure strokes.
I gasp as his fingers find my pussy, slipping two of them inside of me. I’m already on edge so it doesn’t take much for me to come. I’m hot, my body burning up as I breathe heavily from my orgasm. I’m intent on returning the favor, and smile when Sawyer groans as I kneel before him, taking his heavy cock in my hands, gripping it firmly. I stroke and twist my hand as I move my mouth down and suck him, hard, his shaft hardening further. He hisses and tangles his hands into my hair, tugging tightly. We both find our rhythm, his cock tunneling in and out of my mouth as my throat swallows around him.
He tugs me off of his cock and lifts me, shoving me against the shower wall, groaning as I slide down his body, my pussy sucking in every inch of him. Even though I just came, I’m close again, and I tremble as I watch him thrust in and out of my pussy. Our gazes meet, and what I see in his eyes floors me. It’s more than just desire and lust. He’s showing me a part of himself. We’re connecting on a deeper level as he makes love to my body.
I lean my head back, exposing my neck for his hot, avid mouth as he scrapes his teeth along my skin. I moan, and then shatter in his arms as he thrusts his pinky finger into my ass, pumping with the same rhythm as his cock. He growls as he watches me come, his rhythm unsteady. He bites his bottom lip while grunting out his own release, moments behind mine. We’re both breathing heavily as I snuggle my face into his neck. I sigh as he slides his semi erect cock from my trembling body. I can barely
stand on my legs they are so shaky. The steam from the shower surrounds us as we both pant and look at one another.
Sawyer reaches out to push some of my hair behind my ear and it looks like he wants to say something to me. He goes to open his mouth but then stops himself and just stares at me. I wonder what it is that he wanted to say.
Everything is going so perfectly, but I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. It always does…
Chapter Twenty-five
Sawyer
I totally wimped out. Cherry and I were having a moment and I know she felt it too. I had the perfect opening to tell her how I feel about her, and how she saved me. That first moment my eyes landed on her I knew that she was going to be special to me. I suppose that’s the burst of lightening Mom always talks about, but I’m still in denial. Maybe it’s for the best that I don’t dump my feelings on her too soon. She’s so skittish when it comes to emotional shit and I don’t want her to run. She was hard enough to catch the first time. I suspect she doesn’t give second chances. It’s just a feeling I have.
My classes are going really well with only two months left till I graduate. I have a late start today with my first class not starting until eleven. I want to stop in on Mom and Dad for some coffee with them. It’s been a week or so since I’ve seen them and I know Mom always appreciates a spontaneous visit.
I pull up in front of their house, smiling. Some great memories from my childhood come back to me every time I come here. I’m about to knock on the front door when it’s jerked open with Mom on the other side of the door wearing a big smile on her face.
“Hey, honey,” she says with a big smile. “You know you don’t have to knock.” She wraps her arm around me, guiding me inside. She looks happy that I’ve stopped by; so much so that I feel guilty I don’t do this more often.
“No way, Mom. You and Dad deserve your privacy. I’d never show up here unannounced and just walk in.” I give her a little wink and she blushes. My mom has really dark hair and gray eyes with very pale skin. She’s breathtaking and I can see why dad is so taken with her. I get my coloring from Dad’s side.
“You and Dad have some time for coffee?”
“Yes of course,” she exclaims. “Come in.” She grabs my hand and pulls me into the kitchen where Dad is sitting, reading the paper over a cup of coffee.
“Hey, Son,” he says, looking up from his paper. Mom bustles around and pours me a cup of coffee. She sees me eye the freshly baked bread and plates some croissants with jam, pushing the plate towards me. I grab a croissant and pull the feathery pastry apart with my hands, breaking off a piece and dropping it into my mouth, savoring the buttery taste.
“So your dad was telling me about your new love interest. When do we get to meet her?” I smile as I think of Cherry. I kind of miss her. It’s weird really. It doesn’t matter how much we’re around each other, because I want more. I feel lucky that I went to the library that day.
“Hopefully soon. I want you to meet her.”
“Oh my goodness. Dad was right. You’re in love. I can see it on your face.” She brings a hand to her mouth as her eyes well with tears.
“Hey,” I say concerned. “Don’t cry, Mom. It’s a good thing, right?” I reach for her hand and squeeze, giving her a reassuring smile.
“Oh, I know it is. These are happy tears. I’ve been waiting for this day and now it’s here.” I shake my head at her and her flare for being over dramatic. Moms have that skill on lockdown.
“I’ll definitely bring her around,” I say with conviction. “I just don’t want to make her feel awkward when we’re still getting to know each other. She’s been through a lot with family, I think. Her life hasn’t been easy and I don’t think many people have accepted her for just being her.” Mom is nodding her head and clucking her tongue, murmuring, “Poor girl.” I don’t go into any detail, because it’s not my place to share her secrets. From what I gather she has issues with trust, so I don’t want to ruin it between us.
Mom changes the conversation quickly, just catching up and chatting about school and work. We talk a bit about Mark and what’s going on with him. Mom was utterly outraged when she heard that Mandy was cheating on me, especially with it being Mark. She never liked Mandy either. Apparently, I was one of the few people who did like her, and look how that worked out for me. I’m hurt, but it’s from being undeservingly wronged not because of losing Mandy, because her actions set me free and allowed me to find Cherry. I’m hurt that my own brother could do that to me with a clear conscience. He’d met Mandy several times, and knew exactly who and what she was to me. Just like when he was a boy, his motive was to hurt me and get back at me. He didn’t really want her. He wanted revenge.
I look at the time, realizing I’ve been here for longer than I thought and get up to leave. As I do, I squeeze Dad on the shoulder. “I love you, Dad.”
Dad gets teary eyed. I suddenly realize that I’ve never been vocal in my feelings before. I give Mom a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll be back soon, Mom.” I head out the front door and down the walk.
“Bring that girl of yours around,” she shouts after me. “I really want to meet her.” She’s beaming and waving at me. I wave my arm in acknowledgement and get on my bike, ready to head to my classes.
***
I walk up my walkway, pulling my keys from my pocket, just a few steps away from home and comfort when my cellphone rings. The call display shows that it’s Mark. He doesn’t know that I know about him and Mandy. What the hell could he want? I answer, curiosity getting the best of me.
“Hello?” I’m not going to give him an inch. He needs to work for it, the bastard.
“Hey, Sawyer, it’s Mark.” Still I say nothing, my anger surfacing and the resentment lying thick under my skin.
“I know we haven’t talked in a while,” he says quietly. “But I have a huge favor I need to ask you.” I’m silent. He knows I’m here, because he can hear me breathing.
“I broke up with her,” he says. “The bitch that you didn’t like. I really don’t want to deal with her, so could I dump a box of her shit at your place and have her pick it up from there? I think you’re right. I should have dumped her a long time ago.” I’m shocked. Maybe this is his rock bottom. Maybe he truly is trying to right a wrong. He’s still my brother. I sigh, hoping I don’t regret this.
“Alright, I’ll do it. Bring it by later tonight and I’ll handle it, but we need to sit down and talk at some point.” I’m trying to be firm and hope he gets it.
“Yeah, ok,” he says reluctantly. “We’ll talk.”
We hang up at the same time. I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash up before bed. I’m staring at myself in the mirror and wondering if I’ve made a big mistake in offering to help him. I’m startled by a thud coming from the front of the house so I take off running through the hall to see what it is. I see a car leaving my drive and notice a box on my front porch with a note on top.
Thanks…. Mark
That’s it? He doesn’t even have the decency to talk to me. I should have known better. I’ll do this one thing and nothing more. He can kiss my ass.
Chapter Twenty-six
Cherry
Earlier I approached Roger to talk about my decision to apply for college. Roger was extremely happy for me and said he would accommodate my schedule in any way I need. I explained that I still plan to work here while attending school, so I can help pay for expenses until I can get a job in my field of study. Of course, Roger being Roger said he wouldn’t expect anything less and that he wants only the best for me. He warned me to come to him if anything becomes overwhelming for me and we would tweak my schedule and hours. I surprised him and myself when I threw my arms around him and gave him a big hug, thanking him for being such an awesome boss. Roger didn’t know what to do with my show of affection. All he could do was awkwardly pat me on the back.
I finished completing the application, now heading to the post office to mail it, my heart pounding
in nervousness. It’s a thick envelope, including my high school transcripts and letters of recommendations from Mrs. Arnold and one from Roger as well. To ensure delivery I decide that sending them priority mail is best so that I have a tracking number. I don’t know why, but my hands are trembling with a bit of fear and excitement. Soon, I’ll be starting another chapter of my life. I’m taking back the power that was taken from me, and moving forward. I don’t know why it has taken me six years to do this, and to learn this strength, but I’m doing it now.
I don’t have a shift tonight, so Sawyer and I are going to spend time together. It’s dinner and his place. I love our date nights.
***
Even though we’ve been seeing each other for a few months I have yet to see his place. I’m anxious and curious, and looking forward to it. We had Italian for dinner and it was divine. I ate way too much and felt like I needed to be rolled out of there. I knew there was a reason I typically eat light meals. There is no way I can dance and pull myself around a stripper pole if I feel weighed down by pasta.
I giggle at the picture in my head of a very bloated me, struggling on the pole, my face beet red. I catch Sawyer watching me, a smile on his face. “I love that sound, baby,” he says. “Your laugh is incredible.”
I can’t control it. I just beam at him. The more I get to know him, the more I’m falling for him, and hard. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with him. I know I need to share my past with him, but I feel sick every time I think about it. He deserves to know, to have a choice, and every day I hold back, making me selfish. I want to keep him close to me and not talk about anything bad. I wish I had a magic wand and could erase the negative out of my life. If only it were that simple.
Accepting Cherry Page 19