Accepting Cherry

by Chrissy Snyder

  “Is that what this is all about? Her? She is nothing to me”, he spits out, “I swear. She was dating my half-brother, Mark, but they broke up. He didn’t want to see her, or deal with her craziness so he asked if he could bring her shit to my house and have her pick it up from my place and I agreed,” he says. “I don’t know why I did, like I’ve told you before, I don’t even like that woman. I don’t think her mind is all there. I guess I jumped at the chance to reconnect with him, after all this time.”

  I nod at Sawyer and ask him if it’s ok for me to finish first, and then we can talk more about everything. He agrees, but looks really concerned, as he should be. My hands are shaking and clammy, and my heart is racing. I don’t know if I can do this, but I have to. I need to get this off of my chest, and deal with the fall out. I take a deep breath and let it all out in a rush of verbal diarrhea.

  “When I answered your door I immediately recognized the woman behind it,” I say quietly. “I know her name is Candy Abernathy, and she is the girl who filmed my rape, and then posted it to the Internet.”

  Before I can go on, I can tell Sawyer has put it together, his face white with shock, and disgust.

  “It was my brother,” he breathes out, “Wasn’t it? He is the one you had a relationship with, and he is the one who raped you.”

  I look at Sawyer and clarify. “It wasn’t a relationship,” I say with conviction. “At the time, I thought it was, but in reality he was taking advantage of me. He was the adult in the situation, and he was in the wrong. Yet I couldn’t live with it and I blamed myself. At least I used to. I’ve improved, and was doing so well until I opened that door and Candy was standing there. She laughed at me when she realized I didn’t know who you were and called me pathetic again and I suppose I am. I never thought to ask Mr. Avery’s first name, and I never thought to ask your last name. I’ve never called you at work or anything else so how would I know your last name? She threatened to out me that very night. I couldn’t stay and see the look on your face. The look you have right now. So now you know, when I initially told you that you really didn’t want to have drinks with me, this is why. I swear to you I never knew you were his brother. I swear.”

  Sawyer looks at me and shakes his head. I can’t quite decipher the look on his face. Is it pity, disgust? He let go of my hands at some point. He stands up, and so do I. I’m waiting for a signal from him. I don’t know what he wants, or what he thinks. I twist my hands nervously, stopping to wipe the sweat off of them on the back of my shorts. Oh Please, just say something!

  He clears his throat and is pacing nervously. He can’t look me in the eye so I know what is coming. What I always knew would happen. It’s over. I swear I can feel my heart break in two as my shoulders slump in defeat. The pain is devastating as my heart wrenches itself out of my chest.

  “Wow,” he says, “Um. It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it? This is going to come out badly, but I really need some time to process all of this. I’ll be in touch”.

  With that, he up and leaves my house. I can’t say I’m surprised, but I had so hoped I would be wrong. I didn’t think I had any tears left, but as soon as he leaves, they start up again.

  I need to pull myself together. I have a shift tonight and I can’t arrive with dark circles under my eyes. I spend the rest of the day trying to keep myself busy. I clean an already clean house with a fury, my legs and arms shaking with fatigue.

  My shift that night is another success, from a monetary perspective anyway. I suppose emotionally it is too. My dancing is cathartic, cleansing. I thought I spied Sawyer lurking in the corner, but then he would disappear so I’m likely just imagining him. Wishful thinking.

  I left my heart out on that dance floor and I don’t know if I’ll ever get it back.

  Chapter Thirty-one

  Sawyer

  I left Cherry’s house in total shock. I’m dumbfounded and sick to my stomach. My throat is tight and I finally break down.

  It all makes sense now. The man following Cherry around is Mark and now that I’ve put two and two together I’d say I should have recognized my half-brother whether he had a hoodie on or not. It must have infuriated him to know she was with me. He threw her away like yesterday’s garbage. He didn’t want her, yet he doesn’t want me to have her either. I wonder now if the whole breakup of his was all just a ploy.

  I drive aimlessly as I sort through everything in my brain. Unfortunately for me I’m picturing Cherry in all manner of sexual positions with my brother. All her little sounds, sighs and moans, and he got to see and hear them first. He stole her virginity, her childhood. I want to fucking kick his face in. What kind of monster does that to a young girl? How can he live with himself? I’m trying and failing to contain the rage in my heart, I need to do something.

  I find myself in front of my parent’s house and I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. They’ve always been the voice of reason for me. I’ve had a good relationship with both of them and for that I’m thankful.

  I pull my helmet off of my head and use the sleeve of my jacket to wipe the tears off of my face. I get to the front door and it opens with Dad on the other side, quietly looking at me.

  “Well come on in then,” he says with his gravelly voice. He walks ahead of me into the den. We pass a mirror and I take a quick look, wincing when I see how red and swollen my eyes are. So much for trying to hide my emotions. I slump down onto the couch as Dad pours us each a drink.

  “Where’s mom?” I look to dad in question.

  “Out with the ladies from the club,” he says with a small smile, “Some urgent shopping thing.” I watch as he shakes his head, but I can tell he’s happy and content. I want that, desperately and thought I had it within my grasp.

  “Have you and mom ever had to deal with something so big that you weren’t sure your relationship would make it?” As soon as the question is out of my mouth I give myself a mental kick. Before I can retract, Dad has smoothly stepped in and answered me.

  “The fact that I cheated was a very big deal for us,” he says honestly. I can tell this isn’t an easy topic for him, but maybe it will help me figure things out.

  “I didn’t think we’d make it. Your mom was so very pissed off at me and wouldn’t look at me, let alone speak with me or hold me.” I can see the memories come over him, I can see they aren’t happy memories from the slump of his shoulders.

  “So how did you overcome it?” I’m curious. Maybe he’s got all the secrets to women and relationships figured out. I watch as he shrugs and I’m startled when I hear mom’s voice.

  “I forgave him,” she says softly. “I thought of only the good, the positive and every day those positive thoughts had my feelings leaning that way as well. If we were going to make it, then we would need to talk about why he cheated in the first place. I can’t let him take all the blame,” she says firmly, “I wasn’t giving him the time of day so no it was no wonder why he went elsewhere.” I sputter, ready to tell her she’s crazy for taking the blame onto herself.

  “Oh don’t get so angry,” she says loudly, “It wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine, it was hard work, but forgiveness can go a long way. That “mistake” taught us how to love one another, fully, even all our flaws.” She finishes that sentence and is standing behind Dad, dropping her hand onto his shoulder. He pats her hand and looks up at her face. Adoration is evident in both of their faces.

  “You need to decide what you can live with,” Dad says, “But remember, you’re only human too. If you want her to accept you and all of your flaws, then you need to accept her and hers.” I nod at dad and tell him I get the concept, but that our situation is somewhat stickier. He quirks an eyebrow at me in question. I know trust is a big deal to Cherry, but I need to talk to somebody about all this, and I trust my parents implicitly.

  “Cherry was abused by her stepdad,” I blurt out as mom gasps bringing her hand to her mouth. “Then in high school her guidance counselor started grooming her, making her believe she wa
s falling in love with him, but in reality he was just using her too.” I see mom shaking her head while she clucks her tongue.

  “That same counselor ended up raping her and another girl from the school filmed it.” I’m crying now, my face wet with tears. I’m ashamed at my emotion, pride getting the best of me. My dad murmurs to me, telling me it’s ok to let it out, that real men do indeed cry.

  “That guy was Mark, Dad,” I say, my voice cracking with emotion. “My brother raped my girl. How am I supposed to get past that? I keep imagining all of the things that he did to her and how he took advantage of her and it makes me sick. I don’t know what to do or how to feel.” Mom is outright crying and I watch as Dad pulls her onto his lap, cuddling her close.

  “Oh son,” he says, “That’s a hard one to handle, but ask yourself this, do you love her? If the answer is yes, then the solution is simple. Go be with her. Accept her, help her move on, that’s all she wants and needs.” My mom is nodding her head in agreement.

  I slap my thighs and stand up quickly.

  “Alright then,” I say, “I’m going to get my girl.” I grab my helmet and stride to the front door, each step I take full of purpose.

  “Thanks for listening, I love you.”

  I’m off to my future, to my girl, if she’ll still have me that is.

  Chapter Thirty-two

  Cherry

  Time passes slowly the next few days. I throw myself into work¸ and dance for as long as Roger lets me. He shook his head at me, and asked me several times if he could be of help, but I decline. I assure him that I will be fine, that I am fine. I’m exhausted and I hope that tonight I’ll actually sleep. The last several nights I’ve been lying on my bed, sleepless, picturing Sawyer’s smiling face. I’m pushing myself physically, hoping that fatigue will kick in, but no such luck.

  I haven’t heard from Sawyer, but then again I really didn’t think I would. I thought I kept seeing him while I was dancing, but I think I’m just chasing shadows, imagining him in every corner. I need to get over it, to get over him. I don’t think I’ll ever love like that again.

  My ride home that night is really nice. Exhilarating. I absolutely love being on the back of my bike. I can’t stop thinking about our last ride together, our day at the beach. Stop punishing yourself by thinking about him. It’s done Cherry, over. Let it go already. I park in my garage, and shut the door behind me. I drag my ass through the house and take my clothes off, stepping under the shower. I give myself a thorough washing, including my hair and I make sure to pull the razor over my legs and through my armpits. After I apply my lotion I pull on a cute little pair of pink sleep shorts and a matching white tank with little pink flowers all over it. I’m about to crawl into bed face first, when there is a knock on my door. I groan aloud and just shake my head.

  I pad down the hall, and wonder who might be at the door. I had likely forgotten something at work so it’s probably Roger. I pull open the door, and stand there my mouth open wide in shock. Again. This is becoming a habit, me standing in a doorway with my mouth wide open.

  Sawyer is standing there with a hesitant smile on his face. “Hi,” he says.

  “What are you doing here,” I ask in a whisper. I stand there for a minute, before catching myself when he says nothing. “Uh…come on in. Can I get you anything to drink?” I’m rambling I think from the shock of seeing him again when I thought I never would. I’m heading towards the kitchen, at a loss for what to do when he stops me and pulls me close to him.

  “Don’t worry about a drink now, just let me hold you,” he says holding me tight. I’m hesitant to wrap my arms around him. I am trying to understand what is going on. He breaks me out of my thoughts. “Maybe, I don’t deserve another chance, but I’m here asking for one. Please forgive me?” He’s pulled his face back so he can look at me. “It was a lot to take in and my heart broke when I heard how you were used and abused. It hurts me to know that my brother played a big part in that, and it makes me sick.” He cups my face in his hands, “But not sick because of you, or disgusted by you, never by you. I love you baby, and I can’t lose you.” He peppers my face with kisses, “I want to be there for you, be your rock, the one you lean on. I want to help you move on from this and create a future with you, a happy one. Cherry, please, forgive me.” he asks quietly. “You’re the other piece to my puzzle, the missing piece. I love you.” He is watching me, waiting for me to speak. I look at this man, tears in my eyes. I don’t deserve someone like him. He has such a big heart and I can barely speak over the lump in my throat.

  “I forgive you Sawyer,” I tell him softly, looking straight into his eyes. “You’ve had my heart since the beginning. You know how badly it’s been misused and treated, please treasure it and take care of it.”

  “Always Cherry. I love you to the moon and back.”

  My heart bursts, my chest so full of happiness. My God, Daddy had always said that to me, and he had always said not to fall in love with just anyone, but to the man who loved me to the moon and back. This man has taught me so much and helped me to learn things about myself. Here is this man, loving me and accepting me. All of me.

  Epilogue

  Cherry

  I told you, my story isn’t a fairytale, but to me, I’m living the dream. I used those difficult moments to teach myself how to overcome, and persevere. It isn’t easy, but with Sawyer at my side, I feel like I can tackle anything.

  Sawyer convinced me to connect with the authorities, and I’m glad I did. The statute of limitations has not run out, meaning the authorities are going after Mr. Avery and pressing charges. Candy and Justin are being charged as well. It’s been difficult facing this, but I have many people in my corner. Sawyer arranged a party to celebrate that the three of them will spend many years in jail. I cried when I saw how many people I have on my side. Looking back, I always felt alone, but all of these people played an important part in my life. Ms. Arnold from the library, Mr. Roland from the diner, Roger, and Fawn, all came to show their support.

  I’m glad it’s all over, and out in the open. It’s allowed me to let go of all my tensions and enjoy the time that Sawyer and I have with one another. We’re getting closer every day and we’ve decided to move in together at Sawyer’s place. While it was difficult leaving my house, as it represented my new beginnings, it was the right thing to do. It’s time for Sawyer and I to move forward and build a future together.

  I told you, every Princess gets her Prince, and I got mine.

  The End