Walk on the Wild Side

by Natalie Anderson

  ‘Do I get to have any say what that decision might be?’

  She looked up at him again. ‘No.’ His gaze sharpened but she held her ground. ‘You don’t know me. You don’t know what decisions I might be contemplating.’

  ‘Then I suggest we get to know each other.’ He walked towards her. ‘Fast.’

  Kelsi stiffened at the aggression in his voice and body. He’d better not be going to get all he-man and decisive. He’d better not get all controlling and telling her what to do. And he’d sure as hell better not be planning on ruining what little of her life there was left to ruin by forcing them into some kind of relationship when he’d never intended one before.

  ‘I’m not leaving, Kelsi.’ He spoke quickly, sounding all action man and making her think that was exactly what he was going to do. ‘I’m not ditching you in the face of disaster. I don’t operate like that. But we can work it out. We can—’

  ‘We’re not getting married.’ She cut him off before he could get out the crazy proposal. ‘I’m not marrying you. It’s not necessary. That sort of thing just doesn’t happen now.’

  His eyes were wide.

  ‘You don’t need to worry,’ she added furiously. ‘I don’t have a father to come running after you with a shotgun. It’s a stupid idea.’

  He paused, seeming to take a minute to breathe. Kelsi needed to sit. She wished he’d leave so she could process this whole thing; his presence was too much to cope with. She really wanted to cry—alone.

  ‘Kelsi,’ he said quietly. ‘I don’t want to get married either. I’ve no intention of ever getting married.’

  Kelsi went prickly hot all over. He didn’t? Oh, could the floor open up and swallow her now—please?

  ‘You’re right.’ His voice softened further still. ‘People don’t marry because of unplanned pregnancies any more.’

  While she totally agreed, somehow him saying it made her angry. His brutal honesty hurt. ‘Some people don’t go through with unplanned pregnancies either.’

  The sharp intake of breath and the leaping in his eyes almost made her take a step back. ‘I don’t want this right now,’ she said harshly. ‘I have a career to build, I need to work—’

  ‘You don’t need to worry about money,’ he said furiously. ‘I will support you and the child.’

  ‘No.’ Her shoulders slumped. ‘You don’t need to. You don’t need to worry. Just forget about it.’ She didn’t want him thinking he had to do anything.

  He was white around the lips. ‘You’re going to get rid of it.’

  She closed her eyes, holding back the tears. ‘No,’ she said softly. ‘I’m sorry but that’s not an option for me.’

  She was the result of an unplanned pregnancy herself, the offspring of a shotgun wedding. So she knew all too well how those kinds of marriages failed. But she was grateful for her life. It wasn’t this child’s fault. She would love this child no matter that its conception was unintended. She’d made the mistake, but she wouldn’t let her child suffer for it.

  He turned away from her, lifting his arm and rubbing the side of his neck. ‘Don’t be sorry,’ he said eventually. ‘I’m glad.’

  It was long moments before Kelsi could breathe again.

  ‘We’ll work it out.’ He faced her again.

  She held up her hand. She just didn’t want to hear the platitudes. ‘We don’t have to do anything. I do.’ She sighed. ‘Let’s not have this conversation tonight.’

  ‘Kelsi,’ he asked softly. ‘Where’s your mum?’

  She winced. How on earth was she going to tell her? She’d tried so hard to be the success her mother had wanted her to be. She didn’t want to let her down and she just had. She’d never been able to meet her father’s standard in looks, but for her mother she’d ensured she met the requirements—a good girl, with good grades and good attitude and good prospects. Not some hedonistic fool who’d throw it all away with a lust-filled romp with a stranger on a beach. How could she admit that folly? She couldn’t bear to lose her mother’s approval, too. Not when it had been so hard won.

  When Kelsi answered it was a barely audible whisper. ‘I’m not talking to her about this yet.’

  Jack felt really bad now. She looked so small, so vulnerable. So damned vulnerable. And he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out. Just to comfort, just a little. But she flinched back from his touch and looked wildly angry with him.

  ‘Don’t.’ She glared at him.

  OK, fair enough. He wasn’t feeling that Disney happy either right now. He was worried—about her—in more ways than he wanted to admit to her or to himself. ‘You haven’t had dinner.’

  ‘I’m not hungry.’

  Nor was he. But it gave him reason to stick around. ‘I’ll go get something. Be back in twenty. We can talk some more then.’

  A little cool-down time would be good for them both. His knee twinged as he strode to the row of shops down the end of the street but it wasn’t as bad as the stabbing thoughts in his head. He’d never wanted to be responsible for anyone. He’d taken great care not to lead any lover on, or let anyone think themselves attached to him. He just wasn’t ready for family commitments and he didn’t think he’d ever be. He liked the thrill of variety and challenge—professionally and personally. He also liked to keep his distance from anything messy. That meant short, hot flings that ended in a nice friendship.

  He liked his freedom. He needed it so he could concentrate on his career.

  But there was something so galling about being told outright, from the outset, that he wasn’t required. That any responsibility he felt wasn’t necessary and nor was anything else he might want to offer. It annoyed him. And it made him Mr Contrary. For one crazy half-moment he’d even felt like insisting she marry him. Just to let her know she wasn’t as self-sufficient as she thought. Because she wasn’t. Sure, she had a job and car and everything, but she was renting and it wasn’t as if she was rich. And he wasn’t going to be easily sidelined.

  But the truth was marriage hadn’t even occurred to him until she’d pre-emptively refused him. Besides, he couldn’t exactly force her.

  Sanity prevailed. She was right, they didn’t need to get married. He’d support their child—financially—of course he would. Hell, that was the one thing he could really offer. He knew how hard it had been for his father in the early years, trying to start up a business while caring for a baby on his own. Financial security had become his priority. At least Kelsi didn’t have to worry about that. In that way Jack could give her a lot.

  But, no, he wasn’t going to be around full-time. His life just didn’t work that way, but that didn’t mean he should be ousted completely—which Kelsi obviously wanted. She was slicing the ground from beneath him. He really hadn’t expected her to turn mother tiger on him and try to evict the male. In those minutes when he’d been waiting for the results he’d envisaged tearful scenes with her leaning on his shoulder, weak and helpless and needy. The reality of her rejection was far worse than the nightmare.

  And then there was the brutal physical impact of pregnancy. He couldn’t stop the worst-case scenario fears from spreading in his system like snake venom, threatening to shut down his vital organs, most especially his brain. Kelsi was petite—he remembered his hesitance on the beach when he worried he’d crush her—so the thought of her bearing the burden of his baby?

  Terrifying.

  His child could kill her. He knew. Because having him had killed his mother. Less than two hours after his birth, she’d gone.

  He walked faster, trying to flee the fear and recover rational thought.

  It wasn’t going to happen. He wouldn’t let it. Kelsi would have nothing but the best of medical care. His mother had had none. History would not repeat.

  Twenty minutes later he was no less angry, no less determined, no less devastated as he walked back into Kelsi’s flat with a couple of cartons of noodles. Neither of them touched them.

  ‘It’s going to be fine.’ She smiled but
it wasn’t a natural one. ‘It’s all going to be OK.’

  ‘Oh?’ He stopped. She still had her back pressed against the window, as far away from him as possible.

  ‘Sure.’ She nodded. ‘I have a good job. I have no worries financially. It won’t be easy, but it’ll be doable.’

  Somehow that didn’t make him feel any better. Now she was suggesting she didn’t even want his money? Ridiculous. Doing it alone wasn’t easy—even with only one child. His instincts sharpened—body becoming even more battle ready. ‘What will you do with the baby?’

  ‘When it comes I can keep working from home. Later I can return to the office part-time and work my hours back up as it gets older.’

  ‘You’ve thought all this through,’ he said, not keeping the sarcasm out.

  She looked cool. ‘Funnily enough, I haven’t been able to think of much else.’

  OK, so he knew it was the twenty-first century and all and there were plenty of working mothers out there, plenty of solo mothers, too, but there was that basic instinct in him now rearing its head up from the cave it had been born in, saying the man ought to provide for his woman and child. And there was another instinct rising, too, threatening to override everything—his need for this woman, pushing him to do what he’d been dreaming of for ever. ‘And where did you see me fitting in with this?’

  ‘I don’t.’

  ‘Pardon?’ Jack couldn’t control the snap of his muscles.

  ‘I already said you don’t need to worry about it.’ Kelsi looked away from the wild expression in his eyes ‘I can manage just fine on my own.’ And she could. And she would.

  ‘Really.’ He looked furious. ‘OK, let’s say, for a second, that that’s true.’ He walked towards her, his anger surging ahead of him in an invisible cloud. ‘Let’s say you can manage just fine on your own and you don’t need me.’

  Kelsi froze, despite her instinct screaming at her to run. And then it was too late. He swiftly pulled her into his arms—lifting her right off her feet. Her heart thundered at the feel of his hard strength pressed so close to her. And it almost beat right out of her chest as his mouth descended.

  Her whole body convulsed as his lips pressed hard on hers. It was anger she tasted, but also passion. And she couldn’t do anything except put her hands around his neck and hold on. She tried so hard to stop the spinning inside but she couldn’t contain her response, couldn’t stop herself softening, opening for him and feeling the rush of desire for more. He was all strength, all heat. And all fury.

  She shuddered deeply again as he ravaged, showing her no mercy, kissing her until she succumbed completely—not just to his desire, but to her own. Until suddenly she was kissing him back as keenly and as wildly. Until just as suddenly she panicked and pushed him away, hard.

  He dropped her and she gasped.

  ‘What do we do about that?’ he demanded.

  Kelsi quickly took three paces away, her emotions tossed about like corks on a stormy sea. What was he thinking kissing her like that? ‘You think complicating this even more is a good idea?’ she demanded shakily.

  ‘It’s that complicated already. I don’t think this is going to make much difference.’

  ‘You’ve got to be kidding.’

  ‘I still want you.’

  Absolute fury overruled her. ‘You want anything that moves.’

  His head jerked back, rigid with shock. Oh, she’d over-stepped it now. But she didn’t care. She could hardly speak for the anger. So angry with him but even more angry with herself—that in this moment, when her life was about to go through the shredder, she was still turned on by him. She was breathless from one itty-bitty kiss, she was thinking about sex instead of the far more serious issue she had ahead of her. That anger made her even bitchier. ‘How often have you done it? You take many women there? Is it your usual modus operandi? Take them to the beach and seduce them stupid in the sand?’

  ‘If that was the case, don’t you think I’d have had the sense to carry more than one condom on me?’ he shouted back. ‘Yes, I’ve had lovers, Kelsi, but I’ve never taken anyone else to that beach. I’ve never done that in the middle of the day like that before. I’ve never blown off meetings that I should have been in all afternoon just to spend a few more moments with some weird-looking woman who just tried to run me over. It was a first for me, too. These are all firsts.’

  Weird-looking. Of course.

  ‘Why don’t you just walk away, Jack?’ she pleaded desperately. ‘I release you from any obligation. Walk away, forget about me. The baby and I will be fine.’

  ‘I can’t do that, Kelsi,’ he said furiously. ‘As much as I would like to take you up on that offer, I just can’t do it.’

  As much as he wanted to.

  Now she hurt even more. ‘Why not? You need your freedom, Jack. You like going from season to season. You said yourself your lifestyle doesn’t fit with family. And that’s OK. This isn’t about you. This is about what’s best for the baby. Walking away now is the best thing you could do.’

  He had to see that this wasn’t going to work. That it wouldn’t be fair on any of them if they tried to force something that hadn’t been meant to be.

  He froze, then took the three paces to tower over her again. ‘Walking away might be the best option for you Kelsi, but it is not for our child. And you will never get me to believe it is. A child deserves to have two parents who love it.’

  What—as her father had ‘loved’ her? Who’d let her down time after time? Her father, a player just like Jack, who’d always put fun before family. And who’d then found a more perfect daughter to replace her.

  ‘Are you capable of loving it, Jack?’ she flung back at him, ancient hurts making her shrill. ‘Are you capable of being there for it? Of being responsible?’

  When the silence became too uncomfortable she finally looked up at him. He was pale, the energy barely contained in his rigid stance. Kelsi knew his anger before was nothing on the blazing fury he was feeling now.

  ‘I don’t need you to lecture me on what kind of parent I should be,’ he said, scarily quiet. ‘You know nothing about me, Kelsi, but I can promise you that’s about to change.’ He turned. ‘I’m leaving now before either of us says something else regrettable. I’ll be in touch tomorrow.’

  The heavy wooden door slammed, shaking the foundations of the building that had stood rock solid for the best part of a century.

  CHAPTER SIX

  SHE knew nothing? She knew enough. And Kelsi knew she was right. She didn’t want to trap Jack. He had his life, his plans and they didn’t fit with family. And she didn’t want her child to have a father who wandered in and out of its life—who let the kid down time and time again. She knew how much that sucked. So many times as a girl she’d hoped that her dad would show up when he’d said he would. But he never had. She knew how bad it had felt when he’d found another family he’d rather be with. Rejection like that dug in so deep it was a part of you. A part that was impossible to shed.

  Kelsi would do whatever it took to prevent that from happening to her baby. Her baby would be better off without a father at all than one who hurt it like that. And while Jack’s intentions might be good, it was only a matter of time before he let them down. So she had to convince him it was fine for him to go—somehow.

  But he rang first thing.

  ‘How can I help?’ she asked, as if she were a receptionist taking a customer service call.

  ‘Kelsi, don’t act dumb. We have to talk.’ How could he sound so good-humoured again?

  ‘Actually we don’t, Jack.’ She braced herself and made her move. ‘In fact I think it’s better if we don’t see each other again.’

  ‘You what?’

  ‘We should end it all here and now.’ She held her breath, waiting for the bomb to explode.

  All he did was laugh. ‘You actually think that’s possible?’

  ‘Sure.’ She was so glad he couldn’t see her shaking.

  ‘You’re
not doing this on your own, Kelsi.’

  ‘Watch me,’ she said. ‘My mother managed. Millions of women manage.’

  ‘You don’t have to just manage.’

  She gripped the phone harder. Oh, yes, she did. And she would.

  The silence curdled.

  ‘I’ll be seeking joint custody,’ he said, all good humour gone.

  Kelsi gaped. The temperature plummeted fifteen degrees with just those few words. ‘You’re kidding.’ He had to be. It would totally ruin his social life. Not to mention all his overseas adventures. This was just him not used to losing, right?

  ‘Not at all. I’m going to be involved, Kelsi.’

  She shivered. The temperature was free-falling now—global warming was a myth, the ice age was back.

  ‘Well, OK.’ She inhaled. ‘You can try to do that.’ And if he actually did try, she’d fight him every inch of the way. But she rallied—sure that in nine months’ time he’d have lost interest—he’d be consumed by another competition, and another ten or so women to seduce into his bed. ‘But until this baby is born we don’t need to see each other again. You can contact me through your lawyer after the baby arrives.’

  The silence was so long she wondered if he’d hung up. She looked at the phone.

  ‘Kelsi?’ He spoke with that sub-zero, too-controlled tone.

  ‘What?’ Her nerves snapped one by one, like the strands of a rope being rubbed over a sharp knife.

  ‘Don’t think about running away.’

  She hung up on him and made herself get ready for work. She went with black contacts—reflecting her funereal mood. Leaving was not an option for her. She didn’t want to give up the life she was building here—the reputation for superb performance at work. More than that, she didn’t want to go home and confess all to her mother—she’d been so proud of Kelsi’s achievements. And Kelsi had done everything her mother had wanted—she’d got out of the small home town, gone to university, gone on to get a great job and rented the tiny-but-cute flat in a fantastic part of the city. She’d done everything the snobs her mother cleaned for had thought she’d never do. And her mother had been pleased and proud of her.