Let It Be Me

by Tiara Bosh

  Kayla looked at Alex and was surprised to see his jaw clench, like he was angry. “What was this, just a fling for you?”

  Kayla couldn’t answer. Wasn’t that what he wanted?

  “Are you seeing someone?” he asked gruffly.

  Despite all the jumbled thoughts, Kayla remembered Chad. “No one serious,” she answered truthfully.

  Alex looked like she just punched him in the gut.

  Kayla was slightly confused why he seemed so bothered. The possibility of them being together seemed unfathomable for her. How could he think it would work between them?

  “Did you think we would be able to continue with this? Alex, for one, you forget that you are my client,” she reminded, standing up and she started pacing the room. “I’ve broken so many rules this weekend.”

  “Fuck the rules,” Alex said furiously, slamming his hand on the table that the saucers rattled, startling her. “Don’t use that reason. I thought that I’ve proved myself to you already, Kayla, but I guess it wasn’t enough. You think I was going to look for a way out after this weekend? I didn’t think this was a fling, Kayla. Or the start of an affair. I thought we had something here.”

  Kayla couldn’t respond because that was what she was thinking. And she was stunned by his admission. She looked away out of guilt.

  “How could we work out, Alex?” she asked meekly, clutching at her jogging pants as she continued moving around. “We’re from different worlds. You’re still the jock from high school. I’m the boring geek.”

  “Kayla, we’ve already discussed about this,” Alex debated, and he sounded like he was holding on to the last of his patience. “You told me you weren’t an insecure person before. I’ve reminded you repeatedly how much you fascinate me.”

  “Dammit, if I had known how much Barry hurt your self-esteem I should have broken his nose yesterday,” Alex continued heatedly. She saw him hold on tightly to the butter knife he was holding. She walked over to take the knife away from his grip. She placed it on one of the saucers. She stood in front of him.

  But she thought about what he said. She didn’t know if it was really because of Barry. She was okay when she was still in school in her own little world. But that was because she never really tried or expected to date the popular jock.

  “Maybe I was wrong,” she admitted, as the realization sunk in. “Maybe I’ve been insecure all along.”

  “We all have our insecurities, Kayla, we just have to learn to deal,” Alex said. He reached out and held on to her arms, looking up with his patience back in place.

  “And what are your fears?” he asked. “Do you think that I will go back to my past life partying with fashion models? I’m not proud of that stage of my life. But I’ve been trying to show you that I’m not that guy anymore. I want to be there for you. Trust me, Kayla.”

  That broke her heart. She wanted to trust him, really. Or maybe it wasn’t herself she couldn’t trust. She looked away. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes.

  He stood up while still hold on to her, forcing Kayla to take a step back.

  “That first time we bumped into each other and then when we met in your office party, I wanted you,” he said in a more somber tone. “But I was my old self then. I didn’t treat you well, I admit. But things changed when I watched you in the first presentation. I knew you were different. That’s when I think I started to fall. You saved me from what I was before.” His voice cracked.

  Kayla remembered his remark before about her saving him. He really meant it.

  Kayla still didn’t have the courage to look at him and see what he was going through. She was already having a hard time keeping her tears from falling.

  Alex put his finger under her chin to raise her head up. Her eyes rimmed with tears, she looked up at his eyes that screamed out his hurt and longing.

  “I love you, Kayla,” he declared.

  She gasped.

  Overcome by his words, she broke away from his touch and walked to the edge of his bed and sat down. She bent down to cover her face with her hands and started crying.

  She cared for Alex.

  Loved? She honestly didn’t know.

  She’s never really loved anyone outside her family. Barry, she didn’t really think she loved since she never really opened herself to him. He was just someone she got used to. If she continued seeing Chad, it would just be the same case.

  And it was Alex Stone! Was he for real?

  She suddenly heard him approach her and felt him as he knelt down in front of her, resting one of his hands on her knee and the other stroking her hair back. “Is it more time you need?” he asked now with a gentler tone. “I can wait for you.”

  “I can’t ask you to do that,” Kayla said remorsefully.

  She saw Alex bend to rest his forehead on her knees. She wanted to reach out to him, but she decided not to.

  They stayed that way for a few minutes. Part of her wanted to reach out and comfort him. She wished she could offer him what he wanted but she was unable to.

  “We better go home then,” Alex said roughly after a while, standing up.

  Knowing it was for the best, Kayla slowly stood up to head to her room.

  Back in the car half an hour later, they were both quiet. The ride back was torturous. Kayla hoped she could just fall asleep through it, but she wouldn’t stop thinking how she hurt Alex and how he didn’t deserve it.

  She tried to stop the tears, but she couldn’t help it. Her nose was running and she was starting to get a headache. She was searching through her purse for some tissue when a handkerchief was placed on her lap.

  Without looking at him, she took and quickly wiped her nose, as a new wave of tears came. She should have said “thank you” but she was just reminded of how thoughtful Alex was even if she didn’t deserve it.

  As Roy parked the car in front of her townhouse for what seemed like forever, Alex automatically went out the car, but Kayla didn’t wait for him to open the door for her. She stepped out and met him at the back of the car. She couldn’t look up at him still.

  Roy opened the trunk and Alex helped Kayla get her bags. She took them from him and finally willed herself to look up, and painfully saw the hurt in his face mirroring her own. His eyes were red, and it broke Kayla’s heart further into smaller pieces.

  “Kayla--”

  “I’m so sorry, Alex,” she tearfully said, turning around and jogged to her door. She couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

  She quickly unlocked her door. It was a battle because her tears were blurring her vision. She didn’t look back to see if Alex has gone back inside the car. She didn’t hear anything. Everything was muted out by the thump in her chest and her sniffles.

  As soon as she was inside, she dropped to the floor and bawled her eyes out. She realized she was still clutching on his handkerchief, making her cry harder.

  Alex was a great man, but she didn’t feel she deserved him and she didn’t want to hurt him further.

  She convinced herself that it was for the best.

  In time he would see that too.

  Chapter 22

  Kayla dared to go to work the following day. She wasn’t the type to escape from her responsibilities when she was down.

  She only ran away from people.

  She immersed herself in work since that was what she was best at. It was also how she coped when Barry left her.

  Observant girl as Jenny was, as soon as she saw Kayla that Monday morning she asked, “Are you feeling okay? Did you catch something?”

  And Kayla thought she was able to cover it up with makeup well.

  “Just tired,” Kayla said. It was part of the truth. She knew she promised Jenny she would talk to her one day, but she just wasn’t up to it right then.

  “Must have been quite a weekend for you,” Jenny said.

  Kayla would never forget the weekend. She was sure of it.

  “It was my cousin’s wedding in the Hamptons,” Kayla offered, as Jen
ny followed her into her office.

  “Oh how exciting!” Jenny exclaimed. Weddings were one of Jenny’s things obviously. “So what did you wear?”

  Kayla honestly didn’t want to talk about it, but Jenny looked really interested. She didn’t want to push Jenny away too.

  “The dress I wore in the office party a few months back,” she said as she took her seat and booted up her computer.

  “Ooh, you looked really good in that dress,” Jenny said.

  Alex thought so too.

  The thought of him suddenly made her limp, and tears that she thought has already run out were threatening to pour.

  “Jen, let’s continue our talk later,” Kayla said maybe a bit too hastily. She didn’t want Jenny to see her lose her cool. “I forgot I needed to make an urgent phone call.”

  Jenny looked at her a bit oddly – most likely not buying her excuse – then nodded. “Sure. Later then.”

  Once Kayla was alone in her room, she swiveled her chair till she was facing out the window. She took several breaths to calm herself down. After around five minutes, she felt slightly better – and that wasn’t saying much. She turned to her screen to check her email messages. In time, she was absorbed in the numerous emails that piled up over the weekend. Construction went on Saturdays even when most offices didn’t work, so Kayla was used to the pile of messages that greeted her every Monday morning.

  It took her almost the whole morning to respond to all of them as she also got business calls in between. It was past eleven when her mobile phone started to ring.

  Feeling a bit scared to see who it was, it took a couple of rings until Kayla reached for her phone. She saw Chad’s name. Kayla still felt uneasy seeing that it was him.

  She felt like she cheated on him even if they haven’t reached the point when they were exclusive.

  “Hi,” she said.

  “Hey, Kayla,” he greeted, “How was the wedding?”

  “It was okay.”

  “I missed you this weekend,” he admitted, causing Kayla’s guilt to surface since she hardly thought of him. “Maybe we can meet over lunch?”

  Knowing she needed to talk to him, but didn’t want to in the middle of the day, she said, “I can’t lunch. How about we meet at Brew Kettle tonight? Nine?”

  “Okay, that would be great,” he said.

  Unfortunately he didn’t know what Kayla was going to say.

  That night, he was already waiting for her at the bar even when Kayla got there seven minutes early.

  “Hey,” he said, standing up. He leaned down to kiss her on her cheek.

  “Hi,” Kayla said nervously. “Can we move to a table?”

  “I reserved the same table,” Chad said, grinning.

  Chad rested his hand on the middle of her back, leading her to the table from when they first went out together. Kayla wished he didn’t choose that table. It was her fault – she was the one who suggested the place.

  As soon as Chad sat across from her, Kayla knew she couldn’t prolong it.

  “Chad, there was something I needed to say,” she said, playing with the bracelet on her left wrist. “You’re a great guy and I enjoy your company, but I don’t want to continue seeing you and leading you on. I thought I was already ready, but it turns out now just isn’t a good time for me.”

  Kayla was looking at Chad as she spoke and she saw his face transform from anticipation to disappointment. She couldn’t believe she was breaking another heart so soon. But she knew it was the right thing to do.

  “I’m in no hurry, Kayla,” he said, trying. Kayla bent her head, remembering Alex offering her time too.

  Kayla shook her head. “I’m not the one for you,” she said contritely. “I’m so sorry.”

  Chad tried to smile. “Somehow I sensed that we weren’t on the same page. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve met, Kayla. Guess I wasn’t that lucky.”

  “Don’t think that,” Kayla exclaimed. “You deserve someone much better than me.”

  “That’s hard to believe,” Chad said.

  “Chad, I’ve got so much baggage,” Kayla admitted. “In the long run, you’re better off without me. I’m sure it won‘t be long till some incredible girl will come and sweep you off your feet. And she will see the same remarkable guy that I met. I’m not just saying this, okay? I totally mean it.”

  Kayla stood up and said, “I better go.”

  Chad stood up too.

  Kayla instinctively walked to his side of the table and hugged him. “I hope one day we can be friends, but it’s okay if you don’t want to be.”

  “I would like to be friends,” he said.

  Kayla looked up at him and smiled. She didn’t really count on what he said. Maybe she’s just that jaded.

  “Thank you for treating me well,” she said.

  She quickly walked away. Part of her felt slightly free – at least when it came to Chad.

  But there was still a tightness in her chest as she realized she was alone again.

  Knowing she had a lot to think about, she decided to walk her way home. It would only take less than half an hour. She needed all the time to clear her head, and she knew the walk home still wouldn’t be enough.

  She just made it through a couple blocks when she had a strange feeling that someone was following her. She looked back, probably thinking it would be Chad, but she didn’t see him over the heads of the people walking at that time of night. Suspecting something odd, she walked at a faster pace, her chest starting to thump. She still had that sense that she was being followed. She doesn’t really get too scared easily, but she was just being extra sensitive then.

  She looked towards the street, looking if there was a cab driving by, but so far the ones she saw were occupied. She chose to walk the part of the sidewalk where there were more people walking, hoping she would blend in.

  Her ears already ringing, she looked around frantically, when she spied a cab slowing down and a passenger ready to get out. She sprang for it, hoping to get there first. And luckily she got there in time. She opened the passenger door even before the previous passenger was able to step out. She quickly said a prayer of thanks.

  She gave her address, her voice shaking.

  The driver nodded. As the car started to move, she looked out the window to see if there was anything or anyone suspicious outside, but she didn’t see anything.

  She better get a grip. She might just be losing her mind.

  Chapter 23

  She went through the next weeks mechanically.

  Her heart broke every time she visited the Stone Homes construction site. But she still spent extra time at site, thinking that despite everything else, she at least was able to help Alex realize his vision.

  It was Henry who was there to meet her. He told her that Alex dropped by when his schedule was free. Kayla was glad they haven’t crossed paths yet. She wasn’t ready to face him yet. She was also scared to face Ben.

  But it didn’t take long till that happened.

  It was three weeks after Deirdre’s wedding when Ben attended the site meeting. Kayla was nervous throughout the meeting, but she thought she hid it well.

  Kayla thought about hurrying out of the site office as soon as the meeting ended, but she knew she had to be professional. Just like the old meetings, Ben stayed back for a bit.

  Kayla was busying herself fixing her stuff, unable to look at Ben. But she sensed as he approached her.

  “Kayla,” he called.

  She slowly looked up at him, still nervous. Though not as tall as Alex, Ben was still a few inches taller than her.

  “I know it’s not my place to say, but I really hope you give him a chance,” he said. Knowing how close those two were, she wasn’t surprised Alex has clued him in on how Kayla has hurt him.

  “You didn’t see how much he has changed back to his old self since he met you,” he continued. “And not just hid old self. A better version of his old self. Until he met you, it was only the foundation th
at reminded him of who he was before the fame.”

  Kayla wasn’t able to respond to him, just nodded to show him she was listening.

  “He hasn’t looked at any woman, Kayla, if that’s what you’re thinking,” he said. “There was that one time we were at Harvest. He said he invited you to be there.”

  Kayla bobbed her head after a while, remembering the photos she saw of him on the blog Jenny showed her.

  “As usual girls were plastering themselves on him, but he was seriously pushing them away. He just kept telling me that he wished you were there.”

  Kayla gasped. She took his text message that night lightly, but he actually missed her.

  “He practically let go of that lifestyle after that night,” Ben disclosed. “It’s just been work and the foundation for him. And you. He was always so excited about this project. And he wouldn’t stop talking about you.”

  “He can get tired of me, Ben,” she said, voicing out one of her fears. She doesn’t know if Alex told Ben about her and Barry.

  “You’ll never know unless you at least try, Kayla,” he advised. “But I honestly think that Alex knows you’re the one for him.”

  Kayla remained quiet.

  “Alex mentioned you were seeing someone,” Ben said.

  Kayla shook her head, looking down at her file of folders. “Not anymore,” she said, just a little louder than a whisper.

  She thought she heard a sigh of relief from Ben.

  “Please think about it, Kayla,” Ben said.

  Kayla nodded.

  “Thanks for not judging me, Ben,” she said, suddenly feeling like crying. “Of course your loyalty lies with Alex. And I know I hurt him.”

  “You look like you’re hurting too,” Ben observed.

  Kayla bit her lip, willing herself not to cry.

  “I’m sorry, Kayla,” Ben said. “Don’t worry. This is the only time I will get in the middle of this. I just wanted to say my piece. I won’t bring it up again.”

  Kayla nodded, as Ben walked away.