My Forever (The Next Door Boys)

by Jolene B Perry

  His fingertips stroke my cheek, sending waves through me.

  “I’m sorry.” He sits up.

  I feel like I’ve been dropped. I don’t say anything, and am afraid to look at him. I’m such an idiot.

  He takes a few deep breaths and the awkward silence pushes between us. “You know I leave in a few months,” he whispers quietly.

  I know this. I’ve watched him fill out paperwork for his mission and heard the excitement in the voices of him, his sister, and his mother. I don’t move. I want for him to not care. I want him to lie next to me, put his arms around me, and let me fall asleep there. This is what I want, and it’s impossible.

  “Goodnight, Dani,” he whispers. He reaches back, picks up his pillow and heads for his room.

  “Goodnight.” I whisper back, but he’s already gone.

  I heave my growing body up and go to my room. With no Michael, there’s no point to staying on the floor.

  I sit up in bed with my hands on my little round stomach. Then I feel it. The most distinct little jab at my insides. My breath catches. I look down. It’s not just a growing stomach anymore. It’s a person. A teeny, tiny, little person.

  “Wow. Is that you in there?” I whisper to my belly. “That was quite a kick for a teeny little thing.” I smile. My heart and chest flutters at the excitement and the magic of this simple moment. This is what it feels like to be pregnant. This is one of the small joys I’ll get to have in this experience. I won’t be alone for a while. Even though I know this littler person inside me is temporary, right now, and for the first time, it’s kind of nice.

  “We need to sleep little baby and figure out what on earth we’re going to do.” I lie down on my side smiling about my pregnancy for the first time since the beginning.

  15

  After a week of packing up the house, we’re on the airplane. We split up in Seattle. I’m part sad and part relieved to not be around Tracy and Michael’s mother.

  Michael and I head out to the curb to wait for his dad, and Tracy and Collette leave for Utah.

  Michael has yet to indicate that anything passed between us on graduation night. Right now I’m too nervous to settle into another house and another life to care. The sun is shining and it’s hot. Really hot. Hot like Alaska never gets hot.

  I keep closing my eyes and tilting my face toward the sky. I’m so far loving my first few minutes in Seattle. Michael doesn’t have much with him. His father will be buying him a work/mission wardrobe soon after our arrival. I too have very little. It’s everything I own. Kind of sucks that it all fits into one small suitcase.

  Michael sighs as a small convertible BMW pulls up in front of us. It honks twice as it stops by the curb.

  “I’m sorry, I know you wanted your dad but I couldn’t help myself!” A girl with white blond hair, tan skin and blue eyes, smiles widely.

  “Hey, Jackie.” Michael smiles back, giving me a sideways glance as he does it.

  She bounds out of the car, looking every bit the kind of preened young woman who would drive a car like that, and throws her arms around him. She hugs him tightly, long enough for Michael to look at me and roll his eyes. She’s perfectly thin, a few inches taller than me (not hard) and completely gorgeous.

  She looks at me then. “Isn’t he just the cutest thing? And so good, and so far behind me in school.” She laughs. “And you’re Dani!” She throws her arms around me like I’m some long lost sister or something. I’m not sure what to do. I look at Michael over her shoulder. I must have an odd expression because he laughs a little as Jackie keeps her arms around me.

  “Oh! And look at your belly! It’s the cutest little thing.” She pulls away and puts her hands on my stomach. I stare at Michael again. I can’t be anything but happy around someone who’s so exuberant. She’s like Barbie on speed.

  “It’s nice to meet you.” I finally get out.

  “Oh! You too! I’ll be so glad to have someone else living in my house. It’s lonely there , but I don’t like any of my friends enough to want them to live with me.” She wrinkles her tiny little nose. “Michael said he couldn’t imagine anyone not getting along with Dani. Well, except your parents I guess.” She shrugs, still smiling. She’s honest. At least I’ll know where I stand with her at all times.

  “Hey, Jackie?” Michael is staring at her, eyes wide. “Maybe that’s not the best thing to bring up, eh?”

  “Oh, right.” She flashes me another smile. “Well, let’s get your things. There’s dinner at my parent’s house tonight, and then we’ll head to our place in the morning. I can tell already it’s going to be a late night, and I don’t like going home in the dark.”

  “And how old are you?” Michael teases.

  “Only two years older than you little brother.” She winks back at him. “You take the front, Dani. I know Michael’s too big for the backseat, but you’re pregnant. I also really love watching tall people scramble to fit back there.” She throws him a smile as she hops into the driver’s side. Michael crams himself into the backseat with both of our bags. He doesn’t even attempt to use the door.

  I step into the nicest car I’ve ever ridden in. The leather is soft and everything looks like it shouldn’t be touched. What am I doing here?

  “Do you know what you’re having yet?” Jackie asks.

  “No. I meet my new doctor next week, and I’ll find out then.” I can talk. That’s good to know, though it seems as if it won’t be necessary often. Not while Jackie’s around.

  “Cool! Can I come?” she asks. “I mean, I know we just met, but I’d love to see the ultrasound.”

  “Sure.” I can’t imagine anyone finding that interesting. “It might be a little boring though.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind. I work in my dad’s law office on the days I want to unless there’s something really urgent going on. Now, that’s boring.” Her eyes widen as she looks across the center console at me.

  “I thought your dad was in real estate.”

  “Nope, that’s Michael’s dad you’re thinking of,” she corrects me.

  “Right.” I look around at the tall trees as we drive away from the airport, and I take in the warm air. I’ve always loved Seattle, but we didn’t come here much, even when we only lived a few hours away. I let my hair out of my knotted up ponytail and feel the wind. It’s delightful.

  ~ ~ ~

  Everything turns into a blur as we pull up to Michael’s Dad’s house. He comes out in his massive height and white smiling glory to pull everyone into a huge hug. His wife, Heidi, some sort of supermodel turned sophisticated-looking woman, hugs with the same enthusiasm as Jackie. There would be no mistaking her for anyone but Jackie’s mother. They look exactly alike.

  I’m tense and almost frantic to keep Michael close by because this is all so foreign for me. The house is unreal, like something off Cribs. The foyer is all marble floors, decorative vases and closets that can’t be seen when you first walk in. I step into a living room that’s two stories of windows looking out onto Lake Washington. Everything is beige, white and soft blues. Every item in the room feels like it all just belongs here, the artwork, the furniture... I’m afraid to sit and afraid to touch anything.

  “Are you okay?” Michael’s hand is warm on my shoulder.

  “I have no idea.” I stare out the windows at the boats taking advantage of this beautiful day.

  “Are you sorry you came?”

  “It wouldn’t hit the list of things I’m sorry about, no. But it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t belong here.” I face him.

  His eyes look at me like always, with warmth and comfort. “Of course you do. They’re all so full of things to say you’ll be able to sit back and observe—I know how you like that.”

  I do like that. The fact that Michael knows I like that makes it even better.

  “Come on, let’s go find out where Heidi got dinner from.” He puts his arm over my shoulder to lead me into the kitchen.

  The conversation doesn’t pau
se when we walk into the kitchen. No one makes a second glance at Michael’s hand over my shoulder and even when his hand slides off, he doesn’t move away.

  I expect to feel like the poor pregnant girl, but I don’t. Not here. The night goes by quickly. I’m not questioned or grilled , but I don’t feel ignored either. My eyes start to close as I sink lower into the couch.

  “Let me show you your room.” Michael stands up. “Actually, Heidi, which one is her room?”

  “Second on the left.” Her gaze shifts from Michael to me. “I’m really glad you’re here, Dani. We’ll see you in the morning. Don’t be afraid to ask for anything that might be missing from your room.”

  “Thank you.” What a pathetic thing to say for what they’re doing, but what other words are there? I need to find new ways of saying thanks.

  I don’t know how many bedrooms are in the house, but it’s a lot. More than my parents have for eight kids. Well, seven. We go up a wide flight of stairs and I keep looking around, waiting for the house to stop.

  “Thanks for coming here with me,” he says as he sets my bag in my room. As if I’m the one that needs thanking. “I’m sure it’s a little overwhelming.”

  “Everything is overwhelming right now,” I admit. “I’m just trying to go with it.” I try to smile at him so he knows I’m okay. I can tell he’s worried. “I don’t even know how to thank you.” I pause. “I prayed for a way to get out of Alaska.”

  His grin fills his face. “I’m glad. Goodnight, Dani.” He pulls me into a soft, slow hug. We stand together for a few moments, only my growing belly keeping us apart. There can’t be any mistaking this, can there?

  “Night.” We stare at each other for a minute. I stand next to my neatly made queen sized bed in a perfectly decorated beige and blue room and watch him walk out, closing the door behind him. What a crazy situation this is.

  ~ ~ ~

  Jackie pulls her car into her space for the houseboat community she lives in and uses an electronic card to get us through the gate. We immediately start down a ramp leading down to the water. I’m just following her and Michael, trying to let it sink in that I’ll be living here.

  Thick trees line the sides of the walkway. The dock is wide. As soon as we hit the water, the homes start. There are long docks stretching away from each side of the main dock, each having homes attached to both sides. Her house, of course, is on the furthest spot, having an uninterrupted view of Lake Union.

  “I know, you’re probably wondering why I live way out here instead of downtown.” She steps in next to me. Michael’s in front of us with my suitcase and backpack. “I like that people can’t get past the gate, and I like the water.”

  “Me too.” The water looks black though, underneath the shadow of the houses. Some of these homes have been here a long time, and the green moss floats where the homes touch the water. I can’t imagine resting my feet in the lake.

  “This is us.” She stops facing her home. It’s a very modern, grey house, with odd roof angles and a flat front covered in tall, rectangle windows. Her porch runs along the left side to the front, which opens up to a huge deck area that has small tables and lounge chairs scattered about. There’s a short walkway on the opposite side. I follow Jackie toward my room.

  “This is it.” She opens the door. “I know it’s not much, but you have your own door to the outside, your own teeny bathroom and then obviously a door into the main part of the house. If you’re ever in need of a bath, let me know, and you can use my tub. If I’m not here, just help yourself.”

  The room is small, but it’s mine. The bathroom is so small it looks like something that belongs on a real boat, but I don’t care about that either. The walls of the bedroom are all rich panels of wood, and there are small cabinets and cubbies in every possible space. The bed is nestled inside these large cabinets. There’s a huge window just a foot or so above the bed with a view of Lake Union. I know already that I’ll spend a lot of time here reading.

  “Do you like it?” she asks.

  “I love it.” I say, and mean it.

  “I stocked your bathroom with some essentials. I don’t know what kind of shampoo and stuff you use, so I just bought extra of what I like. I also took a little side trip to the mall and put a few things in your closet.” She sings out the last part of the sentence, sounding like someone truly excited. “I think I got the sizes right.” She opens the small closet door to show me what a “little side trip” looks like if you’re Jackie.

  I reach my hands in and flip through a whole wardrobe of clothes for a pregnant girl. I’m a little overwhelmed again, but she looks so excited that I say thank you and smile more. I feel a bit like a pet, but at this point, but I don’t care.

  Michael raises his hands in the air. “She asked me to guess your sizes. I should have known she’d go a little overboard.”

  She shrugs, still smiling. “It was fun! I’ve never shopped for maternity clothes before.”

  “I…” I’m once again at a loss for words. “Thank you.”

  “Oh, no problem.” She rubs my back a few times. “We’re going to be great friends. I just know it.”

  Michael sets my bag on the bed. “I need to get going. This is weird. It’s been kind of nice living with you. I’ll miss that.”

  I nod . I’ll miss it too. And I’ve been doing a lot of that—nod, smile, thank you… I’m afraid if I say anything, it’ll give away too much. That I’m not sure what I’m doing here with strangers. That I’m terrified of not having Michael around. That this baby’s coming, and still has no parents. There’s too much.

  “Well, I need to warn you that I’m going to be working a lot and probably won’t see you as much as I’d like to , but my dad always does a big dinner on Sunday, so we’ll see you then.” He stands in my room, leaning first toward the door and then toward me.

  “Thanks for…everything.” I say. He hugs me. Almost as good as last night. My belly keeps him further away than I’d like.

  “I’ll let you get settled. If Jackie starts driving you crazy, just let her know.” He laughs as he stands back.

  Jackie pushes him out the door but follows him. “We’re leaving you now, Dani,” she says. “I’ll go drop Michael off. You can walk around the house. The upstairs is just my room but help yourself to anything else. It’s pretty small.”

  “Okay. Thanks.” Again. Time alone. As much as I’d love to sit and talk with just Michael, time alone is second on my list.

  They walk out my little windowed door to the front porch, or deck, or whatever you call something like this on the water. A dock?

  I immediately climb on my bed because any bed that looks like an oversized window seat needs to be sat upon. It’s my place. It feels like my special place. How long will it take me to get used to being here? What will happen after the baby comes? Will I still have a place to stay? One day at a time, Dani.

  I open the window to get some air and even though Jackie and Michael are walking on the far side of the house, I can hear every word.

  “You are totally in love with that girl,” she says it accusingly.

  My heart nearly stops.

  “Why do you say that?” Nothing for a moment. “She’s become a really close friend.”

  “Come on, are you aware of how you move around her? How she moves around you?”

  “She…?” Michael starts, sounding surprised.

  “I just hope you’re not giving her the wrong impression . S he’s going to go through a lot.” I can see Jackie in my head, hands on her hips, staring at him.

  “I don’t… It’s just not…” I can tell he’s searching for words. As much as I want more from him, I know it won’t happen. Graduation night is proof enough of that. Look at the baggage I carry around with me…literally. I rest my hands on my belly.

  “He’s not giving me the wrong impression,” I say it loudly through my window.

  They’re silent for a moment.

  “See you soon, Dani.” Michael sa
ys with laughter in his voice.

  “See ya,” I holler back. That will hopefully end any wannabe-private conversations behind the house. I’m glad. I don’t like to be a keeper of information I’m not supposed to have.

  When I’m taking my first shower in my tiny bathroom, I try to make sense of all the toiletries that Jackie got for me. Shampoo for curly hair, shampoo for straight hair. Special styling balms, wrinkle cream. Really? I’m eighteen. I open the shampoo bottle and it smells like heaven. I look at the bottom. Fifty-five dollars. I choke. My parents buy nothing but Suave. It’s only one bottle! I am definitely living in a different world now. One thing is for certain though—it’ll probably be my only bottle of the stuff. I need to enjoy it.