My Forever (The Next Door Boys)

by Jolene B Perry

  I’m in completely over my head. They hired models runs through my brain over and over. I remind myself that I know I can do better than what they’d already had done. Also, they really put a lot of work into the first set of photos, so I shouldn’t be surprised that they went to the same amount of trouble this time.

  I pull out every piece of camera equipment I have while they finish dressing the girls, and the weather goes from beautiful, to okay, to pouring down rain.

  “The weather.” Leigh frowns in the doorway. We’d planned on going outside.

  I have an idea. “Let’s go out anyway.”

  We all exchange glances and go outside, leaving the models who aren’t needed, inside the shop.

  Now I just have to hope I can make this work.

  Nearly ten hours later, I’m sitting at my computer looking at what I’ve done with some creative lighting, Jackie’s genius idea of makeup, and the girls in LoriLee’s clothes. Everything is fabulous. Just like I pictured only better. The rain adds this dark, edgy feel that they were missing before. After tweaking, and dirtying up the pics a I bit, I email a few to Brian. He responds in less than two minutes.

  Wow!

  I can’t wipe the smile off my face for days.

  22

  Grandma picks me up at the small bus station for Christmas. It only took a week for me to get a note from her saying that they’d love to have me. Just the thought of being around my real family again has me both excited and relieved. As she climbs out of the car, she’s just like I remember with her short, white hair and bright blue trench coat.

  We hug and get into the same old Cadillac I remember from when I was a kid. My granddad loves this car. I get to sit in the front seat now.

  “How are Mom and Dad?” I ask.

  Her thin lips purse together. “They’re the same as always,” she answers.

  “And what about my brothers and sisters?” I’m so anxious for news of them. All of them. I’ve been afraid to call the house.

  She’s silent and grips the steering wheel.

  “Relax, Grandma,” I say. “I’m just curious. I haven’t seen them for months.”

  “Your brother Daniel is in the Army.”

  “What?” Daniel’s in the Army? He’d talked about it, but had no real plans when I left home.

  “Well your dad only needs so much help with the church and Isaac and Gloria pretty much have that taken care of.” She shrugs.

  “Wow, the Army.” I suddenly really miss Daniel.

  “Do you have his address?” I ask.

  She looks stressed again as we pull up to her house. “You’ll have to talk to your parents sweetie. I don’t want to be in the middle of whatever mess you have all created with each other.”

  “Okay.” I’m disappointed. What on earth are we going to talk about for the next few days?

  Their house doesn’t have the same happy holiday feel I remember from when I was a kid. It smells the same and looks the same. It just feels different. I realize how much of my grandparents house smell is simply age and mustiness. Grandma’s trinkets and plates are on nearly every surface and now old tinsel and shiny garland hang in every possible spot.

  Grandpa is in front of the TV and stands up when we walk in.

  “Well, look at you Danielle. You look almost just like your mom the first time we met her. You’re not quite as dark I don’t think, but close.”

  “Harold,” Grandma scolds.

  “What?”

  “It’s okay,” I say. “I have dark skin.” I don’t see why this is a big deal. I suddenly wonder how they felt when their son married my mother.

  I follow my grandma into the kitchen. Dinner from my grandma is inevitably some sort of casserole.

  She leans over to me. “I wouldn’t ask about your family around your grandpa. I don’t think he’s much happier than your father about all of this.”

  I choke back tears that hit me just as fast as her words. I want to go sit in the spare room and cry.

  We eat dinner. They specifically don’t ask about the baby. I want to tell them all about Eliza Claire, how she’s like me but so much more beautiful, how Brian and Leigh are some of the most wonderful people I know. How I now play piano at church again. I want to tell them about Michael and his mission and about his dad’s house, but I can’t talk about any of it.

  I realize how removed my life is from theirs. I came here hoping to feel like they were a bridge that’s wider than my balance beam between my old life and my new one. Turns out they’re just something else that reminds me how little of my old life is left. I want to go home. Grandma and I didn’t really talk about how long I was going to stay. We’ll probably all be relieved.

  I email Brian and Leigh the following day asking if either of them can pick me up from the bus station in Seattle to take me home. A cab would cost a fortune. I realize this might lead to unnecessary questions, but right now it’s all I can think of to do. Jackie, her mom and Clint are in Colorado for another week. For the first time, I wish I’d gone with them. And for the millionth time I want to kiss Jackie for buying me this stupid phone on our shopping day.

  ~ ~ ~

  In the morning, my grandparents are sitting with their Eggo waffles and orange juice, listening to news radio and staring out the window. I’m sad because I love them, but my grandpa especially, is just tolerating my presence.

  “I got an invite from a good friend, so I think I’ll take off later on today,” I say as I walk in the room. Leigh hasn’t texted me back, but I’ll find a way home. I try to sound casual, and I’m prepared for them to be unhappy. My grandpa just grunts as if he expected as much. My grandma nods. She understands.

  I get a text from Leigh. We’re on our way home from Utah. Text the address, and we’ll pick you up around noon.

  I’m elated. They know where I am, I’m on their way home, and I don’t have to ride the bus.

  The morning is filled with Grandpa yelling at his football team, Grandma tip toeing around me, probably hoping I don’t ask any more questions, and me wishing I could disappear.

  I see the Wright’s car exactly when Leigh said. Leigh gets out, and I open the front door to show her I’m coming.

  “Who are these friends of yours?” Grandma asks.

  This is as good a time as any to tell her. “They’re the people who adopted my baby girl.”

  She turns white.

  “If you want to see her, she’s in the back of their car. ” My grandpa pretends not to hear and turns the page of his newspaper. I walk around to give him a hug, whether he wants one or not. I get a slight smile in return. It’s something.

  “I’ll see you soon, Grandpa.” But probably not.

  “See you, Danielle.”

  I walk out the door. It’s a relief. But also gives me that heavy feeling that’s become so familiar.

  Leigh is politely chatting with my grandma who is staring into the backseat of their car. It warms me to see her looking at Eliza that way.

  Grandma walks up to me on my way to the car. “She’s beautiful, Dani.” She pats me on the arm and I give her a hug.

  “Thank you, Gran. We’ll see you.”

  “Take care of yourself.” She turns and walks back to the house. For a disastrous visit, it certainly could have been worse.

  Leigh frowns. Brian takes my small suitcase and puts it in the trunk. Leigh hugs me tightly, but I don’t know how to articulate anything right now.

  “You can have the front,” she offers.

  “Nah.” I shake my head. “I’ll sit in the back. I’m shorter than you.”

  I climb in with Nathan and Eliza before she can protest. I don’t want to talk about my trip. Brian tells me how happy he is they’re able to drive with me. I say thank you more times than I can count.

  Nathan plays his Nintendo in the backseat and Eliza is peacefully sleeping. I give her a small kiss, which doesn’t even change her breathing. Nathan is in deep concentration on Mario Bros. I watch from the seat next t
o him.

  Brian and Leigh hold hands in the front seat. Occasionally I watch Brian’s hand go up her arm to rub her shoulder and then her neck. She does the same for him. I ache for that kind of relationship as I watch them. I miss Michael.

  “Dangit!” Nathan’s voice sounds frustrated beside me.

  “What’s the problem, Nathan?” I ask.

  “I can’t get through this castle. I keep running out of time.”

  “Can I see?”

  He looks at me skeptically.

  “Trust me.”

  He slowly hands over his game player. He is in a hard level. I smile. I know I have this. This is what Zack and I used to do together. This is what Daniel and I used to do together.

  “Watch and learn,” I tease. He’s enthralled as I take all the shortcuts and just get to the end in time. I beat the guy at the end of the castle and still have all my firepower. Nathan’s eyes are wide.

  “You’re amazing!” He laughs, excited. “That was so cool! Mom! You have to watch Dani play sometime!”

  Leigh laughs in the front seat. “Well, now we know who to call. Neither Brian or I can play as well as him.”

  I contributed. Something small, but it still feels good.

  Nathan is now happily playing on a level he’s never seen before. Something occurs to me. “Where’s Nathan’s mom?”

  Brian and Leigh exchange looks.

  “I’m sorry.” Must have hit a bad topic. “Never mind.”

  “No, it’s fine,” Leigh says. “She’s in prison in Las Vegas.”

  “Oh.” Wait a minute. “Aren’t you sealed to him?”

  “Yes. It was quite a process.” Leigh touches Brian’s cheek.

  “Amazing how families come together isn’t it?” Brian smiles.

  “And fall apart.” It hits me again. My grandparents don’t treat me the same. My family won’t talk to me, and I’m afraid to try to contact them again.

  I don’t mean to sound so melancholy, but my family feels like it’s in little bits.

  “Are you spending Christmas with the Masons?” Brian asks.

  “They’re in Colorado.” I realize they’ll feel like they need to invite me. “I’m planning on having a quiet day at home.”

  “No way, Dani.” Leigh shakes her head. “You’re coming to our house. I’m now extra glad we decided to come home early.”

  “You didn’t come home early because of me did you?” I’m suddenly really worried about that.

  “No, but we would have.” Leigh looks back at me. “My brother Joseph finally said they’d like to come to Seattle to spend the holiday with us.”

  “Oh.”

  “It’s been years since I spent a Christmas with him,” Leigh says.

  I’m surprised. They seem tight.

  She sees my expression. “Joseph and my father got in an argument that basically boiled down to them not believing the same things. Joseph left home when I was ten. He was eighteen. I didn’t see him until just after Brian and I got married. It had been about ten years.”

  “Wow.” I swallow. “Did your dad kick him out or did he just leave?”

  “Oh, my dad wouldn’t have kicked him out. They’re close again now that Joseph is willing to come around once in a while. The disagreement is still there, but my dad doesn’t care. I don’t know that he ever did.”

  Even Leigh has a family that isn’t perfect. I feel better.

  “I’ll just drop you off at home,” Brian says. “And I’ll be by this evening. Pack some clothes so you can spend the night. You don’t want to miss Christmas morning.”

  Leigh’s whole face brightens. “That’s right. Joe and Lori will have their twins and there’s Nathan and its Eliza’s first Christmas…” She really, actually wants me to be there.

  “I don’t know.” It feels like too much again. “You all are family, and I’m really, honestly fine at home. It will be peaceful.”

  “Dani.” Brian turns in the driver’s seat as he parks the car next to my house. “You are family. You’re Auntie Dani. I give my wife a hard time for forcing you into things, but it’s me this time. You will be there.”

  Just like that, family reappears in front of me. Relief, love and gratitude wash through me in welcome waves.

  “We’ll see you , Nathan.” I ruff up his hair. “I’ll show you the shortcut through the next castle if you make it there by tomorrow, okay?”

  “Okay.” He smiles, but just as quickly, he’s working his way through a new world.

  I climb out of the car looking forward to a couple of days as part of the Wright family.

  ~ ~ ~

  Elder Mason.

  I hope your Christmas wasn’t too lonely. I want to tell you about the trip to my grandparents, but I don’t think I have the energy. There was no yelling or anything, but it didn’t go well. Brian and Leigh brought me home early.

  I spent Christmas with them. It was amazing. Leigh made, well sewed, three beautiful nightgowns for me. I feel so pretty in all of them, they look like long dresses but they’re the softest t-shirt material I’ve ever felt. My favorite is the yellow and white printed one. I’ll show you when you’re home.

  I didn’t have anything for any of them, of course. But, Leigh’s brother and his wife and their twins were also there and we spent the whole of Christmas Eve taking pictures. I have beautiful shots, and funny shots and then we went out to this area of downtown that was just covered in Christmas lights. The pictures from there also turned out beautifully. I have so many photos that make me tear up just by looking at them. I can’t wait to print some out. I keep finding family in the most unexpected places. My choices are pretty awesome. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for helping me come down here.

  It’s harder not having you here than I thought it would be. When I think back to the closeness we had the night before you left, it makes me wish you were here. I want to lay next to you, I want to feel your arms around me and I want to wake up in the middle of the night and have you still be there. I miss you.

  Love, Dani

  I get a letter back the next day.

  Dani-

  Please, please, I need you to follow the rules.

  Elder Mason

  His email stings. It shouldn’t. We discussed this. I still wipe away tears. Fortunately the next one I check is from Brian with a link to LoriLee’s website. I run out to the living room to show Jackie. I don’t tell her about the interchange between Michael and me.

  The pictures I took aren’t just part of their website – Brian has done the whole design around them. Jackie and I spend the morning looking through it. Brian is a genius.

  “Well, why don’t we run to campus and get your books and all that today?” Jackie suggests. I shrug. It’s as good a day as any. I start work at Pike Place again next week, when I start school. Tanya is thrilled that I still don’t mind working, she hates being there all the time and winters are slow for customers. My winter is crawling by, but for a completely different reason—I want time to pass more quickly.

  23

  We walk out of the gate and as I look up the street I see a familiar face. This doesn’t happen to me often. Or ever. I just stand and stare. My heart starts to beat in a way it hasn’t in a long time. Jackie’s staring at me.

  “Lucas?” I ask.

  Her eyebrows shoot up. She must remember who Lucas is.

  “Dani?” He stops for a moment before continuing to walk toward me.

  I look down. I’m dressed in my new clothes, and my hair is freshly done and straightened. I’ve discovered makeup, even though I don’t wear a lot. “Wow. I mean, wow.” He doesn’t even pause, just hugs me. He looks and smells like he always does. Maybe he’s even a little more grown up than how I remember. It’s so nice to have someone from my life before this one.

  Wait. He walked away from me. What he did in front of my school…

  I step back and resist the sudden urge to slap him.

  “Well, why don’t you two catch up,” Ja
ckie suggests as her eyes go between us. “I’m a little behind on a project at the office anyway.”

  I’m still stunned that Lucas is in front of me.

  “We’ll see you later on.” She looks at Lucas. “Nice to meet you…Daddy.” There’s not a whole lot of friendliness in her voice.