My Forever (The Next Door Boys)

by Jolene B Perry

  Anyway, I don’t like our rules. I miss you. If you pray about it and need to move on, I’ll understand. Otherwise, I vote we ignore the rules.

  Love,

  Elder Mason

  I hit reply.

  Elder Mason,

  I agree and I love you. I miss you so bad that I can’t imagine being away from you as long as I know we’ll be apart.

  Dani

  P.S. Looked at your baby pictures without you. It was fun. You had a cute bum.

  I hope that makes him laugh.

  ~ ~ ~

  I come out of my room positively giddy to throw something together for dinner. I can hear Jackie watching French Kiss again, probably she’s doing her homework. She usually watches something she’s seen a million times or doesn’t need to pay attention to while she reads.

  “What’s with you?” She asks over a textbook as I float through the kitchen.

  “I…” I pause for dramatic effect, “Just got the nicest letter from Michael, and I’m shocked that I even attempted to take his advice and pretend that he doesn’t exist.”

  “Well, yeah.” She looks annoyed. “I will never, ever understand how you could go out with anyone when you have Michael.”

  I feel a little like she just kicked me in the chest.

  “I was only doing what he asked me to do!” Are we back to this?

  “Whatever, Dani.” She shakes her head and goes back to reading.

  “No! What’s with you?” My heart’s pounding—letter forgotten.

  She sets her book back in her lap. “Michael is the kind of guy that every guy should want to be.”

  It hits me hard. “You like him! You’re in love with Michael!”

  I nailed it. I can see it in her face. I’m amazed she’s been so nice to me.

  “He’s my brother, Dani. He’s in love with you, really in love with you, and I don’t want to see him get hurt.”

  “He’s only kind of your brother.” I’m staring at her, her whole body’s tense.

  “Dani.” She sounds exasperated.

  “Why did you let me stay here?” I ask more quietly.

  “I’m not talking about this.” She shifts her book on her lap and stares at it.

  It’s final, I can tell. I’m suddenly not sure if I nailed it or not. But I’m pretty sure I did.

  Oh. Yeah. Hawaii should be fun.

  ~ ~ ~

  I’m sitting in Mandy’s office the week after Thanksgiving. She’s the photographer I almost started working for when I started with Hank. The office is decorated in depressing shades of beige, and the portraits are all very safe and expected. I miss the edginess of Hank already.

  It’s evident right away that I chose correctly the first time. I won’t learn as much here, but my name will still be out there, I’ll get more experience, and I’ll make money. I tried to be prayerful about what I should do next, but everything’s muddy right now. I have this hole in my chest where Michael should be, only he shouldn’t be, and I’m in the middle of my first argument with Jackie just before we’re supposed to take the vacation of a lifetime. Well, the vacation of my lifetime anyway.

  “Well, Dani.” Her wide, pale face pulls into a smile. “I’m so glad you called. I’ve gone through two assistant photographers since we talked months ago.”

  I just nod.

  “We’re heading into Christmas portrait season so if you like, between now and when your next school semester starts, I’ll pay you eighteen an hour. Does that sound fair?”

  “And we can renegotiate after that?” I can’t believe how good I sound. As glad as I am I’m not working for Hank anymore, I did learn a lot from him.

  “Of course.”

  “Great.” I stand up and shake her hand. “We’ll see you next week.”

  And just like that, I have a job. Not as exciting as the first one, but I’ll take just about anything.

  ~ ~ ~

  Both Jackie and I are crazy busy for the last two weeks of school. She seems more than just busy though. She’s really distracted. We haven’t talked since I accused of her being in love with the boy I’m in love with. I’m sure I guessed right.

  I keep waiting for her to throw me out, but she hasn’t. We’ve gotten too close. I’m trying to stash every penny I can so I can buy a few things before Hawaii. I do not currently own a swimsuit, and I really don’t have much in the way of summer clothes.

  I decide to ask Jackie. We need to do something together.

  “Jackie.” I say when she comes home from classes. “We have two days before Hawaii. I need to shop.”

  “Have fun.” She glances up only briefly.

  “Are you kidding?” I ask. “You’re sending me out on my own?”

  “Yep.” She smirks. “Just promise me you’ll get yourself a yellow suit. Anyone with your gorgeous skin would be crazy not to.”

  “Okay.” I’m hesitant, but at least she’s smiling. Maybe that’s good. I don’t want to be arguing with Jackie.

  I’ll have to write Michael later and tell him that his sister refused a shopping trip. I laugh. He probably won’t believe me. I suddenly wonder what her letters to him are like. Does she write more than me? Does she write better than me? Are their letters more private because they’ve known each other longer? I don’t know, and it’s suddenly all I can think about.

  ~ ~ ~

  I visit the Wright’s before we leave. Eliza is growing so fast. I wish all the time I didn’t see so much of myself in her. I wish it for me and for them. They keep insisting that they love it. They hope it’ll keep me around. I just hope it doesn’t do the opposite.

  28

  Jackie sleeps for the entire flight to Hawaii. I’m too excited. We’re first class. I think it’s awesome. She’s not impressed. I get the feeling that she’s been on planes a little nicer than your average commercial airliner.

  When we check into the Four Seasons where Jackie and I are sharing a room next to the room of her mom and Clint. I’m nervous about being in close quarters with her.

  We walk to our room. Jackie disappears into the bathroom and comes out in a swimsuit. “We’re going to the beach . C hange your clothes. We need to talk.”

  “Okay.” My stomach tightens up. Is this trip the last big thing before she kicks me out? I don’t want to lose Jackie. We’re too good of friends. I have people, but not a lot of people.

  I follow her down to the beach in silence my nerves string up further the longer the silence stretches. I’m too nervous to enjoy where we are aside from the delightful warmth. My body was made for this. The heat.

  “Okay, so I’m sorry about freaking out on you.” Jackie says as we settle in our lounge chairs.

  “It’s totally okay. I miss people being close, and so it’s hard for me to say no when someone wants me there. That’s why the boys.” It kills me to admit this, but I’d rather do that than have Jackie think I don’t feel for Michael the way I do. If I’m right and she does like him, I want her to at least feel like I’m somewhat worthy. Even though I’m not.

  “Wow. Okay.” She smiles. We’re going to be okay.

  “I’m so sorry, I just have been worried since we talked and then we didn’t talk and then you, Jackie, turned down a shopping trip with me!”

  “I did it nicely.” She shifts her weight on the chair. “And look at how well you did.” She gestures to my yellow suit.

  “Well, I’m sorry anyway.”

  “You were right. About Michael,” she says.

  I’m glad I have on sunglasses because I hope they mask some of the surprise on my face.

  “Michael is younger than me so I never really considered it , but then I realized that I compared everyone to him and no one matched up. It confused me. And then I saw the way he looked at you, and it made me a little jealous. It took me a while to realize that I really do just love him like a brother, and it’s a good thing that I compare other boys to him. If my dad was a better man, I’d be comparing boys to him.”

  “I’m sor
ry, Jackie. I didn’t ever stop to think about how my actions affected you. I was only thinking about Michael and what we agreed, and how lonely I am without him around.”

  “It’s okay Dani, really.” She pauses before continuing. “When he asked if you could stay with me , I didn’t realize how close you were. How much he felt for you.”

  “Would you have said no?”

  “No, I would have said yes. But I would have been better prepared.”

  “I’m sorry.” I’m not even sure what I’m apologizing for at this point. I just feel really bad.

  “I didn’t expect that he was in love with you. He totally is by the way.” She looks directly at me. Even through her sunglasses I can tell. “But I liked you immediately, and now I’m so glad it all turned out the way it did.”

  “Me too.” I have to change the mood. “Just think about where I’d be and what I’d be wearing right now if it weren’t for you.”

  “Oh no. I can’t think about that.” She laughs. “It would really ruin my vacation.”

  I laugh with her a little, and we sit in the sun in silence. I finally have to ask. “You two write often?”

  “What?” she asks.

  “You and Michael. You two must write a lot.”

  “I was really good when he first left , but he only writes back like half the time, so I stopped putting so much effort into it.”

  “Oh.” I work hard not to smile. He’s answered every letter I’ve sent.

  ~ ~ ~

  Elder Mason,

  I don’t know if you call both your mom and your dad on your call days. Anyway, I know Christmas is one of your call days and I thought that maybe if I was the one to answer the phone…

  Just a thought.

  Miss you. Wish you were here.

  Love, Dani

  Dani-

  I need to focus. It’s just not a good idea. I still miss you though, and I can’t wait to hear your voice again.

  Love, Elder Mason

  It shouldn’t sting, but it does all the same. All from his own idea Clint offers for me to pick up his phone for Michael’s early morning call. I have to decline. I don’t tell him I already suggested it. Having someone else know I was turned down won’t make me feel any better. I wake up early Christmas morning and go for a walk. I don’t want to know when and if they speak.

  ~ ~ ~

  We’re on our last day in Hawaii. Jackie and I are spending one last day at the pool.

  “Hey, Dani?”

  “Yep.” I don’t move. I keep my eyes closed. Only a few more hours of Hawaiian sun.

  “I need to ask you a favor.”

  “Anything,” I answer. I owe her so much I can’t even begin to repay her.

  “Would you do a double date with me?”

  “What?” I sit up because she has my complete attention.

  She sighs. “One of the partner’s kids started at the firm about the time that school started. His name is Chase. Chase Watson. His little brother is that Noah Watson guy.”

  “The actor?”

  “Yep. He’s really annoying though. I’ve met him twice.”

  “Leigh Wright dated him before Brian.”

  “Really?” Jackie sits up on an elbow. She wants to know more.

  “Yeah.” Wait, I don’t want to get off topic. “So you really like this guy?”

  “I do.” She frowns. “I don’t want to like anyone until I’m done with law school. It’s really very inconvenient.” She lies back down and adjusts her sunglasses.

  “I still don’t see why you’re going to law school.” It doesn’t seem out of character because Jackie can talk her way into anything and argue her way out of anything but she’s so good at other things. “Why don’t you become a stylist or do something you love?”

  She laughs. “That’s a hobby Dani, not a job.”

  “So is taking pictures.”

  She ignores my comment. “So sometime after we’re back home?”

  “Name the day and I’ll be the perfect date for, who?” I realize I don’t know who I’ll be going out with. It doesn’t matter. I’ll do it for Jackie.

  “I don’t know yet.” She adjusts her glasses. “I’ll pick the best of the interns. They’ll arrive at the beginning of the semester. I’ll make sure he’s completely unavailable and not likely at all to fall for you. This way we can avoid any complications.”

  I expect to be annoyed, but I’m not. Things between us are okay.

  29

  “So, this is how I work weddings.” Mandy looks at me very seriously over her desk. “I charge a flat fee for going to the wedding and then per picture depending on sizes after that.”

  “Okay.”

  “I will pay you twelve dollars an hour for weddings but you keep eighty percent of the profit on any of your pictures that the bride chooses.”

  “Sounds good.” I think I’ll be good at this.

  “Great, are you available Saturday?”

  “I am now.”

  ~ ~ ~

  My new semester isn’t too hard. I lower myself down to twelve credits, barely full time. It feels better. I play the piano in church and I love it. Really love it. I’m slowly learning how to play the organ when I go to the church for Family Home Evening nights so I can be a backup for sacrament meeting. I love that, too. Actually, anytime I don’t know what to do with myself I wander over to the church building to see if anyone is there. If the building is open, I sit at the organ and practice. It reminds me of the time alone I used to get when I practiced piano at my dad’s church.

  I try not to think about my family. It brings up too many questions that I don’t know how to get the answers to.

  ~ ~ ~

  Jackie comes home looking flustered. “Okay.” She takes a deep breath in and then back out. “You have a date with Sean Kimball. He has a girlfriend, and a ring has been purchased. Since you have a missionary, he doesn’t see the harm. He’s an intern, whose parent also works at the firm, and I don’t hate him.” Her voice is mechanical and I’m totally getting a kick out of her.

  She continues, “Chase is excited for us to go out and has booked us at a fabulous restaurant downtown. Wear the dress that Leigh made for you, and I’ll rummage through my closet or drive to Portland in the next…no, wait, tomorrow, if I need to.” Her words roll over each other so quickly that I can barely understand her.

  “Relax, Jackie. Its’ just dinner.” I’ve never seen her like this.

  “I know. I’m freaking out right?” She looks more worried and insecure than I’ve ever seen her.

  “Wow, you really like this guy.”

  She nods. “I really, really, really do.”

  “Well, let’s get lost in your closet.” I grab her arm. “That should only take a few minutes.”

  She throws her arms around me. “Thank you, Dani.”

  Jackie and I finally finish in her closet around midnight. She has ten fabulous choices. I wonder what tomorrow night will be like.

  ~ ~ ~

  I barely make it to the house to change after shooting a wedding all afternoon. Sean is running late and will meet us there. I sit in the backseat of Chase’s very fabulous car, and as I listen to him talk I realize he’s the female version of Jackie. Smart, driven, too good-looking to be a normal person. He also has rich parents and a former actress instead of a former model, for a mother. Oh. And a movie star for a younger brother. I don’t say anything—just sit and listen. Jackie’s nervousness gives me hope that she’s not as perfect as she lets on.

  Sean’s at the restaurant messing with his tie and has a camera bag with him.

  “Wha’cha shooting?” I ask.

  “Oh.” He looks around confused. “Right, the camera. The city’s beautiful. I lost track of time and…” He looks apologetic. His eyes travel from my heels to my face. “Well, I’m glad my soon to be fiancé doesn’t know what you look like.”

  I blush. “This is a no pressure deal, and a free dinner for both of us.”

  “Y
eah.” Sean leans toward me. “Chase said she wouldn’t go out with him if it wasn’t at least a double.”

  “It’s a Jackie thing,” I say back.

  We’re at our table and Sean is still fidgeting. Chase keeps throwing him looks. Jackie’s annoyed that I came home late and just threw myself together. Sean and I start talking photos, and he tells me about his girlfriend, and I tell him about Michael and Jackie and Chase are also in the middle of a conversation. I wonder why I had to get dressed up for this. Actually, I wonder why I had to be here.