~ ~ ~
Ready to be out of heels, I change into my chucks and walk outside after getting home. I don’t bother changing out of my deep blue bridesmaid dress. It’s started to rain, and I laugh. The water makes the silk cling to me in soft layers. Leave it to Jackie to enjoy a perfectly sunny day for her wedding, just before the rain starts in.
I’m looking up at the sky, which is openly pouring now when I hear my name.
“Dani?”
“Sean?” Weird. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, I’m about to head off for my final year and wanted to say goodbye first.” He’s got a sack in one hand, and his suit is slowly getting soaked.
“And you couldn’t do that at the wedding?”
He looks around, not making eye contact. “I brought food.”
“Oh! Great, I was just going out for something when the sky opened up.” I’m freezing, and he’s all hunched over a bag of Chinese takeout. “Come on!” We run up the street together. I’m sure the dress is near ruined, but the wedding is done and I can’t imagine wearing a skirt this full in real life.
We dash up the stairs together, and I open the door. Sean hasn’t been here for a few days, but they were busy days.
“Wow, Dani.” He stops as soon as we step inside. “It looks great in here.”
“Thanks.” There isn’t a lot of light in here now that it’s dark outside. I’ll have to get an electrician in here to see what I can do about that. I know what I’d like to have, I just don’t know if I’ll want to spend the money.
“This is great. Really.” He’s still looking around.
“I’m pretty happy with it,” I admit. The eclectic mass of chairs and couches litter the floor. I keep trying to make sense out of them all, but an orange replica of the couch used on friends just doesn’t go with a white Victorian loveseat, and the oversized laz-y-boy matches nothing and might have to go.
I have no table yet, so we sit on the floor.
“You must be excited to get back to your girl.” I smile at him.
He looks uncomfortable. “Yeah… I…” But he doesn’t finish. He leans over his plate and kisses me quickly on the lips. I’m too shocked to move. When I do nothing, he sits back down.
“Sorry, I…” He shakes his head, and stares at the floor.
“Did I do something?” I ask. “Because you’ve been a fun friend , but...” I gesture between us. I feel bad. Wait a minute. I shouldn’t feel bad. “You have a fiancé!”
“I know, I know… It’s just that things are so easy with you, and I thought how great it would be if that translated into something more than friendship.” He slumps further, but still looks up at me.
“Well, it won’t.” I shake my head. “I have one of those. I’m down to counting days.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“Sean, you don’t have this with your fiancé, do you?” I gesture between us again. “It’s not easy like this.”
“No. She’s great. I love her, and she’s beautiful but…”
“But you need to find someone that you can have it all with.”
He sighs. “I don’t want to start all over.”
“It’s not a race, Sean.”
“Are we still friends?” he asks, ssuddenly seeming a little shy about looking at me.
“Definitely. As long as you don’t try to kiss me again.” But actually, I could see it. If I didn’t have Michael, the friendship Sean and I have could be more.
And it sort of hits me in that moment, that Lucas and I could maybe have been happy, too. And Instead of making it feel less special for Michael and I to have the chance to be together, it feels like more. We’re choosing it. Both of us. At the same time.
“I shouldn’t have kiss…done that. But I don’t think you realize how very cool you are. You’re beautiful and talented and fun to be around. I hope this guy you’re waiting for is good enough for you.”
“He is.” I smile. He definitely is.
~ ~ ~
Dani,
I’m counting days here. The only glitch is that we’re still in the end of hurricane season down here so travel only happens between storms. Don’t worry about me, but it means I don’t know exactly when I’ll make it home. I’ll try to give you some warning. In about four weeks though! I can’t wait to hear all about Jackie’s wedding, but I’m sure she’ll have an earful for me on that one.
I’m counting days Dani. Days!
Love, Michael
Every single one of his words warms me. He’s half off his mission already.
33
With school starting, the week is busy. I do a dozen or so senior portraits as well as the official cheerleading pictures of Lake Washington High School. One of the girls on the team heard about me when she was getting fitted for her back to school outfit at LoriLee. Some people just live in different worlds than others.
I have a shoot this afternoon. There’s a family coming in ahead of time for family portraits to send out Christmas Cards. It feels bizarre to have a Christmas setup for them. It’s barely September. I get a text halfway through our afternoon.
Dani
Dinner at my parent’s house
No excuses
Jackie
I try to write her back, but my stupid phone dies. I excuse myself from the shoot, plug it in, and turn it off. I don’t need any more interruptions while I’m working.
The kids are adorable, the parents are fun, and I’m really pleased with what I have so far.
They walk out at just after five. Crap.
It takes a while on the bus. I’ll have to take a cab if I want to be there on time, but from this far away, it’s a small fortune. I’ll have to be late. It’s not my fault anyway. If she’d given me some warning…
I snatch my phone, throw it in my purse, grab my bag, and walk out the door. I just catch my first bus. It takes three from here. I’m starving, and it’s pouring outside. I look in the bus’ mirror, and realize my hair’s already a mess, and more time in the rain will wash away any makeup I bothered with.
I sigh. A guy sitting next to me is reading the paper. The headlines are all about the latest hurricane hitting the Caribbean. I sigh again. Michael will be lucky to make it home before Christmas.
I get off the last bus at just after six, and pull my hood up as tight as I can, but I’m still soaked by the time I make it to their house. No way I’m waiting outside, so I just let myself in.
“Jackie! This better be some amazing feast here because I’m tired and I’m soaked completely through!” Why did I even bother? This is ridiculous. I hate being all wet and gross in their house. My wool pants are probably ruined. I pull off my wet shoes and rip off my jacket. It slaps against the wall and drips all over the floor. I take a breath and look toward the living room. Michael’s here. Watching me with a faint smile on his face.
Time stops. He looks so different. He’s broader, more filled out than before. His tan is deep, but his smile is exactly the way I remember.
My jaw drops.
“Dani?” He steps toward me. “You look…so beautiful.”
I kind of laugh as I look down at myself, wet hair, wet clothes… I don’t even want to think about what my face looks like. I look back up, and he’s still staring at me with an expression that makes my heart melt. I try to pull the wet hair from my face.
“I came home late last night. They released me from my mission officially this morning. I wanted to surprise you.”
And suddenly he’s next to me, pulling me into his arms. The hesitation he used to have is gone. As I breathe him in, and feel his warmth, I decide I like surprises again.
“You were saying?” I hear Jackie’s voice as her footsteps stop on the tile of the entry.
“Go away.” I laugh. “You’re forgiven.”
She laughs back, and I hear her footsteps head back to the living room.
Michael lets go only enough to take my face into his hands. “I can’t believe we’re finally her
e. I can’t believe how beautiful you look. How beautiful you are.” I lean up just slightly, and his lips are on mine. The past two years are erased. Two years of being apart are gone. It’s like he never left. Except I learned so much while he was away.
“This is okay, right?” His smile splits his face.
“Of course!” I hug him again. I’m freezing, and he’s so warm.
“There was another set of storms moving in, and they sent me home before they hit.”
“Wow.” He’s the same, but different. I can’t believe we made it.
“You look like you’re freezing.” His warm hands squeeze my shoulders and rub up and down my arms slowly.
“I am freezing.” I smile and kiss him again. He feels good. Even better than I remember. I was so worried things would be awkward, that it would take us a while to get back in the swing of being together. But it’s better. There’s no pregnant belly between us, and there’s no separation looming. Just us.
“Do you have clothes here?” he asks.
“Yeah.” But I don’t walk away. What if he disappears?
“I’ll be right here.”
I reluctantly leave him downstairs so I can change. I keep a stash here. I had to when I lived with Jackie. Now she has Chase, and doesn’t mind going home when it’s dark. I hang my clothes up to dry, throw on my favorite yellow nightgown, and quickly rub my hair with a towel.
He pulls me into him as soon as I step into the hallway. “You look amazing.” He whispers in my ear. I wrap my arms around him, and pull him close.
The newness of having him home and being able to touch him this way won’t wear off for a long time.
Our evening is spent in the living room, my head on Michael’s shoulder and him telling us all about the people he met, and the places he went. I’m exhausted. My mouth continues to pull into a yawn, and I continue to attempt to keep it closed. I’m still leaning against Michael on the couch, but my body’s heavier by the second.
“You’re tired,” he says.
“But I don’t want my night to be over.” I turn to see his face and realize we’re the only two left in the room.
“It doesn’t have to be.” He kisses my forehead.
“If you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking…” I shake my head. “Made that mistake once. It won’t happen again.” I smile so he knows I’m teasing.
“Give me a little credit, will ya?” He stands up, and takes my arms to help me to my feet. I lean on him as we walk up the stairs. He follows me into my room, and I sit in bed wondering what he has planned.
“You stay there. I’ll be right back.”
I lie down, exhausted. He’s home. He’s safe. All’s right with the world.
He comes back in wearing his pajamas, carrying a comforter.
“What are you doing?”
“I haven’t seen you in two years, Dani. I’m not leaving you tonight.”
I can’t say no to that. I don’t want to.
He opens the door into the hallway. “See? We’re not being sneaky or anything.” He lies on top of my blankets, and pulls his own over him. “I can’t begin to tell you how many nights I lay on my back in my bed and closed my eyes so I could pretend you were there with me.”
I scoot over and lay my head on his chest. His arms wrap around me. The blankets separate us. I trust him. The thought runs through me again, we made it. I fall asleep almost immediately—my head on his chest, and his hand softly stroking my hair.
~ ~ ~
Sometime in the middle of the night, I wake up. I’m pressed against his back, and think about our last night together. I think about this night together. I think back to the time we spent before he left. And then all the way back to Alaska, to the couch. “I never want to be away from you again,” I whisper. “I love you.”
I don’t mean to wake him up, but he rolls over and looks at me. “I love you, Dani. So much.” He leans forward and his lips brush against mine. I scoot back into his chest, frustrated at the layers of blankets between us, and let my heavy eyes take over again.
~ ~ ~
Light’s streaming through the curtains. “Quiero decirte te quiero. Is that what you said to me? A long time ago, before I left?” he asks.
I roll over smiling. “I want to tell you I love you. But I was too scared to.”
“I could only remember part of it when I was gone. I thought I had it figured, but I wasn’t sure.”
“You got it. Te quiero. Te amo.”
“Te amo.”
34
We’re on our way to see Eliza. I can’t let go of him. He can’t let go of me. It’s a delightful arrangement. We’re on the bus because it’s my routine, and he wants to know my routine. To be a part of it, of me, of my life.
Our hands fit together so well. We walk up the hill from the bus stop to their apartment, and the door opens before we reach the top.
“Michael...” Leigh runs out of words and her smile gets a little frowny like it does when she tries not to cry. She grabs him in a huge hug the moment we’ve reached the step in front of her door. “We have so much to thank you for.” It comes out of her mouth as barely a whisper.
He holds her in a hug and then backs away to see her face. “What?” He looks confused, not realizing how much a part of this he is.
“It all started with you.” Leigh presses her fingers to the outside corners of her eyes. “You helped us finish our family.”
Michael’s mouth opens, but nothing comes out. He turns to me.
“It started when you sat next to me in the hallway at school,” I explain. “And all the steps, with my baptism and finding me a place to stay, until the final ones brought me to them. And now this.” We step inside of her living room. It’s still just the three of us, but evidence of Eliza is everywhere. In pictures, toys…
And now Michael and I stare at each other, and I realize I’m having one of those private moments Brian and Leigh have. He touches my face briefly, and kisses me on the forehead.
I squeeze his hand. Brian is standing just outside of their kitchen, waiting for his turn to say hello.
“It’s really nice to finally meet you.” Brian reaches out his hand to shake but they end up hugging and hitting each other’s backs. I know Brian well enough to know that he too, is trying not to cry. “Thank you, Michael,” he says before he lets go of his shoulder.
Michael looks over at me, his face full of the wonder and love I feel every time I’m here. Because he feels it, and he gets it. “Wow.”
I’m glad it hits him as hard as it hits me. There’s so much to say, but Eliza follows her dad out from the kitchen and she’s not to be ignored.
“Annie Dani!” She throws her tiny arms around my leg. I reach down, pick her up and kiss her cheek. I do feel like Auntie.
Michael’s watching her with wide eyes, and a faint smile on his lips. “She looks just like you, I mean, just… She’s beautiful Dani.” I kiss Eliza on the cheek and she giggles and starts to wriggle down.
“Oh, she’s much prettier than me.” I’m proud to be part of her life.
We sit down on the floor and Nathan comes home. Introductions start all over again. I sit close to Michael and lean my head on his shoulder, knowing that the two of us together helped create some of the love in the room.
Nathan talks all about his day, and holds up some things he’s drawn for Michael to see. Eliza goes from person to person, making sure she gets the proper amount of attention. Michael is always touching me somewhere, with his knee as we sit on the floor, with his hand, keeping our arms together…
We say our goodbyes and Michael is the quietest he’s been since he got home.
He takes my hand on the stairway to the street.
“I told you it’s overwhelming, didn’t I?” I look up at his face, still lost in thought.
“You did,” he answers. “This is amazing. All of it.” His voice is reverent, quiet.
We walk out together down the street, and I’m okay. Better
than okay. My hand is warm inside Michael’s. I finally realize why I cry when I leave. It’s because it feels like I’m leaving love behind when I go. All kinds of love. Today, love walks out the door with me, keeps my hand in his and I don’t even notice when we pass my safe place—I’m already there.
My Forever (The Next Door Boys) Page 25