by Dan Danko
But no. I had to wake up one day and run faster than a car. And then I had to wake up the next day and decide I wanted to save the world. And after that, I still had to wake up the third day and decide to join the Sidekicks. Man, why didn’t I just stay in bed?
Mandrake called a long bomb. He pointed to one of the wide receivers and said, “You’re my man.” We fell into formation. The center snapped the ball into Mandrake’s hands. The wide receiver ran down the sidelines as fast as he could. Mandrake fell back into the passing pocket. He cocked back the football, eyed the wide receiver, and slapped the ball right into my gut.
The coach suddenly did an excellent imitation of Boom Boy, except I thought the coach really would blow up.
I wanted to win the game. I wanted Prudence to notice me. I wanted the crowd to cheer and my dad to be proud. I wanted to be the hero. But most of all, I wanted to wipe the smug look off Mandrake’s face.
Yeah. That’s what I wanted to do. Too bad the apes on the other team also wanted to do something.
See, what they wanted to do, just in case you haven’t noticed a trend here, what they wanted to do was to pummel me into the ground.
I’ll give you one guess whose wants came true. They tackled me hard. I made a small squeaking noise as the wind was crushed from my lungs. I felt a pain stab into my arm, felt my knees buckle under the weight, and saw the football pop from my hands and bounce on the ground.
What happened next wasn’t very pretty.
Chapter Twenty
What Happened Next That Wasn’t Very Pretty
As I disappeared beneath a crushing tackle, Mandrake picked up my fumble and ran seventy-three yards for the game-winning touchdown.
The crowd cheered. The coach jumped with joy. Prudence squealed with delight. The team hoisted Mandrake onto their shoulders and carried him off the field.
He was the hero.
I lay on the ground with a face full of mud. I looked up to the bleachers.
My dad was gone.
Chapter Twenty
Next Stop: The Twilight Zone
Buildings and cars blurred by. I raced down darkened alleys and under broken street lamps. I ran from the football field so no one would see me. No one would see me run 108 miles per hour. No one would see my mud- and grass-stained jersey. No one would see the tears.
No one would see me get lifted off the ground and zoom into the sky.
“You!” I shouted the moment he put me down. “What do you want?”
“I saw tonight’s game,” he replied.
“Good for you. Can you put me back on the ground now?”
The Strike looked around. He had flown us to the top of a bridge support. There was more than enough room for both of us, and we were far away from any prying eyes.
“I’ve been watching you for some time,” The Strike said.
“Uh . . . you do realize how creepy that sounds, right?” I looked over the edge. There was no way I could get down without The Strike’s help.
On any other night, I would’ve asked a thousand questions. Why did he save me when I fought Dr. Robot and the Mole Master? Where has he been for the last twelve years? What did he want from me? Why did The Strike leave King Justice only a grocery list the night he disappeared twelve years ago? Why has he come back, now? Yeah, those are just some of the questions I would’ve asked on any other night. But tonight, I had only one: “Can I go home now?”
“It’s tough being a sidekick, isn’t it?” The Strike asked.
Oh great. It was the worst night of my life and I was stuck listening to Chicken Noodle Soup for the Sidekick’s Soul.
“You know, when I first became a superhero, I called myself The Brown Streak. It took me six months to figure out why all the villains kept laughing at me.” He paused.
“What’s your point?”
“I don’t know. I thought there was a moral in there somewhere.” The Strike thought for a moment. “Look, Speedy, after tonight, I know you want to give it all up and quit the Sidekicks...”
“Why shouldn’t I? Or didn’t you notice me eating a few mouthfuls of mud tonight? Or maybe you haven’t seen me waxing the Pumpkin-mobile lately, or you were busy doing whatever it is that you do the last time I saved the world and Charisma Kid got all the credit! What’s in all this for me?!”
“Just hang in there,” The Strike said. “‘Hang in there’?” I echoed. I couldn’t believe it. This guy was starting to sound like my dad! “That’s your advice? That’s why you brought me up here?”
“Look, I’m better at punching evil in the face than giving words of wisdom, okay? But yeah, that’s it. Hang in there,” The Strike repeated. “You’ve got a wonderful future ahead of you. A wonderful future...”
And with that, as he had done so many times before, The Strike shot into the sky and disappeared like a puff of smoke in the wind.
“HEY! HEY!” I shouted as loudly as I could. “WHO ARE YOU?!” But it was too late. He was gone. And then I remembered an even more important question . . .
“HOW THE HECK AM I GONNA GET DOWN FROM HERE?!”
Epilogue I
The First Epil ogue!
The next day, I was back at the League of Big Justice. A few minutes after The Strike had zoomed into the sky, my dad drove up in his car. He called the fire department, and they helped me get down from the bridge support.
I wandered through the League of Big Justice Super Justice Lobby until I came to King Justice’s Happy Place of Thinking and Satellite TV. The door slid open before I even knocked. King Justice waited inside.
“Speedy! Enter, my accelerating pal, and answer me this!” he rose from his favorite lounge chair and pointed to his large TV screen. “Will they vote Jim off the island? Will they vote Amy off the island? Only! Time! Will! Tell!”
“I’m sorry to bother you, sir...”
“Nonsense! Enter and bask in the glow of congratulations as I shake the five knuckles of justice in your honor!” King Justice rose his fist and... shook his five knuckles of justice in my honor. “Take that, evil!” He lowered his hand and patted me on the back. “I offer you thanks and gratitude! Pumpkin Pete has told me that without you, he would have never been able to defeat the crazy caramel corn ways of The Candy Man!”
“So...so he really told you what I did?” I couldn’t believe it! Pete finally gave me credit!
“Yes! He told me how you cheered and rooted as he flossed The Candy Man into submission!” King Justice put a massive hand on my back. “Never underestimate the value of having someone believe in you. Siss! Boom! Ba!”
I shook my head in dismay. When will I learn? “And now, my express mail human, allow me to wrap you in the fluffy down pillow of inquest!”
“Uh... you want to ask me a question?” “Do I! Would it be possible for you to do me the greatest favor one hero has asked another?”
This was so awesome! Maybe he heard what Charisma Kid did to me at the football game and King Justice was going to ask me to be his new sidekick! Or better yet, maybe he was going to ask me to join the League of Big Justice!
“By all that’s Spandex! Save me from the mad moppet known only as ... Super! Vision! Lad!”
As the words left King Justice’s mouth, Super Vision Lad bolted out from behind the couch. He raced over to King Justice and started punching him in the knee.
“Big man go punch!” Super Vision Lad shouted. “Yaaaay!”
“The world has never known a greater threat!” King Justice claimed.
“But Super Vision Lad’s not a villain!” I replied. “Villain! No! Pain in the neck! Yes! And! Such! Torture! For only ten dollars per hour!” King Justice gently nudged Super Vision Lad toward me.
“Don’t dwink shampoo!” Super Vision Lad yelled.
I took Super Vision Lad’s hand and was about to leave when I remembered the reason I came. I turned to King Justice and said, “Thanks for giving me the chance to a be a sidekick. I won’t let you down.”
King Justice smile
d, and Super Vision Lad bit my arm.
Epilogue II
The Last Epilogue!
I led Super Vision Lad into the Sidekick Super Clubhouse. Boom Boy was there with Spelling Beatrice. Cake and candy covered our table.
“CANDYYY!” Super Vision Lad shouted. He broke from my grip and raced to the table.
“Hey! Hey!” Boom Boy said. “You missed all the fun yesterday!”
“Yeah. I was a little busy saving the world from The Candy Man,” I informed him.
“Hey! More hamburgers for me!” Boom Boy replied.
“Where’d all the candy and cake come from?” I asked.
“Oh, we took it out of the pockets of that nut you glued yourself to yesterday.”
Before I could say anything about what a bad idea that was, Exact Change Kid came into the room with someone who appeared to be a new sidekick. The main reason I thought that is because we’re the only ones stupid enough to wear Spandex when it isn’t Halloween.
“Who’s that?” I asked Boom Boy.
“That’s the new sidekick — Haiku Boy. We think he’s gonna be a boomtastic addition to the team!”
Haiku Boy walked over to me and said, “Red cherry blossoms. Fall upon silent waters. Punching evil’s face.”
“What?” I said.
“Frogs hop on green stones. Flowers bend to kiss the sun. You look so confused.”
“Do you always speak in haiku?” I asked. “The ocean waves come. Fish glisten in the morning. I speak just haiku.” Haiku Boy smiled.
“So... he’s going to fight evil with poetry?” I asked Exact Change Kid.
“Not just poetry,” Exact Change Kid proudly announced. “Japanese poetry in lines of five, seven, and five syllables!”
I stared at Haiku Boy. He wore a bright red Spandex uniform. On his chest were the Japanese characters for “haiku.” Either that, or they were just some crazy scribbles that he thought all of us would think said “haiku.” His hair was spiky and blue, like he just fell out of a bad anime cartoon. He was constantly shifting into dramatic action poses, as if evil would attack at any second. He also wore red sports goggles.
“A gray mist lingers! The moon hangs low in the sky! Haiku Boy chops evil!” He gave a few quick karate chops to the air.
“Uh... you know that last line was six syllables?” I asked.
“Dude! Are you telling Haiku Boy how to haiku?” Boom Boy laughed. “That’s like telling you how to run fast.”
“No, listen,” I said, counting on my fingers to demonstrate. “Hai-ku Boy chops e-vil. Six syllables.”
“Ohhh!” Boom Boy replied. “So that’s what a syllable is!”
I could see beads of sweat rolling down the side of Haiku Boy’s face. “I ...I guess that’s why I’m just a sidekick.” He sighed. “I guess I’m not very good yet....”
“Don’t worry about it,” I assured him. “All of us still have problems with our powers.”
“But how many of you recite six syllables instead of five for the last line of a haiku?” Haiku Boy hung his head. “None of you. That’s how many.”
“Aw, so you can’t count right,” Boom Boy stepped in. “You’ve got a home now with the Side-kicks. We’re a team, and we always work together to help each other out. So don’t worry. If you make a mistake, we’re here to catch you, buddy!”
“Wow. That’s so cool.” Haiku Boy cheered up. “I know this is the beginning of a great superhero career!” He put out his hand. “By the way, my name’s Ivan Williams.”
Exact Change Kid’s eyes widened. Boom Boy shook his head. He leaned toward me and whispered, “Do you want to tell him he’s kicked out of the Sidekicks for breaking Rule #1, or should I?”
Author Bios
Biographies of the Authors!
Dan Danko attributes his love of comic books to his childhood belief that he’s from another planet. To this day, he has yet to be proven wrong.
Dan lists one of his greatest accomplishments as being fluent enough in Japanese to speak to a dim-witted seven-year-old. If Dan isn’t watching Lakers’ games, you’ll find him traveling to any country that has a traveler’s advisory from the U.S. State Department — much to his mother’s dismay.
He’s the tall one.
Tom Mason’s love of comic books and all things superhero-y began when he had the flu and his parents bought him a stack of comics and sent him to the doctor.
When he’s not selling his family’s heirlooms on eBay or scuba diving off the California coast, he enjoys playing horseshoes with a long list of celebrities, all of whom once appeared on The Love Boat.
He’s the cute one.
Dan and Tom are former editors and writers for Malibu and Marvel Comics, and they have also written for the TV series Malcolm in the Middle and Rugrats. They’ve been story editors on Pet Alien and on Nickelodeon’s Brothers Flub.
Their combined height is twelve feet, one inch.
P.S. And they still read comic books!