by K. M. Liss
Kate is hairless, shaven headed, and so pale, covered in black scratch marks and deep cuts everywhere. She has massive, black and purple colored bruising, and swelling around her eyes. She's hooked up to tubes and electrical sensors, black pads taped to her pale head. Her right leg is in plaster, ankle to thigh.
Her good arm lies at her side. And on that hand lays the head of another man, fast asleep.
Brendan, I presume, based on the bandages I see covering his arms.
He has his arm across her hips. It's possessive and much too intimate for my liking. It's almost more than I can take. A shocking rage rears its ugly head inside me.
I walk up to him and tap him on the back hard. He starts awake.
“You're in my space, bud,” I say in a strong tone.
“Oh yeah, what if I don't agree with that? What if I say it's my space?” He stands and we square up.
“I want to be alone...with my fiancé...right...now,” I say in a frozen voice through gritted teeth.
I hope he's got the message. I need someone to vent my anger on and he's so it...
He needs to fuck off. And fast. Because I won't be responsible for my actions if he doesn't.
He walks past me and out the door.
I hover over the bed. “Oh, Kate baby...I love you.” I kiss her warm lips over and over; stroke her soft shaven head carefully avoiding her raised, stitched-up cuts. I sink into the chair at her side. My eyes fill and I cry all over her hand.
My beautiful, beautiful Kate. How could God do this to her?
Now I'm blaming God. I'm so angry and sick with the world.
Ironically, the next thought in my mind is a prayer. I pray God will send her back.
And I'm never letting her out of my sight again. I'm sitting right here until the end. Whatever that is.
I doze and kiss her, and doze again...for what seems like hours. Until someone taps me on the back. It's Bambi and Harry.
I give her mom a while with her while I chat with Harry. He's a good guy. Pleasant, grounded, and strong. I wonder to myself how strong he'd be if Bambi were the one in that bed, unconscious and broken to smithereens.
I'm doing my best to man up, but I'm falling to pieces in his presence.
He gives me a quick shoulder hug. Tells me I'm to go back to his, sleep for a few hours.
“No, I'm staying here. With Kate.” I will not be moved, for any reason.
“Call me if you need a break, okay? Or if there's anything at all you need or want.”
“Sure, thanks, Harry.”
I don't want to converse, or make any kind of inane small talk. I want to be in there. With her. Holding her hand and willing her back. I'm sure if anyone can do it, it's me.
A half day after my arrival, David, introduces himself to me. He's the male nurse in charge of ICU.
“I've received the initial test results back.”
“Right, and what were you testing for?”
“A few standard things, bloods, sodium levels, a few other things.”
“Everything okay, is it?”
“Fine, your fiancée is a healthy and a fit young woman, despite her injuries. And she's also pregnant.”
I laugh nervously in disbelief.
“She's on the pill, she can't be. I've seen her taking it.”
“Pill or not, she is. Very early stages of pregnancy, a week or two maybe. I don't think she knows yet, but that's just a guess.”
“No...I am not hearing this,” I whisper.
“The pregnancy may not survive. A shock like she's had often ends in a natural termination. I'd prepare for that being a real possibility,” David continues.
“Can we keep this quiet, please? Just between us two, for a few days...?”
Boy, do I need to get my head around this shocker somehow.
“It's your's and Kate's baby. There's no need to tell anyone else.”
Hearing the bunch of cells inside her being called a baby makes my stomach roll.
My baby? Me a dad? No...I just can't hack it. Just three weeks ago I didn't have a real girlfriend and now I could be a father? Fucking hell!
I get up and leave the room for a moment. I take a walk around the grounds of the hospital and grab a coffee on the way back for my shock.
I'm coming to terms with it pretty damn fast. If anyone's gonna have my child, it'll be Kate. It's a lot sooner than I'd have liked, but hell, if life wants to throw me a curve ball, I can deal with it. Whatever it is. I take a deep breath as I return to her side. I look at her pale beauty. Even completely bald, covered in bruises and cuts she's so special and beautiful to me. I run my hand over her stomach and quietly say a little prayer for the baby growing inside her.
Joseph or Josephine, after my dad Joe...if she likes those names.
~ * ~
Three days have passed by with small breaks from her bedside for visits from the rest of the family.
I steel myself inside when Brendan visits her. There's definitely a real problem between us, but now's not the time to go there.
Her father has been told about her accident, but apparently he is currently in hospital himself with a bronchial problem. We're sending his aide updates on her condition. Not that there's much to say, other that she's stable and unconscious.
The nurses, doctors and I are now on first name terms. I've forced myself to leave her side for a few minutes here and there to go for a quick walk, and to eat, shower, and change my clothes. I'm almost too tired to think straight. I can't sleep for more than an hour in that fucking hard chair, but I can't leave her. I know I'm probably not doing myself, or her, any good running myself into the ground physically, but I have such a strong need to be here. To keep on with what I'm doing. Getting her back. I keep squeezing her hand and praying, and kissing her face and praying some more.
HER
I'm floating. It's so bright. I can hear faint laughter.
Then I drift away as it darkens again.
Through the darkness I hear a child's voice calling me.
Did I hear the word Mommy...?
My eyes fly open.
I'm lying on soft short grass. It's full of daisies, everywhere. As my eyes come into full focus, I see a young boy standing before me. Dressed in a loose white shirt and black pants. No more than three or four years old. Collar-length dark hair sweeps around his chubby face. His brown eyes twinkle with mischief. He looks familiar, but I don't know why.
He holds out his small hand and I take it, rising from the ground effortlessly, weightlessly, and I follow him toward a house, situated on the brow of a small incline in the distance.
“Is that your house?” I ask him.
He giggles. A beautiful high-pitched childlike giggle. “Silly Mommy, it's our house.”
“What's your name?” I ask him. He's obviously confusing me with someone else. I'm not his mommy and I don't live here. Actually, I don't know who I am or where I live. But I definitely don't recognize anything around me.
“I'm your Joe.” He looks at me in confusion as if he can't possibly imagine how I've forgotten his name.
“Oh yes, so you are. How could I forget my Joe?” I lie.
I don't know anyone by that name. But I can't remember any names. Including my own.
“Race me.” He loosens his grasp and darts off ahead, his little legs carrying him swiftly across the daisy-strewn lawn toward the white-painted house. I follow, in a half run, a little skip in my step. And then I slow in wonder as the ocean comes into view. The house sits on the rise of sand dunes, on the edge of the beach. The golden sand, and bright blue of the white-whipped breakers lie beyond a long stretch of front yard. I catch up with Joe as he climbs on his swing to the side of the house.
“Push me, Mommy, I want to go high.”
I push him as he swings for a while, his squeals of delight make me smile inside and outside.
I'm enjoying this but I need to find his mommy for him soon.
“Stop me now...it's time for you to go,” he say
s. I slow his swing to a halt and he hops off and takes my hand, leading me toward the bright red door ahead of us. I'm suddenly nervous. It feels surreal. This whole place. The gardens. The beach. Like I've conjured up an idyllic little world somehow. Everything is unreal except Joe. He's as real as real can be. I squeeze his warm little hand tightly.
He opens the door, twisting the brass doorknob and standing aside.
“Go in Mommy, he's waiting.”
“Who's waiting?”
“Daddy,” he replies with a little giggle.
“Are you coming in Joe? Come and show me your daddy.”
“Not now. I want to play ball.” He smiles at me. A gorgeous little grin. His sweet baby teeth are so beautifully white. He runs off around the corner as I stand watching him go from the doorstep.
My heart is pounding as proceed inside the dark entryway of the house. I'm curious to see who's inside there. Who his daddy is. The next second, the door slams shut behind me. It's pitch black and I'm afraid as a strong force sweeps me upward into the light. And then warmth envelops me. The light is too bright in my head. It hurts me. But I want to see what's there. I need to see who is there. I try to open my tightly closed eyes, but it's so, so hard. Painfully hard, to force them apart.
Then I feel something soft and lovely. Someone's holding my face and kissing me, saying something, calling to me. My senses bring my memories flooding back. I know that gorgeous, wonderful voice, his smell, and the feel of him as he touches me.
It's him. Aaron... and I remember my own name at the same time... Kate... I'm Kate.
But where's Joe? Where's he's gone? Was he just a dream? No. He was real. I'm sure he was.
HIM
I'm kissing her face and talking to her when I notice a tiny movement.
Did her eyelids just flutter?
I kiss her some more a little harder, desperately willing her and coaxing her out.
“Kate, come on, Kate...come back to me...please...?” I rub her face insistently and her eyes suddenly open wide and stare into mine.
I gasp in shock as she focuses on me.
“Hello, baby,” I whisper, almost speechless and breathless with relief and love.
“Where am I?” she croaks in a tiny voice.
“It's the hospital. You had a little accident. I'm here looking after you.” I can't help it and break down and sob all over her face, kissing her to pieces. “I love you so much, Kate.” I sniff hard, trying to get myself in order.
Her hand moves up my shoulder and touches my head, stroking my hair.
“Love you too...so thirsty, Aaron. Water...please,” she croaks. The sound of my name on her lips makes me so happy I could shout.
I press the attendant button for the nurse.
She appears in the room a few seconds later.
“She's awake, and thirsty,” I announce, with the biggest smile ever.
She smiles back at me. “Well isn't that great news? Let me check her over.”
The nurse asks her to move her hand, wiggle her toes, turn her head, and various other things. She checks her IV drip and resets her electrical equipment, finally giving her some water.
I watch her eyes, as they stare at me, and then flutter closed again.
“What's happening?” I ask the nurse in concern.
“Everything's fine. She's just asleep. She'll come and go for a while. Don't worry. It's normal.”
My world is a wonderful place again. She's with me and she still knows me.
I call every one I can think of in the highest elation.
~ * ~
It's three days after she gained consciousness and I'm speaking to Mom, yet again, giving her yet another update. She called me this time, which was nice, and she's telling me don't even think about coming back to Venice. She won't hear of it. She understands, and says she's fine with the girls at her side when she has her planned laser treatment op. She says she's more comfortable with the girls, given the nature of the cancer, which I understand completely. I say I'll get over there as soon as I can bring Kate with me. God knows when that will be. But I'm not leaving her.
I haven't told her about the pregnancy yet. It's hard to broach the subject, considering it may not last. But every day that passes gives me more hope that it will. The nursing staff have kept it quiet and after a discussion with David and Bambi, who I have already told, he has agreed to let me tell her when she gets home tomorrow. As long as I tell her straight away, which I've promised, in the presence of Harry & Bambi, to do.
Kate and I are on the way home to Harry's today. We've employed a private nurse and I'm staying there as long as I have to.
We get her home, and after a very long and slow hobble through the house, onto her bed. She's lying down, wearing a pale blue and extremely sweet Hello Kitty nightdress her mom got for her. Her hair is already visible, growing a little. She looks impish. Cute and pixie-like.
Her facial bruises are fading, the swelling has gone down around her eyes and nose, and she's starting to look more like the Kate she was.
I know it'll be months before she can walk properly again, as she's got multiple fractures in her leg, but she's gonna do fine. I'm making sure of that.
Bambi and the nurse go off to the kitchen for some coffee.
“Okay?” I ask her, fussing around her, straightening her huge expanse of white bedclothes.
“Yes... fine...stop fussing,” she says and grins at me.
I lean over and kiss her cute grin.
“Want anything?”
“Just you.”
“You've got me already.”
“I know.”
I sit at her side, holding her hand.
We've spoken about lots of things the past few days. Her song writing, her plans and mine. We're looking forward to the future. Both of us. Together. So far I've avoided talking much about the accident, but I'm curious about it and what followed.
“Kate...I was wondering. What was it like, being unconscious?”
“Black, filled with nothing, oddly enough.” She laughs.
“So you don't remember a thing?” That's kinda disappointing. I was hoping there'd been something going on in her head.
“After the accident, no. But I had a dream, just before I woke up. A really strange one.”
“Tell me about it.”
“It was sunny and I was laying on some grass. A little boy was there. He played some games with me and told me to go inside his house. I asked him his name and he said he was Joe. It was really odd, Aaron, because he kept calling me mommy and said I had to see his daddy.”
I have a hot blood rush in my head. I'm quite sure she doesn't know my father was called Joe. I've never mentioned his name to her.
A little boy calling her Mommy? It's more than strange. It's unbelievable as far as coincidences are concerned.
“A little boy called Joe? That's a sweet name, Kate. And he led you back to me, did he?”
“He said I had to see his daddy. I didn't ever get to see him because the next thing, there you were. And you know what was really odd? He looked like you as a boy. Like that photo in your room at your mom's. Perhaps it was you who I was dreaming of?”
“No, I don't think it was me you were dreaming of, honey,” I say slowly.
“Why not?”
“I think there's another reason you saw him.” My heart thumps uncontrollably in my chest.
“And what reason is that?”
I squeeze her hand, take a deep breath and tell her what she needs to know. “Kate, I know this is going to come as a shock, but you're pregnant baby. And I think little Joe's in there.” I rub her stomach softly.
She laughs and stares at me in disbelief. “Don't be stupid. What are you saying, Aaron? I can’t be pregnant. How can I be?”
“You definitely are, it's been confirmed by the hospital, and I'm guessing he's our Joe.”
“Oh God...I really can't believe it...”
“I found it kinda hard to believe myself at firs
t. It took a bit of getting used to.”
“Holy smoke...I think I need to lie down, but oh fuck, I already am.”
I laugh at her sweet, stunned facial expression.
Then I try and explain the other part, carefully.
“I've been told not to be too hopeful. The shock from the accident can bring on a miscarriage...he might not survive, sweetheart.”
“Right...so we'd better not get too attached to Joe then, had we? It's probably just as well anyway, isn't it?” She scans my face looking for a clue as to my feelings. I'm doing the same thing to her.
But I'm already more than attached to Joe and I'm not fucking about over that for a second.
“Baby, I'm praying he's okay. I'm so pleased about it.”
“You're pleased?” she says in a shocked voice.
“Ecstatic.” I grin.
She smiles back at me, beaming with happiness, lifts her head and kisses me.
“God! I really can't believe all this is happening. One minute I'm almost dead and the next I'm baby-on-board. And so much for being on the pill...jeez... 99.9 per cent reliable?” She laughs and smiles at me, a heart stopping gorgeous smile.
“It does seem as if something was very determined to get together between us.”
She turns on her side, facing me with an amazed expression.
“Determined? I'm thinking your boys must be Olympic triathletes.”
“I'd like to think that, but maybe it was you? Perhaps your girl was so desperate for company she came out of hiding and threw herself in my river.”
“Ha ha,” she giggles sweetly. “God knows, or maybe he doesn't?”
“I guess it'll always be a mystery, won't it Kate? And you know something? I kinda like that.”
“Yeah, me too...and talking of mysteries, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. For some mysterious reason, Bren seems to think we're engaged. Did you propose to me when I was unconscious?”
“No, that was my reaction to seeing him lying all over you when I arrived at the hospital. I needed to pull rank.”
I really can't stand to be in the same room as him, but I don't need to tell her that. I'm so pleased he's gone back to Austin now.