I glance at the passenger’s seat, my mouth wide open and said, "Please stop. Please."
"Well you asked what signs, so I'm telling ya. Don't blame me if you don't like the answers."
"Oh, for the love of Mike."
"What? Who's Mike?"
"It's an expression, Ma."
"Well it ain't a good one. What if you're Mike and someone says it to you? That'd be confusing."
I laughed. "Welcome back, Ma. I've missed you."
"Like I said, I never left."
We pulled onto Hayden's street and counted ten cars parked on the road and driveway. I pulled up next to the driveway and shut off the engine. The main floor of Hayden's house was lit up and girls’ shadows shone through the window, filling the front room. I stayed in the car with my invisible mother, whom I assumed was still hovering next to me. "Well, you're right. Something's going on," I said.
"Uh huh, and you're not gonna like it. All those doodads and creams."
I wrinkled my nose. "What doodads and creams?"
"The sex stuff. Ya know, that stuff they sell in those adult only shops on the interstate. They're all over that house. Some floozy brought 'em over and is showing the girls how to use 'em. She's telling them all how it's gonna make sex better, make 'em feel good. We gotta get Emily outta there before I go in there and start throwin' that crap through the windows."
"No throwing anything through the windows, Ma. Promise me, okay?"
She didn't respond. "Ma? You still here?"
"Ah Madone, yes. Now let's go, we gotta hurry."
I didn't need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on in Hayden's house. "It's a sex toy party, Ma, that's all."
"I don't know about that. All I know is she's got creams and doodads and some electric stuff. Says it'll make 'em feel good, but Emily could shock herself or something. I don't know, but I bet gettin' shocked in your twat would hurt like a son-of-a-gun."
I dropped my head onto the steering wheel and sighed. "Ma, nobody calls it a twat anymore and besides, they use batteries, and I don't think you can get shocked from batteries."
"Batteries can still give you a shock, Ang. Remember that time your brother Pauly made you lick the battery? Sent you flying, the shock. Ah Madone, that was funny." She snorted again. "And how do you know those things use batteries anyway? You got one?"
Whoops.
"Mel has stuff, Ma. And I'm pretty sure it's just a sex toy party. I'm not thrilled she's here, but she's not going to lose her virginity tonight, and I'm certainly not going to barge in there and embarrass her. She'd never live that down."
"You're right, you can't go in there. Girls are horrible. I remember how you were."
"What's that mean?"
"You were a cagna, ya know."
"I was not a bitch, Ma."
"Were too."
She was half right. There were times I was a cagna, just not all of the time. "Okay, so I was sometimes, but not all of the time."
"You say tomato, I say tomahto," she said.
"You're funny."
She ignored that. "Be right back. I'm gonna go take a peek and make sure she's not boinkin' that boy in the closet or something."
That boy?
"Ma, please don't break or move anything."
She didn't respond.
"Ma?"
Still nothing.
"I know you hear me, Ma. Keep everything intact, please."
"Well I'll be damned," Ma said.
I jumped in my seat. "Please don't startle me like that, and what? What'd you see?"
"I've never seen anything like that in my life," she said.
"Is she with a boy? What boy?" Emily didn't have a boyfriend, or at least not one I knew about.
"Nah, she's not with a boy. It's the stuff. They're gonna go to hell in a hand-basket using that stuff, that's for sure."
"I'm sure it's just a few gadgets and body lotions," I said.
"Oh yah? Well I've never seen body lotion shaped like a pecker, and with a finger growin' outta it. I don't know what that's for, but I'm telling ya, it can't be good. They called it a rabbit, but it doesn't look soft and fluffy to me."
Oh boy, they had a rabbit. I knew what it was but only because I saw pictures. Honest. "Did Emily have one?"
"No. She said no when that floozy told her to try it out in the bathroom. Thank God for that. It's probably full of germs and she'd end up with that crotch disease like Al Capone."
My temples throbbed. "Emily isn't going to get syphilis, Ma."
"Ya never know. You need to get that girl a chastity belt."
***
Josh was waiting for us when we got home. "Is Emily okay? Grandma, you were supposed to keep me posted."
"Ah, Josh, your sister, she's fine. Don't you don't worry your little head about her, ya hear? I'm sorry I didn't come back, but your Ma and me, we got to talking, and I forgot. We've got a lot of catchin' up to do, now, too, ya know."
"I know. Look, I got my braces off." Josh smiled big at someone I so desperately wanted to see.
"And you look mighty good, too, more handsome without those braces. You're becoming such a big boy. You got good genes, from my side."
His eyes lit up. "Thanks, Grandma. I got a lot to tell you, too. Will you come back soon?"
"I'm always around. Just call for me, okay my bellissimo ragazzo? My beautiful boy?"
"Okay."
I put my hands on Josh's shoulders and gave him a kiss on his head. I realized that one day he'd be taller than me and I wouldn't be able to do that. My emotions were heightened and feeling the sadness about my baby growing up, I hugged him tight. "It's bed time now, Little Man."
"What about Emily?"
"She's fine. Grandma misunderstood what was going on."
"So she's not in trouble?"
"I didn't say that."
"Awesome. Love you, Mama. Love you too, Grandma."
I shook my head. "That boy loves to see his sister in trouble." I walked into the family room. "Ma, you here?"
"Like mother like son," Ma said.
"What?" I shook my head. "That's not how the saying goes, Ma and besides, it's not true anyway."
"You did the same thing to Pauly. He was such a good boy and you were constantly getting him in trouble. Demone bambina, you were."
"Me, the demon child?" I shook my head. "He locked me in the neighbor's shed. He pushed me down the stairs and told me I was going to die in a plane crash." I threw my hands up. "While I was on a plane for the first time! He was the demon child, Ma, not me."
"Boys will be boys."
"He locked me in a shed, Ma. In a shed. I only got out because the neighbor heard me crying."
"Well, you always were a little loud."
I threw myself onto the couch and sighed. "I give up. Welcome back, Ma."
"You gotta learn to forgive and forget, Angela. Holdin' all that bitterness inside, it's not good. Like Linda said, you should meditate."
"Oh, geez. I wanna see you try it. It's not easy."
"Hum. Hum," she sang, completely off key. "Us celestial beings, we meditate all the time."
"I can't see you, Ma, and it's um, not hum."
"Well, it's different in the afterlife."
"Uh huh. If you can meditate, then I'm the Virgin Mary."
She laughed. "That's a load of bull hockey if I've ever heard one. You got your father's genes, ya know."
I sniffed and wiped my nose. "I can't believe he's gone." A lumped formed in my throat. "Forget it," I said. "I can't talk about him, not yet."
"I heard you, ya know."
I crossed my arms and ran my hands up and down my shoulders. "What do you mean?"
"After he died. I heard you. I was here. Even though you couldn't see me anymore, I never left."
My chin trembled and my heart ached. "I can't do this now, Ma. I just can't."
"You gotta talk about him, ya know. Get it out. It helps."
The temperature in the room rose a
nd my cheeks got hot. "Ma, please, just drop it."
"You want I should go see one of your brothers? They don't yell at me."
"That's because they can't see you."
"Yah, well, neither can you."
"You know what I mean." I rubbed my eyes. "I'm sorry, Ma. I've waited months to be able to talk to you and what do I do? I bitch. I'm a horrible daughter." I cried more and sniffled the snot back into my nose.
"What are you cryin' for? That's what we do. We kvetch at each other. It's the way we show our love. Ah Madone, stop cryin' already. Your face gets all swollen and puffy and it ain't pretty."
I wiped my eyes again and laughed. "I missed you, Ma."
"I never left you, Ang. Never."
CHAPTER FIVE
"MAMA, WAKE UP." Josh shook me awake.
I rubbed my eyes with my fists. "Hey, Little Man. What time is it?"
"Eight fifteen."
I sat up. "Oh, geez. I fell asleep on the couch."
"Uh, yeah. That's where you are now," he said. "Where's Grandma?"
I scanned the room, and then remembered I couldn't see her anyway. "I don't know. Can't see her, remember?"
He walked around the room, came back to the couch and crouched down on the floor next to it. "She's not here. What if she doesn't come back?"
I pulled him onto the couch and wrapped my arms around him. "She will, Little Man. I don't think she ever really left us. I think we just couldn't see or hear her is all."
"Stuff because of Grandpa, right?"
I nodded. "Probably, but I think now that we're feeling better things will go back to how they were before."
"Why can't you see her?"
"Beats me, but I can hear her, so that's good."
"What about Grandpa? Do you think I'll see him?"
"I don't know."
"I miss him."
I squeezed him tighter. "Me, too."
"Mama?"
"Yeah?"
"I can't breathe."
"Oh, sorry." I released my death grip.
"And can you make pancakes?"
"Why? Your hands broken?"
He held his hands up, fingers pointing in different directions. "I think so."
"Okay, fine, but you're cleaning up."
"It's Emily's turn."
I stood. "She's not even here, Josh."
He shrugged, and we walked into the kitchen.
Josh got out the pancake supplies while I checked my phone. Mel had sent four text messages.
"Nick trimmed the rose bushes in the back yesterday and woke up today with poison ivy. Think it was Fran?" She wrote.
"Probably," I wrote back. I decided to tell her about hearing Ma after breakfast.
I made pancakes in the shape of Mickey Mouse and one in the shape of a penis. Inappropriate? Probably, but it made my son laugh and sometimes that was more important than acting appropriately. Neither of us could bring ourselves to eat the penis pancake though, so Gracie got a special breakfast treat. I laughed because Josh cringed as the dog scarfed it down.
Wide-eyed, he said, "Wow. She's got a big mouth."
I held back a giggle. "Go ahead and get dressed. I'll clean up."
"You sure, Mama?"
"I can change my mind if you'd like."
He jumped out of the chair and bolted up the stairs. I gathered the dishes and turned on the water. It immediately shut off and I heard Ma laugh. "You're funny, Ma. Can you turn it back on, please?"
It turned back on. "Thank you."
I rinsed the dishes and shut off the water and it came back on again. "Having fun?"
The garbage disposal switched on. "Seriously?"
It shut off.
"Thank you." I didn't let her little game annoy me. Happy to have her back, I decided I'd let her have her fun, at least for as long as I could stand it. I piddled around in the kitchen a little longer and then texted Jake before I headed upstairs to take a shower.
"I CAN HEAR MA!" I used the all-caps feature on my phone for effect. I was a little miffed he hadn't called me back last night, especially since I sent a cryptic message to get his attention. He'd probably stayed up late entertaining clients, and his phone died, but it still annoyed me. Since he didn't respond, I texted Mel the same message.
"OMG! COMING OVER NOW!"
"Give me a half hour. Getting in the shower."
"Hurry, I don't want to see you naked."
"Most would kill for a peek," I responded.
"Ew."
I finished my shower and called Jake again. This time he answered, so I told him about Ma.
He laughed about Ma messing with me in the kitchen. "That's Fran, all right."
"Yup. And I didn't even get mad. You'd have been proud."
"More like shocked."
"Thanks for your support."
"Anytime."
I passed on telling him about Emily and the sex toy party, knowing it would set a negative tone for his day. As for talking to Emily about it, I couldn't let her know I knew, so I had to think of a way to discuss sex—and the fact that she couldn't have any until she was at least thirty. I figured I'd say something like, "You better not be having sex or I'll ship you off to a convent. That's it. You're grounded for life. Go to your room."
Yup, that would work.
***
When I got downstairs, Mel was already at the kitchen table talking to Josh. She hadn't brought coffee or cupcakes. I held my hands up. "What the heck? Where's my red velvet?"
She looked me up and down. "Looks like it's attached to your boot-tay."
I pointed at her and said, "Watch it, Melissa," and then giggled under my breath.
"Oooh, she called you by your full name," Josh said. "You're in trouble now."
I winked at him. "He's right."
Mel laughed and waved a hand at my son. "That's alright, Josh. I can handle your mother."
"In your dreams," I said.
"Thankfully you're not in my dreams, especially when they're about Ryan Reynolds."
Josh got up. "Awkward," he said as he scooted out of the kitchen.
We both laughed. "Easiest way to get rid of a kid," Mel said. "Just mention sex and they're running like a Kenyan in a marathon."
"Interesting comparison."
"I just read an article about Kenyan runners and how they're genetically predisposed to being good at it."
"I made a penis shaped pancake for breakfast."
She nodded. "Nice."
I shrugged. "We couldn't eat it so we gave it to Gracie."
"Probably best."
"Coffee?"
"Thought you'd never ask."
I put on a pot of dark roast and sat down at the table with Mel. She put her hands on the table and leaned toward me. "So tell me what happened and don't leave anything out."
I told her how Josh saw and heard Ma but how I couldn't and that it ticked me off and then I could hear her and we went to Hayden's because Emily was there for a sex party. "And they had the Rabbit," I said, and shook my head.
"Oh my."
I nodded.
"Did she buy one?" she asked.
"She better not have or I'm sending her to a convent."
Mel laughed. "They don't accept women who aren't Catholic, you know."
"I'll lie and tell them she was baptized Catholic but I didn't force her to go to church."
"Yeah, that'll work."
"You never know."
"Seriously though, I'm so happy for you." She grabbed my hands and shook them. "You can hear Fran!"
I smiled. "I know, it's amazing, isn't it?"
"Hey," Mel said. "Do you think she's the one who gave Nick the flat tire? And the poison ivy?"
"You betcha," Ma said.
I jumped. "Jesus, Ma." I slapped my hand against my chest. "You scared the crap outta me."
Mel shot up out of her seat. "Fran's here? ‘Hi Fran.’" She waved. "I'm so glad you're back."
"Ah Madone, tell her I'm a celestial being. I never left. W
e don't screw things up, it's you who did that."
I shook my head. "Oh, geez."
"What'd she say?"
"She told me to tell you she never left, that I screwed up and that celestial beings don't."
She sat back down. "God, I love your mother."
"Harumph. At least someone appreciates me," Ma said.
"I appreciate you, Ma, and you're not helping, Mel." I got up and poured us both coffee.
"What'd I do?" Mel asked.
"Yeah, what'd she do? All's she said is she loves me. Nothing wrong with that, is there?"
I wanted a shot of rum in my coffee, but it wasn't even noon, so I grabbed a bag of Oreos instead and sat back down at the table.
"I sure do miss coffee," Ma said. "I just want to smell it. Just one more time."
"Ma, we've had this conversation before. A few times, actually."
"So? It's important for me to express my feelings. You wanna deny me that?"
Maybe that rum wasn't such a bad idea.
"What's she saying?" Mel asked. "I hate that I can't hear her."
I raised my eyebrows at my friend. "Now you know how I've been feeling." I handed her an Oreo. "Ma, we need to talk to you about Nick." I dipped an Oreo into my coffee.
"That's gross," Mel said.
"Nuh uh," I said with a mouth full of coffee-drenched Oreo. It was heavenly. I dunked another one and then dangled it in Mel's face. "Want some? I'll even dunk it more for you, if you'd like."
She stuck her finger in her mouth. "Blech."
"That's fine. I'll enjoy the food-gasm without you."
"Did your mom leave?"
I dunked the Oreo again and stuffed it in my mouth. I said, "Ma, you still here," but with a full mouth of Oreo it sounded more like maf-youf-stiff-herf.
She didn't respond.
"Ma?"
Mel's coffee cup moved across the table, sending Mel out of her seat, about three feet into the air. "Holy crap!"
I think I peed a little, watching her jump. I guffawed, spitting Oreo onto the table. "Gosh, it's really funny when it happens to you."
She gave me the stink eye. "No, it's not." She straightened her shirt and sat back down. "Good God, that would drive me crazy."
I nodded. "Ma, stop screwin' with Mel. She's gonna wet herself."
Ma howled. "Ah Madone, that's so much fun."
"I think I did wet myself," Mel said.
Unbreakable Bonds (An Angela Panther Mystery Book 2) Page 8