"That's a tough call. None of them read my notes, Jake included. Think I should put masking tape across it, too?"
She nodded. "Probably a good idea."
I made fresh coffee and gave Mel a cup.
"We need to talk about the warning," she said.
"Penis isn't a warning, Mel. It's a word."
"Why the heck did she spell out penis anyway?"
"How should I know? You're the horny one. You tell me."
"You've got a point."
I noticed Mel's eyes were puffy and I wanted to kick myself for not noticing sooner. "You know what we need to do," I said. "We need to sit here and eat our cupcakes until we're ready to throw up and laugh about stupid stuff, like we did before both of our lives got on the crazy train. That's what we need to do."
"Damn straight." She held up a cupcake and took a bite. "Screw the crazy train."
I held up a cupcake, too. "Yeah, screw the crazy train." I took a big bite and let pieces drop from my mouth.
So we ate cupcakes, drank coffee and laughed until we cried. Sometimes there was nothing more healing than laughing with your best friend.
CHAPTER FOUR
EMILY CALLED LATER THAT DAY and asked if she could stay the night at Hayden's. I hadn't mentioned the basement, and knew she'd hate the serious case of Angela whoop-ass she'd get when she got home the next day.
Not in the mood for cooking, I gave Josh the decision of what to pick up. He picked Chick-fil-A. I got a shake and chicken nuggets. Not a smart move on my part but I figured I'd run it off later. We sat at the kitchen table, drank our shakes, and ate our chicken nuggets.
"Grandpa did that."
"Huh?"
He pointed to the microwave. "That. Grandpa did it."
"What makes you think that, Little Man?"
"My dream, Mama. Remember? He said he likes electrical stuff."
"I don't think that's what he meant."
"I bet he did. If I could blow stuff up, I would, and you always say I'm like Grandpa."
I nodded. "You've got a point." I eyed the microwave.
He gobbled his dinner down in less than three minutes and retreated back into his not-quite-a-man-yet cave.
I cleaned up the kitchen and thought about the microwave. "Dad? Are you here?" I waited for a shift in temperature or a slight tap on my shoulder, but nothing happened. "Sure wish you were around."
I plopped down on the couch, excited to not only have the room to myself, but also to have complete, utter control of the TV. That hadn't happened since I married Jake. I flipped through the channels and stopped on one with a commercial for popcorn. I could almost smell the butter from the TV. Suddenly craving the buttery artery-clogger, I headed into the kitchen to nuke a bag. I grabbed a bag and ripped off the plastic but when I went to put it in the microwave, the sign stopped me. "Well, crap." I tossed the popcorn bag back into the drawer and grabbed a bag of cookies instead. I made a mental note to suck it up and go shopping for a new microwave soon.
I poured myself a glass of Diet Coke and plopped back on the couch. I flipped through the channels, searching for something entertaining. The TV, a monstrous flat screen I'd bought for Jake last year, and the surround sound system he'd installed made the house shake so I turned it down.
I'd flipped through all of the regular channels and finally settled on some show about mountain lions, but when a baby was killed, I switched to a cheesy ghost hunter show. I understood the circle of life but I didn't need to see it in action.
Even before my psychic gift kicked in, I never thought ghost hunter shows were real. This one was ridiculously cheesy, too. The smarmy host spent more time flexing his oversized biceps than ghost hunting.
This episode's location was a hotel in the south rumored to be where a woman who was stood up on her wedding day decided to kill herself by drowning in a bathtub. Seemed to me there were easier ways to do it but maybe back then there weren't. A psychic medium attempted to contact the woman. I had a feeling the medium was a scam and watched to see.
The medium's head rocked back and forth like one of those bobble heads my mother got Josh for Christmas a few years back. He told the host he was receiving a message from the jilted bride. "She's coming through strong now," he said.
The host did a quick pose for the camera, ran his fingers though his perfectly coifed hair and then pretended to mess with some big piece of equipment strapped to his chest. It made an assortment of loud and annoying beeping sounds. "She sure is," he said.
The medium's head stopped bobbling and he was having a one-sided conversation, saying things like, I'm sorry, it's not your fault, and you need to move into the light. I booed at the TV and said things like bull crap.
I guzzled the rest of my Diet Coke and went to get a refill. Gracie sniffed my part of the couch for dropped cookie crumbs. When she found nothing, she jumped off the couch and followed me into the kitchen. I grabbed the Diet Coke from the fridge and poured it into my glass, still watching the medium on the show, when the TV went to snow and static. A few seconds later it came back on and both the host and medium looked spooked.
The host turned away from the camera and asked someone off screen, "Are we back on?" He nodded, faced the camera and then explained that something had happened to their electrical circuits, something he believed was caused by the ghost bride.
The medium shook his head. "No, it wasn't her." He rubbed his ear and then nodded several times. "Yes. Yes, I will."
The host spoke to someone off screen again. "You're getting this, right?"
The medium paced in circles around the screen, his head nodding continuously. "She has a message for someone," he said, and then stopped pacing and stared into the camera. It felt like he was looking right at me. She says, "Ah Madone, trying to use the Ouija Board was stupid. Wake up, for crying out loud, because your Ma's got stuff to tell you."
I held the Diet Coke bottle in midair and screamed. "Josh!"
He ran into the kitchen, panting. "What's wrong?"
I pointed to the TV and said, "Uh, the...the..." Nothing coherent came out of my mouth and my son eyeballed me like I had snot dripping from my nose.
"Yeah, Mama. It's a TV." He turned to go back to his not-yet-a-man cave.
I shook my head and stomped my foot. "No, Josh, I know that. I mean, I want you to watch the show."
"I'm in the middle of a game. Can I watch it later?"
"No. I want you to watch it now," I pushed him into the family room.
"But I'm in the middle of a game."
"It's just two minutes."
"But they're gonna kill my guy, and I was winning."
I clenched my teen in frustration. "It's two minutes, Josh. Come on."
"Gee Mama, chill." Josh shook his head.
"I'm chilled. Now watch this with me, please. I wanna know what you think."
***
"Cool. Grandma's on TV."
"So you think it's her, too?"
"I mean, she said, Ah Madone and everything. No one else says that."
"Can you tape the show for me?"
"Nope."
"Josh, please stop giving me such a hard time and help me, okay?"
"Uh, Mom? I can't tape the show because it's already over."
"Oh." I rubbed my arms. "Are you sure?"
He grabbed the remote and hit a bunch of the buttons. "There. I recorded the episode when it's on again tomorrow night. You know, Turner's mom isn't drinking Diet Coke anymore and he says she's really nice now. Even got him a new phone for no reason."
"Thank you," I said, ignoring his psychoanalysis of my Diet Coke issues. I opened my arms to him and we hugged. "Thank you for helping me."
"You're welcome."
He shook his head, too.
I shooed him away with my hand. "Go play your game. Love you."
He smiled. "Love you too, Mama."
***
I called Jake and left him a cryptic message about the show. Cryptic messages usually got a qui
ck return call. "Hey. Ma was on TV. Hope your day was good. Love you, mean it, bye."
I sent Mel a text. "Ma contacted me."
"What?" She wrote back.
"On TV."
"Hole-eee crap! How?"
"She interrupted the ghost hunter show with the guy who has the huge biceps."
"Oooh. He's hot."
"He's gross. You can have him."
"Duly noted. So what happened?"
I called her and gave her the details and told her Josh had the DVR set to record it the next night.
"Told you the Ouija Board was a dumb idea."
"That's what you got outta this?"
"Absolutely. So what happens now?" She asked.
"Beats me. I guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Seems to be helping."
"What exactly is it you're doing?"
"Uh, winging it?"
"Good Lord."
"What?" I asked.
"Gotta go. Nick is actually talking to me. Look outside, I think pigs are flying."
"Good luck."
"I don't need it. He does."
"True."
"Let me know if anything else happens," she said and hung up.
***
I cleaned the kitchen while I waited for Jake to call. The counters sparkled and my oven was streak-free, at least in the dim light. An hour later Jake still hadn't called and I'd waited long enough. I turned off the lights and decided to read in bed. I told Josh to shut off the game and reminded him to brush his teeth—we didn't pay five thousand bucks for braces for his teeth to rot and fall out, and told him to hit the sack. He didn't argue.
"Night, Mama."
"Night, Little Man, love you."
"Love you too."
I snuggled under the covers as Gracie jumped up on the bed, turned in circles and landed right in the middle of Jake's pillow. I thought about Ma's message and laughed. "You're right, Ma," I said. "The Ouija Board was pretty stupid, wasn't it? But seriously, watching Mel run out of the room in a tizzy was hilarious. And I'm trying, Ma. I'm really, really trying."
I powered on my iPad to read for a bit before I went to sleep. I'd just purchased Martha Reynolds's second book, Chocolate Fondue, the second in her Chocolate series. The first book's title, Chocolate for Breakfast, caught my eye, so I bought it. It was a great story about a woman who gave a baby up for adoption. When I saw the story continued, I couldn't help but wonder what happened next, so I bought both the second and the third book, Bittersweet Chocolate. I read the first two pages and my eyes began to close, so I shut off the iPad and closed my eyes. Seconds later, Ma's image flashed in my mind's eye.
"Angela."
I sat up, wide-eyed. "Ma?" I couldn't see her, but the room felt different. The air felt cooler and I heard a slight buzzing, like a strong electrical current humming in my ears. My heart raced and I felt my underarms sweating. Gracie jumped off the bed. She stood in the middle of the bedroom, tail wagging and ears up. "Who's here, Gracie?"
She popped her front legs up and crouched down. Her tail wagged ferociously and she barked.
"Grandma?"
I flipped on my bedside light. Josh stood just inside my door, his face beaming, cheeks glowing. "Mama, I can see Grandma."
I jumped out of bed. "Where, Josh? Where is she?" I scanned the room but saw nothing. My shoulders sank and I felt my heart break a little.
He pointed to Gracie. "She's right there. Can't you see her?"
"No. What's she doing? Can she see you?"
He held his finger up. "Hold on. She's talking to me."
My eyes bulged and I bit my lip. He nodded and listened to a voice I so desperately wanted to hear. I was so excited he could hear and see her, I almost wet myself. I ran to the bathroom. "Don't let her leave," I said. "I gotta pee."
He laughed. "Grandma says you're a pain in her big Italian ass and she's glad someone can finally see her. She says she's tired of talking to a brick wall." I came out of the bathroom and he pointed to me. "I think you're the brick wall."
I laughed too. "Tell your Grandmother that works both ways."
"She can hear you." He paused. "And she's not gonna leave because she's got something important to tell you." He listened and said, "It's about Emily. She's in truuuuub-bull. Grandma says it's not good."
My pulse quickened "What's not good?"
"She says she's at a party right now and she's gonna get her cherry popped." He scratched his head. "What's her cherry?"
I rushed to my closet to put on clothes. "I'll explain later. What party, Josh? And where?"
"An ill repute one," he said. "What's ill repute mean?"
My daughter was at a brothel losing her virginity? Good God. Did those things even exist anymore? I pulled a pair of sweats from my closet shelf. "I'll explain later. Ask Grandma to tell you where it is. Get a pen and paper from my nightstand and write it down, please. I'm getting dressed." I shut the closet door. When I came out of the closet he handed me the address. "Josh, this is Hayden's house. Ma, what's going on?"
Josh listened to Ma, and I paced my room. I rubbed my right thumb with my left hand over and over. "This is ridiculous, using my son as an interpreter because my gift is broken. I want to help people, I do. I'll show you that—whoever you are. Just please, give me my freaking gift back already."
"Ah Madone, stop yellin', you'll wake the dead," Ma laughed. "Too bad you can't hear that 'cause I know you'd think it was funny."
I froze. "Ma?"
"Angela?"
"Ma, I can hear you." I pivoted around, convinced I'd see my mother floating just above the floor, dressed in the blue nightgown she died in, but she was already gone. "Ma? Where'd you go?"
"Whadda ya mean, where'd I go? I'm right here."
I scanned the room but couldn't see her anywhere. "I can't see you."
Josh pointed to the entrance to my bathroom. "She's right there."
Ma laughed. "Well now, ain't this gonna be fun for me?"
Josh giggled.
"Shit." I grabbed my shoes. "Can't deal with this now. Ma, we need to get to Emily."
"Oh, yah. That child is getting into something bad. I can feel it. You gotta save her from getting knocked up."
"Ma, she's at Hayden's house. It's not a house of ill repute."
"All I know is that girl is getting herself in trouble so muoviti."
I finished putting on my shoes. "I'm moving, Ma. I'm moving."
Josh tapped me on the shoulder. "Can I come?"
"No, honey. I'm sorry, but I need you to stay here, okay?"
His head dropped. "Man, I never get to have any fun."
I hugged him. "Keep your phone with you. I'll let know what's going on."
"Or I can pop in and give you an update," Ma said.
"Yeah, do that Grandma. I missed you."
"I never left ya, my little bambino."
I wiped the tears from my eyes. "Let's go."
***
I pulled out of the garage and started talking. "Have you been throwing rocks at me?"
My mother didn't respond.
"Ma?"
"Boo."
I slammed on the brakes. "Mother! Don't do that when I'm driving! I could hit another car or something!" I leaned my head back on the headrest. "Cheese and rice. You scared the crap out of me."
Ma laughed. "I wouldn't have done it if there were cars around. Geesh."
"Well thank God, but please, don't do that again. I'm over forty now. I don't want to have a heart attack. And seriously, why have you been throwing rocks at me? I called Roxanne and she told me the dream so why'd you keep doing it?"
"Rocks? Oh, yah. At the Walmart you mean? Yah, that was me. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't get your attention any other way. Lord knows I'd tried."
"Ma, rocks have been everywhere. It was getting annoying."
"Huh? Whadda ya talking about?"
"The rocks, Ma. In the woods at the park? In the basement? All over the damn house, actually."
"Tha
t wasn't me, Ang. I just used the rock at the Walmart is all."
"The other rocks? Those weren't you?"
"Nope. I tried all sorts of tricks to get you to notice me but you're blind as a bat."
"For your information," I said, "I've had several ghosts vying for my attention. How was I supposed to know which was you?"
"Because I'm your ma, that's how."
"So what'd you do? How'd you try to get my attention?" I turned left onto the main road into Hayden's subdivision. "And tell me fast because we're almost to Hayden's house."
"The time your bedside light went out. It made that big pop sound. That was me."
"What about the light in the bathroom? Was that you?" I asked.
"Nope."
"Be a little more original then."
"I dropped my picture from the wall in the hallway once," she said.
I shook my head. "Never saw it."
"Yah, Josh picked it up and put it back. He said hi, too. At least he knew it was me."
I held my hand up in the air. "Well, I guess he's smarter than me."
"I heard brains skip a generation," she said.
"Nice."
"That one time the back door kept opening? That was me. And I gotta tell ya, it was funny to watch you get beetroot red every time you got up to close it."
"You thought annoying me was the appropriate way to send me a sign?"
"Well, yah. It worked when I was alive so I figured it'd work with me dead, too."
There was a lot of truth to that. "Did you blow up my microwave?"
"Nope. That was your father."
I felt a slight fluttering in my stomach. "It was dad? That's what Josh said, too."
"Yah, I told him not to do it on account of you hate shopping so much and that microwave was new but he's all about electrical stuff right now. It's pretty common for the newbies, ya know, the new spirits."
I swallowed a lump in my throat.
"Oh." Her tone went up an octave. "And that time you and Jake were getting ready to have a little hanky panky? Ya know, do the wild thing? When Gracie ran in circles, chasing her tail? Yup, that was me." She snorted.
I bit my bottom lip to stop from smiling. "Good Lord. I'll never have sex again."
"Ah Madone, Angela. I didn't stick around. I got limits, ya know. But I gotta tell ya, that Jake of yours? He's got a big one, that's for sure."
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