Biker's Virgin

by Claire Adams

“You miss a lot when your only focus is work,” he said. “And, you’ve never cared to ask me about my life before now.”

  I shook my head and sighed. “You’re right,” I nodded, feeling ashamed of myself. I had been so focused on being successful that I had forgotten about all the relationships I was sacrificing along the way, with friends and with women. “But I’m interested now. Tell me.”

  “I told Eric, he freaked out, and we haven’t spoken since,” Ben said without emotion.

  “Fuck,” I said. “And that was it? Your friendship was done, just like that?”

  “Just like that,” he nodded. “Luckily, I started working for you almost immediately after and never slowed down long enough to feel sad about it. By the time I gave myself a little room to slow down and resurface for air, a few years had passed, and it didn’t hurt quite so bad.”

  “You buried yourself in work to escape the pain of your personal life?”

  “Yes,” he nodded. “Which is why you’ve always surprised me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’ve sacrificed your life without ever really experiencing it in the first place,” Ben explained. “You’ve never had a real relationship or a steady girlfriend. How will you ever know if you can commit if you’ve never tried?”

  “I know myself,” I replied.

  Ben smiled and shook his head at me. “I’ve spent more time with you over the last few years than anyone else, Tristan. And trust me when I tell you, you don’t know yourself as well as you think you do.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Molly

  I was staring out at my spectacular view, but I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than what had happened between Tristan and me last night. It wasn’t last night that was bothering me, though. It was the fact that he had snuck out this morning without so much as a goodbye.

  I turned around and walked back into the living room. I had wanted to go for a swim this morning, but I couldn’t seem to face the idea of planning anything at the moment. I went to my own personal walk-in closet and swapped out the slip nightie that I had put on for a pair of jeans and a simple long-sleeved t-shirt. I went back into the room and was hit with a torrent of memories from the night before.

  For me, it had been a perfect first time. It had been everything to me, and my joy was now clouded over by Tristan’s disappearance this morning. Somehow, when we had been in the throes of lovemaking, I had convinced myself that he felt as strongly as I did. I had felt certain that he had simply been fighting this attraction for years, just like I had.

  It had all made sense last night. It had all seemed simple.

  In reality, I had no idea where Tristan stood. Was he going to address what had happened between us, or was he just going to pretend that nothing had happened?

  I flashed back to six years ago. It had been the night after the kiss, and I had waited expectantly the next morning to see Tristan. But he hadn’t even acknowledged it. He had given me a cursory smile and then looked through me for the rest of the morning until he had left with Jason. I didn’t see him for six years after that.

  I was determined not to let that happen again. I wanted to talk about it this time. I wanted to know where he stood, even if it wasn’t what I wanted to hear from him. I left my room, but realized when I was in the lobby that I had no idea where to go to find Tristan. I wasn’t even sure which suite was his. I changed direction and headed for the lounge where I knew Alani was on duty.

  She was talking to a few guests, so I hung back until she had spotted me. When she was free, she walked over with a smile. “Hello, there,” she greeted. “Do you have something you need to tell me?”

  I frowned. “Um… What?”

  “Last night,” she said, wagging her eyebrows at me.

  “I don’t—”

  “Don’t act coy,” she said impatiently. “I saw Tristan follow you out of the party.”

  “Oh,” I said. “That.”

  Her face fell immediately. “Did nothing happen between you then? I was so sure that things were going well last night. Tristan looked mesmerized by you. He couldn’t take his eyes off you.”

  “Apparently, sex does a good job of taking a man’s focus away from you after the fact,” I said bitterly.

  Alani looked at me in surprise. “You slept together.”

  “Twice,” I said. “But this morning I woke up, and he was gone.”

  “Oh…”

  “Do you know where he might be?” I asked. “I need to talk to him.”

  Alani looked doubtful, but I wasn’t about to back down now. I wasn’t going to let Tristan ignore me like he had the first time. We were going to talk about what had happened, and I was going to get closure, one way or the other.

  “Um… I know he has meetings all morning,” she said. “Things have been a little stressful. We’re opening to the public on Christmas day and apparently, a few of the staff have been let go.”

  “What?” I said.

  She nodded. “Two of my friends have already been fired.”

  “Why?”

  “They were hired on a temporary basis and were going to be taken on permanently only after their performance had been reviewed,” she explained. “Apparently, their skills with guest interaction was poor, and they were let go for that reason.”

  “Shouldn’t they have been trained first?”

  “Everyone went through a brief course before they were put on duty,” Alani said. “But in some cases, a little more training is necessary.”

  “Isn’t there someone here who’s in charge of the staff?”

  “Tristan was supposed to hire someone weeks ago,” she nodded. “But I don’t think he ever got around to it. He’s handling everything…he and Ben. I think they’re both spread a little too thin.”

  I sighed, remembering that Tristan had apparently earmarked me for the job. I wondered how he would feel about that offer now that we had slept together. All the more reason I needed to talk to him and figure out where we stood. The prospect of such a conversation would have terrified me six years ago, but now, I was older now and more capable of handling rejection.

  “Tristan will be in his office, you said?”

  “Not just yet,” Alani replied. “He might still be in meetings. But he should be in his office in another hour or so.”

  “Okay, thanks,” I said.

  I walked out of the lounge and headed to the elevators, retracing the path that I had taken on my first day at the resort with Alani. When I got to Tristan’s office, the door was locked, and no one was around. He was obviously still at his meetings, so I decided to sit outside the office and enjoy the view until he got there.

  Exactly forty-one minutes later, I heard footsteps in the hall, and then Tristan turned the corner, with Ben at his heels. Both men hesitated when they saw me sitting there. I stood up as they approached.

  “Good morning, Ms. Sinclair,” Ben said.

  “It’s Molly,” I reminded him.

  “Right,” he nodded. “Of course.”

  “Ben, would you mind if I had a few moments to talk to Tristan alone?” I asked boldly. “There’s something I need to talk to him about.”

  “Of course,” he nodded.

  He turned and walked back the same way he had come, leaving Tristan and me alone. Tristan’s expression was calm and contained, but I sensed nervousness in his stance as he unlocked his office door and held it open for me. I walked inside and waited till the door had been closed behind us.

  “You left this morning,” I said, cutting to the chase.

  Tristan sighed. He walked around to this desk and sat down. “Can I get you something to drink?” he asked formally.

  “No, thank you,” I said through gritted teeth.

  “Why don’t you sit down?”

  I remained on my feet. “Are you going to address what happened, or are you going to talk around it indefinitely?”

  “Molly, what happened last night… It was a mistake.”

>   All the hopes that had been resurrected last night pummeled to their death, and I found myself grappling to stay calm. “You really believe that?”

  “It should never have happened,” he continued. “It would never have happened had I not been so fucking drunk.”

  “You weren’t that drunk,” I pointed out.

  “I’ve been stressed out with the opening looming,” he continued like I hadn’t said anything. “There are tons of problems that have cropped up at the last second. I was drinking a lot last night, and I was just…looking for a release. I would have slept with anyone last night.”

  I cringed away from his words. “So it was just about sex for you then?” I asked, keeping my tone flat. “You don’t have feelings for me?”

  He looked away from me awkwardly. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t say you’re sorry,” I snapped. “Don’t do that. I don’t want your apologies. I want your honesty. Do you remember that kiss between us six years ago?”

  “No,” Tristan replied without missing a beat.

  He answered quickly, but I saw something flicker in his eyes. It looked like recognition, and it sounded like a lie. “You’re lying,” I said accusingly. “I don’t why you’re lying, but I know you are.”

  “Molly—”

  “What was all that jealousy about if you didn’t care about me at all?” I demanded, talking over him. “Why did you care that I was on a date with Gregory? You had no right to come up to us and interrupt our dinner, but you did because something about seeing me with him upset you. What was that, Tristan? Explain that to me.”

  “Gregory’s not the right guy for you.”

  “Who are you to make that judgment?” I demanded as my voice rose dangerously. “I don’t know why I keep having to repeat myself with you. I am not a child, Tristan. I’m not the fourteen-year-old girl you met ten years ago. You have no right to decide who is best for me. You’re not my brother, you’re not my boyfriend, and apparently, you’re not even my friend. You’re nothing to me—and you’ve made that very clear.”

  “I never meant to hurt you,” he said quietly.

  “And yet, here we are,” I said, unable to compose myself. “You want to know what I think? I think you’re a weak and spineless coward. You do have feelings for me, no matter what you say; I felt it last night, and I know I’m right. You’re just too afraid to admit it. You’re scared about something, and you’ve convinced yourself that staying away from me is the safest option for you. But all you’re doing is lying to yourself.”

  Tristan just sat there, taking my rant with his eyes hooded and his head tilted away from me. He looked lost, and I wasn’t sure if my words were hitting him or if he simply wanted to get me out of his office. I stared at him for a long time, waiting for him to say something—anything really, but he just kept silent.

  It dawned on me that perhaps I had been the one lying to myself this whole time. Maybe I had created a character around Tristan and built a man in my head that didn’t really exist. Maybe I had spent the last ten years of my life chasing a daydream that never really existed in the first place. I pushed back my hurt and anger and forced my voice into a tone of calm.

  “Thank you for allowing me to stay at your resort,” I said without meeting his eye. “But I think I’ve overstayed my welcome. I’ll pack my bags and be out of here soon.”

  “Molly,” Tristan said, standing up. “That’s not—”

  “You don’t have to worry about Jason or your friendship with him,” I said, cutting him off. “I don’t intend to tell him any of this.”

  With that, I turned and walked out of Tristan’s office, wondering if it would be another six years before I saw him again.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Tristan

  The bourbon burned my throat, but it was a nice, comforting burn. I wanted to numb myself against everything that had happened between Molly and me, but the more I drank, the more I seemed to feel. I put aside my glass and tried to figure out how to get on with my work, despite the conflict raging inside my head.

  I knew that Molly had already called reception to inform them that she was checking out tomorrow morning. I looked towards the calendar standing on my desk and realized tomorrow was Christmas. It was also the official opening of the resort. There were a ton of things I needed to check on, but my mind just wasn’t capable of focusing on work.

  When Ben walked in, I looked at him gratefully, hoping that he might be able to distract me. “Is everything on schedule for the ribbon cutting ceremony tomorrow?”

  “Everything’s fine,” Ben nodded. “Just a few last-minute adjustments I need to take care of.”

  “And the staff?”

  “They’ve been briefed, and they’re ready.”

  “Have you had a word with senior staff members?”

  “They’ll be overseeing everything,” he assured me.

  “And things are in order for the ribbon cutting ceremony?”

  He frowned. “You already asked me that.”

  “I did?”

  “As I walked in,” he nodded.

  “Uh… What did you say?”

  Ben sat down opposite me. “Is everything alright?” he asked. “Because you look… Well… You don’t look so good.” His eyes fell to the half-empty glass of bourbon next to me. “It’s a little early to be drinking, don’t you think?”

  “My resort is opening tomorrow,” I said. “I’m allowed to celebrate.”

  “Except you don’t look like you’re celebrating anything,” he pointed out. “In fact, you look like you’re in mourning.”

  I looked away from him, unable to keep the disappointment from my face.

  “Does this have something to do with Molly checking out tomorrow?” he asked gently.

  “You heard?”

  “Of course,” he nodded. “I hear everything that happens in this resort.”

  “We had a fight,” I admitted. “Well, she fought, and I just sat here like a dick and didn’t say anything. She was pissed, and I deserved it.”

  “What happened?”

  “She wanted to talk about what happened between us,” I said. “And I basically told her it was a mistake and we should just forget the whole thing ever happened.”

  “Is that all you told her?”

  “I told her I would have slept with any woman.”

  “You really are a dick,” Ben said honestly.

  I groaned and put my face in my hands. “Fuck,” I said loudly. “I’ve really screwed up with Molly, haven’t I?”

  “You knew that before you slept with her,” he pointed out.

  “She’s too good for me,” I said, trying to defend my behavior. “If I get involved with her, I’m bound to hurt her somewhere down the line.”

  “So you decided to hurt her now instead of later?” Ben asked, incredulously.

  “Fuck,” I said again, as I stood up and started pacing. “She’s really leaving.”

  “What did you expect?”

  “I don’t want her to go.”

  “Why not?” he asked. “It seems like the best thing for both of you is for Molly to leave. She’s obviously in love with you, and you’re obviously not.”

  I stopped short and turned to Ben. “What if…”

  “What if what?”

  “What if… I am in love with her?” I said softly. It was the first time I was allowing myself to say the words out loud. The moment they left my tongue, I realized what I had been afraid of all this time.

  He smiled, and I realized he had just been waiting for me to realize that this whole time. “Then you need to make a choice,” he said. “And you need to stick to it. But first, I think you need to apologize.”

  “She’s still Jason’s sister,” I pointed out.

  “Is that supposed to mean something?” he asked.

  “I have to respect the bro-code,” I said.

  He rolled his eyes. “What are we, tenth graders? You’re not in high school, Tristan; neither is J
ason. You and Molly are consenting adults. If you want to date one another, I doubt Jason will stand in your way.”

  “And my lifestyle?” I said. “You know how hard we have to work.”

  “I do,” Ben nodded. “And, I think Molly is smart enough to have realized that, too. It doesn’t seem to be a factor for her. So, why do you keep insisting you know what’s best for her? Why do you keep making her decisions for her?”

  I bit my lip and kept pacing. “I’ve been trying to run from my feelings for so long… I don’t know how to stop now.”

  “You stop by admitting the truth,” Ben said.

  I stopped pacing and looked at him. “I don’t want her to leave,” I said. “I can’t let her leave.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t know when I’ll see her again,” I admitted. “And I don’t want to have to endure another six years without seeing her face.”

  He smiled. “I think you need to tell her that.”

  “What if it’s too late?” I asked, suddenly nervous. “What if she leaves anyway?”

  “Then at least you tried,” he said. “I don’t understand how you can be so fearless in business, but not in your personal life.”

  “Because there’s more to lose here,” I said. “Molly is…special.”

  “Then don’t let her go without a fight.”

  I stared at Ben for a second and then jumped into action. He was right. Gregory was right. Molly was right. Apparently, everyone had been except for me. I needed to be a man and stop running from the things that scared me.

  I headed straight for Molly’s suite, without stopping to talk to anyone on the way. When I arrived at her door, I paused with my hand inches from the wood.

  I was scared, but I took a deep breath and knocked anyway. I stood away from the peephole so that Molly couldn’t see whom it was. I was worried she wouldn’t answer the door if she knew it was me standing there.

  A few seconds later, the door opened and Molly stood before me. She was wearing the same faded blue jeans from yesterday and a plain white-shirt that brought out the blue in her eyes. Her hair fell carelessly around her shoulders, and I realized she looked most beautiful when there wasn’t a stitch of makeup on her face.