I shake my head, this isn’t a joke. I almost died. The stuff that came out of me… I didn’t think it was humanly possible to be full of that much shit.
I have to get her back.
Whoa there, you don’t even know if she did anything.
I know it in my gut.
BAHAHA!!! Is there anything left in your gut? Maybe what you think you’re feeling is just emptiness.
I don’t even bother answering him at this point. I throw my phone down and get up slowly. I reach for a bottle of water. I look at it carefully to make sure it wasn’t tampered with before I open it up and start drinking it.
I walk over to her desk and see it spotless. I rip all her Post-its down and crumple them up. I pull out her chair and sit down at her computer, then open it up, and start going through her emails.
She thinks I’m an asshole. I find emails to Penelope and see she’s really thinking about quitting. Over my dead body. I’m going to fire her before she can quit on me.
I then think over last year when I got a virus from a porn site. Oh, don’t sit there shaking your head; we all watch porn. I know you do, too.
I open up the porn site and start flipping on all the links that pop up. I click girl porn, anal porn, BBW porn, big tit porn, gay porn, lesbian porn, MILF porn; you name the porn, I open all the links and put her volume to the max. Take that, you little minx.
I close down her screen, rubbing my hands together in evil glee. The minute I do that, my stomach starts up again, and I barely make it to the bathroom, where I am, once again, sitting there thinking I’m dying.
It’s almost three a.m. when I finally make it out of the bathroom. I decide to just spend the night in my office. Making sure I set my alarm for seven so I can get up and shower before she comes in.
I fall asleep with a smile on my face and at least five pounds lighter.
By seven-thirty, I am showered and changed. I opt for warm water with honey this morning instead of coffee. I rinse out the cup before using it just in case she’s tampered with everything in the kitchen. Who knows, maybe she’s trying to kill everyone in the office.
I’m sitting at my desk when she walks in. When she walks past my office, I see that her skirt today falls to right above her knees and is not as tight as the others.
Of course, my dick starts to stir right away. I look down and mumble, “Traitor” at him.
She takes off her scarf and jacket, and I see that her shirt is a V-neck today. Finally showing off some skin and a hint of her nice, full C-cups. Her cream sweater molds to her, and my traitorous dick has risen to fully salute her. I give him a firm squeeze as I picture Danielle from yesterday. He shrivels right up in response, leaving me shaking my head.
I watch her sit down and touch the mouse to bring her computer screen to life.
The second her computer fires up, the normally quiet office is filled with the sounds of loud sexual moaning.
“Oh my god! Oh my god! OH MY GOD!” she squeals, getting more and more flustered.
I get up from my chair and walk to my door. I lean against it as I say, “Watching porn at work. Real nice.”
She throws a panicky look over her shoulder at me but doesn’t have time to reply before she turns back to the screen, where a woman with the biggest tits I have ever seen in my life bounces on a guy reverse-cowgirl style as her voice echoes through the office. “Oh yeah, I like that. Play with my tits, give it to me harder! Ooohhhhh yeah, oh right there! Fuck me like that right there!”
She clicks that screen closed, but another one pops right up in its place. Two guys this time. “I’m going to fuck that ass hard, and you’re going to take it all, baby.”
When nothing else happens, she starts to freak out. “What the heck is happening?”
She tries to close it down but to no avail. The screen is frozen on the image of one of the guys’ dicks entering the other guy’s ass. His face looks pained—and not in a good way. The screen may be frozen, but the sound is still coming through loud and clear.
“Fuck that virgin ass, tear it up. I’m going to cream you so good.” At this point, people are starting to arrive. They’re looking over at Lauren, who now has her hands covering her face.
Barbara comes out of her office, walking with purpose right over to us. The moaning starts again, and the screen flickers to life. The first guy is now pounding into the second guy while ordering him to “jerk that cock while I fuck your ass.”
“Lauren, dear, I don’t think this is the time or place for this. Perhaps you should do this in your own place.” She pushes her glasses up higher on her nose, “Oh, that is some scene, right?” She giggles a little.
Lauren turns around, her cheeks blazing pink with embarrassment. “I don’t watch this. It was on my screen when I turned it on, and I can’t seem to shut it down. I closed the screen.” She clicks the X in the corner, but another screen pops up, titled ‘Please Cum On My Face’ with a girl on her knees surrounded by ten hard dicks all shooting off their loads at the same time on her face.
“See? I can’t shut it down,” she says as she places her hands strategically over the computer screen in an effort to block out the video. “It won’t stop!” I see some tears in her eyes.
She looks over at me, and for just one second, I feel bad, but then I remember that I almost died yesterday in my bathroom, and I just smirk at her. The tears are blinked away, clearing to show a murderous rage in her eyes that is aimed at me.
“I’m going to call JP in tech support to come over here and get this situation taken care of,” Barbara says while she picks up Lauren’s phone.
“JP, can you come to Lauren’s desk? She seems to have been watching porn, and it’s taking over her system.”
“I was NOT watching porn! It was already on when I got here,” she insists adamantly.
Barbara puts her hand over the phone. “Sure, sure, dear, whatever you say.” Then she turns back to her conversation with JP. “Oh, she has tried clicking everything, but it seems she must have stumbled onto the wrong site.”
I don’t know what JP is saying, but Barbara nods her head and laughs. “See you soon.”
She hangs up the phone. “He’ll be right over.” She looks at me then Lauren. “But for now, he says to not click on anything else.”
“I didn’t click on anything to begin with,” she says, throwing her hands in the air, her tits bouncing with her movements.
She stands up and walks around her desk, and I finally see the full effect of today’s outfit. Her skirt isn’t tight, it’s loose, almost flowing, and whenever she moves, it brushes against her thighs. Her creamy, perfectly toned thighs. She almost killed me , I quickly remind myself.
“Well, this is awkward, knowing what your assistant’s sexual proclivities are. You really shouldn’t view that type of material during working hours, though. I should probably sit down with you and discus this.” I shake my head and look down. “I don’t think I can let this slide. I’m so sorry, but I’m going to have to let you go.” I don’t even finish saying what I want to say.
“What the hell are you talking about? You can’t fire her for that. It’s discrimination! You can’t tell her what not to do on her own time,” Barbara says.
“It’s not her time, she is on the clock.” I put my hands on my hips, glaring at her.
“Austin, it’s not even eight yet. Technically, you aren’t paying her yet.”
I look at my watch and see that it is just a couple of minutes before eight. “Oh, please, she doesn’t even want to be here.”
I look at Lauren and see that her head is tilted to the side. She looks back at her computer and then back at me. “Where are all my Post-it notes?” She turns and looks me straight in the eyes.
I shrug my shoulders with what I hope is my best ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ expression. “Maybe the cleaning staff threw them out.”
“What are you talking about? You know the cleaning staff only comes in on the weekend, Austi
n. I mean, they come and empty garbage cans, but they don’t do the full cleaning until the weekend,” Barbara puts in her two cents.
“Really,” I hear Lauren say, putting her own hands on her hips. “Fascinating, since someone touched my desk two days ago.”
I don’t have time to answer before JP shows up with a briefcase. “Okay, where is the porn monster located?”
Lauren points to her computer, where she goes to tell him that she hasn’t touched anything. It takes him a few minutes to get everything cleared up. “There, that should do the trick. It really wasn’t that bad.” He chuckles and looks at me. “Remember last year when I had to totally reconfigure your hard drive when the same thing happened to you?”
I look at Barbara and Lauren, who are both looking at me now. Barbara is smiling, while Lauren is glaring. “Thank you for all your help, JP. Now that the problem is fixed, perhaps you can start your day,” I say to Lauren.
“Oh, I’m going to start my day, alright,” she tells me with a twinkle in her eye, and I somehow know that she’s just upped the ante.
Chapter Nine
LAUREN
The rest of the day goes by without anything happening. That night before I leave, I take out four pieces of tape, folding them in half, and stick them under my mouse.
Take that, Asshat. I glare at him through his blinds, but he doesn’t see me.
I send him an email before I go home, just letting him know I’m leaving.
I’m still so fucking embarrassed. The whole office was talking about the new PA watching porn at her desk before the start of the workday.
Steven didn’t even say hello to me when I saw him in the kitchen; he just waved and looked down as he hurried out.
By the time I make it home, I’m almost in tears. The only thing keeping them at bay is the rage I feel. I slam my car door a lot harder than intended. I storm into the house, slamming that door behind me, too.
Kaleigh is the first one to come out of the kitchen to greet me. The look on my face has her rushing back into the kitchen and returning with a full glass of wine. It sloshes over the rim as she hurries it to me.
She quickly hands it over with a smile. “Should I ask?”
I drink half the glass before I answer her. “He gave my computer a porn virus,” I say while I walk over to the couch and throw myself down on it.
She sits next to me. “What do you mean, a porn virus?”
“I mean that when I turned on my computer this morning, porn was just popping up on my computer.” Kaleigh starts to laugh, but I turn and glare at her. “Don’t you dare laugh! I was mortified. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the screen was freezing up, but the sound was blasting. Before I could even do anything, all of this moaning and groaning was blaring all through the office. ‘Oh, fuck me harder!’ Ugh!” I put my empty glass down after I drain it. My arms are flailing around me as I continue my story. “Oh, and let’s not forget the gay porn. Yeah, of course that’s when the screen froze, just as one of the guys had his dick halfway in the other guy’s ass!”
“Was it big?”
I look over at her incredulously. “What the hell does it matter?” I throw my hands up in the air. “And where are my kids?”
Her hand waves through the air. “At a playdate next door. You have soccer in an hour, so go get yourself changed. Unless you want to show up like that, make a statement.”
“Fucking porn all over my computer. I can’t believe he would do that.”
“You did put a laxative in his Coke.” I don’t let her finish before I point at her and hiss out, “You cannot tell anyone about that. You promised.”
She takes her fingers, zipping her lips closed. “Fine. Now, I’m going to go change and head to soccer where I’m hoping nothing else goes wrong.”
“What could top your co-workers thinking you are flicking the bean while at work? I hope you washed your hand after.”
“I didn’t flick the bean at fucking work, jackass! He played with my computer and the asshole threw out all my Post-its.”
Kaleigh shakes her head. “That asshat,” she agrees just as the door opens and the kids run in.
“Who’s an asshat, Auntie Kay?” Rachel asks while she climbs on my lap, rubbing her nose to mine. I grab her tiny face in my hand, kissing her on the nose. “Don’t say asshat.”
Gabe walks up to me, kissing me on the cheek. “Mom, we have to leave in thirty. Dad says he might make tonight’s game,” he says, jogging upstairs to change.
“Okay, change of plans, no changing for you,” Kaleigh says. “Show him what he’s missing.”
I’m almost feeling better when my phone bings with a notification.
I see that it’s a text from Austin.
Tomorrow when you come in, before you start with your porn surfing, I need you to pick up my dry cleaning. I’ll share the address with you. I need those shirts for the conference I’m having with the marketing firm tomorrow afternoon.
I don’t watch porn at work.
I beg to differ. Actually, JP begs to differ.
It’s times like these when I want to take my phone and run it over. Actually, I want to run him over. Front and back. Just for fun.
I don’t have a chance to answer, since Gabe runs down the stairs with his shoes slung over his shoulder, his chin pads on but not velcroed on the top. His uniform is almost on.
“We need to go if we are going to be there on time,” he urges, going to the fridge and taking a cheese stick and an apple from the counter.
I look at Kaleigh. “Are you coming?” I get up and grab another apple and a cheese stick for Rachel.
“I wouldn’t miss his game for the world,” Kaleigh says while grabbing her yoga mat. “I could do yoga while he plays.” Rachel comes into the room and claps her hands excitedly.
“I’m going to bring my mat, too, Auntie Kay. Can we do it doggie style?” I spew water all over the counter.
Kaleigh laughs at me and bends down, squatting in front of Rachel. “Downward facing dog, honey, not doggie style. That’s for when you get older.”
I slam the glass down in exasperation. “Kaleigh, I will not only make you drink cow’s milk, I’ll throw a burger at you.”
Rachel giggles. “Gabe, when we get older, we can do it doggie style!” she sing-songs while walking out of the door to go to the car.
I glare at Kaleigh, who is laughing so hard she’s hunched over in the corner, holding her stomach. “If she repeats that to Jake, I will kill you.” I point at her while I walk out of the door. She follows me to the car still laughing.
When I get in the car, Rachel asks for me to put Frozen on, followed by Gabe, who is begging me to put on anything else but Frozen . He groans and moans the whole way, which is ten minutes past the point I almost jumped out of the car into oncoming traffic.
When we pull into the parking lot by the field, I see that Jake is already there. I look over at Kaleigh and mutter under my breath that it’s a cold, cold day in hell, I suppose. We all get out of the car and Rachel runs over to him, her arms flinging all over the place. “Daddy, Daddy, Daddy,” she screeches right before he leans down and swings her in his arms.
Gabe runs over to them, also hugging him on the side. Jake wraps one hand around his shoulder, squeezing him and kissing his forehead.
I don’t stand around to hear their conversation; instead, I open the trunk, taking out our two soccer chairs. I walk over to the side of the field where the bleachers are. I say hello to a couple of people but not really making eye contact with anyone. I’m just not in the mood for small talk today.
The phone buzzes in my hand once more while I open the chair, and then one more time when I sit down.
Did you get the address?
Did you get the message?
Where are you? Why haven’t you answered?
I don’t have time to respond before another one comes in.
Are you watching porn?
I put my head back and type back.
&nb
sp; Yes, and you’re disturbing me.
I press send and look over to see that Jake is leaning against his car, typing away on his phone. Then my phone buzzes again.
Jesus, do you ever stop?
I roll my eyes, crossing my legs, looking over to see Kaleigh and Rachel bending down.
Nope! Leave me alone. I got the memo. I’ll get your clothes. I think I can handle it.
I put the phone in the cup holder once the game starts. I clap when the kids run onto the field, yelling, “Go, Gabe, go!”
I’m not alone for long before Jake sits down in the empty chair beside me.
“You’re looking good, Laur,” he says, using his nickname for me from when we were married.
“Yup,” is all I say, because my phone buzzes again. Three times, then four. I pick it up, reading it quickly.
What time will you be in?
I need it for noon!!!
I have a meeting with the developer from the club that will be opening in three weeks.
Are you there?
I groan and type back.
I’m not on the clock, therefore it doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing or who I’m doing it with, for that matter. See you tomorrow at 8!
I look at the phone, seeing the bubble come up with the three dots. I wait. It goes off then comes back, then goes off again. Then the text comes through.
Who you’re doing? I thought you were divorced?
I turn the phone off, so I won’t answer or know if he answers.
“So, how is it being back in the job force?” Jake asks, opening a bottle of water and drinking it.
“Jake, I have to be nice to you in front of the kids so they don’t think I’m a bitter bitch. But when it’s just the two of us”—I point to him then me—“I don’t have to be nice to you. So, if you don’t mind, I’ll dispense with small talk. I don’t want to talk about my day, my job, if I’m doing okay, if I have a date, or really anything at all with you. So, if you’ll excuse me, I want to watch Gabe’s game.” I look to the field. “In peace.”
Tempt The Boss Page 6