Life and Soul of the Party

by Mike Gayle

  ‘And she’s going without her boyfriend . . . what’s his name . . . Cooper? How does he feel about that? He can’t be best pleased, can he?’

  ‘No.’ I took the time to put myself in Cooper’s shoes. ‘I don’t think he is. But they’ll get through it. I know they will.’

  I could tell that Billy had something else on his mind and I knew what it was: Paul. Since I’d passed on the news that Paul was definitely coming to the party, Billy had seemed a little on edge.

  ‘Everything’s going to be fine, you know,’ I said squeezing his hand. ‘I’m over him. He’s over me. We’ve both moved on.’

  ‘When is his kid due again?’

  ‘Some time in September.’

  ‘And it doesn’t bother you?’

  ‘It did, but it doesn’t now.’

  Billy sighed. ‘Look, you know I’m not trying to put a downer on things, it’s just . . . you two had this big thing and now you’re seeing him for the first time in ages. I just don’t want to feel like a spare part, that’s all.’

  We both came to a halt as we reached the entrance to the bar. I stood up on the tips of my toes and kissed him. ‘We’re fine, okay? I promise you. There’s absolutely nothing to worry about.’

  ‘You’re right. Let’s just forget about all this and have a good time.’

  Entering the bar I suggested to Billy that we head straight to the downstairs bar where the party was being held but before we could even make a step in that direction, we were pounced upon by Seb and Brian. I’d met Seb and Brian a couple of times at Billy’s and though he had warned me that they could be a bit juvenile, I’d found them a harmless, good-natured pair even though they both insisted on holding a conversation with my chest whenever I spoke to them. What was most intriguing was that even though they were the same age as Billy there was no way in the world that I could have imagined going out with either of them. This reassured me that rather than having a burgeoning fetish for younger guys, what I had was a burgeoning fetish for younger guys who happened to be like Billy.

  Suggesting that Billy stay and chat to his mates I made my way down the stairs to the basement bar. Cooper and I had spent most of the afternoon here decorating the walls with home-made banners, pinning up maps of the world showing the route Laura would be taking and even connecting Cooper’s laptop to a projector so that everybody on the dance floor could be entertained by a rolling gallery of Laura’s best photographic moments.

  Even though it was relatively early the bar was already pretty packed and I immediately bumped into a few of Laura’s old work friends who I’d known quite well at one point, but who were now virtual strangers. As we caught up with each other’s recent history I couldn’t help but notice how perfectly presented they were compared to me, especially given that I was back in the very same red Converse that I’d been wearing when I first met Billy. Filling them in with the details of my life (yes I was seeing someone at the minute, no I wasn’t still working at the art gallery gift shop, yes I did think it was sad that Cooper wasn’t going with Laura) I made an excuse and headed back to the stairs. I looked up and was frozen to the spot by the sight of Claudia Harris, the one person in the world that I least wanted to see, coming the other way.

  Nine months after Paul and I split up the first time round, and having properly shored up our new friendship, we both decided that it was time that we saw other people. I started seeing Ben, an old housemate of mine who I’d fancied years ago (needless to say it didn’t work out) and Paul started seeing Claudia Harris. I didn’t know Claudia at the time and was only vaguely aware of her through friends of friends as being both incredibly beautiful and the type of person who was always name-dropping about DJs she knew, bands she was friends with and clubs that she could get in for free. Her thing with Paul only lasted a matter of a few weeks. As pretty as she was Paul got bored of the way she only ever talked about herself and he called the whole thing off. Claudia refused to believe that Paul could possibly have come to this decision on his own and accused me of engineering the destruction of their relationship. Ever since she’d made it her mission to bad mouth me amongst our mutual friends. Claudia was one of the few people that I could honestly put my hand on my heart and say I hated. And while normally I would have felt guilty feeling this way about another human being I was well aware that it was completely mutual.

  ‘Melissa,’ said Claudia greeting me with a kiss. ‘How are you?’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I replied. ‘And you?’

  ‘Couldn’t be better.’

  ‘You look amazing,’ I replied.

  ‘You too,’ she smiled. ‘I really love what you’ve done with your hair.’

  I hadn’t done anything with my hair apart from putting it in a ponytail.

  ‘Thanks,’ I replied. ‘How’s work?’

  ‘Brilliant,’ she replied and then proceeded without further prompting to enter into a long and involved story about how fabulous her life was (she did something in TV down at Granada studios) and how she and a few of her DJ friends were heading out to lbiza at the end of June. She pointedly didn’t ask me about my life and I didn’t offer any information because all I wanted to do was escape from her clutches. Then she moved on to talking about Laura’s trip and how sad it was that she and Cooper had split up and how awful break-ups are when you’re our age especially when the couples in question have been together a long time. And it was then, as she paused for breath, that I suddenly realised that everything that had gone before had just been a warm-up so that she could move in for the killer blow.

  ‘So how are you coping?’

  The subtext was clear: ‘The only reason I’m talking to you is because I heard that you and Paul split up and I’m here to gloat.’

  ‘I’m good, thanks.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. Really.’

  ‘It’s just that I heard about everything that happened — you know how people talk around here – and obviously I know that you and Paul used to be really close.’

  ‘We still are,’ I replied.

  ‘So you’ve worked things out?’

  ‘No. I’m seeing someone else.’

  Claudia seemed surprised. ‘Congratulations.’

  Life was just too short to spend a second longer with someone I loathed as much as Claudia and I was about to walk off when with a perfect sense of timing Billy appeared at the top of the stairs. ‘Babe,’ I said beaming a smile so intense in Claudia’s direction that I hoped it would make her melt, explode, combust or whatever else happens when pure evil is vanquished. ‘I’d like you to meet Claudia, a really, really old friend of mine.’

  Cooper

  Standing upstairs watching Laura and a bunch of her friends sobbing in each other’s arms about how much they were all going to miss each other I wondered how much of this I could take. Just as I thought I could stand no more Chris and Vicky finally arrived. Relieved at the prospect of some male company I offered to get them a drink before they had even properly registered that it was me.

  ‘So what’s going on over there?’ asked Chris peering over my shoulder. ‘Someone died?’

  ‘It’s just girls being girls. One of Laura’s mates said something nice to her. Laura said something nice in return and they’ve been trapped in a cycle of sobbing and hugging ever since.’ I gave Vicky a deliberately condescending wink. ‘You should join them, mate, you know you want to.’

  ‘If I didn’t suspect that deep down you’re as upset as we all are you’d be in big trouble right now.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I replied dejectedly. ‘I cry all my tears on the inside.’

  Vicky rolled her eyes and crossed the room to be sucked into Laura’s never-ending group hug.

  I turned to Chris and shook my head in despair. ‘They’ll be like that all evening.’

  ‘More than likely.’ He looked at the pint in my hand. ‘So what about that drink then?’

  I nodded and we made our way to the bar.

  ‘So how’s it going th
en?’ asked Chris as we waited to be served.

  ‘As well as it can when I know that my girlfriend is buggering off around the world in less than a week.’

  Chris seemed to pick up on my reluctance to elaborate and moved straight into a discussion about a bunch of films he’d recently rented and this carried us through the wait to get served, finding somewhere to sit upstairs and half way through our pints.

  ‘Laura said Paul was coming tonight,’ said Chris setting down his pint on the table.

  ‘That’s what his text said,’ I replied. ‘Have you seen much of him lately?’

  ‘I spoke to him on the phone a few times but that’s it,’ said Chris. ‘Why he thinks that he has to drop off the face of the earth just because of what happened is anybody’s guess.’

  ‘I suppose it’s a guilt thing.’

  ‘Maybe.’ Chris lit up a cigarette. ‘Reading between the lines it sounds to me like he and Hannah are getting on okay which has got to be a good thing. He’s been going with her to her scans and apparently a few weeks ago he even met her parents.’

  ‘I bet they were thrilled, “Ah, so you’re the young man who’s knocked up our daughter. How lovely to meet you.”’

  Chris took a drag on his cigarette. ‘I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to be in Paul’s shoes during that particular dinner.’ He paused and looked at me directly. ‘If it makes you feel any better I wouldn’t be over the moon either if it was Vicky that was going away for a year. I know Laura keeps going on about how she’s got to get this travel thing out of her system but all the time I’m thinking, why? Why can’t you just go on a normal holiday like everyone else? What’s the big deal about tramping around south east Asia with all your belongings on your back? It’s not like you’re going to some undiscovered country somewhere. It’s just an over-extended, heavily disguised package holiday for the terminally work-shy.’

  ‘Look, she’s not “work-shy” she’s just “creative”, okay?’

  ‘Whatever, I’m just glad she’s not my girlfriend.’ Chris took a sip of his pint. ‘So anyway, tell me, just how is this year apart going to work? You know, you being here and Laura being halfway around the world?’

  I shrugged. ‘She’ll have her phone with her so she can send me texts, there are internet cafes all over the place so she can always email me, there are loads of those cheap call places dotted about too and . . . fingers crossed, if work’ll let me jam all of the holiday I’ve got left into one month I’ll be with her for the whole of August in Thailand.’

  ‘And that’ll be enough?’

  ‘To do what?’

  ‘I don’t know . . . to keep you connected?’

  ‘Your guess is as good as mine. I’m hoping so. The deal is when she gets back we’ll buy a place, she’ll get a proper job and then we’ll get married.’

  Chris didn’t offer any reaction which made me suspect that he thought it was all going to end in tears but didn’t want to be the one to say it. ‘I’m going to the loo,’ he said standing up. ‘When I get back we’ll finish up here and then head downstairs, okay?’

  I pondered my brother’s lack of response. ‘Yeah,’ I replied, ‘you do that and I’ll see you in a second.’

  Chris

  On my way to the toilet I thought to myself about how weird it was that the bar that was hosting Laura’s leaving party was the very one in which Cooper and Laura had met for the very first time.

  Unlike me. Cooper had left school at sixteen with only a handful of qualifications and had spent the best part of a decade flitting between occupations. In his time he had been everything from a care assistant in a nursing home right through to a security guard looking after an empty office block in the centre of town. But at the time he met Laura he had just moved to Manchester and got his first job in sales for a paper recycling company based outside Oldham. It had been a job that he had hated from his very first day and one that he only endured because the money was half decent.

  That night in Blue-Bar Cooper had been chatting with me and Paul when I saw him catch the eye of a pretty blonde talking with her mates on the other side of the bar. I was right there next to Cooper when the girl told Cooper that she liked his glasses and asked if she could try them on. I knew for a fact that he hated letting people try on his glasses and yet not only did he let her, but he even laughed when her mates started saying she looked like Vic Reeves in them and started shouting out catchphrases from Shooting Stars. That was it. Their first meeting. Temporary loan of a pair of spectacles. Yet from that moment onwards Cooper had been under her thumb.

  Cooper

  When Chris returned from the toilet we drank up straight away. We’d barely stood up from the table however when Paul appeared in front of us carrying three pints. He looked well. But different from how I remembered him. His hair seemed shorter, he looked as if he hadn’t shaved in a week and also appeared to have lost some weight.

  Chris adopted a comedy Yorkshire accent straight out of Monty Python. ‘I’d given thee up for dead.’

  ‘No such luck,’ replied Paul. ‘I wasn’t sure I was going to come. You know how it is: the last thing I want to do tonight is cause trouble but I wanted to be here for Laura, you know?’

  ‘She’ll be really pleased that you made it, mate.’

  ‘So how is she?’ He sat down in the seat next to me. ‘All ready to go?’

  ‘As ready as she’ll ever be.’

  Paul glanced around the bar. Chris picked up on it straight away. ‘If you’re looking for Mel I think she’s downstairs.’

  ‘Does she know I’m coming?’

  ‘Laura told her.’

  ‘And what did she say?’

  ‘I’m guessing she probably said a lot of stuff but I don’t think any of it was bad. She’ll be pleased that you’re, you know . . . alone.’

  ‘A room full of my ex-girlfriend’s best mates. I think even Hannah knew it would be a nightmare.’ He paused. ‘So is Mel alone?’

  Chris shook his head. ‘She’s been seeing some new guy for a while. I’ve met him a few times. He seems okay . . . if a little on the young side.’

  ‘How old?’

  ‘I think Vicky said he was twenty-five.’

  ‘And they’re happy?’

  ‘How should I know? She looks fine to me.’

  ‘That’s good to hear,’ said Paul. ‘She deserves to be happy.’

  ‘How about yourself,’ asked Chris. ‘You still doing okay?’

  ‘Hanging in there. Hannah’s good and everything’s still cool with the baby. We had a scan last week.’ A smile broke out across his face. ‘It was brilliant. Best thing I’ve seen in my life.’

  Chris smiled. ‘I remember that moment with William. I’m really pleased for you, mate. It’s great to hear some good news for a change.’

  ‘How is William? Is he still mad about Daleks?’

  ‘He’s obsessed. He gets more and more fun with each passing day.’

  ‘It must feel good to be so sure about something,’ said Paul. ‘To have no doubt in your mind that William’s everything to you. I’d kill to have something I could be that sure about. I’d kill to know one hundred per cent that the way I felt was the way I would always feel.’ He paused, obviously hoping that Chris or I would chime in with something that would make him feel that we were on his wavelength.

  ‘I know what you mean,’ I replied, even though I wasn’t sure that I did. ‘It is hard to be sure about stuff sometimes.’

  ‘I think I’m already feeling what you’re supposed to feel,’ said Paul. ‘I know it’s only early days, but when this kid . . . this baby . . . when it’s actually there in my hands and not just on some monitor or kicking out in Hannah’s belly . . . I feel like I’ll know for sure. That’s all I want. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.’ He laughed self-consciously and then drained his pint. ‘Here endeth the sermon,’ he said setting the glass firmly down on the table. ‘Who wants another one?’ Before we could respond he was making his way over to the ba
r.

  ‘This doesn’t bode well.’ I watched him waiting to be served. ‘I’ve seen him like this before.’

  ‘Like every day after he and Melissa split up the first time round,’ agreed Chris. ‘And the way he’s knocking back the drink . . . I’m guessing he’s definitely on a mission to forget.’

  ‘Absolutely, let’s just hope that this time round he doesn’t do too much damage to himself or anyone else along the way.’

  Billy

  It was just after midnight, I was more than a little drunk and I was standing out of the way of the crowded upstairs bar while Melissa got us some drinks. The evening so far had been good given that I was meeting so many of Melissa’s friends for the first time. Laura, whose party it was, had seemed the most fun. But then again that could be because she was really fit and looked like a cut-price Jennifer Aniston. Her boyfriend Cooper seemed a bit grumpy but warmed up when I told him I was a City supporter, while his brother Chris had seemed okay, if somewhat distracted. Chris’s wife Vicky seemed lovely and had even joked to Melissa about taking me on a date to the Cornerhouse if they ever showed a revival of The Graduate. But the person I was most curious to meet (albeit for the second time) was the one proving to be the most elusive. And although I’d heard that Paul was actually here at the party I’d yet to see him and I got the impression from the others that he was doing his best to avoid both me and Melissa.

  Just as I was working out what to say to Paul if I ever did get to meet him again, I felt someone reach around the back of me and put their hands over my eyes. In a pitifully disguised voice my mystery assailant whispered: ‘Guess who?’ I knew straight away that it was Freya and before I could say a word she threw her arms around my neck in her usual overly familiar flirtatious way. Part of me wanted to peel her off me but most of me would’ve been happy to let her stay.

  ‘It’s packed in here tonight,’ she said looking around the bar. ‘It’s never usually this crowded.’

  ‘There’s a party on downstairs.’ I noticed that she had moved one arm down to circle my waist.