by Jenika Snow
He nodded and rested back on the seat. His big body looked comfortable but still so powerful. “Are you in school?”
I licked my lips. “Yeah, last semester before I graduate with an economics degree.”
“Sounds fancy.” He grinned, just a little of the corner of his mouth that made him look so sexy.
“Not really.” I laughed awkwardly.
“I never pegged you for a numbers kind of girl.”
I smiled, this one more genuine, less awkward.
“I don’t think I am, really.” I laughed again. “But it comes easy to me, and it’s interesting in a boring kind of way.” It was his turn to laugh, and the sound made my whole body light up. “I don’t even know what I can actually use that degree for in Blue Springs. I mean, I could probably find something in a bigger city, maybe as an economics professional or in the financial sector with just a bachelor’s degree, but I don’t know what I’ll do.” I shrugged, feeling my face heat as I spoke. He watched me, listening so intently as I rambled on. He shifted slightly on his seat.
“Will you leave Blue Springs once you graduate?” His voice seemed thicker just now.
I wanted to say no instantly, that he was back in town, that I didn’t want to leave. But I also didn’t know why he was here or how long he’d stay. “Honestly, I don’t know. I don’t want to.” That was the truth on more than one level. “I love Blue Springs, even with its sometimes backward ways. I don’t want to leave my family or my friends, but I’m also realistic. There’s nothing but a diner job for me if I stay.”
He nodded, and although he didn’t say anything, his expression spoke volumes: he looked … torn.
“That’s good, Paige. It’s good to have goals, to want something more than what you have. You deserve that.” He ran a hand over his jaw. He took off his hat only long enough to run his palm over his dark, short hair.
“What about you? What’s been going on with you?”
A moment of silence passed before he started speaking.
“After high school I went straight into the military. I was a Marine, got deployed, injured, and I’m here now.” He smiled, but it seemed distant. He’d been hurt, and that caused my chest to tighten.
“Are you okay? I mean, you look okay, but I know that doesn’t mean anything.”
He nodded, but I didn’t miss how he rubbed his hand down his leg. “I’m alive. That’s what matters.” He stared right into my eyes. “And I’m here with you. That matters a hell of a lot too.”
“How is your mom, your dad? Are you here just visiting?” Please say no. Please say you’re here to stay.
The air changed after I spoke, and I wondered if I’d touched on a sensitive subject. I felt like I was treading on very thin ice around Erik. He was a different person, and this was a different time. I didn’t really know him anymore, even if I hated admitting that.
“My mom and me moved back here because my dad ended up cheating on her with his secretary.”
My heart seized for a moment.
“He’d been fucking a twenty-something-year-old for the last five years.” Erik’s jaw was tight, his anger clear. His profanity didn’t even faze me.
“I am so sorry.” I wanted to comfort him, to just forget about any kind of awkwardness and wrap my arms around him and make things okay. If we were those ten-year-olds again, I would have. I would have just held him tight and told him everything would be all right.
But we aren’t kids anymore, and telling him everything will be okay won’t help things. I won’t make him feel any less betrayed.
Instead, I thought about what I had in my pocket, what could make him think of something else … a sad but also meaningful moment in our lives.
“It’s been so long,” I said. I hadn’t meant to say those words out loud, but they were out there now, ready to be dissected or disposed of, whichever way he wanted to go about it.
“It’s just time, Paige.” Then he reached out and placed his hand over mine, his voice soft but deep, meaningful and sad, too. “Time doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things, in the way it matters, in the fact that we found each other again.”
I was confused by his words. Maybe he saw that on my face, because he started speaking again.
“We are here together again. Distance, time, that look I saw on your face as you drove away all those years ago—” He shook his head, the emotion coming from him raw. “None of that even matters anymore because we are here in this moment, we are together again.”
I smiled, feeling my throat tighten, my heart race. “But time does matter. A lot has changed in the years. We both have, our lives, everything.”
He removed his hand from mine, and I hated the coldness, the emptiness I felt in that moment.
The waitress came by and set our food and drinks down. I was thankful when she left. I reached into my pocket and pulled out that red string he’d given me so long ago. It was in a little plastic baggie, the red color not so vibrant, the life of it aging the same way everything does as time moves on.
I held it up, knowing he’d be able to tell what it was right away. I saw that realization in his eyes, on his face as he reached out, as if he wanted to touch it.
“You kept it all this time?”
“Of course, although I haven’t worn it for years. I’m afraid it’ll fray and fall off.” The fear of losing it as time went on was very real for me. It had been the only solid thing I’d had from Erik, the last thing he’d given to me.
“I still have mine,” he said, a small smile on his lips.
That made me feel like things were exactly perfect in the world, that even something as tiny as a piece of thread could mold two people together.
I put the baggie back in my pocket, and the silence stretched on, the food and drink being unconsumed.
“I’ve missed you.” He finally spoke. I looked up at him, my heart hurting.
“I missed you too.” I felt emotion threaten to claim me, drag me under and never let go.
“I don’t know where it all went wrong. I don’t know why there was this distance between us, one that had nothing to do with me living in another state.”
I knew what he meant. I’d hated it too. “I never stopped thinking about you, wondering what you were doing, what you were thinking.” I also thought about if he was happy, if he’d fallen in love. It was that thought that had the ache in my chest intensifying.
“I’d like to make up for that time, Paige. I’d like to be the way we were.”
Friends.
It was that unspoken word, that relationship we’d had all those years ago that hung between us, unspoken but very real. I was silent for a long time, not because I had to think about what he’d said, but because I was churning stuff over in my head continuously. Maybe I worried him? The way he shifted on his seat and his expression told me he might take my silence as something else.
“Or, if you’re with someone—” He cleared his throat, and I didn’t miss the way his hand clenched on the table. “If you’re seeing someone, maybe I could meet them? I just want to spend time with you.”
“I’m not with anyone, Erik.” I hadn’t realized until I said it out loud—to Erik—just how good that felt. “I want to spend time with you, too.” And after I said those words and this big, powerful man looked at me like I’d just given him the world, this warmth spread through me like fire in my veins.
And I didn’t want to let that go.
Chapter 5
Erik
“She’s all yours,” the car dealer said, his grin cheesy, his hair slicked back and thinning. I took the paperwork, grabbed the keys he gave me, and nodded. The truck I’d bought was the first step in getting away from my aunt’s house. I loved her and all, but damn, her kids knew how to get under my skin in the worst way. Cal’s and Will’s pompous attitudes were like nails on a chalkboard, running down over and over again until I wanted to rip my eardrums out.
“You sure about the color?” my mom asked f
rom beside me, her focus on the truck.
I stopped when I got to the driver’s side. The truck was this rich blue, almost the exact shade of Paige’s eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure about the color.” That’s what drew me to it in the first place, like this endless ocean, like this buried deep recognition that filled me until I was drunk off it.
“It’s a pretty color, just not what I expected you to ever get.” My mom walked over to where she’d parked her car, and eyed me.
I didn’t tell her why I’d picked this color. That was something I’d keep to myself. I got into the cab of the truck, that new car smell filling my head. I lifted my hand and waved at my mom, watching as she drove off. I sat there for long seconds, the weight of my cell in my pocket reminding me of what I needed to do. It had been too long being without Paige. Being back in town, finally knowing having Paige in my life was like breathing after realizing I’d been holding my breath my whole life.
Can I see you tonight?
I rested my head back on the seat. I wanted to see her right now, but I had a place to look at, somewhere I could be alone, or where I’d much rather bring Paige to. My cell vibrated, and I looked down at it.
Paige: I’d hoped you’d ask. And if not I would have
I chuckled softly. Can I pick you up? Take you someplace we used to go?
Paige: Sounds like that could be a good or bad thing lol.
I couldn’t stop from grinning. Nothing to be worried about. I’ll be there at seven.
I wanted to end it with I love you, but that was crossing the line. We’d just reconnected, and I didn’t want to ruin things because of putting my foot in my mouth.
I shoved my cell back into my pocket, started the engine, and vowed to get a place today. I needed to have that stability. I needed to show Paige that I had my shit in order, that I could be the man she fell for.
Paige
I felt the heat in the cab as if I were sitting in the middle of a fire, the flames all around me, threatening to creep closer, to swallow me whole, but just teasing. I glanced at Erik. He sat in the driver’s seat, one hand on the steering wheel, the other resting on his lap. I couldn’t help but stare at him, the light from the passing streetlamps casting a swatch of gold across him before being swallowed up by the darkness. The long-sleeved T-shirt he wore formed to his body, and even though he was sitting, even though he had a dark jacket covering most of his upper body, I could still see the lines and ridges of his power, of his muscles under the material.
I shifted slightly and stared out the passenger side window. The world was a flash of color, lights, and shapes. My mind was consumed with being in this close proximity with Erik, with smelling the dark, musky scent of him, one that invaded my head and body.
Since Erik had come back into town and we’d reconnected, I’d felt my feelings for him grow. We might have started off as friends all those years ago, but even then I’d known how special he was. There was no doubt in my mind if he would have stayed and not had to move, things would have naturally progressed to something romantic and consuming.
He slowed and took a left onto a small side road. I instantly knew where he was going, and couldn’t help but smile. “Really?”
He chuckled. “Really.”
As children we’d come up here more times than not. Telling our parents we were playing at each other’s houses, then sneaking off to hike, try and jump over creeks, even dodging rocks thrown at each other were just some of the things we did. If our parents knew we’d walked down the side of the road and gone in the middle of nowhere to get into trouble, I had no doubt they’d have banned us from seeing each other.
Erik parked the truck and cut the engine. He reached into the backseat, grabbed a few flashlights and a blanket, and glanced at me, this look in his eyes I couldn’t quite decipher. We were both out at the same time, and I felt this goofy smile on my face. Being here, with Erik beside me, the wilderness at our fingertips, made me nostalgic. I remembered it all, the details coming alive in my head.
Maybe coming up here when it was getting dark wasn’t the best time, but I wasn’t afraid. I had Erik, a larger-than-life man, and my feelings for him were consuming every part of me.
“Want to check out the lake?” I asked. I didn’t know if he’d come up here since being back, but the lake sounded like a good place where we could talk.
“Yeah,” he said, his voice gruff, the sound sending little stings of awareness through me, like needles skating over my skin.
I don’t know how long we walked, but the silence between us was comforting, the heat from his body and my need for him so intense I started to feel little beads of perspiration lining the valley of my breasts.
We found ourselves by the lake before I even knew it, and the way the moon reflected off the water was pretty picturesque. Erik put the blanket down and we sat for long minutes, neither saying anything, but the silence very comforting. I noticed him rubbing the outside of his thighs, and the question was on the tip of my tongue, but I stopped, not wanting to pry. Sometimes asking questions wasn’t always the best route.
“You can ask,” he said softly. He turned his head and looked at me. The sun had since set, but the moon was full, and coupled with the flashlight, I saw him perfectly. Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I offered a smile.
“Did you get seriously hurt while serving?”
He shook his head. “I’m alive, so not seriously hurt. A bomb went off, causing shrapnel to become lodged in my leg.” He ran his hand over the outside of his jeans.
“I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “Like I said, I’m alive, so life is good. I have to be grateful and thankful for what I have.” He stared into my eyes, and something shifted in me. I felt like he was searching me, looking deep into my soul, seeking something with me that he’d never had with anyone else.
I know I was.
I moved closer to him, feeling like all this time that had passed, and all the things he’d been through, needed to be mended. Boldness moved through me. It was like I didn’t have to be cautious, didn’t have to hide anything. I rested my head on his shoulder and put my hand over his. He was tense at first, but as the seconds moved by I sensed his body relax. He moved his hand from under mine, and I felt this ache settle in me, like he was about to put a wall between us. But he surprised and pleased me by wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me in close.
This right here, this moment in time where nothing else mattered, was exactly what perfection felt like.
Chapter 6
Erik
I don’t know how long I held her, but it felt so damn good, so right and perfect.
Paige was supposed to be here with me, close to me, in my life, as only mine. The wind picked up, the breeze brushing along us as if trying to move this forward. She shivered against me, and I pulled her in impossibly tighter. Hell, I would have put her on my lap if I didn’t think that might freak her the fuck out.
I wanted to tell her how I felt, what she meant to me. I wanted to explain that even though this might be the craziest fucking thing both of us could experience, all it had taken was one look at her to know she was supposed to be in my life.
She was supposed to be my girl.
She was always meant to be mine.
But coming out and just saying the words seemed like I’d for sure put my foot in my mouth. I was tired of waiting though. I needed to just grab life by the balls and make this happen. If she didn’t want this, I’d respect it. I wouldn’t deny it would be hard as hell, but I had to do this.
I had to.
“Paige,” I said softly, waiting until she turned and looked at me. For long seconds I just reveled in the color of her eyes, not quite true with the artificial lighting and the glow from the moon. But they were beautiful nonetheless. “It’s been a long time that we haven’t been in each other’s lives physically, but you were always in my thoughts.” I heard the sharp inhalation of her breathing and knew my words affected her. “There
wasn’t a day that went by, in all these years, that I didn’t think about you.” I reached out and cupped her cheeks. “You were my best friend from the start. Distance separated us, we grew older, found a niche in our lives, but for me it was always you. You were always in my heart. You always will be.” Maybe it didn’t make any sense or really seem sincere since there was a long gap from when we last spoke, but this came from my heart. It always would.
“Erik.” She said my name so softly, so sweetly. I stroked my thumb across her cheek, marveling at how silky she felt, how perfect she was. No other girl had even held a spot for me. And I knew they never would. It was time I was honest, totally, all-encompassing.
“I couldn’t even be with a girl because you were always on my mind.” I love you. I want you to be mine. I want you to be my wife, the mother of my children … my everything.
But I didn’t say those things. I couldn’t, not yet at least.
And then she did something I hadn’t expected. She leaned forward and kissed me. It started off soft, almost tentative. Just our mouths pressed together, her warm, sweet breath moving along my lips, the slightest bit of pressure letting me know this was real.
She pulled away far too soon, and I wanted to bring her back to my mouth, to devour her lips, plunge my tongue inside the sweet, hot depths of her and never let go.
“I’ve thought about you every day since you left.” She was the one to place her hand on my cheek, and I didn’t stop myself from pulling her on top of my lap. Wrapping my arms around her waist felt so good, and feeling the way her breasts pressed against my chest had my cock coming alive. I didn’t want to be a dirty bastard, not with her, not ever, but there was this rawness in me that tried to claim me. It tried to claw its way out, push forward, take Paige as its own. It was like its own fucking entity living in me, and I kept it down, kept it at bay.
I might never have been with a woman before, but I’d spent nearly my whole life envisioning all the things I wanted to do to Paige. I was pretty fucking sure I could please her to no end.